Addressing Negative, Dissonant Emotions
Mood:  hug me
Topic: Backgrounder
A Jehovah's Witness has trouble hearing conflicting ideas if it causes emotional upset. These negative emotions may be fear, embarrassment, or some other discomfort. Address the negative emotions, and your partner will be more likely hear what you have to say.

Here's a small table of dissonant emotions and how you might address them. I bring up these reassurances all day, not just when we are discussing spiritual things. I reinforce that my partner has nothing to fear, has done nothing to be ashamed of. If he has prayed about his failing, I reassure him that Jehovah hears his prayer.

NEGATIVE EMOTION	ADDRESS THE EMOTION
Fear of eternal death. I have heard Elders use the fear of eternal death to get compliance from a congregation member.	Reassure your partner that you are sure they are "Secure in Jehovah's Memory." Bring up the good works they have done recently. Remind them that God sees all that they do and does not forget. Remind them that when they confess their sins to God, he buries their sins in His sea of forgetfulness. If an elder has questioned your partner's eternal reward, ask him how the elder, an admittedly "imperfect man" could know your heart condition? Isn't a person's spiritual condition known by Jehovah alone?
Fear loss of spirituality or morality if the JW structure was gone.	Give examples of when your partner made moral or spiritual choices on their own, without the aid of the elders or a Watchtower article. Reinforce your partner's personal strength of will.
Fear loss of friends and family. (This happens after the convert has cut off or alienated "worldly" friends and relatives.	Maintain or build a network of friends outside of the Watchtower Society. Do this for yourself if necessary, your partner will get to know your friends through osmosis. This way, they have some hope of a social network outside of the WTS.
Fear that Satan or Evil Spirits are influencing you.	When confronting your partner, speak calmly, don't swear, act like a Jehovah's Witness. If you think they may be fearing that your genuine concerns are from the Evil One, call them on it. "Do you believe me when I tell you I am worried? Do you understand that I have reasons to be concerned? You don't think I'm being influenced by an evil spirit, do you?"
Embarrassed that they may have wasted months or years on an empty cause. I've heard an elder use this argument with a discouraged JW more than once, "You have invested so much. Do you really want to throw all that hard work away now, when you are so close?"	Use illustrations of gamblers or investors who can't walk away when they are down on their luck. Discuss the emotions of the gambler and why it is so hard to walk away. You don't have to associate this with the WT experience right away. Plant the seeds for reaping later. When they are ready to hear it, ask them what it would take for them to know that it is smarter to cut their losses and walk away?
Embarrassed, "How could I have been so stupid?"	Smart people are just as vulnerable to cognitive dissonance as everyone else. Smart people are better at making excuses for their illogical behavior. Tell your partner that people who own up to their mistakes are smart, sexy, desireable, and stronger than the average person.
Uncomfortable that your challenges don't fit his new world view.	Bring up alternate ideas in bits, drop seeds. The goal is not to set off a major dissonant episode.