Mood:
don't askTopic: Forecast
Synopsis: Pharoah, Hagar, Hezekiah were haughty and see what happened to them. Haughtiness originates with Satan.
Forecast: I call these articles manhood shrinkers. Break out the Viagra.
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don't ask
energetic| Attack | ||
| You have a problem, brother. | Is my problem that you're unloving? | Scriptures? |
| Did you get this information off the internet? | I am confused by your question. If it is correct, does it matter where it came from? Would you turn away truth from a donkey? | Scriptures? |
| Why do you always point to negative things? You used to be such a positive person. | You aren't asking me what I like about the organization. I didn't (leave;stop going to meetings/field service) because of positive things. | Scriptures? |
| Selective bible quotes like: They were not of our sort and went out from us. Are you not of our sort? | If I take out the trash, am I not of your sort? No? Just because someone leaves does not mean they are no longer part of us, right? We have to ask ourselves, WHY are they leaving? | Scriptures? |
| Deflect | ||
| We don't know what your situation is, and we don't want to get too personal. | I appreciate that. It is best if you don't risk inquiring about things that really aren't anyone else's business. | 1 Thessalonians 4:11 |
| Deal breakers This is used when the elders have given up trying to turn you and want to establish a good reason not to talk to you any more. | ||
| Do you still believe that the Faithful and Discreet Slave is Jehovah's representative here on earth in our day? | I am not sure anymore. One thing that weakens my confidence is that they seem scared of anyone who doubts the truth of that. | Matthew 10:24-31 |
| Delay | ||
| Wait on Jehovah. | Should I use this advice on contributions, too? If Jehovah will provide, we don't have to bother. I am waiting. I am just avoiding meetings while I wait. | Scriptures? |
| Put it all in the bin. | Answer? | Scriptures? |
| Why not be like Moses and accept the situation for now, who knows what Jehovah has in store for you? | Moses left his homeland of birth and waited at a great distance. And no human or group of humans set him on his eventual purpose. | Scriptures? |
| Increase Cognitive Dissonance | ||
| You've invested so much already, it would be a shame to throw it all away. | I know, doesn't it all seem wasted? Why go on this way, expecting more of the same? What if I had eaten only McDonald's my whole life and the doctor said it would kill me if I kept going that way? Would it matter how much I had invested? | Scriptures? |
| Can you take your stumbling blocks and turn them into stepping stones? | Yes. But since I was stumbled by path XXX, wouldn't it make more sense to try a different?less dangerous?path next time? | Scriptures? |
| Our kids grew up together. | I know. I will miss many of the people I love so much. But I can't afford to make decisions about religion based on emotion, can I? | Scriptures? |
| Instill Guilt | ||
| Even if you just KNOW about a sin, and you don't notify the Elders of that person's sin, it's as if you committed the sin yourself. | [search furiously through NT] I must have missed that one. Where does it say that in any instructions to Christians? | Scriptures? |
| We miss you.We love you. | Great! Why don't you give me a call next week and we'll go for coffee. | Scriptures? |
| We missed your partner at the meeting. | Great! Why don't you give us a call next week and we'll go for coffee. | Scriptures? |
| We understand that sometimes it's difficult to express ourselves when we have been accused of committing a sin. Is there anything we can do to help you express your feelings about how this all started? | First, you could stop comparing an accusation to a conviction. You can help me to express myself by telling me who made an accusation, what evidence there is of the accusation, and whether you have already found me guilty of the accused behavior. Once you have done that I may have some things to tell you. | Scriptures? |
| It's so nice to see you here as a family. | Answer? | Scriptures? |
| We love you. | O, how I wish I could believe that! | Scriptures? |
| What do we tell the brothers? | About what? | Scriptures? |
| Is there anything that you feel that you ought to be telling us? | Oh, yes! I have many things to tell you, but I'm not sure you can bear them. | Scriptures? |
| Instill self-doubt | ||
| How do you know Jehovah hears your prayers? | Why do think Jehovah is listening to your prayers? What's the evidence? | Scriptures? |
