Howard
Special Road Trip Issue; Vol. 2, Issue 6

Words of Enlightenment by Nels Berge

Road Trip: it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. My recent road trip to Colorado and back has reminded me of some of my earlier road trip experiences to Colorado. One that sucked; one that was ok; and one that was actually kind of enjoyable. Because I did not own a car of my own, for all three road trips I was at the mercy of those that did.

Lesson number one: Never plan a road trip with people that you don't like and that don't like you. In 1995, I planned a road trip to Colorado several months in advanc e with a couple of girls that I knew. Unfortunately, by the time of the road trip, none of us were really friends any more. That road trip totally sucked.

Lesson number two: Never let anyone else invite people on your road trip. In 1996, I invited a couple of girls that I really wanted to date on a road trip to Colorado. I figured that I could work it with both of them and then choose the one that I liked more by the end of the road trip. Unfortunately, the day before we were supposed to leave, I fou n d out that one of them had invited some other guy to come along. That road trip also sucked. I got lucky because I ended up not liking either of the girls and, despite the other guy coming along, the road trip actually turned out ok.

Lesson number three : Never involve others in your road trip. In 1997, I went on a road trip with this girl that I really liked. Unfortunately, to convince her to go, I had to dangle the proverbial carrot in front of the proverbial donkey. I told her that she might be able to visit this guy that she liked from our previous ward while we were there in Colorado. I liked her. She liked him. Notwithstanding my getting absolutely nowhere with her on that road trip, it was actually the most enjoyable road trip that I have ever been on.

Remember these lessons that I learned the hard way and happy road tripping this summer!

Publius

 

The Pasta Connection

It's kind of a shame that the only photographs of ward members that Richard and I have are bad photographs. Still, bad photographs or not, The Pasta Connection goes forward. This week's winners are Mitch Ogden and Heather Doheney. Mitch, although in the ward but not of it, is still popular with the ladies. Heather has shed her braces and found a job! Contact the editors of Howard for your free pasta dinner and tickets to the orchestra.

 

Adventures in Public Transit by Are Ecks Walch

I ventured to Chicago for my spring break with my bro Henry Sylvester and listened mainly to 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat' during the bus ride down there. I heard that Donny Osmond attended the 'Show-tune Revue' a couple weeks ago to scout potential replacements and, in a totally unrelated development, Jamie Ogilvie moved to New York City.

I think Chicago's public transit should make up its friggin' mind. Anyone who's been there knows that there are, seriously, twelve different mass transportation options for the unwary tourist/traveler. Here's a quick review:

The 'El'- Really famous and loud, but it only runs to really poor scary places. Plus the elevated track makes some kind of motion sickness procedure necessary.

Bus System- Nice drivers. Runs from the Sears Tower to FAO Schwartz. Lots of spanish speakers. Mmmm.

Subway- You have to figure out a really complicated labyrinth of turnstiles and booths. A dirty man looked at me funny. I was scared.

Metra- I think that it runs all the way to friggin' Green Bay. At least, it better for how much a ticket costs. Needs cushion seats for the long trip.

I'd also like to share a quick little list of things that you shouldn't say to someone even if they don't sound bad when you're first saying them:

1. You're not as bad as when I first met you.

2. You're actually pretty good-looking... why aren't you married yet?

3. All that stuff people say about you is pretty much untrue.

4. Are you pregnant?

Gucci Wucci

 

The Fine Print

First, believe it or not, the CES people asked me to advertise for Institute in Howard. Since I am actually teaching an institute class this quarter, I figured why not. So, with all the power of this 7-point font, here we go: Register for Institute!

Second, Trivial Pursuit standings haven't changed since the last issue. You know how it is with Finals and then Spring Break. There just isn't enough time for a good game of TP.

Third, all sisters in the ward interested in dating Jed Greenwood should stop by the apartment and take a number.

Fourth, now that it is spring and people are thinking about love and stuff, Richard and I will try to write a few articles about working it, because we know so much about it.

Fifth, that was sarcasm, in case you missed it.

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