Secrecy: Pros and Cons
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: Backgrounder

Who doesn't preserve their partner's feelings by not revealing the complete truth? My neighbour told this story from the early days of her marriage. Her husband, raised in poverty, never complained about the food set before him. He always cleaned his plate. She often made him chili, sometimes twice a week. Six years later they are in a restaurant. She sees chili on the menu and mentions it to her husband. "No way. I hate chili!" She was dismayed of course, but laughs about it now. Imagine, blissfully serving her husband something he hated, for six years!

My husband often asks me if I can see the new growth in his bald spot. I ask him if I look hot in my new dress. We both weigh the cost of complete honesty.

We may be compelled to keep our research private, since JW's have such an adverse reaction to any critical literature. They are taught that all critical material is from Satan. Just try and live with someone who thinks you are possessed by the Evil One. On the other hand, what kind of marriage survives a severe division in thought and mind? Sneaking around cannot last forever.

I have my own approach to privacy and secrecy, but it may not work for everybody. I polled a group of UBM's find out if they hide their JW research from their partner. If they did, was there a cost to their relationship? If they were completley open, what was the result?

Here's a summary of what I learned.

• If you are determined to preserve your marriage, don't share all your research. You need your partner to trust that you are on their side.


• On the surface, at least, be supportive of all their ambitions and dreams, even if it leads them closer to the society.


• Do be open with your feelings on how the involvement with the JW's affects you. You do need intimacy with your marriage partner, otherwise, what's the point?


• Test the waters once in a while, to see if they might be open to new ideas.


• The UBM's tell me that their JW partners really don't want details of their partner's JW research. This has been my experience as well. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. Is it a kindness to share information that they are not prepared to hear? How much better to tell them when they are ready?


• Do plan on coming clean some day in the future, after they have exited the society for good.

Here's some UBM stories from my poll:

The emotions of ubm's can range from despair, depression, rage, indifference, to how much longer? Moments of hope, moments of no hope, and anything in between all of those.

When I read apostate books openly in the past, it became a big scandal in the hall, and made everyone uncomfortable.

The most honest thing though, is to be honest about your emotions. You are likely going to be hurt or angry by your experiences with a jw loved one. You do need to make those feelings known or they will fester into resentment and rage. So by all means, discuss your feelings. Just be very careful to focus your discussions on the individual JW. Do not let the WTS become the focus.

My problem is simply the fact that most JW's spend their entire lives stumbling around, swaddled like mummies in layer after layer of bad information and outright falsehoods. If someone wants to be a JW after the bandages are removed; Fine.

Do you hide your reference materials from your partner? I did at first. He found my books in a closet a couple years ago and he asked me if he could take them and put them in a storage shed we rented. He claimed he had been having trouble sleeping at night and thought it was the demons surrounding the material I had.

I do not hide the fact that I use the internet and a message board, she does not want to know about it. My wife knows the score and is savvy enough to keep it quiet from the elders . Advice?...I would only say the same as in any marital dispute. Try and talk, try and keep it reasonable and not angry , and above all show that just because you left the WT, you have not changed into the kind of monster that the WT says we are....

I knew when I started my journey away from the witness that the road would be lonely and possibly cost me my wife and family. I've made myself suffer intolerable frustration, anger, guilt, pain and sickness to fade and not just get up and walk away. I've done it for my family and for no other reason. So far the payoff has been a closer family relationship and some leeway in witness rules and regulations. I can only hope that when the time comes to discuss things in more detail that I'm clear and sensible. I pray regularly for assitance with that.

When he first became aware that I was visiting anti-JW sites, he was really angry, which is saying something because he's a very laid-back kind of guy. He's gotten used to it now, and now I think his curiosity is getting to him. At times, I think he's dying to know who I'm talking to or what I'm reading. But he also knows that info is off limits to him, for my own self-preservation. I don't think he'll ever leave the WTS just to find out what I'm doing, but the fact that I can be so happy being away from the WT, when I have always been so 'spiritual', is gnawing at him I think.

(From a couple where she is now exiting from the JW's)

He: There were a couple of times I had JWD (www.jehovahs-witness.com ) open and she was walking towards my laptop and I wasn't sure I would close everything in time.

She: Yes, I did know something was up. I would walk over and he's be fumbling around on the computer and I'd be asking him a question and he'd be stuttering around..."What? What? " I figured he must be a porn addict or something!