| You know what you did was wrong. | Are you talking to me or a mirror? I know what I did, you only know what you say I did. | Scriptures? |
| If you're stumbled maybe it's because you want to be stumbled, maybe you're looking for an excuse to slow down. | So, by this reasoning, no Witness could actually be stumbled by someone or something else. Is that what Jesus said? | Luke 17:1-4 |
| Instill Fear | ||
| How do you know Jehovah hears your prayers? | I haven't lost confidence in Jehovah. All who call on him in confidence, he hears. As long as they pray in accordance with his will. Don't you believe that? | Isaiah 30:18, 19; 1 John 5:13-15 |
| Is your choice worth giving up your life for? | Are my choices worth living for? | Scriptures? |
| See what happens when you leave Jehovah? | I see what happens when you leave an organization that speaks in Jehovah's name. Is that the same as leaving Jehovah? | Scriptures? |
| Sometimes you think you can get away with things, but Jehovah sees everything, and it will be much worse for you to be judged by HIM | How true that is! Maybe someone should write and remind the Governing Body that their accountability for error is greater than mine. | Romans 2:1-11 |
| Here are some scriptures on Apostacy. You don't want to go apostate, do you? 2 Tim 3:10-14, 2 Tim 2, 2 Tim 1 20-21, 2 Thess 15:2, 1 John 2:18-19, 2 Peter 2. | I don't want to apostatize myself from God, Jesus, or the Bible. But none of these scriptures discusses leaving an organization, do they? Hasn't the Governing Body also said the resurrection has already occurred? Starting in 1919? | Galatians 1:6-9; 2 Timothy 2:18 |
| As in the days of Noah, the people were laughing and mocking, until the flood came and took them all away. | Yes, they took no note at all of the ark, God's means of salvation. Why do we say the organization is God's means of salvation instead of Jesus? Isn't Jesus the modern day ark? Was Jesus apostate since he directed people to a different approach to God than the organization of his day? | 2 Peter 3; John 14:6-7 |
| Where else will you go? | ||
| Suppose you are entirely correct. What then? Where will you go? | I will figure that out once I know whether or not I am entirely correct. Can you show me that I am not entirely correct? | 1 John 4:1; Ephesians 5:15-17; Phillipians 1:8-11 |
| Suppose this isn't Jehovah's Organization. Where will you go?? | If it isn't, then anywhere else would be preferable. | Revelation 18:4-8 |
| Suppose this isn't Jehovah's Organization. Which one is? | If we are still living in the Great Apostasy, why would there have to be one? | 2 Thessalonians 2:3-12 |
| So, if this isn't God's Organization, how will you carry out the worldwide preaching work? | Hm. I don't know. How was it carried out during the Great Apostasy? | 2 Thessalonians 2:3-12 |
| So if you don't believe XXX anymore, what do you believe? | I believe all of my beliefs should be based on (the Bible/logic). Is that wrong? I also believe I don't have to necessarily tell everyone what I believe. You don't think I should tell everyone what I believe, do you? | Hebrews 5:14; Romans 12:1, 2; Acts 17:10, 11 |
| What other organization has done more for the truth? | Hm. That's a good question! I really should do more research before I answer it. | Scriptures? |
| Where else will you find such loving, clean people to be with? | I did not want a kind of 'social club'. I joined because I thought I had 'the truth', If only one person has the truth in a tin shed somewhere then this is where I would want to be. Besides, many aren't loving and if they were clean they wouldn't need constant policing. | Scriptures? |
| This is still the best way of life even if there is no paradise. | I disagree. The best way of life is a personal relationship with God. And being able to trust that you have a helper with God and a High Priest with God, and that these are not imperfect. My leader doesn't make mistakes and would never stumble me. | Scriptures? |
| If this is not Jehovah's organisation then how do you explain the growth? | Um, are you suggesting that growth is proof of God's blessing? Then how do you explain the Mormons? How do you explain the Buddhists? How do you explain the explosion of growth among Evangelical religions? I would call growth a "powerful work," nice to look at but it can't be used as proof of favor. | Matthew 7:15-23 |
quizzical
not sure
The Program
- Opening song - speaker leads congregation to settle in their seats. Congregation members bring along their own song books, they are not left in the pews. All verses will be sung. In most congregations, the music will be piped, no live music team. After the song, the speaker for the public talk is introduced.
