From ages ago (only recently found):
Chris: I've gotta look for lesbian couples who want a kid.. take eggs..
Jeeves: PARDON?!?
D. Gray: Anchovies, er Anchises..
D. Gray: Show we just put a gag on Roshni?
Strachan: She has an appointment.
D. Gray: Scamp.
Laura: Heh.. skank.
D. Gray: I did NOT say skank! I said scamp!
Strachan: Hehehe..skank.
D. Gray: Now, divination is the interpretation-
Strachan: Hang about, love..
P. Doig: it can be used as a cinnamon, er, synonym for that.
Kat: How come the Maoris are never there when she comes around for "lessons"?
Dan L: They're scared of her?
Dave L: They're made of wood..
Kat: They're made of wood?
Dave L: ..with a fence. Is there a fence?
H. Sophacleous: It does rain at Baines' house, but not as much as it rains at Stewart's house.
Richard P: Shutup, it's really big.
Kat: And tonight's "60 Minutes" is about goats who blow Jason and Jason who blows goats. Tonight, by recording the intensity at which they all scream, we'll find out who enjoys it more..
Eion: But is it out of pain or pleasure? Hey, Jason, does it stick to their fur?
Dan L: Do they bite when they get into it?
Kat: He can't hear you..
Eion: And presenting this news story is Tim..
Tim: Why do I have to do it?
D. Gray: Sausage sizzle..: 1 for $1, 3 for $3.
Richard P: oh wow, that's a good deal!
D. Gray: Aeneas does not know Misenus is dead..
Sarah: But he just burnt him..
D. Gray: Hang on, Sarah.
Tim: Remind me never to let anyone jump on my dick.
D. Gray: We know the gods are speaking because.. oh shutup *smacks her head*.
D. Gray: Omens.. In 82BC, fire destroyed the temple of Jupiter on the Capitoline Hill.
Strachan: I take it this was a bad omen?
D. Gray: quin.. 5.. decim.. means 10 - as in decimal.. viri: virus.. all men are viruses. I'm just helping you remember how to spell it.
Georgina: So we spell it 'virus'?
D. Gray: Call in the exorcist!
D. Gray: And i was saying to myself: "I'm weeping.. but this is CRAP."
D. Gray: Stick-on, Richard.. add a bit to the end.
Kat: Ben, you're showing tact - are you feeling okay?
Tim: k, do you know what normal nuts look like?
Tim: i wouldn't deny you anything.
D. Gray: Frankly, being showered in bull's blood is not appealing.
D. Gray: No, not PORN goddess, CORN goddess.
Emma: a what goddess?
D. Gray: Porn goddess!
Emma: killed by who? Sex?
D. Gray: Set. *writes it on the board* S-E-T.
Kat: Jesus H. Christ riding a bicycle, what are you gonna do?
D. Gray: He was killed and dismembered by Set.
Emma: What does that mean?
D. Gray: What? dismembered? chopped up into little bits! Isis gathered up the bits and..
Laura: ..and made a snowman!
D. Gray: ..and put him back together again. I hope she got all the bits..
Kat: Yes, she being the goddess of porn..
Hee hee hee..:
D. Gray: I'm terrified of what i say in case i get put up on the Internet!
D. Gray: Set is then slain by Horus.
Roshni: Horus?!?
Chessa: Too easy..
Leighton: You don't have to wash jeans.
Armand: Yeah, they're like cats, they wash themselves.
Andy: Those dirty, dirty Italians with their Mafia...
Chris: And the Chinese with their Triad. And we've got...[pause] the All Blacks...
The Chris' Mum Special:
Chris' Mum: See Chris, if you were an actor they might ask you to portray a Chinese person.
Chris' Mum (on Stevie Wonder): Is he still blind?
Chris' Mum (while watching UK Popstars): They've all got english accents, haven't they?
Sarah: There's always going to be a catch- i think it's to stop our heads from exploding with happiness.
In a moment of silence:
Kirsten: dildo.
Tess, Alana, Tim, Kat: What?!?!?
Richard: Is it bitchy Chessa day or something?
Chessa: No, but this is quite important-
Richard: -Oh wait, that's every day!
D. Gray: I think we might shut the frickin windows.
D. Gray: She wouldn't let them join. You remember her, right? Cybele, of the Sybilline books? She made the men... chop off the family jewels. But she wouldn't let these guys become members.. or non-members- HA HA!
[pause]..
D. Gray: ...sorry.
Kat: But muffs are better. They don't fall off.
Eion: EARmuffs?
Kat: Yeah - you wouldn't really want muffs on your ears..
Eion: mmmm... aural sex..
Chris: You could get together and have some fun or something.
Chris' Mum: What sort of fun? Have orgies?
Chris: No, that would NOT be fun.
D. Gray: SEX! Now if that's the only way to get your attention..
D. Gray: It's no skin off my nose if you don't do well -well, if at least one person does well..
(pause)
D. Gray: one person? just one? please?
Chris: The Philosophy exam was yuck.. like Calculus, but with morals.
R. Stevenson: Now, guys, you're wearing your waistcoats and nothing else, okay?
Mrs Hannan: Now, after Year 9 they go on to Year 10 for a year..
Hanz: I now have the pleasure of not introducing a group that needs no introduction. (she walks off).
Kat: You're too easy, Hannah.