He: Even though my wife was as good as "out" of the Org at one point, I NEVER offered her CoC or Christian Freedom or Gentile Times books until she SAID OUT LOUD: " I want to get the Gentile Times book." or "I would like to read one of Franz's books." During times of doubt in the future (which can likely happen) I do not want her to look back and even BEGIN to think I pushed the "apostate" literature on her in ANY way.

She: We are very open about everything now, but I am actually getting a taste of the sneaking around with info. thing now. Whenever someone drops by (JW's) I have to quickly scan the house to make sure I've put all my info. and books away. It's very hard to live like that! I still am hiding all my Ray Franz books in case someone drops by, or if my kids friends spot it and tell their parents.

Baptism Questions, Organized to do Jehovah's Will
Mood:  cool
Topic: Backgrounder
Here are some sample questions from the book, "Organized to do Jehovah's Will", (c) WTBTS 2005 pages 183-215. Some of the questions I've posted to show how extensive commitment required of the baptismal candidate. The expected beliefs on God, Marriage, Health and Hygiene are all laid out. Some of the questions are just plain wacky. I've given the provided answers or scriptures for some of them that might be of interest to an UBM.

Part 1, Q 20 Who is Satan the Devil? Where did he and his demons come from?

Part 2, Q 2 What is the only Scriptural basis for divorce that frees one to remarry?

Part 2, Q 7 How does Jehovah view (a) the unlawful shedding of human blood? (b) abortion? (c) suicide?

Part 2, Q 8 What responsibility rests upon a person who is infected with a communicable disease that is potentially fatal?

Part 2 Q 9 To avoid transmitting an infectious or a potentially fatal disease to others, why should an infected person (a) not initiate public displays of affection such as hugging and kissing? (b) attend the Congregation Book Study at the Kingdom Hall if at all possible? (c) not react negatively when some choose not to invite them in to their homes? (d) Why should a person who may have been exposed to an infectious disease voluntarily choose to have a blood test before beginning a courtship? (e) Why should one having a communicable disease inform the presiding overseer before getting baptized?

Part 2 Q 13 How should Christians view the shortcomings of fellow believers?

Part 2 Q 20 Why should Christians abstain from all nonmedical use of addictive or mind-altering natural or synthetic substances?

Part 2 Q 29 What is the Christian's position as to the world alienated from God?
(Answer: They are no part of the world, just as I am no part of the world. - John 17:16.
Do you not know that the friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever, therefore, wants to be a friend of the world is constituting himself an enemy of God. - Jas. 4:4.)

Part 2 Q 31 When a person separates himself from the world and becomes a Christian, what treatment should he expect from those in the world?
(Quotes John 15:19, 20; 2 Tim. 3:12; 1 Pet. 4:4)

Part 2 Q 34 Would it be proper for true Christians to share in worship with other religious groups?
(Quotes Rev. 18:4, 5; Matt. 7:13, 14, 21-23; 1 Cor. 10:30; 2 Cor. 6:14-18)

Part 2 Q 36 How can you determine whether you should observe or participate in celebrations that are popular in your community?
(Quotes John 17:16; 1 Cor. 10:21; Ps. 106:35; 1
Pet. 4:3)

Part 3 Q 3 Is the wife whose husband is not a believer freed from his headship?
(Quotes 1 Pet. 3:1, 2)

Part 3: Q 13 What is the Governing Body of the Christian congregation?
(Quotes Acts 15:1, 2)

Part 3: Q 15 How do members of the congregation demonstrate submission to the headship of Christ in the congregation?
(Quotes Heb. 13:7; Heb: 13:17)

Part 3: Q 25 What should be our attitude toward giving of ourselves and of our material possessions in Jehovah's service?
(Quotes 1 Chron. 29:14; 2 Cor. 9:7)

Part 3: Q 26 What attitude should we have when we are persecuted or undergoing trial?
(Quotes Matt. 5:10-12; Jas. 1:2, 3; Acts 5:41)

Refuting JW Talking Points
Mood:  energetic
Topic: Backgrounder
Here's another section I can keep building with your input, how to refute major JW talking points. I'm first pulling from the What Does God Require of Us brochure, published by the WTBTS.