- - Opening prayer - The speaker will start the service with an opening prayer.
- Public talk - The speaker may be a elder or ministerial servant either locally or from somewhere else in the circuit. Once in a while a higher official in the organization comes for a talk. Women are never assigned public talks. Circuit Overseer visits are eagerly anticipated and better attended than a regular service. Congregation members expect the Circuit Overseer to share insight on the latest direction of the organization.
- Middle Song - To signal the break from one part of the program to another, the speaker will lead the congregation in the second song of the day.
- Watchtower Study - In each Watchtower magazine, on the inside front cover, is a reference to the songs to be sung and the study to be conducted for that service. Jehovah's Witnesses pride themselves in their unifomity. This very same study will be conducted around the world on the same day. It is considered bad form to attend the study without a magazine. If you do not have a magazine, you will be provided one. Follow along on the page as the study is conducted. If the service must be shortened for some reason, they may skip reading each paragraph. If not, an assigned brother on the stage will stand, read each paragraph in turn and sit down. The conductor then asks the congregation the assigned questions printed on the bottom of the Watchtower study. People put up their hand and the conductor directs the microphone handler for the assigned person to answer. Very nearly always the underlined section of the paragraph is read back to the speaker, slightly paraphrased. Young children are occassionally called upon, who may reliably answer "Jehovah" to the question, much to the amusement of the gathering.
- Closing Song
- End of Service - This is when visitors are approached by the curious and the active Pioneers. Be ready for the friendly touching, questions, invitations, and active interest. This might suddenly drop off if it turns out you are not a potential study.
Different than a Church
- No passing of the plate or overt appeals for financial support. There will be boxes discreetly placed by the exits where congregation members can place their donations.
- There will be no crosses or other symbols of the Christian faith common in other churches. There may be artwork of pastoral scenes that the JW's look forward to in a new paradise earth.
- There is a bulletin board, but it is not covered with colorful posters. The board contains schedules for janitorial cleanup, speaking assignments, and other formal announcements. Below there are slots for various forms that JW's fill out as part of their field service requirements.
- There is a book counter to hand out magazines and other publications on order.
- Behind the scenes there are a warren of private meeting rooms and a library for elder's meetings. There may be an apartment set up to accommodate visiting speakers. (Circuit Overseers work full-time in the ministry and spend a good time on the road travelling between halls).
- No Sunday School rooms or nursery rooms to accomodate babies and children. Families sit together through the service.
Same as a Church
Chairs neatly arranged in front of a platform.
There will be a podium for the speaker.
There will be an opening prayer
The congregation stands when they sing, and sits for the speaking part.
There is a public talk.
The People
The people will look like people everywhere, only more conservatively dressed. The men will be clean-shaven and in suit and tie. The women will all wear dresses. The little boys generally, are dressed in little suits as well. You likely won't see any tattoos or body piercings.
If you talk about normal things like weather, children, shopping, sports, or hobbies, the people you talk to will be as regular as your next door neighbour. If you mention spiritual subjects or the current state of our world, the person before you will be transformed in to a sales representative for the "Happiest People on Earth." I suggest you enjoy your time with these nice people, recognizing the pitch for what it is.
If you observe carefully, you will see a few people ignored at the back (under discipline of some sort), and newcomers will receive extra attention. Questions will be asked of a newcomer to sort out of they might be Fresh Meat.
General Appearance
Most Kingdom Halls are "Quick Builds" and often have a uniformity in layout and appearance. They stay away from architectural religious conventions like steeples, but they likely will have a small foyer, possibly a coat room, easily accessible washrooms and a medium-sized meeting room.
Everything will be neat and orderly because Jehovah's Witnesses take pride in order and neatness. The grass will be well-groomed, the hedges neatly trimmed.
Other Notes
- Punctuality. Jehovah's Witnesses pride themselves on their order, uniformity, and punctuality. The service will start on time. The conductor and the speaker will stick to the program and close on time. All the songs will be sung in order, all verses.
