my foolishness continues beyond April 1st...
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: Setsumi's theme from Narcissu...
Topic: seasonal

-there's a lot of meaning behind the title that I chose, but I lack the time to dig further into that now (since it is almost midnight and I need the sleep so I can rise early! >_<; ) but from what I wrote yesterday, some of that meaning should be rather obvious...

Anyway, I see now that I keep falling into pride- or rather something in that family of sin since I keep finding myself ever-so-amazed and struck hard by the mistakes that I make- it hurts me so much that I let myself get into trouble (or think that I am) since I let opportunities for wonderful things pass me by. I find myself sinking into depressed states over these things (which is sad because people usually despair of not being able to see God's mercy, whereas I see it and even ask for it but am deeply saddened when it comes since I feel like I do not deserve it- which I logically know to be foolishness, but what kind?)

in these final days of Lent, I am still off-track (it is true that I am getting somewhere with one of the things I resolved to do since I will soon be employed, but somehow this doesn't bring me much happiness- I don't get it? actually, I do comprehend why this is so but it is hard for me to put that thought into a tangible format) even now I am straying! (or at least it seems that way to me) since I can't even stay focused in saying one thing- I keep stringing my thoughts together?

-what is really undoing me now is my lack of action on things that I've known that God wants me to do... it is quite plausible that I am suffering now since He's pushing me off in the right direction and I am stubbornly refusing to go forward since I'm hesitating with my fears. The other thing that is unraveling my peace is the fact that I've left so many tasks undone for awhile now- true, my messy room isn't deadly and will not commit any murders, but it is so frustrating that things are still in such poor order and disarrayed about my living space! ;_; -sigh-

_{not to mention}

I -WANT- to go talk with my Spiritual Director! I've been putting off on doing so and remained aloof from him with my problems for far TOO LONG now!!

<sup>-whew.

I am so glad that I got that all off my chest (and before Midnight too~ <3) ...yay.</sup>

Good Night!

-Daiko~
^{(please Pray for me...)}

...final days and beginnings
Mood:  sad
Topic: seasonal

I haven't posted here since last month- originally, that wasn't my intention but I let the days fly past me and ended up being too free with regards to my Lenten Restrictions (next time, I'm definitely going to write down what it is that I will and won't do so that I may have a solid guideline to follow rather than being willy-nilly _-sigh-)

I finished Proverbs some time ago, and strayed from my daily readings from my Bible (I was in Psalms by the way- great stuff there~) -I had a hard time focusing and ended up dropping my reading from my daily routine (but just because it was hard on me at times doesn't give me a good excuse for quitting the fine practice altogether...) I think I need to return to this discipline and take up Lectio Divina yet again (yes, I want to do so in the future).


Anyway, this blog post is titled, "Final Days and Beginnings" since with this week being Holy Week, Lent is coming to a close and the season in which the Resurrection of the Christ is celebrated will begin soon. I feel as if I will miss Lent somehow... not only because I missed opportunities during this time, or because I wanted to do better in sticking to what I had resolved to do, but because for some reason this season felt so short this year- other Lents lingered longer in my memory and the duration in which I lived them seemed to remain with me more.

-why is this so?

...

_{(I'll chew on that mentally for awhile
and I'll see about posting more in the future~)}



-Daiko~
^{(pray for me)}

a head like a leaky bucket [have I... ]
Topic: seasonal

^{since I have so many thoughts and memories that I've not kept track of- they run in and out of my mind and of today's three artistic inspirations (actually, more than that...) I have clung hard to one only. -still, though that is true today I have spent my time in working and have seen to mortifying myself by not first indulging in the things I wish to do and neglecting housework, but in cleaning and cooking instead. I still have a long way to go [with regards to refinement and improving my soul this Lent] though...}


[Anyway,] today's Lenten meditation from the Magnificat bears this title:

The Love for Which Our Heart Is Made
and focuses on the Gospel reading from the Mass (Luke 16:19-31) -it takes a different look at the parable about Lazarus and the rich man, emphasizing that we are not to merely be aware of the poor and take action to help them (which is a good and needed message heard quite often at times) but that to live well [so as not to become a citizen of Hell] one's heart must learn to love God, and that in perfect love of God then [and only then] will we be able to see what is around us and take good action.

and so, with that in mind, today's penance is to:

Do something charitable for the homeless.

-after seeing that, I immediately recalled "Tent City" since it had been in the recent news for Florida for quite awhile, but when I went to look it up on Google I clicked on the sponsored link instead -that lead me to these three good local charities:

[Hope Children's Home]
[American Association of Kidney Patients]
[Florida West Coast Public Broadcasting]

obviously, it is the first of these in the list that is the most pertinent and relative to today's penance, but I am interested in all three since they are good causes (with the best being the first of course) -I wonder what kinds of payment they accept...

also, I still have so many clothes and things that I want to give away/donate after I go through a good through spring cleaning of my possessions so I could start with that today as well...

_{and in other news, I finally finished reading through Proverbs and have started reading through the Psalms (I didn't start from the beginning of that fine book through since I fell upon an area that I bookmarked- the part in which David asks God for forgiveness after being visited by the prophet Nathan after committing adultery with Bathsheba...)}

I'm running out (but not running dry)
Topic: seasonal

-again, today I don't have anything easily coming to mind with regards of what I should type (regarding my Lenten meditations?)

I did read all of chapter 29 of Proverbs, and there is lots of great wisdom to be found there (as always) but I don't know what to type really _-sigh-

-actually, [today's Gospel reading] and Magnificat meditation are very good, so I'll shift my focus there for now...

Today's suggested penance:
Serve someone today with love.

^{this is really fitting [for me today] since earlier on during the morning, I was struggling to do so- I'm going to do this at least once for someone this evening whether or not I am at home or at a friend's house...}

I am missing out
Topic: seasonal

I'm missing out since I have been missing days of posting here (specifically, I'm talking about the past few days before and during the time I typed up this post) and today this entry will be lacking substance since I can't seem to type anything- no, since I don't know what to write for today. _-sigh-

I missed out yesterday since I completely didn't read a single word of Proverbs (and the two days before that, I was in travel and left my Bible at home so I wasn't able to read it- still, I had my Magnificat with me in my purse but it remained there neglected despite the fact that I brought it with me to make sure I'd read it! -rrr- _{*slightly frustrated at self*}) but today, I went on a multi-chapter reading binge~

(that was fun, but I doubt that that was rather much productive in the short-term since I fell into sin soon after -sigh- don't seem to have taken much from my reading as well. -_-; ...)

-so, here's a little bit about one of the times that I've strayed and fallen off the path during my Lenten journey (for 2007, that is).




-Daiko~
_{(-sigh-)
(Pray for me please... )}

I want meaning, and victory everlasting as well.
Topic: seasonal

Today I read some of Proverbs, but I was interrupted during my meditations and reading of that good book since I started late this morning and my family had brunch together at that time- I went through the Magnificat Lenten companion and today's reading and penance really spoke to me

-thing is, I don't know how to "Pray with special insistence for the most pressing petitions in your life." (or at least, I acknowledge that I am not able to do so well without a sense of urgency driving me on -_-; ...)

aside from the above, I'll pray the words that were given after the reflection from Meredith Gould based on Matthew 7:7-12

Loving Father, make all of my life a Yes of constant, heartfelt prayer.

Lord, please help me- I can't do any thing at ALL without you...

re-thinking my plans again...
Topic: seasonal

...now that I think about it, my Bible studies should not focus on the sheer volume of verses I read in a day or just how much I can re-type/write, but on understanding and really taking in the wisdom and knowledge that that fine book has to offer

I've got a long way to go in my journey then. _-sigh-


Proverbs Chapter 10:19-25

When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but the prudent are restrained in speech.

The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; the mind of the wicked is of little worth.
The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of sense.

The blessing of the LORD makes rich, and He adds no sorrow with it.

Doing wrong is like sport to a fool, but wise conduct is pleasure to a person of understanding.
What the wicked dread will come upon them, but the desire of the righteous will be granted.

When the tempest passes, the wicked are no more, but the righteous are established forever.

-I'm also re-thinking my set limitations for internet usage over the period of Lent since I also go online to communicate with others about things that are going on- Christian events and what not

I won't be avoiding it altogether, but I do need to find a good balance between being on the computer all day and missing out on the important things that others have to say. -_-; ...

_help!

today is Ash Wednesday, the start of '07's season of Lent.
Topic: seasonal

^{...the past two days I was away doing frivolous things (akin to having a Fat Tuesday celebration by myself for twice as long) since today is the start of Lent and I had wanted to get more of Disgaea finished- I'm still at the beginning of the eighth chapter of that game and none the more enriched by putting so many hours into leveling up my characters _-sigh-}

Anyway, it is Lent now so I'm going to stick to my lovely Bible study, and make it a bit more structured:

-read at least one chapter of Proverbs daily
_{(except on Sunday in which I shall shift my focus on to the [Mass readings])}

-type out the more poignant verses of my studies for further memorization and meditation
_{(this is in opposition to my practice of merely re-tying whole chapters- it is good for me to do that, but my mental stamina is pretty low so I should put my focus on the best portions rather than just copying and not remembering or focusing...)}

-make sure to post here at least 3 times per week
_{(with 2 days as leeway for not posting, but I will still make sure to read even if that isn't evidenced here!)}

and for now, that is about it for my Bible study Lenten practices as it relates to this blog.

-as for today's chapters, I read through 9 and 10 respectively and of these two I found the latter to be much more understandable and instructive- I love the words of Solomon very much, for it is a shame that wisdom of the sort that he possessed isn't prevalent today... because there's so much foolishness everywhere it makes my heart and mind a bit melancholy as I read his wonderful words and admonishions

er, this may sound like a cop out or that I'm trying to be lazy, but I need to really read and even re-read chapter 10 to get more of the full effect from the quotations of Solomon's sayings- I'll make sure to type them out later as well.

-so I'll be back.