- God requires us to obey and we learn to obey by following the bible's commands.
- The bible is completely trustworthy for instruction on Christian living.
- Satan works hard to keep you from the truth.
- Satan can work through your loved ones.
- Christendom's Churches strayed from God when they adopted the trinity.
- Those who follow the trinity doctrine follow three gods.
- God hates customs that have a pagan origin.
- God works through One True Religion.
- The world is steadily getting worse and we are living in the last days.
- Jehovah's Witnesses advocate a clean lifestyle that is rare in our modern world.
- Christendom's Churches are all corrupt and have failed mankind and failed God.
- Even though the WTS has it's problems, we are to be patient and wait for Jehovah to work it out.
- At least we are better than anything else out there!

What to Expect at Baptism
Mood:  not sure
Topic: Backgrounder
The watershed moment in a marriage for many UBM's is when your partner makes the leap from "interested study" to "baptism". You have every right to wonder how this commitment will change your relationship. You may not be able to stop your partner from taking this step. If you know it is coming, there are things you can do to prepare. So here's a description of the JW baptism, followed with some hints and tips on how you can stay involved with your partner as they work through this process.

When does baptism happen?
I believe a candidate will not be considered for baptism until they have completed one full round of study with an introductory book, usually six months. Baptism may be delayed if the candidate is not ready to make the commitment or if they admit to engaging in a sin listed in the 104 baptism questions. Smoking or living with a common-law partner are common prohibitors.

Where do they baptize people?
Usually baptisms occur at a larger assembly of Jehovah's Witnesses, that happen several times throughout the year. JW's immerse. If the assembly is at a purpose-built facility, there will be a baptismal pool somewhere on the grounds. The pool here in Edmonton is to the left of the stage. At the big district assembly, a temporary inflatable pool is set up in a corner of the rented auditorium.

Why the pressure to baptize?
The Watchtower is all about numbers. They count the hours that the study leader spends with your partner. They count the number of baptisms in a year. The study leader will expect after your partner has completed a book they will be ready for the next step. The study leader may begin to wonder privately if their time is being wasted. It takes an average of 40,000 hours of field service to bring in a single new recruit. A study leader who brings their study to baptism has achieved a rare success, and the baptism bring them a lot of recognition at the hall.

Who is putting the pressure on?
In the heirarchal Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, everyone feels the pressure to perform. Headquarters asks the Circuit Overseers why the numbers aren't going up. Circuit Overseers put pressure on the Presiding Overseers, who in turn ask the elders to check on the field service performance of the members. Everything is counted from meeting attendance, hours of field service, magazines placed, number of studies, and baptisms achieved.

The committee in charge of the yearly assembly will be busy collecting numbers of potential baptisms from the local kingdom halls. They need to know how many rows of seating to rope off at the front of the auditorium. The elders will be following up with the study leaders, and will likely want some firm numbers to give to the committee prior to assembly day.

The Baptismal Questions
There are 104 questions that all baptismal candidates must answer to an elder prior to scheduling their baptism. All these questions are listed on the back of "Organized to do Jehovah's Will" (c)WTBTS 2005, page 183 to 215.
Here's a link to sample questions. The "Organized to do Jehovah's Will" book resembles the membership books that I've seen other churches produce. You could say that the baptism is an initiation in to the organization of the Jehovah's Witnesses as much as a dedication to God.

Part 1, Elementary Bible Teachings (35 questions)
Part 2, Jehovah's Righteous Requirements (37 questions)
Part 3, Jehovah's Arrangement of Things (32 questions)

By comparison, the Nicene Creed, which is the core doctrine of all Orthodox Christian churches, consists of three paragraphs, all to do with the nature of God.

By comparison, New Life Community Church asks five questions at the time of baptism, to confirm their repentance and dedication to God.

The following questions are asked on the day of baptism, and the candidates are to answer in the positive in a loud, clear voice (p. 215):
"On the basis of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, have you repented of your sins and dedicated yourself to Jehovah to do his will?"
"Do you understand that your dedication and baptism identify you as one of Jehovah's Witnesses in association with God's spirit-directed organization?"

The Day of Baptism
Baptisms are usually done midday as part of a larger gathering, or assembly, conducted several times a year. The baptismal candidates have reserved seating at the very front of the auditorium. They have along a modest bathing suit and towel, which they keep with them in a bag under their chair. Just before the break for lunch, the speaker will address the candidates with a short talk, have them stand, and ask the two questions outlined above. After their affirmative answer, the candidates will file out of the auditorium to applause. Everyone breaks for lunch.