- Microphone handling. We don't have a comparable assignment in the churches, aside from the sound team. Jehovah's Witness microphone handlers are a little more hands-on, adjusting the microphone for each speaker, for instance. This is more apparent at the larger gatherings.
- The groups remain quite small, running not much over a hundred people, including children. Growing congregations are split to keep the groups manageable.
- There is a higher proportion of leaders (elders and ministerial servants) to congregation members than you see in a church, but fewer assignments. A man will be assigned to the book counter. Other men will be asigned to handle the microphones and the sound, and more men will be assigned to conduct the meeting and deliver the public talk. What is missing that I see my church, though, are the music team, the Sunday School team, the ushers (elders and MS's cover this at the KH), the greeters, and the praying grandmas. The only assignments open for women is Publisher or Pioneer, and their role is not needed for the Sunday meeting. You may be approached afterwards by a female pioneer looking for a book study, however (Fresh Meat).
a-ok
I've used the same strategy when dealing with the Watchtower Society. I go to the occassional meeting, and I've shaken hands with the people who strongly influence my husband's life. They know who I am, and I understand a bit of the workings of the society. The mystique is gone, they are simply a rather controlling magazine sales organization with a lot of wacky rules for their followers.
Problem:
As the "other woman" in your partner's life, the Watchtower Society sucks up more of your partner's attention, affection and time. More and more often, your partner consults "her" before any major decision. For the UBM wife, "she" is the other woman. For the husband, "she" is the mother-in-law. "She" is out there somewhere, your direct rival, but you can't attack "her" directly without sparking a huge war with your partner. How can you bring the Watchower Society out in the open so the two of you can deal with "her" in the open?
Forces:
Essence of the Solution:
Bring your partner's involvement with the WTS out of the mysterious and grounded in reality by inviting yourself along. Come to a few meetings, perhaps study yourself for a couple of weeks. Take a look for yourself, and comment freely to your partner on what you see. The WTS will lose some of it's mystique and attraction for your partner. By remaining involved, you are able to maintain some intimacy with the religious side of your partner.
More about the Solution:
Ask yourself along first to a Sunday Public Talk. To blend in, dress for the Hall. I suggest you remain standing until the talk begins. When I first visited I was approached by several smiling women, many who patted my arm or brushed my shoulder when passing. They may have been trying to convey warmth and friendship, or perhaps this behavior was peculiar to this hall. Nevertheless, I found this familiarity to be invasive. At that point I was a still stranger to them. By standing, I had the option to step away if someone invaded my personal space. My goal was to introduce myself, be warm and engaging in turn, but be firmly resistant to conversion. I wanted the congregation to know me as a person, and for me to get a sense of the character and behavior of the people who absorbed so much of my husband's time. When I was introduced to someone new, I smiled warmly, shook hands firmly, and gave them direct eye contact. Nearly everyone asked how I enjoyed the talk. I responded with vague non-committal humms. I removed the mystique, both for them and for me. Over time, I gradually reduced the number of visits. Again, I emphasized my firm resolve not to become a Jehovah's Witness myself.
Before you decide whether to study with a JW, ask yourself, do you know what you believe? Can you articulate to a stranger why you believe what you believe? If you have never explored your spiritual side before, don't let it be with a JW the first time! They are trained to present a neatly packaged and outwardly sensible religion. I recommend that you read my future articles on Logical Fallacies and Know your Bible before you engage an experienced Jehovah's Witness in a debate.
If you choose a book study, be prepared prior to the meeting. Read the brochure What does God Require of Us?" before they come over, and make notes of any logical fallacies and misuse of scriptures. If you are firmly resistant, the study won't last much beyond four or five weeks. JW's are equally frightened of being "sucked in", and will close down the study if their worldview is directly threatened. If you are outwardly compliant, the study may go on for some time. At some point you are going to have to start seriously questioning some of their doctrines. As soon as that happens, your study partner will do their best to deflect those questions for "later", or suggest that maybe you are not "ready" to accept their teachings. It is highly unlikely that you will be able to convert your study partner with your point of view. The best you can hope for is to sow some seeds of doubt for them to mull over in the years to come.
