Sean and I both alternated in chapters writing this story, Sean is orange and the chapters I wrote are of course, blue.
ENJOY!


Chapter 1: BOLOGNA!.....Didn't even see it coming did you? Well, neither did poor innocent Nick. You see...Nick was sitting in his hammock, very innocently when suddenly someone yelled "BOLOGNA!" and threw giant pieces of Salami at him! Nick was allergic to Salami! And he died! So, anyways, This story really is about a young girl named...Eric J....Eric J is a young boy from the town "Village" where many people live on a street called "Road". Eric J, as all other characters do...had a fear...a large fear, a fear beyond fears...of CHICKENS! When he saw a chicken he would begin to squeak like a turtle and he would dismount off his television into a beanbag screaming "JURASSIC PARK IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE!!!!!". Remember that. So Eric J decided he needed to do something with his life...he had been settled in his house with his lovely wife LindzQ for quite some time now with his 2 kids, a boy named Rosachio, and a girl named Spike. Eric J was planning to take a trip....alone...without anyone...away without other people....with himself....no mas personas pero ello! Eric J...was going on an adventure.....

Chapter 2:So, Eric J set off on his adventure. He didn't really know where to go, so he just walked for a while. He ran into a forest a couple hours into the trip, where he encountered some rather unpleasantly horny squirrels. Oh, how they humped his leg and chewed on his nuts. Eric J realized he should have brought the squirrel repellant (aka baseball bat). Well, after a while he got out of the forest and shook off those pesky squirrels. Ahead of him was a truck stop, so he went in and sat down in a booth. A waitress came up to him and asked him what he wanted. Eric J had a weird craving for corned beef hash, so he asked for it and the waitress left. She came back with a couple of porno magazines and... an ass. Eric was quite surprised and said, "What the hell is this?" The waitress replied, "What you ordered. Porn, Steve's ass." Just then Eric J noticed the waitress's hearing aid. Displeased with his food, Eric set back out on the road, off to find some corned beef hash.

Chapter 3: Eric J with this fetish for Corn Beef hash..(WTF IS THAT ANYWAYS? who knows but he wants it!) So he went off looking for some of this Corn Beef hash and he found it...would you believe it! But what was strange, he just pulled it right outta his a- butt! So, after enjoying his appricott and ice cream, Eric J moved on in his adventure. Eric J was walking when suddenly in front of him fell a gigantic terd! He looked up to find none other than....a bird.(What did you expect the tooth fairy?...actually thats pretty good!) He looked up to find none other than! THE TOOTH FAIRY! She flew down to Eric J and said "Eric J is it?" he replied with a grunt, she asked him "Do you have the lemons?" Eric J passed her a bag...she looked inside and with anger said "GRUNT" and farted! Fart from the toothfairy is like sucking down a jug of washer fluid...aint good!....

Chapter 4: The toothfairy's fart stunk like... well, like something really smelly that you could compare a fart to, ya know? Oh well, all you need to know is that it was bad. Really bad. So bad that Eric J stumbled backwards into a hole. But this was no ordinary hole, this hole was filled with... pudding. Yes, pudding, glorious, tasty pudding. However, this was cursed pudding... whoever fell into its chocolatey goodness would be forever burdened with a humongous wart on their butt. But Eric J would have none of this, so he screamed, "FRUSTRATION BUBBLES FROM MY BOTTOM!" and let loose with an enormous fart of his own! The pudding shriveled up and Eric climbed out of the hole. Triumphantly, he yelled, "BUNGHOLIO!" and continued on his quest.

Chapter 5: Well Eric J thought he was gonna get back on his journey, but really he was wrong you see, he tripped and fell into the hole, but the hole learned from Eric J's escape and made itself deeper! Eric J was stuck in this one, and there was no getting out. Suddenly he had a brilliant Idea! He dug! and dug and dug and dug! for a week straight! and then 2 weeks! untill finally! he ended up...IN CHINA! (now scientificly, if he were to do this, gravity would hold him in the core of the earth causing him to burn immediatly to a horrible death.....but this aint no science book now is it, so hes in china ok!) In China, Eric J met what would turn to be his best companion on his journey, a Cricket named Grasshopper. Grasshopper the cricket was loud! he could also fly very well. Eric J and Grasshopper walked through the streets of china when, go figure, Eric J stepped in some chinese kids hole!....falling all the way through back to where he had started no more than 10 yards from where his hole was, suddenly the holes sealed up! Grasshopper was angry and said "well...doesnt that just but a doodie in your diaper!"...So grasshopper and Eric J moved on....

Chapter 6: So Eric J and his new found friend Grasshopper got back to their journey. Further down the road they saw Sean coming, so they stopped to say hello. Sean, however, was very angry. "You guys are such copycats! The guy on a journey with an insect companion thing? It's been done, dude!" he ranted. Eric J wasn't in the mood for this so he smacked Sean with a Crayfish enlarged for flavor and moved on. Eric finally found a civilization! This place was much larger than his hometown Village... this place was named "City." Eric J walked around and was amazed by all the pretty lights and prostitutes. One of them came up to him and said, "Hey, sugar buns, can I focus your microscope?" Eric, remembering Lindsay and the kids at home, replied, "DON'T TELL ME MY BUSINESS DEVIL WOMAN!" He squirted Windex on her and continued through City.

Chapter 7: So as Eric J was advancing through the city...he was suddenly overwhelmed by a huge crowd approaching him some carrying signs which he tried to read but thought they said "PEACH"...come to find out...they said peace, it was a peace rally...now Eric J along the way in this city found a rifle laying on the ground, picking it up and keeping it...how he found it, I don't know! So the crowd though he was an undercover cop trying to keep them in control! THEY PELTED HIM WITH RANDOM THINGS SUCH AS FISH HEADS AND BUCKETS OF LAMB LEFTOVERS FROM THE RESTAURANT NEAR BY! Grasshopper loved it and said "MY people! my fellow friends! I am naked! hear me roar! and once more! look at what i roar with!" He flashed his dingaling...and the crowd ran....Eric J was happy and they moved on! Eric J ran into a big yellow car! The man inside in a furious rage began to scream at him "ADU JA BU LA BU NA BI BU LABU BABA!" shouted the man...Eric J didn't know what to do so he shouted back "I LICKED YOUR MOTHER WITH TOOTHPASTE AND AN EDIBLE BRAZIER...PUSHUP!" The man in the yellow car freaked out and died.....Grasshopper began to examine the mans body when suddenly he found something he had never seen before.....

Chapter 8:...It was a deck of nudie playing cards with hot women on them! Grasshopper yelled, "AAAAGGGGHHHH!!! HERMAPHRODITE LLAMA!" and covered his eyes. Eric J took the playing cards with him, to bring back for the kids to use in the "birds and the bees" speech. So they left the yellow car behind and spotted a strip club nearby, with the very creative name of "Naked People." Eric, feeling a bit naughty, decided to go in. Grasshopper, still shocked from the playing cards, refused to go in with him and decided to feast on day old roadkill instead. When Eric got inside the club, he realized that this was no ordinary strip club. It was a clown strip club! Heavily made up, colorful clowns with hats, bowties, and big shoes getting their freak on! Eric J was disgusted and shouted, "APPLES PEACHES PUMPKIN PIE, A PIECE OF CORN HAS HIT MY EYE!" Everyone screamed and ran out the back door. Satisfied, Eric went back to get Grasshopper.

Chapter 9: Eric J....now with his ENORMOUS....happy time...over was in a way greiving, for it had been over a month before he had seen LindzQ or his 2 children. He met this dog....it could talk! the dog said "Hello, my name is Merckle and I would like to befriend your daughter, sexually" Eric J said SURE! suddenly the dog teleported LindzQ, Rosachio and Spike. Spike befriended Merckle sexually very quickly, it was a wonderful "bond" if you will. So together Eric J, grasshopper, and his family and Merckle the dog moved on. Suddenly little Rosachio screamed out "MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!" Eric J found this rather peculiar and bit his son, in the arm, particularly hard...how hard do you ask? Well lets just say artery spewing hard, but, grasshopper with his freakish Chinese poweres healed it. So again they tryed to progress on Eric J's Journey. Untill suddenly...out of Eric J's pocket fell the playing cards...along with a match box to the strip club...LindzQ looked up at Eric with anger and she said......

Chapter 10:"Root root root beer float, have it in a glass! Drinking it merrily, hope it's not hairily! All my friends think I'm gay!" Eric J was confused by this so he simply replied, "Eh?" Rosachio tried to explain to him that the free prize in the cereal box was not Richard Nixon, but Eric just didn't get it. So they continued on. Suddenly Mr. Miller jumped out of the nearby bushes and screamed "75% OFF FOR IMPROPER FORMAT!" Grasshopper, using his freakish Chinese powers again, made Mr. Miller grow a third nipple. He shrieked in disbelief and jumped off a cliff into a vat of Elmer's glue. Spike began coughing and fell over on the path, as if choking on something! Eric J ran to the rescue, and did the Heimlich on her. Something flew out of her mouth, and, upon examination, it turned out to be...

Chapter 11: A Bicuspid.....A BICUSPID I TELL YOU! Eric J franticly freaked out! Freakishly like! for this could only lead to one of his most feared people since...SINCE CHAPTER 3!!! IT WAS THE TOOTH FAIRY! She had dropped a bicuspid into Spikes mouth! this was a threat to Eric J's family! he knew something had to be done! He plotted in a corner with Grasshopper! Then he told his family this "You shall all return home! now!" and Merckle teleported everyone, including himself, back to home in Village. Grasshopper and Eric J planned to battle the tooth fairy themselves...and then try to make it safely home....it was going to be quite a battle, quite a fight....but they had to do it...so they plotted....and finally...got themselves all set up when the tooth fairy suddenly approached.....

Chapter 12 is going to be an alternate ending chapter....i felt that Sean and I would both like to write the finale, so here it is, both of our versions of how the story ends.....

Chapter 12:The final battle had begun. A movie fanatic and a disgruntled insect versus the fairy tale tooth collector herself. First the tooth fairy tried throwing more bicuspids, but Eric J was far too smart for this trickery and sent them flying back with a wave of his pinky. The tooth fairy then came flying down at he and Grasshopper to give them jumbo enemas, but Grasshopper used his freakish Chinese powers to repel the enemy with a bag of cheese and ketchup. Finally, the tooth fairy tried insulting the pair. "You smell really bad!" Eric was not phased and replied, "Yeah, well I put the toast in with my thighs!" The tooth fairy, remembering her breakfast that morning, began to vomit uncontrollably. She finally ran out of things to puke and imploded. Eric and Grasshopper rejoiced and made their way home. They were greeted by the family and the dog, who agreed to give them sexual favors for defeating the wicked tooth fairy. Eric's adventure had finally come to an end, but he would never forget the clown strip club.

Chapter 12: Eric J got into his position, Grasshopper did as well...the tooth fairy approached and said "Come out come out wherever you be!" and that's when Eric J and Grasshopper made their moves...Grasshopper jumped out and said "HEY BUTT FAIRY WHY DON'T YOu TAKE A PIECE OF THIS!" and with his Chinese powers, turned himself into a grandmother! He pulled out his dentures and said "BEHOLD! THESE MY FRIEND ARE FAKE!" Little did we all know that dentures were lethal to the tooth fairy, the tooth fairy screamed "NO NOT MY GUMDROP BUTTONS!".... wait a second...no she didn't...wrong story! The tooth fairy screamed "NEVER SHALL I BE TAKEN DOWN BY YOUR ARTIFICIAL CHOMPERS!" The tooth fairy whipped out a bag of teeth and built herself a shelter made of molars! Nothing could possibly penetrate that....except for.....Eric J came flying out of the bushes! He threw none other than CANDY at the molars...expecting them to break down...little did he know that the candy was SUGARLESS! it was no use! Eric J was just about to give up! when suddenly a Monkey which came from...pretty much no where, a monkey named FRED attacked the tooth fairy! the monkey with its supernatural powers said "YOUR MOTHER IS MY MOTHER CAN WE BE FRIENDS AND EAT CRACKERS?" This was a brutal punch to the tooth fairy, and it weakened her much! But as soon as that, the Monkey was gone! So with the tooth fairy weakened and Eric J and Grasshopper left with no ideas....it was finally time...to bring out their final and last hope...they called it the "Poo-at-you" They unloaded buckets of poo into this machine and turned it on, like snowballs it launched these poo balls, one by one at the tooth fairy! Instantly busting her wall into pieces! The tooth fairy surrendered, and, covered in poo...suddenly her true Identity was revealed...she wasn't really a tooth at all, but it was indeed a fairy, a fairy named NICK! Yes We thought nick had died of the Salami attack, but this entire time he had been trying to get revenge on his attacker...Rosachio...but he could not harm the child...so he did the next best and tried to take out his father...and so now nick surrendered, and peace was made between nick, Eric J, and they walked home to Village, where Nick and Rosachio shook hands and became companions...sexually....and so the story ends...happily ever after, with Eric J full of memories and new friends from his far off adventure