If life were a video game
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: nada surf - popular
So outside of work and school, I have been filling up the vast majority of my spare time with video games. I go through a phase where I will play one game for a few weeks and then like some video game hermit crab move on to find a bigger adventure. It all started way back when (cue the wavy picture effect and the dream sequence music) I got my first video game console. I remember that summer. I was 9 years old. Those were simpler days. Anyways, back to the games. So I got a Sega Genesis for my birthday. Now I do NOT want to restart the 16 Bit battles again but I have to say that the Sega Genesis kicked a lot of ass. I played sonic the hedgehog until my eyes became so bloodshot that I had to be forced away from the tv. That is where I got hooked. Fast forward a year and I get a Super Nintendo or SNES for my uberdork techie brothers out there. So now I have to split time between the sega and the nintendo. Quite a dilemma. Nintendo had the advantage for adventure and rpg games while sega clearly had the better sports and action games. So I was ok, I had the very best of both worlds. Then 5th grade comes and like any other uber dork I read about this 64 bit machine. Nintendo markets the crap out of the Nintendo 64 and I become the first one of my group of friends to get one. I actually got one a month before christmas in sixth grade. I think Jeramy was the first one to play me in wave race. Good times. So this is where it all gets messy. Sony entered the market just prior to the release of the 64. Oh and by this time, sega is dying out FAST. The Playstation quickly took hold and dominated with superior game titles and graphics. I stood firm with nintendo playing Bond and the Griffey baseball games. That took me all the way through most of high school. Then I graduated and got some money and bought a PS2 and an XBOX. Both kick ass and I have to say that it reminds me of my Genesis and SNES days. XBOX has superior adventure and rpg games and PS2 is way better for sports games. Madden on XBOX just plain sucks balls. So now that I have set up my extensive background I will now lay out my life as a video game. I would love to go all old school like the SIERRA games and make something like CHRIS QUEST but I will stay a bit more current. The game would be an rpg with sports and action side games. You could choose characters and develop them in real time (like the sims or any other rpg) and every one of their decisions effects how they appear and how people receive them. I would be one of the characters. Each character would have an alter ego. When times get tough, the character morphs into their alter egoes and becomes more powerful, being able to kick maximum ass. Here are a few of the characters in my video game:

Caleb Heeringa/Cuddle Monster
Caleb would be the one character that everybody likes but isnt really great at anything, kindof like luigi. However, when he morphs into cuddle monster, shit hits the fan and he becomes arguably the most powerful player in the game. The problem is that he can only morph a few times as he doesn't have the stamina to stay up past 10 on weekends.

Matt Mock/Destroyer of Emo
I envision Matt's character as being the well-rounded guy, kindof like mario. His morphing isn't quite as spectacular as caleb's but Destroyer of Emo levels up much quicker and therefore can morph a lot more making him more effective. In street fighter terms I would rate him a "ken".

George Spivakov/Thunda from tha Tundra
George would be the stereotypical ladies man. Kindof like Han Solo minus the scoundrel. George would be better suited for levels where enemies needed to be persuaded rather than annihilated. The Thunda from the Tundra would be an unstoppable being of charm and wit. No boss could fight him because he is too damn smooth.

Ashley Van Oeveren/Assley Overman
Ashley would be a character you could pick up sometime during the game. She adds valuable moral and boosts confidence amongst your party. Kindof like Sonya Blade from mortal kombat. However, this fun-loving woman turns into a wicked badass bitch when attacked and is able to turn into Assley Overman a powerful being capable of hurling things long distances and then farting on them and blaming it on somebody else.

Brady Jones/The Lonely Kicker
Brady would also be a character that you would have to find furing the game. Probably after finding Ashley. He would be like Link. Always on a neverending quest to save his girlfriend. Sorry had to do that. No but he would be like Link. Except instead of a wicked sword he would morph into the Lonely Kicker and kick the crap out of his enemies with golden shoes and then celebrate with a chicken dance.

Liz Jarrard/Captain Obvious
Liz would most likely be the one girl that is close in powers to the guy characters but decides not to use them. Instead choosing the right moments to morph into Captain Obvious and use her superior intellect to confuse and belittle her opponents. Eventually causing them to die from a lack of ego.

Reagan Meyers/The Longhorn
Reagan would be the only female character that you could choose to play from the beginning of the game. She would be most like Peach from the mario games. Which means that she would be totally useless and would always get captured by the bad guy causing everyone else to drop everything and save her. However she can be effective when she morphs into the Longhorn. Similar to the Thunda from tha Tundra the Longhorn uses superior charm to bedazzle enemies and lure them into defeat.

Chris Hahn/The Raccoon
I guess I would be an all around character. Probably similar to yoshi where I wouldn't be effective at all times but I make other characters better. The Raccoon would be my alter ego. He would use his nocturnal abilities to see in the dark, rummage through garbage, and gnaw annoyingly at the ankles of his foes in order to defeat them.

coming soon...the evil characters to my life's video games.