There are several events in my JW husband's life I would not miss out on. These events are labored over by the new convert, and when they succeed, the congregation provides plenty of enthusiastic support. Don't be left out, go along. Show your encouragement and support as well, even if you are opposed to the conversion. This way, you maintain some intimacy with the religious side of your partner, preventing rifts in thought and feeling. First, I would attend the baptism. Second, I would attend at least your partner's first Theocratic Ministry School public performance.
Another idea deserves mention. If you try it, let me know how it works. My husband's book study group has an assigned "treat night" once a month. My friend suggested I send along baking as a way of showing my normal side and to endear myself to the group. I noticed often the tray was returned, untouched. I don't know if it was plain rudeness in this group, hatred of home baking, or their own fear of "cookie demons" from a "worldly person", but I was too insulted to keep up a tradition.
Resulting Context:
By staying involved, you may fear being "sucked in" yourself. To prevent this from happening, make sure your own religious foundation is well-established. Explore your own religious beliefs. Could you explain what you believe to a stranger and why?
The Kingdom Hall will lose some of its mystique for you when you visit. Meetings are really rather dull. No demons will come out of the wall and suck your soul out. By removing the WTS mystique, you will have a more realistic view of it's influence and it's power over your partner's life.
Some of the fun of being a JW may be that it is a statement of individuality by your partner. There is a bit of mystique attached to sneaking off to three meetings a week. Alternatively, you may have been built up by your partner to his new found friends as a harridan, firmly opposed to your partner's new religious zeal. Remove the mystique, remove the fun. Challenge your partner if they resist you going along. Ask them why it bothers them so much. Go anyways. If they crave independence, suggest they take up golfing instead.
The Jehovah's Witnesses will be thrilled you are coming for a visit. JW's always welcome potential converts. Their disappointment will show itself later when they figure out you are not easy. When you stop attending regularly, likely you will be asked about at the meeting. Your partner will be asked, "Where is xxx? I missed xxx at the meeting." If your partner comes home with this message, tell them to convey to the well-wisher that they can call you any time to go for coffee. Likely they won't. If you're not a potential study, you are not worthy association.
Known Uses:
Remove barriers of intimacy between you and your partner by involving yourself a bit with their religious side.
Eliminate the secrecy and sneaking around (if any of this has started).
amorous
suaveContext:
I remember the day it hit me how dangerous the Watchtower Society can be. I had stumbled on some research on the ways the WTS socially isolates it's members, and retains it's members by manipulation and deceit. I was overwhelmed with sadness. What had my husband gotten himself in to? Could he ever possibly untangle himself? I wandered in to the bedroom and gazed at my husband, my eyes welling with tears. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry you got involved with them." "With who?" he asked, puzzled. I blurted out the information I'd found. An argument quickly erupted. He just didn't see what I did. It ended badly, his eyes glazed over, he kept repeating, "But I know it's the truth." over and over. "Oh my goodness, I married a robot" I thought. I had just triggered a major cognitive dissonance episode. I relate the experience to crashing a large boat in to a dock. A fluffier image, thanks to my friend, is of a child chasing gulls down the beach. No matter how badly the child wants to play with them, they do not come near.
Shortly after 3 p.m. on October 15, 2003, a ferry struck a concrete pier in Staten Island killing at least 10 passengers and injuring 42 others, many critically. According to eyewitnesses, the 310-foot-long ferry was about to dock at Staten Island when the vessel struck a pier surrounded by wooden pilings. The pilings cut the ferry's port side, ripping steel and windows as the vessel moved ahead. Passengers told investigators the ship failed to slow down before the collision and neither the captain nor the crew issued a warning. Source: http://www.injuryboard.com/view.cfm/Topic=1123
An exuberant child chases down the gulls. Link: www.pbase.com/sheila/image/32960097
I kept researching and studying the WTS. I realized my direct attack on the WTS was all wrong. All it had done was force my husband in to a hard-line stance to maintain his belief. If I could not attack my husband's beliefs directly, how could I help him understand the danger of his decision? I came up with the image of a tugboat. Though much smaller than the ships it services, it is powerful and flexible. It tugs the massive ship to where it needs to go, with greater finesse than the great ship can handle on it's own. A good tug brings the great ship in with no casualties. Again, a sweeter illustration was offered by a friend of mine. Imagine coaxing a shy rabbit to eat from your hand. You need patience, persistence, and no sudden moves!
Tugs might be thought of as essential port services, enabling big unwieldy ships to be handled into small spaces, hauling very large vessels through locks and protecting them against the unexpected wind or tide that could sweep them out of a channel, or bang them against a quay or another ship. Tug skippers are fine ship handlers, who can work with pilots and operate as a team to handle big ships safely. They escort tankers in and out of oil ports, ready to act as an emergency brake and rudder if there is trouble with the tanker's engines or steering gear. They push and pull barges, floating cranes or other "dumb" non-propelled craft, applying their considerable muscle to wherever it is needed. http://www.njscuba.net/artifacts/ship_tugboat.html
Patiently, he coaxes the rabbit to eat from his hand.
Problem:
Direct confrontation of a Jehovah's Witnesses beliefs forces them further in to the put-on religious personality and farther from you.
Forces:
Essence of the Solution:
Be a tugboat, coax your partner in to fresh ways of thinking instead of using direct confrontation. This prevents a cognitive dissonance episode, forcing your partner in to a harder stance.
More about the Solution:
It works much better to bring up alternate viewpoints in casual conversation. I don't drill my point home every time. Many small tugs build a momentum and ease the big doctrines home. There are a few WT doctrines that I find especially offensive, and I rarely let those WT slogans go by without comment.
I challenge every sweeping WT comment on the morality and ethics of "worldly people". I bring the vague WT comments home to where we live. I ask hubby if he sees me, our other worldly friends and neighbors, in the way the WT article describes? What about our neighbour Sarah, who sends us chili and other treats our of her surplus, or wacky James, who literally gave the shirt off his back to my hubby on a dare? Or Brenda, who sends my hubby baking and helped him burn his first CD?
Two other catch-phrases I turn about on the Watchtower are "imperfect" and "truth". Imperfection is often used as an excuse by the WTS for the various failings of the leadership. When my hubby says, "follow the truth" or "left the truth", I always challenge him. "You mean that person left 'an organization of imperfect men.' No-one can leave the truth, it's just there. Is truth a place? How can you leave the truth if it lives in you?" By challenging these catch-phrases directly, I reduce their power over my husband. At the same time, I embed some basic principles, such as, "The truth is not a place." and, "An organization can't be imperfect and The Truth at the same time."
I also use little questions to awaken my husband's latent thinking power,
Resulting Context:
Known Uses:
To avoid a cognitive dissonance loop and gradually encourage your JW partner to accept alternate ideas outside of the Watchtower literature.
hug meHere's a small table of dissonant emotions and how you might address them. I bring up these reassurances all day, not just when we are discussing spiritual things. I reinforce that my partner has nothing to fear, has done nothing to be ashamed of. If he has prayed about his failing, I reassure him that Jehovah hears his prayer.
| NEGATIVE EMOTION | ADDRESS THE EMOTION |
| Fear of eternal death. I have heard Elders use the fear of eternal death to get compliance from a congregation member. | Reassure your partner that you are sure they are "Secure in Jehovah's Memory." Bring up the good works they have done recently. Remind them that God sees all that they do and does not forget. Remind them that when they confess their sins to God, he buries their sins in His sea of forgetfulness. If an elder has questioned your partner's eternal reward, ask him how the elder, an admittedly "imperfect man" could know your heart condition? Isn't a person's spiritual condition known by Jehovah alone? |
| Fear loss of spirituality or morality if the JW structure was gone. | Give examples of when your partner made moral or spiritual choices on their own, without the aid of the elders or a Watchtower article. Reinforce your partner's personal strength of will. |
| Fear loss of friends and family. (This happens after the convert has cut off or alienated "worldly" friends and relatives. | Maintain or build a network of friends outside of the Watchtower Society. Do this for yourself if necessary, your partner will get to know your friends through osmosis. This way, they have some hope of a social network outside of the WTS. |
| Fear that Satan or Evil Spirits are influencing you. | When confronting your partner, speak calmly, don't swear, act like a Jehovah's Witness. If you think they may be fearing that your genuine concerns are from the Evil One, call them on it. "Do you believe me when I tell you I am worried? Do you understand that I have reasons to be concerned? You don't think I'm being influenced by an evil spirit, do you?" |
| Embarrassed that they may have wasted months or years on an empty cause. I've heard an elder use this argument with a discouraged JW more than once, "You have invested so much. Do you really want to throw all that hard work away now, when you are so close?" | Use illustrations of gamblers or investors who can't walk away when they are down on their luck. Discuss the emotions of the gambler and why it is so hard to walk away. You don't have to associate this with the WT experience right away. Plant the seeds for reaping later. When they are ready to hear it, ask them what it would take for them to know that it is smarter to cut their losses and walk away? |
| Embarrassed, "How could I have been so stupid?" | Smart people are just as vulnerable to cognitive dissonance as everyone else. Smart people are better at making excuses for their illogical behavior. Tell your partner that people who own up to their mistakes are smart, sexy, desireable, and stronger than the average person. |
| Uncomfortable that your challenges don't fit his new world view. | Bring up alternate ideas in bits, drop seeds. The goal is not to set off a major dissonant episode. |
chatty
party time!Opening Story:
The routine was pretty well set these days; Book Study on Tuesday night, Service Meeting on Thursday, field service Saturday morning, and the Public Talk on Sunday. I'd adjusted my own expectations and learned to entertain myself the nights he was gone. Even so, I could see the constant pressure to perform was getting to him. I hated it when he talked about having "nowhere else to go". With a schedule like that, he sure didn't have much time to develop outside friends and interests. I determined to engage him in as many outside activities as possible. "Hey, let's take a break and go to the dollar theatre tonight." We started going out on non-meeting nights, and they were a great time to be together and away from all responsibilities for a few hours.
One day he surprised me by suggesting a movie instead on a meeting night. He complained of a headache. He just couldn't make it to the meeting. I studied him cautiously, "Of course. It's not like you make it a habit. I am sure Jehovah understands". I was sad that I had to help him break through the massive guilt. But I helped him do it. A normal night. Inside, I cheered.
Context:
Add activities, people, and fun to your JW's life so they have somewhere to go to when they are ready to leave.
Problem:
It's not enough to tear down the Watchtower doctrine. The WTS is much more an anti-religion than a religion. Many converts are attracted to them because the WTS are openly critical of establishment. Witnesses are regularly told that there is "nowhere else to go". So even when they may entertain secret doubts, they stick to the endless grind of meetings, field service and conventions, well after their heart has gone out of it.
Often non-JW partners make the mistake of pouring all their energy in proving the Watchtower wrong. That's not enough. Minus zero and you have less than nothing. You also have to add positive alternatives to your JW's life, so that they have an understanding that they have something to go to.
Forces:
Essence of the Solution:
More about the Solution:
The challenge might be in finding a mutual interest you might share.
Quiz your partner about their pre-JW life. Were there activities or hobbies they took part in that they've dropped since they became a witness? These activities, especially, will bring the pre-JW personality to the fore.
Here are some ideas, untested, that might work. Twentysomethings, help me out here, and give me some more suggestions! You are likely a whole bunch more fun than I am.
The second most critical moment is the first time your partner skips a meeting night to have fun. Look for signs of guilt on the day of, and several days following. Do your best to encourage them that they are not disappointing Jehovah to take a single day off. Don't get discouraged if your partner shows an extra spurt of zeal for a week or so. Their energy is from guilt, not enthusiasm. This is a good sign in the long run, as they are secretly admitting that fun night was, well, fun!
Resulting Context:
(WT September 15, 2005, page 18, photograph and caption, "Does recreation often keep you from theocratic activites?" In the long run, however, this may still work on your favour. People can't run forever on empty batteries.
Known Uses: