man oh man
well shit... something has to fucken give here.. im startin to sound like a basket case.... that is ok isnt it.... :S... well lets see.... my thoughts..... be aware of any women... especially ones who like to fuck with your emoitions cause their afraid them selves.... committment... marrage... settling down... who knows.. no one will ever.. but i am very cautious now... have to be... cant go threw shit i have in the past any more.... if i hear...you and change in the same phrase ... she is gone cant deal with me.. u know where the fucken door is.. cause when ya finally calm down... ill be there... no matter....my 2 cents... so on another note... got me tickets... and its going to be awsome... booked rooms at the cockroach motel... that place wont know what hits em... but who will i invite down... soon that will be the only weekend i am free till the mid of july... habitat is takin up alot of my time lately.... but its awsome... love to do that full time... but money is an issue right...so what else.. nice day....good food..... roof over my head... oh yea.. nice house... all alone in it... grrrrrrrrr fuck i hate this shit..would rather live in a dam apt building really at least see some real people around :S.... gota do something about that... maybe a roomate.... drug dealer... hhaaha.. lots of company then lmfao....joking.... but roomate would be good.... "the one" would be better :)... but that isnt going to happen.... me got this wall up now....and lost respect for my self in a weird way.... nothing to loose.... any of this make sence.... prob not but that is me... dont try to figure me out... just remember... do good to be ill do good even more... cross my path and turn your back... better start watchin your back..... its only fair... i cant be fake like others i have met... i am true to me and to others... if u want to hear from other what you want to hear... ask someone else... cause no lies and bull shit comes outa this mouth.... when i say something i mean it.... and one thing "love"....I lost the meaning of that so dont expect to hear it any time soon.... the shit eh.... well i must run.. work on the truck... makin good progress... hopefully soon ill be cruising around with the top on... tunes cranked and enjoying the day.... been years that can say i enjoy a day to my self... was to committed to with someone.... this is a huge step back for me.... prob trip the odd time but ill keep trying.... all i can do eh... or break.... so here i go
Ryan .... oppertunities are around every corner take a peek I always do ;)

Its show time :D hahaha
Mood:  a-ok
Well lets see.. its thursday... im about to leave for work soon.. so not much time.... what happened lately....oh yea GOT TO BE ON BREAKFAST TELIVISION hehehe... that was sooooo fun.... cant wait to do it again :P..... met some great people.... jim... mazsda i believe is how ya spell it... mario... peggy mike.. and oh i forget the other guy.. john maybe.... from South Shore group.... so yea we build a baby barn... 2 fricken hours it took... awsome... got to be in front of the camera for a bit..... to cool... nervous... not likely.. maybe i was suposed to do that shit hahaha... one never knows eh... so i am really discovering.. that i love doing this stuff.. workin with people.. helping out... what does this mean... should i pursue something in that field... "teacher"... "assistant"..."organizer"... what.... is something going to point me in the right direction... hope so soon...something has to give.... and oh yea my so called "love" life...screw it...i am just going to go with it.... stop thinkin about the stupid things i did in the past... cause been having more people tell me lately how good a person and great i am that i am going to go with that one ;).... "The Bachelor".. hahah... a lady said i should be on there .... toooooooo funny.... oh well... maybe have a S Side "The Bachelor"... hehehe.. maybe run that by peggy... well i must run... off to work again today prob gettin wet by the sounds of the weather... and tomorrow :S... crap... short week.. small pay ...what can ya do...keep your stick on the ice and shoot for the right net LMFAO... ok gettin delierous time to go... bye to anyone who actually reads this... no comments come on folks lmfao

Chow for now
RYAN (aka BT STAR).... BLAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

last day for HFH training :(
Mood:  cheeky
well it was the last day for habitat for humanity training course we put on... it was soo much fun :)... i really enjoyed doing that stuff..... makes me think is this something i should be doing as a full time thing.. teash or helping people ..... what is it... where is my life going..... everyday i learn something... from others.... from my self...weird things is i keep thinkin of these different things to do :|... scarrrrrry.....church.... ha... who wants to take me into one to make sure i dont get killed haha....go helps someone with kids... now that just sounds interesting... dammit.. im gettin old.....time is a tickin by... just lookin for someone who is going to take me for me and stop worryin about so much bs... funny thing happened tonight... one of the ladies said i should be on the bachlor that tv show hahah... to funny.... gota show something if someone who dosent know me says that :P..... just guess a person dosent have a switch to flip to change faces.... but more so a dimmer to turn it down hehe.... anyways i met a few pretty cool people lately and going to meet more.... headin over to Halifax to be on Breakfast Television how cool is that ... first time on tv... for some crazy reason im half excited :).... to cool.... well i must sign off.....cheers to ya all and god bless :)...
Ryan

wow sunday... then monday... fun fun
well.... another weekend shot all to hell.... lets see what was i up to well friday didnt feel like going out in s side... cause well... it SUCKS... and well.. she would prob be out.... so i just stuck around home... then i got up early :| 730 on sat... to prepare for the baby barn build for habitat for humanity.... it went good.. didnt have to many comittee members but it got done..... had a few of the public people interested in it .... so i guess its working be interesting when ya get 14 teams that dont know what they are doing to build these lol....what else... yea the big 2 week build is commin up also... middle of june... wow....not far away...hummm.... so last night sat i headed down to c town... crazy situation... chatted with someone... asked to go do coffee or drink.. and they acccepted :)... it was a really great evening :)... she is an awsome girl.... ill keep in touch for sure... have to make lots of new friends ya know... thats what keeps a person sane hhahhaha anyways today i am off to get mellissa ... dam girl is sleepin on the floor and i do have a truck to go get her bed.... WOMEN.... haha... so yea prob do fleamarket with her maybe vince..then go get the stuff.... prob go visit the other one and fill up my day since i HATE sundays alone .... so have to find something to do right :)... so i must sign out for now.... not to bad of a weekend i guess... but still lots to get over and deal with..
Chow for now
Ryan

wow.... :S
Mood:  crushed out
so.... i thought about something today.... dam i wasted 3 years of my life with someone that dosent want to be with me... whats up with that... dont know what is worse... wasting 3 years or wasting the rest of my life wondering.... what if ... and how come..... man things are tough sometimes :S... and to think i just found out something... DAM I WISH I WAS GOING WITH HER :(:(.... lifehouse is playing at the canada day festivities..... that is like our band :(..... amoungst other bands.... really wish something would go my way soon.... friday the 13 and nothing went right yet since i got up.... :(..... someone get me outa this house soon or i am going to crack and on top of everything.. the folks are moving everything outa the house.. now it looks empty as hell :(... not a great feeling to come home to.... all i need really is someone to come home to...... but dont see that any time soon in the future....oh well...all a person can do is pray....
chow

almost the weekend but what to do :S
sooo... its thursday.. already... one more day... pay day yay...so what shall i do :S.... weird request if anyone see me drivin down the road run into me.. maybe i might forget some shit that i keep thinkin about..... grrrrr..... so priority now is the truck.... made some progress already today er this evening.. headin out again though.. got the front break lines all bent and installed... now have to do the fuel lines and then i can work on droppin in the motor.. finally might hear the prick run..... still lots to do... more body work.. put on fenders and hood... fix moulding on top of window... put the rear end together PROPERLY ... uhhhggg
so that is my news... nothing more nothing less.... ill prob be hangin out in the garage tomorrow night if anyone wants to come out and hang out have a few drinks or something... just stop out if ya know where i life or give me a ring if u know the number... if not i sure as fuck arent posting it on here..... oh yea got soaked today... that was the shits...freeeeeeezzzzzin...... half day work.... dam.... oh well.... nothing much ya can do about that eh.... well i must go out and do more work on the truck so maybe just maybe i might have it on the road for a couple months before the snow flys... nice to go for a birthday cruise in it who knows where i might go.. if its running good maybe a NY trip.... we will have to see
gota run
Chow for now
Ryan

tired :|:|
so i discovered an old song i used to listen to when i was a bit pissed off and needed some reasuring music.... Zakk Wylde Hate Your Guts.. download it... quite funny hahaha.. anyways.. made some progress on Project Topless ... did some body work and started on the motor... so things are lookin up a bit... just cant friggen wait till i get it on the road.... it was SOOOOOOO much fun cruising around in it :)...
anyways
Chow for now
Ryan

yoo
Mood:  not sure
well today wasent to bad... not to bad of a day really.... so almost the weekend... dam im gettin busy... baby barn build on sat... install air exchanger on sunday maybe... bbq with friends sometime this weekend... wings and drinks with cuz's on fri... maybe its a good thing she left me..... er well... maybe not.. be nice could have done alot of that stuff with her...but what can ya do... guess ill just have to be a poster boy for Cyclone this summer hahahah... Thanks Denton.... gota love knowing the bar owners in town....
so i found a cool quote.... wanna see :).. here it is
"There is one moment in your life when you are with someone and you feel like the world has stopped and your life seems so perfect, make sure you never lose that person."
to bad that didnt work a month ago... funny how your life can almost stop when your extremely happy.. then in the blink of an eye.. feels like your life stoped again.. when u feel u lost everything.. how strange isnt it.....
must go eat now and work on the truck if i want to have it this summer....it will be my mobile therapy lol
cheers
Ryan

hump day
well lets see... i wake up... and THINK..... dammit..
so i though alot as i always say .... think think think... and i am starting to hate someone.... im a good fucken person...... i was accused of being dissrespectiful once.... bull fucken shit i say... go out with friends when your gone away is OK... havent met anyone yet that finds it offensive.... but.... go to the bar and basically get ditched by your gf... now WTF is up with that... that is ignorance i say..... i tried... TWICE... with nothing good come out of it :(.... fuck....what is a guy to do..... is it a woman nature to just lie and fuck with a guys head or what.... come back bawling and shit....were those sympathy tears or truely honest feelings tears.... that is the worst dam part of it....talk about kids and shit... livin together again... and poof... gone.....i think she has the major issues.... oh yea no stress... bs.... and the whole single mother and shit... pfffffft... like i am going to stand by and let her struggle with shit.. now fuck comeon.... always helped out always did :S... to what help did it to me... sweet fuck all....guess i should just start saying fuckem all....really dont know who i can trust any more :S.... when a miricle happens as it did in jan 2005 and then everything gets flushed down the toilette right when u thought u were on top of the world together....what the fuck do ya do :S....yea earlly morning... 5:45.... maybe a bit tired and cranky... but this is how i am feeling today.. might change might not.....but i know im a good person...... ALOT better and nicer than this time last year... if people cant see it or maybe they dont want to.... there isnt anything i can do ..... not going to beg and plead for acceptance... cause that just dosent work sociably...... how ever ya spell that.. dont have time to check it...but strange fucken thing is.. i know where my heart is... and i hate it....cant do anything fucken about it....
signing out a little aggravated
ME

Habitat night again
Mood:  smelly
well another night at habitat training.. and i am starting to relize something about my self... im a good person... and i have LOTS of patience... if your a trained professional and can teach someone who has no idea what they are doing... and not loose your steam ya gota be a darn strong person.... dam wish the hell other people could see that in me :S.... certain people just dont seam to want to give me the chance.... i can be a great friend.... bf... and well hope at sometime in my life maybe a husband to the "right" one..... what ever that means :S...i had a great time tonight teachin all those folks :).. its great... but there is still a thing that is eating me at the back of my mind ... wish i could shake it.... time i guess just time... as last time :S.....but still so darn hard to do.... well i must take off for now.. starting to almost burn out from work and stuff so time to head to bed.. alone again "sign"... to only be with her again :S... "sign".
night all
Ryan