The candidates change in to their swimming attire. Those who are interested will gather at a discreet distance from the tank or pool to watch. If there are many baptisms to perform, there may be several elders in the pool to help to help with the dunking. Several may be dunked at once. There may be modest applause. The candidates line up and are dunked in turn, then go off to change.

Usually the newly baptized candidate will hook up with their study leader at lunch, where they will receive warm congradulations all around.

Compared to a Baptist service, the JW experience is rather impersonal. As usual with the Watchtower society, it's not about the individual but the numbers. I can guarantee the people in the assembly will be counting heads and comparing them to last year's. Somewhere during the meeting attendance and the number of baptisms will be announced.

I recommend
- Prior to baptism, ask questions about the sample questions I have posed. Is your partner 100% in agreement with them? If not, ask if they are really ready to take the plunge.

- Challenge your partner's assessment of you. Do they consider you worldly, and if so, someone to be avoided? How do they plan on incorporating "avoiding the world" while married to you?

- Ask to attend the baptism. If your partner challenges your motive, challenge them right back. They cannot assume you have no interest in the spiritual side of their life. This will set you up well for years ahead by making friends with the cult personality.

- It is acceptable to bring a camera to the baptism, and to stand at a discreet distance when the baptism is performed. Congradulate your partner on this momentous step, even if your guts are sinking. It's a big deal to your partner, and you want to steal some of the thunder from the study leader.

- If one of your partner's motives for joining is the abundance of attention, you will have an opportunity shortly afterwards to help your partner question their decision. Attention quickly shifts away from the believer after baptism. The study leader can no longer count their time. Your partner will suddenly be expected to maintain all obligations with very little reward or support. This is a rude shock for many recruits. Ask your partner if this is what they signed up for.

Cognitive Dissonance
Mood:  cool
Topic: Backgrounder
Description
"Cognitive dissonance is a state of opposition between cognitions. For the purpose of cognitive consistency theory, cognitions are defined as being an attitude, emotion, belief or value (Ford trucks built tough)... the theory of cognitive dissonance holds that contradicting cognitions (Ford trucks built tough, FORD stands for Fix Or Repair Daily) serve as a driving force that compels the human mind to acquire or invent new thoughts or beliefs, or to modify existing beliefs, so as to minimize the amount of dissonance (conflict) between cognitions."(Italics are my own thoughts, bolding added)Source, Wikipedia

Examples
Tedious peg-turning
"In Festinger and Carlsmith's classic 1959 experiment, students were made to perform tedious and meaningless tasks, consisting of turning pegs quarter-turns, then removing them from a board, then putting them back in, and so forth. Subjects rated these tasks very negatively. After a long period of doing this, students were told the experiment was over and they could leave.
However, the experimenter then asked the subject for a small favor. They were told that a needed research assistant was not able to make it to the experiment, and the subject was asked to fill in and try to persuade another subject (who was actually a confederate) that the dull, boring tasks the subject had just completed were actually interesting and engaging. Some subjects were paid $20 for the favor, another group was paid $1, and a control group was not requested to perform the favor.

When asked to rate the peg-turning tasks, those in the $1 group showed a much greater propensity to embellish in favor of the experiment when asked to lie about the tasks." Source, Wikipedia

Buy a Lemon
"Consider someone who buys an expensive car but discovers that it is not comfortable on long drives. Dissonance exists between their beliefs that they have bought a good car and that a good car should be comfortable. Dissonance could be eliminated by deciding that it does not matter since the car is mainly used for short trips (reducing the importance of the dissonant belief) or focusing on the cars strengths such as safety, appearance, handling (thereby adding more consonant beliefs). The dissonance could also be eliminated by getting rid of the car, but this behavior is a lot harder to achieve than changing beliefs." Source, Psycology.org

Shopping for a Coffee Maker
"J. W. Brehm (1956) conducted the first experiment using the free- choice paradigm to test predictions derived from dissonance theory. In his experiment, which was presented as market research, he had women rate how desirable they found eight different products (e.g., toaster or coffeemaker) and then gave each of them a choice between two products that were close in desirability (difficult decision) or between two products that were not close in desirability (easy decision). After choosing which of the two products they would keep, the women rerated the desirability of the products. Results indicated that the women who made a difficult decision changed their evaluations of the products to be more positive about the chosen product and less positive about the rejected product. Spreading of alternatives was less for the women who made an easy decision. The free-choice paradigm continues to be used to gain insights into dissonance processes (e.g., Shultz & Lepper, 1996; Stone, chap. 8, this volume)." Source, APA.org

People Exhibit
- illogical loyalty towards their choice
- discomfort when challenged
- strongly defend their choice
- trivialize conflicting information

Key Features
Significant Effort
Are they willing to admit to wasting a significant amount of time and energy towards the wrong choice? The greater the investement, the greater the dissonance. The longer the person digs themselves in to a bad decision, the harder it becomes to leave.
Free Choice
The more difficult the decision (that is, there is a lot of similarity between the two choices) the stronger the dissonance.

Small Reward
When the reward is small enough, the participant seems to consider their choice to be a favour rather than an obligation. Perhaps people put more effort in to volunteer activities because the reward is intangibles such as "personal satisfaction".

How Jehovah's Witnesses Use Cognitive Dissonance
Significant Effort: A new convert is not baptised for at least six months. This way, the convert has invested a significant amount of time prior to baptism. The longer they spend studying, the more difficult it will be to back out. After baptism, the Jehovan's Witness lifestyle is an endless parade of study, meetings, and field service. This life requires a great deal of effort to maintain. Again, when a Jehovah's Witness who decides to leave must admit that they have wasted years of effort on an empty cause. Only the most brave and the humble have the strength to admit this.

Small Reward: The Jehovah's Witness reward is for a future promise of life forever on paradise earth. Watchtower articles frequently extol the rewards of the Jehovah's Witness life, but few concrete examples are given. This reinforces the dissonance, as the reader makes up their own reasons, later vehemently supporting them.

Positive Uses
Now that I understand the principles of Cognitive Dissonance, I've put the principles to work at the office. I have successfully implemented change across my team by offering small rewards and recognition. My team are energetic and dedicated to the cause, rather than the reward.

It dawned on me, too, that governments are not above using Cognitive Dissonance to implement unpopular changes. The GST was an unpopular new tax implemented across Canada. Considering the swath that it cut from Joe Citizen's pocketbook, however, the protests were relatively muted. Along with the GST tax, the government instituted a GST rebate that low income Canadians can apply for. I used to think that the huge administration required to process this rebate would have been better spent in lowering the tax overall. But now I realize that the rebate is "payoff money" to institute public Cognitive Dissonance and reduce resistance to the tax.

Coaxing Someone out of Cognitive Dissonance
My experience is that if I directly point out how illogical the person's choice they put up greater resistance. Here's a diagram of someone with an illogical belief.

If I provide mounds of evidence, I increase their discomfort to such a degree that the person will do almost anything to shut off the unwelcome information. I provide the direct challenge.

They will come up with increasingly outrageous excuses not to listen. The person may even adopt more extreme views in response to a direct challenge. I have had much greater success asking questions about relatively non-threatening subjects. I allow the person to absorb and respond to each question. Over time, they will modify their belief closer to reality, resulting in less severe cognitive dissonance.

Further Reading
Pay Enough or Don't Pay at All Pay Enough or Don't Pay at All

September 15/05 Go On Walking as Jesus Christ Walked
Mood:  spacey
Topic: Forecast
Synopsis:((crooked and to the left.lol)) "He that says he remains in union with [God] is under obligation himself also to go on walking just as that one [Jesus] walked."- 1 john 2:6 - Jesus shaved his beard, put on his suit and tie, and meekly went door-to-door.

Forecast: Take your partner out this week, keep them grounded, be normal.

Here's a list of future Solutions I will be posting in the next few months
Mood:  cool
Topic: Solutions
Add Fun
Be a Tugboat
Can't Beat em
Confront Quietly
Dress for the Hall
Make Peace with the Cult Personality
Pro and Con
Reinforce their Humanity
Reveal your Humanity
Reverse Psychology
Start a Family Bible Study
Stick to the Topic
Sudden Shock
Talk like a JW
Test the Waters
Turn off the Cult Personality
Use Humor
Word Pictures

Oops, I forgot to give the reference for that quote
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: Welcome
"....all true Christians have to struggle against Satan the Devil..." WT September 1, 2005, page 13, para 2.

