March 28, 2003

March 27, 2003

I wonder if I have some sort of a disorder sometimes. I hate that other people affect me like they do. It makes me wonder so often why god even gave me a voice, cuz no one gives a shit. Maybe I’m just being selfish only thinking about myself. I don’t think I do tho. I think that if someone wants to talk to me about something going on with them, I try to talk and be there to listen, but when the roles are reversed I get a big ol’ goose egg back. Does anyone really care about anyone? Really? Cuz some days I wonder… am I just not worth taking a genuine interest in? Maybe Im just thinking to much? Or maybe my antibiotics are just affecting my brain right now…I don’t know...poor me... poor me. Wahhh...

March 25, 2003

I wake up and look at a blue sky with my only real worries being what to wear or a bad hair day or maybe a traffic jam on the way to work. I’m secure enough that walking down the street to the corner store brings nothing more than curious looks from a passer by or a yell from a passing car. I see kids playing outside with the only real care being how much more daylight there is to giggle with friends. I can turn on a TV and see a war and turn it off at will if I see something disturbing or have heard enough. I can speak freely with the only repercussion of my words being my own conscious or the disagreeing feelings of others. I have the freedom to believe or not believe in any god I choose, be or not be anything I choose, make as little or as much as I choose. I can support my government or oppose all its stands for. Either direction I choose it comes down to freedom. Why do we have a military fighting a war we may not understand? How can this all be justified? How, with so many unified in protest of a government made up of greed, conspiracy or false representation? I believe this is the same government that gives me the freedom to do everything I do in my daily life. I believe in the soldiers that would give up their lives for others to have a better way of living. One day that better way of life could be mine or yours in jeopardy. How faithful are you to your cause that you would die for it?

March 19, 2003

So, did you hear? I read this just today “ The Academy Awards ceremony will go on despite the looming war with Iraq but organizers Tuesday canceled most of the red carpet arrival as part of an effort to make Hollywood's biggest party more somber. “ I think it’s funny that people who get awards for pretending to be other people are worried about their impact on the world with the “war” in view. Like terrorists are actually thinking of the Oscars as a target to cripple America. I remember watching the awards one year, the one where Halle Barry was giving her speech and crying because she won. I remember thinking that it was funny in America how we give golden statues and awards to people who play characters and act like other people and make millions doing it while the bums down on Hollywood blvd have been doing this for years and only receive pennies in paper cups. Who gives a fuck about the awards? Really? Is that harsh? War or no war. I think these stars have been pampered too much into thinking their lives somehow have more meaning or value. Who in their immediate lives isn’t telling them how wonderful they are on a daily basis? I don’t want to demean what they do for a living but its not curing cancer or solving world issues. Their acting!!! There is a quote that I have remembered since I was 17 that says “actors play other people because they have no real character of their own”. It’s always stuck with me and has always had some truth to it to a degree, at least when I see news stories like I did today about the academy awards.…but anyway… the art of entertaining leaves little room for humility and modesty I guess.

March 17, 2003

I don’t know why but I was watching some rerun of Saturday Night Live with Tom Petty on it and for some reason thought he looked like the singer from the pretenders, Chrissie Hynde. I don’t know, maybe I’m seeing things. I’m really tired lately and I can’t explain it. So, it’s St. Patrick’s Day and unfortunately I haven’t seen any leprechauns to steal their pot of gold. Sigh... But here is some St. Patrick’s Day History I also found another site that was amusing. 50 things men wish you knew.

YEAH!!!

March 13, 2003

I just heard a Toyota commercial with that song from Smash Mouth. You know the one, it goes something like ...” hey now you're an all star get your game and go play hey now you’re a rock star get the show on get paid” blah blah blah. The song is catchy but it occurred to me that Smash Mouth must have some deal with the devil who deals with advertising because their songs are in so many ads. I think they are in some beer ad I saw recently too...or was it a Tostitos ad? I can’t remember but damn. I guess you really only need one hit to make it sometimes. They aren’t my favorite band by any means but I say more power to them. I mean, I doubt their bank accounts are saying no thank you. It’s hard enough for most bands to get any play and the ones who do get overplayed. I think sometimes they kill certain bands by playing them too much. It’s a conspiracy. Seriously...They play the hell out of bands until no one wants to hear them anymore and that way they can push the “next big thing” without competition from veteran players, and play that to death. It’s a never ending cycle. If you have some time on your hands check out these Before they were famous photos of some musicians. Lots of great photos. Hmmm, who could this be?

March 11, 2003

There is this radio talk show guy called Tom Leykis. I can handle his show in small doses but he’s really insulting to women. Today he was saying that the women that men pick up in bars and sleep with are human toilets. Men think of women like they think of a urinal. Nice huh? He goes off about single mothers which is where I find myself turning it off because I think he has a really dickish attitude about it. I agree on a certain level that there are some single mothers out there who are less than honest with the men they are dating but not all. He was saying earlier that women who get pregnant are stupid. Never mind that there is a man who has to be involved for this to take place. Yesterdays show was a bit more mellow. It was about women who want engagement rings that take up a mans salary for a couple months. I actually agreed with most of his show. Not that an engagement ring should cost a fortune but he had some other valid points. He was saying how most of the women were just out for the breakup insurance by asking for a big ring. It wasn’t a relationship based on love. I don’t know, I think that any woman who needs a big ring is just in need of attention and it goes deeper than a diamond. Nothing is wrong with liking beautiful things but a pretty ring isn’t going to make you more beautiful especially if your man is struggling with his finances so your finger will look pretty. What am I ranting about? Who knows, I’m out of work and have an hour left to go…Speaking of babble, I found this site called gender wars Its actually pretty funny. Check it out.

March 10, 2003

So I finally have a photo to show of the asscrack chick that all the guys were fired up about awhile back. She looks really pretty all done up. I just don’t get the attitude that comes with some beautiful women. Do they not know that acting rude only makes them ugly? Seriously, she won’t say hello to any females here. Actually, I take that back, I think she did crack a smile when the window blinds to my office were open. Only because the bosses dog was in my office. Go figure. A bitch smiling at a…well…bitch. Wow that’s sooo girly mean of me!!!! MEOW!

March 7, 2003

March 6, 2003

Remember the porn girl from a while back who works at my job and was flirting with my boyfriend? Well, today I got to sit in as a witness while she was fired. Funny how life sometimes has some justice eh? Not that I wish her anything bad but this is a bitch journal!! I don’t really have tons to say today but the people on E-admit.com do. So if you are really bored, check it out.

March 5, 2003

I sometimes think being different in mind is a downfall. I mean, I know it’s a good thing but it makes life difficult sometimes. Rather than following the grain and the pressures of being like everyone else. It’s not always easy to be different. But people judge either way I guess. Ever come to a cross roads where you have to make a decision for you and not what everyone else would want you to do? You will see who your friends are and who aren’t. I have that problem a lot in life. I think too much and analyze the hell out of things. We are told our whole lives to be ourselves and people worth knowing will like you for your inside beauty. Looks don’t matter and it’s the inside that counts. Daily I see that the opposite is true. Looks matter, insides don’t. The more empty and shallow you are, the more you will succeed. The more beautiful you are inside, the more people are going to misunderstand you, avoid you, and talk shit because you aren’t a mental midget like themselves. And if you are shy? Well then…you are definitely a target for shit talk. But I stay true to who I am regardless. The observers of the world who think before speaking and process thought before acting, it’s a rare breed of human. Id rather be seen as a sheep than an ass even though I feel like an ass more than a sheep most of the time. There was a quote I always loved and I can’t remember who said it but it goes something like this: “Its better to be thought of as stupid for not speaking, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. “

March 4, 2003

I seriously believe that Fox television network is on crack. I found myself watching the “new” “exciting” reality show on fox called Married by America I don’t know why, but I couldn’t help watch this train wreck of a show. It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cheese and just plain bad. They have 5 contestants who are looking to get married. I think they win a car, $100,000 and a house if they stay married. The contestants never meet the people competing to win and be engaged. The contestants’ family and friends ask questions of the people competing to see if they are the right one. It’s just bad. It’s edited so poorly and the host looks like a washed up soap opera actor who is trying to be a mix between Ryan Seacrest from American Idol and Jeff Probst from Survivor. (God it frightens me that I have committed their names to memory) Didn’t they already do this marriage BS with Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? I mean it’s a twist but there hasn’t been one successful relationship turn out from any of these “find true love” reality shows. Heaven forbid a person be happy with themselves alone and just be patient for a little romance to happen than rush into marriage with America watching. They really need to gather all the producers of these reality TV shows and put them in a padded room. Another thing that makes me believe fox is on crack is their news. Following the most romantic show ever (note sarcasm) the news came on to report about this missing girl they found dead in the Hollywood Hills. They interviewed people from the girls’ apt complex and some friends. The friends they interviewed were grilling and marinating a big fat steak while saying how they missed their friend. WHAT THE HELL? Was the editing team on break? Talk about sensitive reporting. I remember now why I didn’t watch a lot of TV back in the day for a reason. Especially fox.