Humor Archives
YOU MIGHT BE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET IF...
* your service provider calls *you* for tech support
* someone at school or work tells you a joke and you say "LOL!"
* three words: carpal tunnel syndrome
* you come home from somewhere and wait for your friends to say "re."
* you get a second phone line, just so you can call for pizza.
* you raise your hand in school and say "BRB."
* you begin to say hehehe instead of laughing.
* you know and regularly use more than 10 different ways to smile in
ascii text. :)
* when someone says, "What did you say?," you automatically say "scroll up!"
* you marry your cybergirl/boyfriend and the two of you sit across the room
in the honeymoon suite, typing love messages to each other.
--author unknown
from Internet for Chrisitans
How many church members does it take to change a light bulb?
109. Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Sub-committee who report to
the 12 on the Light Bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the
Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance
Committee Executive of 5, who place it on the agenda of the 18 member
Finance committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27
member Church Board, who appoint another 12 member review committee.
If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is
brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another
8 member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational
Business Meeting supports the changing of the light bulb, and the
congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the
light bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn
appoint a 7 member committee to find the best price on new light
bulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware store has the best buy
must then be reviewed by the 23 member Ethics Committee to make
certain that this hardware store is not involved in illegal activity.
They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the
Trustee in charge of the janitor to ask him to make the change. By
then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.
***********************************************************************
The moral of that story is just don't burn out........Be Blessed!!!
Computer Humor
One day Satan was trying to think of something that he could be better at
than Jesus. He had tried and failed miserably at everything so far. Then,
he thought about computers. "That's it!" he thought. So he finds Jesus and
starts pestering him about it. "Jesus, I know you are great at EVERYTHING,
but I think that I can write a much better computer program than you." Jesus
tells Satan, "I have told you before, I am the Son of God and I have nothing
to prove to anyone." Satan keeps pestering him and finally Jesus says, "If
having this contest will comfort you then let's do it." Satan gets excited
and says that he will get Bill Gates to judge the finished programs. So, they
both sit down at their computers and Bill Gates says, "You have one hour to
write your programs and then turn in your disks to me and I will look at
them." So, they begin. Satan is furiously typing away with reckless abandon.
Jesus, on the other hand, is casually developing his program. This continues
until there are about 5 minutes left, when a bolt of lightening strikes and
knocks out the power. The power comes back on a minute later, but there are
only four minutes left. Satan is extremely upset because he lost everything. So Satan, who is still furious, starts typing even faster.
At the appropriate time, Bill Gates says,"Time's up! Bring your disks to me."
After reviewing the programs, Bill Gates says that Jesus' program is clearly
much better. Satan, who is beside himself with anger, looks at Jesus' program
and says, "How did you write all this after the power went out? You were not
typing nearly as fast as I was." Jesus simply smiled and said, "Satan, haven't
you realized by now that Jesus saves.
Email: christianresources@tnaccess.com