Welcome Again!
Mood:  bright
Topic: Welcome
UBM Stands for "Unbelieving Mate". This is how Jehovah's Witnesses describe any partner of a Witness who has not joined the society. We are considered "unequally yoked" with our JW partner, and the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society (WTBTS) predicts many problems in marriages like ours. In many ways, they are right. But is the society helping or hindering our marriage?

Here's a quote from a recent Watchtower article that gives you some idea on how UBM's are viewed by the society:

"...And while we have not all suffered direct persecution, all true Christians have to struggle against Satan the Devil and the spirit that he engenders among mankind. (Ephesians 2:2;6:12) It takes constant vigilance not to be influenced by that spirit, since we encounter it at work, at school, and in any other place where we have to rub shoulders with those who have no interest in pure worship."

This site is designed to prepare and forearm UBM's so we are not bowled over by the WTBTS steamroller. There are ways to counteract the society's negative effect, and with patience, we may even be able to help our partners exit the society sooner.

What is their motive?
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: Solutions
Opening Story:

"Joe paced the floor of their tiny living room. This was the third night this week his Janey had gone to the meeting with the Jehovahs. It had seemed harmless enough six months ago, but now Janey seemed to be spending more and more time with those people. Even more disturbing, she was becoming more distant in the bedroom. She was acting strange in other ways too, taking down the picture of the Last Supper that her favorite Aunt had left her. They had argued last night, but the harder he tried to show her how wacky it all was, the more distant she became. Man, if he heard "pagan" one more time, he was going to use the "C" word, Cult. What was he doing wrong?"

Context:
You are waking up to the pull that the Jehovah's Witnesses have on an early convert.

Problem:
Direct confrontation only digs them in deeper. How can you through to someone studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses, when they have been pre-warned to expect opposition?

Forces:
1. Your partner cannot be forced in to a way of living that pleases you, even if you know their choices are hurting them. Honor free will above everything else.
2. You have a Jehovah's Witness on their tell who is well-rehearsed to answer any opposition, and has pre-warned your partner that you are not going to appreciate their decision to "Obey Jehovah"
3. Worse, warnings that people will oppose the study's choice start by the third week.
4. Even worse, any opposers are portrayed as being servants of Satan. Want to grow horns overnight? All you have to do is try and force your partner to get out.
5. Your partner was drawn to the Witnesses for a reason. If you can provide a better solution than what the Witnesses offer, that will be the key to bringing your partner back out.

Essence of the Solution:
You need effective strategies and communication techniques to get through to your loved one. First and foremost, you have to understand your partner, their motives, dreams, and the pull the Witnesses had in the first place. Answer these questions.

1. What drew your partner to the Witnesses in the first place?
2. Is your partner more logical or emotional?

More about the Solution:
If you don't know your partner very well, this is the time to start. Ask gentle, leading questions to get to the root of your partner's fears and desires.

Put on your thinking cap, and think about what the driving motivation is. Once you know that, you can provide opportunities to meet the need. The JW's promise much, but they are short on delivery. When your partner wakes up to that realization, all your hard work will bear fruit.

Common reasons:
1. A desire for order and security (in a chaotic world)
2. Fear of death (9-11 and other disasters)
3. Grief over lost one (JW's promise reunion on Paradise Earth)
4. A desire for order in faith (JW's have an explanation for everything)
5. No friends (JW's are very friendly to converts)
6. Enjoy religious lifestyle (study, dressing up, orderly)

Counteracting the reasons:
1. Collect good news stories. Comment on examples of unloving behavior at the Kingdom Hall.
2. Reassure partner with bible verses that God loves them and they are secure in His memory. Later, if a JW suggests to your partner that their hope is threatened for some imagined failing, bring up those verses again.
3. Same as 2.
4. Collect samples of "changing light" by the society Quotes
5. Energetically build up a network of friends outside the society. When the "evil world" is brought up, ask your partner if your mutual friends are evil?
6. Join a church yourself, for your own sanity and for a possible future network. If you have no interest in Christianity, join a group that has a social activist component and has aspects of self-denial (living a saintly life making the world a better place).

Resulting Context:
Look at it this way, you may end up becoming a sensitive and attentive partner at the end of all this!

Known Uses: