”The practice wall is 10 feet high, but the actual cliff is about 500 feet.” I sat and thought about that. 500 feet. Trusting my life with a rope and Luke, the guide. It wasn’t the height that really bothered me, but I wasn’t too sure about the rope. But, I was determined to succeed.
If you’ve ever gone repelling you know how much arm strength it takes. I didn’t know that I had those muscles until the next morning. But, with a little practice and a lot of guidance, I was ready to conquer the practice wall.
The first time down the practice wall I was so nervous. Everyone was watching me. As I looked over the edge, I realize that it was only 10 feet high and if I were to fall, it wouldn’t be extremely far to fall. But, under some miracle, I made it down with no problem and decided that maybe I should try it again, just in case. As I look back now, I realize that maybe it wasn’t such a great idea. I guess I got a little too confident in myself and ended up losing my footing, dangling 8 feet in the air, plastered against the practice wall. This situation probably couldn’t have gotten any worse, so you think…but let me tell you. It did. In addition to all the guides keeping an eye on me, I also had 35 peers all watching me. Talk about feeling dumb. As Scrubby, my practice guide, talked me through how to get back on my feet, all I thought about was what everyone would say to me once I got back on the ground.
“Are you okay?” were the first words I heard as I walked over to some friends. I gave a little laugh and said “yeah…of course.” But deep inside, I knew that I was bruised. Not so much my body, but more my confidence to repel down the cliff. I was still determined though.
I knew that if I actually went through with this, if I actually made it to the bottom of this cliff, I would have stepped out of my boundaries and taken a step past my comfort zone. A little insight to my life is that I don’t like taking risks. I like staying in my little “bubble” and being safe. So, this was a giant step.
Taking after one of my friends by being very superstitious, I was very nervous when, as we were leaving the practice area, the bus got stuck in the mud. Now, was this a sign…Beware? Don’t trust the rope? Stay away? I wasn’t quite sure but I took my chances anyways.
The ride to the base of the cliff seemed to last forever. Maybe it was because I wasn’t too sure I was ready to take this huge step. Or maybe it was just because I had about 3 layers of clothes on plus a harness in 80-degree weather. But finally, after about 15 minutes in reality, we had reached the base of the cliff. “The bus can’t drive up the steep terrain so you guys will have to hike the rest of the way up.” As I looked up the cliff I got butterflies in my stomach. It looked a lot higher than the practice wall. And a lot more challenging. And to think, I had to climb up it to climb right back down. I wondered the logic. No seriously, why climb up something to just climb back down? I guess it’s just the thrill of a near death experience.
Just the climb up was enough exercise to last me the rest of my life. The rocky terrain didn’t agree with my weak knees or my “smoker’s lungs.” I decided right then and there that it was time to quit. So, about 20 minutes later, I was at the top of the cliff. Wow…what a view. I think I probably stood at the top and just looked around for about 15 minutes. Absorbing all the natural beauty of New Zealand. It was breath taking. The distant mountain silhouettes, the clouds that seemed so close, and the afternoon sun warming the earth. I was awestruck. Finally, I was pulled back into reality. Someone had been shoving gloves in my hands telling me to wear them so I didn’t get rope burn and a helmet on my head, just in case. Three by three, we proceeded down the cliff. As the last nine of us sat at the top, I decided that I was finally ready. I made my way to the platform and took heed not to look over the edge. Scrubby stood there taking pictures of everyone going down the cliff while Luke ended up being my cliff instructor.
I was more scared than I’ve ever been before. I mean, 500 feet. What happened if I would have panicked in the middle? Then what would I have done? What if I fell? All these what-if’s. But then I thought. This is my chance. This is my chance to step out of my comfort zone. My chance to prove to myself that if I really wanted to do something, I could. So, with my heels slightly off the edge and Luke holding my safety rope, I slowly started to lean back. Probably the single most daring thing I’ve ever done. But I did it. Next thing I knew, I heard Luke yell down to me, “Lauren, the cliff is going to jet in, but don’t worry! Just lower yourself down the rest of the way! You’re doing great!”
Then, the rock was just gone. I was dangling 250 feet in the air, with just a rope. It was total freedom. As I blocked all the noise of people out, all I heard was the wind. Total utopia. Spinning around, looking at all there was to see. Wow. That’s the only word that came to my head. I stepped out of my comfort zone. I pushed myself to the limit and now, this is what I have to show for it. It was great. Everyone must have wondered why I had just stopped and let myself hang in the air, but if, at that moment, everyone could feel what I felt, they would understand.
As I let the familiar voices of my peers re-enter my utopia I heard shouts of encouragement. “Lauren you’re doing great!” “You’re almost down!” “Just a little further!” Slowly, I let the rope lose inching my way down. I almost wish that the moment would never end, but I knew it had to. At least in reality. In my mind, I could replay that moment again and again, for the rest of my life. And I’m sure I will.
I had mixed emotions the second I felt my feet touch the ground. One part of me wished that I were still hanging in the air, capturing the environment around me, while another part of me was glad to be back on solid ground. Another part of me wished that I were still at the top, waiting for my turn, while another part of me was glad that I had actually conquered the cliff.
So, in the end, as I walked to the bus, I was proud of myself. I’d done something I’d never thought of doing before. And I succeeded. This one event in my life helped me define who I am. It helped me find myself. And for that, I’m thankful.