bio...who am i?


crazy drunken writings





the last time anything like this happened i was in a cat costume and dropping acid. i also ended up losing a pair of pants. i really liked those pants too.

anyway, i'm standing outside with my sort of friend, marin, and watching the crowd shuffly aimlessly into the auditorium. she says something to me, and i'm forced to take off my headphones. she interupted operation ivy, this had better be important or i may be forced to regulate.

"um....i think some kid is on fire over there."

and with that, my day got abou ten times as weird as it usually does.

"are you sure he's not just wearing red, marin?"

no, this was not a stupid question. this had actually happened before.

"no i'm pretty sure this time its actual flames." she said while craining her neck above the crowd.

sure enough there was a kid, and he was indeed on fire. most people were freaking out, i was thinking about s'mores.

but being the caring and sensitive person that i am, i decided to go over to see if i could help, or at least warm up my thermos of soup. i hate cold soup.

now i don't know if you've ever tried to go over to a burning freshman while half the school is rushing out of the auditorium, but let me tell you, it's like being a salmon swimming upstream. minus the bears that want to eat you.

by the time i got over there, all that was left was the smoldering remains of some idiot freshman that caught himself on fire. i was so pissed off. now my soup was definately going to be cold. plastic thermoses don't do what they promise to accomplish. evil capitalist bastards, they'll say anything to make a sale.

there was still a flickering flame, so i poured my cold soup on it to put it out. that was by far the strangest smell i've smelt in my life. barbecued human and chunky style mushroom soup.

the moral of the story is: don't catch yourself on fire, and dont buy plastic thermoses.