will it ever end
Mood:  irritated
so i guess this might be a bit of a continuation from yesterdays blog what ever the fuck i did write i sorta forget.. but got the jist of it... anywho.... titled will it ever end.... where do i go from that.... relationships.... companionships... friendships... why is it so difficult to attain any of these... why does so many people need to lie.. cheat steal back stab and what not to make them selves happy when all they really want is someone there for them.. to be by their side... but no people carry on playing the game... i am just sick and tired of it all... u find someone u like.. try your hardest for them to even talk to you and nothing... it just beats a person up... yea some are harder and those people get along great but for some its difficult to even find GOOD HONEST FRIENDS.... let alone someone to get into a relationship with... like what the hell.... its just funny dam near ever girlfriend i had.. at some point after we split i have always talked to them... just as a good friend would in passing.. and while with them they always look at me with a tear in their eye and say... i am sooooooo luck to have you... and poof they fuck it up... yea yea i do admit i am not the best bf but man if majority talks to me sometime after and most all have said while with me i was the best bf ever... am i doing something right or completely wrong.. i look at a complete asshole and they have a great chick.. treat them like shit and they still stick with them.. what is up.. just sick and tired i guess.... all i want to do is settle... people look at me meet me talk to me and say your not ready to settle... every day i dream about someone being there by my side to talk with walk with be with laugh with cry with.. but no where am i .. alone again for fuck sakes... life can be so mean sometimes. i always ask for people to just talk to me.. tel me how they feel.. but no.. i never hear anything... lately i am have been just laying things on the line... and let the chips fall.. so be it... nothing else seams to be working right... gota try something.... do i sound bitter.. fuck i should... i hate being alone.. i am the first to admit it.. hell i could have a best female friend to just hug when need be.. talk when need an ear... hang out with wheni need that sense of friendship... to subdue these feelings of loneliness i have... but hell that is even hard to get... people are so up for spending time with friends that they don't want to make time for them... let alone time for a good healthy relationship... what is up with that....well shit... what more can i bitch about.... lots i can say... but going to head out for now
cheers
Ry

its happening again
Mood:  sharp
so... here it goes happening to me again.... sometime ago... seen this pic of this chicky and well sorta just friggen fell for her based on a pic.... and now this is somewhat happening again..... its like i am living it all over again... but this one i met first... sorta.. haha... anywho... she is friggen awsome.... likes alot of the same things i do... is such a sweetie almost out of my league but i dunno...she is adorable... she is hell hot when she is out.. and cute as hell when not... had a chance to just hang out with her and seen a different side of her... amazing is what i have to say.... see her in a way different light.. but hell.... why cant women come with manuals ... its so hard to try and figure out what they are thinking or want... wouldnt suprise me if she wouldnt want to just be friends and thats it.. just my luck.... i hate this dating game all together... gettin to old for it just need to find someone that wants to be with me and settle... do the family thing... how come that is so hard.... people are always looking for the better bigger richer thing in life.... it just sucks sometimes...
anywho enough ranting i might add more to this later
cheers

I dont give a fucken rats ass
oh man... what a few couple weeks..... here i go ranting again lol but in a funny way really..... see this horse shit with HER just isn't going to end.. just wish she would fuck right off... might sound like it bothers me the fact i am writing about it.. but i guess its more if she reads it and gets the fucken hint.... fuck off LOL.... like try as u must to do stupid fucken high school shit and piss me off but its not going to work.... ha ha.. all she is doing is making her self look like a whore.. running around kissing all the guys.. and trying to do it in front of me... ha ha... how fucken stupid... grow up.. at least if i do something if i do with someone.. i am decent enough to take it out side or wait till i am alone.. like really though hahaha..... i just find it funny... try try try... harder harder harder... what is it she is trying to prove... what i lost.... oh sorry... i am not the one who completely fucked up that one LOL..... i am going to my ole self.. having fun.. taking opportunities to have fun.. meet new people and she isn't going to stop me from doing that... bout the only thing she is going to do is be upset that i am not like this with her cause that is the Ry she met.... and i guess being respectful of the relationship wasn't favorable to her and what she wanted or needed.. oh well HER LOSS lol..... I'm moving on and have.... no turning back now...so on that note i gota get going... cleaned up and do something today.. maybe hit a car show... i dunno ill see.
but cheers
Ry

Your only going to get what You ask for
Mood:  chillin'
so this weekend turned out to be fun... been sometime now... so on Friday went out to this place caused Aussie rules.. dueling pianos and shit.. was pretty darn fun and interesting.. going to do that again.... met up wit some friends met some new ones and was a good time....
so on this past sat was exciting.. had a good friend from Edm coming down to spend the night and party with me it was all good.. went to see the monster trucks on sat the evening then after that we drank and headed out to the local pub Kings Head where my buddy Mike was playing with his band.. good times... a bunch from edm showed up to party for their birthdays which was awsome.... danced alot with Tanya and hung out with all the great people i know... and to be surprised no drama or horse shit going on that evening it was all good... lots of drinks lots of dancing and everyone went home happy... well i did and really when it comes down to it... its what and how u feel at the end of the night isn't it that is how and what your going to get from the actions and choices and words u say in your life u portray negative shit out u gong to get negative shit happen to you portray some good vibes your going to get good vibes... i guess i am looking positive on things now cause who the hell else is gong to for me. i have alot going for me right now good job good friends .. great guy i live with Tom... couldn't ask for a more honest true friend as he is.... lots of great friends around who are true and honest with me straight from the beginning cause well i have always been true and honest with them.... unlike alot out there..... anywho.... time to sign off ... happy content and got a bit of snuggling so that is all good
nite nite
Ry

Chinook coming in
Mood:  smelly
so whats new in the past couple days lets see... been chatting with a few lost ole friends..... why does a person do that eh... get in a relationship and loose all good friends even though there isn't one dam thing wrong with talking to them...... i guess for me... i must just atrace women who have way to many issues... self about their fate. always something ..... wish there was a manual that came with women so u can look up the problems with them and if u want to purchase them or not.... hey maybe i am on to something haha..... so whats new eh... got a wicked ass cool friend down on sat Tanya... she is cool.. met her when i lived up in edm we are the monster trucks on sat then don't exactly know might just be a quiet time home alone which will be nice been so long doing that with out any issues up haha.... as for tonight and Friday .. well tonight heading to the Back Alley i think to check out my Buddy's band... they are awesome.. never seen them in that venue might be a good one.... as for Friday heading out to this ausi rules thingy... some sorta dueling pianos or something i think that is going to rock .... well now what else..... time is ticking away for when the folks arrive out here... hope there isn't any glitches in anything i know my grandmother isn't doing well but all we can do is hope and pray right... as for me.... doing not so bad i guess... some days are rough just getting that feeling of complete betrayal and all and then the frustration and HATE come in but that is going pretty darn fast now since i made some new friends who are actually concerned and caring and give a rats ass haha..... so got my eye on this one... not sure what is going to happen there but I'm going to throw it all out there... known her for almost a year now but well when your in a relationship its hard to see how things go with someone else.. but i tell u if i know now what i known then i would have been all over her.... she just has the sweetest smile and makes me melt every time she is around.... gawd... what am i in high school again haha...... well i must run i think the truck should be warmed up by now.....
cheers for now
Ry

laying it all on the line
Mood:  sad
lets see whats new.... yea i am sad.... this is turning into a blog of nothing but bitching..... but hey where else am i going to fucken rant... got no good friends i can talk to.... i do but they are 5200 kms away..... so yea... whats new...... been thinking alot lately about my past.... past relationships more so...... come to find out i was in how u say LOVE 4 times..... bev jessica amber and shawna..... now i took a deeper look at these then... bev well 2 year.... but she was older.. found out screwing around on me.... but i never had the feeling of the relationship going further..... so she is out..... now jessica... that was something like 3 months.. but in those 3 months wow.... alot happens... fell fast.... shit... i was suprised... from ONT though... that should explain alot..... but she didn't want to live in a trailer... well that was my future plans... story pending... or just fucken ask.... pretty stupid really... now... AMBER... that was WOW..... i feel in love with her from a dam picture... what can i say.... then we met.... fuck.... what the hell happened there.... it was awsome for oh lets say 18 months... then the last 6 months or so went to fuck.... dont know what the fuck happens but i have no regrets what so ever in that... hell we lived together with her daughter and all.... i actually loved ALL that shit.... but wrong timing i guess.... and now shawna.... what the hell can i say there... i was so dam persistent with her.. meeting her getting to know her... then poof we were together.... temp lived with her for a bit with her 2 kids.. everything was going awsome. i could see some future with us... then it went to shit fast..... almost as fucken fast as we met and got close.... guess that was my own stupidity....come to find out she was bored with me and had to find the happiness else where ..... a so called friend of mine... NICE eh......where am i going with all this ... well anyone who might come across this horse shit babbling on i call a blog.... well..... i have come to the conclusion that my life is set in the path it is going to go... i worked hard for my training in what i do.. my career is taking off like a wild fire in california.... and well my love life going anywhere just like always... find someone things go great.. i treat them like a million bucks then poof they either cheat on me.... me of shit i dont do.... or just find some stupid excuse why they dont want to be with me.. but its looking like the cheating part rules so what is my remedy of all of this..... jump in 2 feet first and come out punching..... if someone is left standing guess they might be the one..... i am fucken 30 years old... no kids.. dont smoke... good job... like wtf..... what is it so difficult to find someone that wants to enjoy being with me... but noooooo its all about who they can fuck... how much they can get outa the next guy i mean money.... and all about the drama.... see me.... i give a rats fucken ass about that shit..... i just NEED.. yea u read it right.. need someone to sit by my side.. listen to my hopes dreams.. .. history everything about me.. cause as of right now i have so much to offer.. i am ready to settle down been ready for years now... prob when i had met amber.... i new... the whole bar scene for me... running around meeting women taking them home.. not for me... gawd... just nice to have someone call up and say hey.... i love you.... and hear the silence on the other end cause they know you mean it and a faint whisper back.. love you to.... really that is all i need.... yup need.... i have my family... and they getting any younger.... dads 65 mom is 60 and i dont know how much longer ill have them around..... all i can do is pray they can be there if at all it does happen the day i can stand at the end of the isle while the women i love comes walking down to me.... i have made some big steps in my life and i know my folks are proud of me.... made a move to better my self mentally and finacially and now all i need is to find someone that can better my self for LIFE.... how come we look back on our parent and grand parents and say oh they were together for 25 and up years .. awww... but now fuck people cant stay together for more than 6 fucken months.... like wtf..... always looking for something better..... me no.. i can adapt to the one i love in more way than i know.... i love being the family man.. i love having kids around.... watching them grow up..... and what not but fuck..... dam near to atain... i know not that approachable of a guy.. i dont smile much i know.. i try my hardest.. maybe i can get some surgery for that haha.... all i say is give me 3 nights of your time u will find out more about me than u will the average in 6 months....i am not looking for a super model.... i am not looking for a sugar .. give a rats ass if we lived in a dam tent ... i just want to be happy... happy with the one i am with.. knowing i can talk to her when ever i feel i need to and want her to know the same in return.... i want to be able to say hey..... and they just look at me and say ... i love you to with out having to say it... i am a deep and person.... given a little bit of time people can see that... i herd every fucken line in the book when i was with someone... i will fight to keep you... i will never let u go.... i want to die beside you..... all fucken lies..... i want someone that can look me in the eye..... not say a word..... and then know everything will be ok.... and the future looks great...... well i think that is enough ranting and bitching for this day..... time to try and get a move on.. get some ambition and do something with my life...
good bye my pasts
Ry

another fucken relationship gone all to fuck
Mood:  down
well its been a few days now... not much changed.. still in the shock mood .... stil cant believe what the fuck happened..... why the hell was i so dam blind to that whole shit..... and to think i did love her.... hum..... i guess i will just have to resort to locking up my heart to no body... no one worth giving it to really.. when u feel there is something they rip it outa your chest and put it threw a meat grinder.... like wtf... and now... still wondering if she was fucking that prick while we were together... like wtf does he have... just a moron as all i can see.... and she posts.... that he was right there in front of her and she didnt see..... gawd.. how lame.. just shows that she is so full of lies and shit.... but why am i raving on stil.... that is the confusing part.... guess after a kick in the nuts like that u just feel u lost all hope in anything.... trust of friends.. trust in a relationship.... trust in anything.... sorta makes nothing worth working for dosent it really.... i guess all i can do is take one step at a time... and keep moving.... and not turn back for NOTHING... NO ONE... and especially HER..... just wish i could get that 8 month of my life with HER back... but that isnt going to happen... what a fucken waste of energy... trying to work it out with her... and all... and to think i thought something of her.. gawd..... ok enough is enough.... i need a REAL woman one who KNOWS what she wants and isnt afraid to go for it.. especially with ME..... i have the world to offer so its the one i meets call if she wants to rule the world with me.
signing off
still fucked up
shocked
and dissapointed with life and some people in it
Ry

real kick in the NUTS
Mood:  blue
So had an interesting couple months... see last post I don’t remember what I put exactly.... but well split up with Shawna in December... and we got talking in January..... Then back together... BIG FUCKEN MISTAKE.... nothing changed all I seen was her balling and whining about wanting to be with me and bitchin about money…..not willing to change or deal with her issues... ... nothing changed... everything stayed the same..... I guess I just lost patience and fell out of love with her..... If she isn’t willing to deal with her issues and face those straight on... nothing I can do....can’t beat it into her..... So I had to call it quits..... See so we kept on each others msn..... Try to be civil since we have a lot of common friends..... but guess that doesn’t matter... see she threaten me about my 700$ she owes me... said if I remove her off msn I wont see a cent... how mature... well a valentines day came around.... she was going... and I was gong.. So she accused me of FOLLOWING HER... what a fucken joke... she been partying around and it was the first thing in some time...for me... but oh well so had this friend that wanted to go.... just so happened to be female.... what’s the deal... she wanted to go to a POF event.. And didn’t know anyone... so whats the difference.... guess when i showed up shawna got all bent outa shape... guess she didnt like that.... what can i do.. Not allowed to have new friends she seams to be ok with flirting with everyone around..... So be it..... Yea headed up to Edmonton for the night sat... big valentines party put on by a friend of mine.... great times... thought I could go have fun hang with my old buddies... everything was gong good.. Even thought maybe I could be civil to her... maybe see how she is doing and all..... but what do ya know... back stabbing friend... standing there watching them make out on the dance floor... slimy fucker I call him....good job I bought her outfit so she looked good…. and well she... a whore that is how I can describe it right now... shows a lot of the type of woman she is.... all she needs and wants is her legs in the air typical... should have fucken seen it long ago…. Man am I stupid…..just wonder how long it was going on when we were together.... thought something was up.... time to just start going with my GUT feelings...... am I pissed yes.. am I bitter yes... for not seeing all this shit long ago.... be with someone for like what 6 months and they don’t talk about anything in their past... must be some secrets they are hiding..... Any who... yea so this so called friend MATT ... who knew me and her... and someone i USED to trust talked to me about her was a concerning friend.... goes and makes out on the dance floor infront of me... NICE... guess no more.... what do ya do eh...... not much.... want to play dirty games.... picked the wrong fucker for that match.......guess in my books all I see that is a WHORE.... plain and simple.... good ridden to ya BITCH...... have a nice life... and GOOD LUCK. Cause you’re going as fuck need it....
Signing out.... bitter pissed off and HURT.....
Time to rethink what I want in life....... boy this sucks
Bye for now
Ry

the new year
well now... just browsed quickly at my last post... lots happened since then... well not with shawna no more... to many issues she has.... i wont go into details but she isnt ready to settle down and enjoy life outside of partying.... enough said.... with that... had a good conversation with my ex.. amber.. which was really nice really... found out she had crappy luck with school... but i am sure she will come threw it fine.... also... spent wayyyyyy to much for x mas again.... but its all good... nice to be able to get stuff people really want..... as for x mas.. spent that alone.... as i wasent talking to her still... that is fine just relaxed watched some movies and what not.... and new years was ok.. till around 1150... alot of past things came back to mind so i left the bar... then went back after all that crappy sappy shit.... just didnt need that shit.... enough about that.. what have i done.. well was up to banff this past weekend which was nice... went and partied with denis from PEI which was fun.. then went and seen my buddy mike in his band.... fun stuff... but other than that didnt do to much since she didnt like to do anything but party.... so pretty much took me down with her..... this is going to change.. i gota do the stuff i want before i die.... as in travel canada again this summer.. i am sure.... good ole solo traveling again.. sorta clears a persons mind... and this year ill be driving in style.. oh yea for my 30th birthday i got me a brand new fucken 2006 ram 1500 crew cab... i love it.. then got a 6x10 trailer for work... love that to... so my carear is finally taking off.. where it should be..anyways i gota try and write more into this thing... maybe someday ill look back and see how fucken foolish i was about the stupid choices i made..... oh well... anyone who reads this.. take care.... and happy new year.. even though mine sucked.... but i got a big list and i going to fill it.... watch out world...

its been awhile... maybe not long enough
So its been sometime now that i had posted anything.. i dont even know what i posted.... something about heading home... prob... anyways.. things have been going fairly good other than a few isues but i wont mention here.. haha...so yea i drove home... what an experience.. i say for anyone that knows me and hvent taken the drive accross canada.. and u like to drive... DO IT... well worth the drive.. makes ya look at things alot different.. how beautiful our country is... and how large it is... its awsome :).... so yea i drove home all 4900 kms my self... stoped in ONT to visit with Shawna's folks.. oh yea that is my GF she rocks :D... been together now for about 9 weeks... but feels like 3 years... how crazy things go eh and her kids are pretty cool to :)
so yea back to heading home... long drive i arrived home on wed.. mom dad and terry were there to greet me... funny it was actually nice to see them when i got home... so i rested up on wed and thrus i headed out on the town ... visiting around and what not... but fri i was off to down to c town for the festival of lights. that was just interesting... met up with the cuz down there... and well.... i got smashed... had a few before we left.. but as soon as i got there... whatcha know who the hell ran up to me and expected me to just give em a hug.... anyone who knows me knows who this is... that was just not good.. fine say hi... but dont hug me and say welcome home after all the heart ache i went threw.... i guess i just didnt want that to happen.. anyways after that i headed to the ticket tent... 90$ worth of tickets later 20 to be exact... well put it this way... i had 3 left when i got back to the hotel.. and i also stoped off at st james gate.... e gad i was sooooooo ficken smashed it was unreal.. back to the hotel alone... missing shawna like crazy... so i called her in a drunken stuper... that is what she told me but i dont remember... any who... think got crazy that week.. shawna actually quit her job.. got a new one and told them she is heading to PEI for 2 weeks... she flew down and spent my trip on PEI with me... that was awsome :D.... we had a blast.. she showed up on sat and watched the fireworks in c town they rocked.... and then headed down to the show on sun... i guess we were both really tired and stuff she was jet lagged and all.. so we left early to head back to the hotel.... so the following week we toured around PEi for a few days... north cape... south shore near union corner... that was awsome.. i found her a sand dollar after looking for 2 hours yeash.. what a guy has to do... haha... we went down to chelton beach... got some sun... which was nice... didnt make it to cavendish other than when me her terry and the kids headed to that new park.. its ok.. not no rainbow valley though... but was nice to see the kids and i gotsome pics.... pics are awsome... so on monday we headed back to PEI.... drove for 23 straight hours and made it into Ste saint marie to visit her folks and suprise her kids.. they thought she was in calgary... so when they woke up they seen me.. but they new i was going there.. so i told them there was a suprise in teh bedroom for them that i got.. hahaha... they tackled shawna.. and her daughter started to cry... was pretty sweet to see them so suprised..so we stayted there for 2 nights to rest up. see around the town and visit with her family.. it was nice :).. ill go back another time i am sure... so on the thrus afternoon we headed the other half of the trip back to calgary.... yeash 2900 kms to go...
we stopped just before the manitobia border and tented it for the night.. and got up at like 6 and drove straight on threw.. arrived in calgary 12 on fri night... this was a week ago now.... what a drive... she drove i drove we drove each other nuts.. haha not really but it was nice... so now i am back in calgary looking at some crazy ideas now.. got a wicked job.. making tonnes of money and a great company to work for... i think things are finally going to be good for me and shawna... i am somewhat considering buying a house out here.. along with buying the house back home if things go ok for me.... but we will see in the next few weeks... rent is crazy and its prob actually cheeper to buy and possiably sell in a couple years and make money.... but yeash the cost of the houses.. avg of 300,000 .... but what can ya do eh...
so yea that is what i been up to .... in a nut shell... glad i went home to visit people.. but really glad to be back out here also... finacially this is the place for me to be.... im glad i made the step to come out here... i just might be calling calgary my home now....
so cheers for now
ill be updating again sometime
anyone who reads this take care
and keep in touch