Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations
It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood
          Crazy Randomness          
-::- Date * March 31, 2002 * -::- Time * 3:00 am * -::-

Today was a mighty sucky day. Basically I just slept all day since I stayed up all night. Tomorrow, well actually today, is Easter. I hope my Aunt and Uncle and their kids stop by. I love their family. It's so much different from mine. They are all so comfortable with each other. It really amazes me. Sometimes I wish my family was like that. Oh well whatcha gonna do?

-::- Feeling * Tired * -::-

-::- Date * March 30, 2002 * -::- Time * 3:34 am * -::-

Hmmm I guess I slept for like 1 and a 1/2 hours. I woke up and got the bright idea to get online to see if anyone else is on. Of course no one is because it's like 3:30 in the morning. My stomach doesn't feel so good. All I have to say is tum tum tums. Tums to the rescue. That's what I get for eating lasgna and going right to sleep.

I'm confused about something. I don't understand why in Baltimore County the regular tv stations (the ones with the news) are on 12, 21, 23, 14, and 15 yet almost everywhere else besides Balto. Co. the regular stations are 2, 11, 13, 54, and 45. Why is Balto. Co. special? And why are the stations different from county to county? Especially if the different counties are using the same cable company? Makes no sense to me.

I'm bored. I probably should go back to sleep. But I'm sure I won't. Oh well.

-::- Feeling * Nauseated * -::-

-::- Date * March 29, 2002 * -::- Time * 11:17 pm * -::-

Took the mtv quiz

You got 19 out of 21 correct.

Head of the Class 16-21 points

Nice work! If knowledge equals power, you're in the driver's seat. And we know you're using your smarts about sexual health where it counts: talking to your partner, making smart choices, choosing protection and being responsible. Aren't you? We thought so.
-::- Feeling * Accomplished * -::-

-::- Date * March 29, 2002 * -::- Time * 10:29 pm * -::-

So it's friday night and I'm online trying to keep my mind occupied. Gosh my life sucks. The only thing to do around here on friday night is go to clubs. Who wants to be around a bunch of horny guys and slutty chicks?? Not me I know that much. Not my scene. Well anyway Jason called me last night and we had a really good conversation. Grr I don't know how to feel. I'm so confused by him. Actually I'm confused by all men. I'm gonna go take the sex test a

-::- Feeling * Bored * -::-

-::- Date * March 29, 2002 * -::- Time * 1:08 am * -::-

So Jason finally IMed me. He said some bullshit like this and I quote "I came to a realization the other day that what you wanted and what I'm looking for arent very compatable, and I wanted to back off before you ended up hurt and feeling used..." And when I asked him what he was looking for he told me "well, the more I thought about it, the more I realised at the base of everything I'm just looking for casual sex, like an ftf (friends that fuck) thing, and I realized that I didnt want you to feel used by me or I backed off..." Well lick my balls and call me salty what does he think I am some kind of whore? The only way I could feel used was if I had sex with him or something and that's definitely not happening anytime soon. Gosh guys suck. He thought I was looking for a relationship, which I'm totally not ready for. I just remember tell him that if I was to have sex with someone then I would want there to be a commitment so I guess he took that as me saying I wanted a relationship right now. I don't know. So anyway he apologized. He told me he felt really bad, blah, blah, blah. I figure what's the point of staying upset. Yeah he hurt me, but it's not the first time someones hurt me. I'm almost completely over it. If I said I was completely over it I would be lying. But soon I'll forgive, maybe not forget, but surely forgive.

I listened to the song Wut's Love by Fat Joe, Ashanti, and Ja Rule like 6 times in a row. It seems like everytime I get a new favorite song I always play it out.

I'm hungry so I'm gonna cook some hash browns. Yum.

-::- Feeling * Hungry * -::-

-::- Date * March 28, 2002 * -::- Time * 7:57 pm * -::-

Today was pretty boring. Not as boring as a normal day yet still boring. I went to math class. I really like math for some reason. I've liked it since high school. What can I say, I'm weird. After class I picked my cousin up and we went to the mall. Then we went to Best Buy and she bought the 10 Things I Hate About You soundtrack and I bought the new Fat Joe cd. Urm I can't remember the name of it. I like the song he does with Ashanti and Ja Rule. It was funny, me and her were walking to the store this guy walked past us and my cousin looked at me and smiled. I knew what she was thinking 'that guys cute'. I have this habit of looking at peoples shoes so I looked at his shoes and he had the sexiest ankles. My cousin just laughed when I said that. It's was weird cause everytime we walked down an aisle he was in front of us and it kinda looked like we were following him. When we were leaving he ended up going the same way as us so it looked like we were still following him. I felt like sucha dork. I thought that I lost my license and bank card. So I decided to tell my dad and he totally flipped. He can he such an asshole sometimes. I ended up finding my cards in a pile of clothes on my bedroom floor. Speaking of my bedroom I really need to clean it. I also need to feed my gecko. I'm sucha lazy biotch. I need to get motivated.

I'm gonna watch Friends and then take a shower. Need to exfoliate. Fun stuff. Apparently, (this is something my mom read) people that exfoliate are less likely to get skin cancer. Sounds good to me.

-::- Feeling * Dork * -::-
-::- Listening to * Our Lady Peace ~ Somewhere out there * -::-

-::- Date * March 27, 2002 * -::- Time * 12:57 pm * -::-

I went to sleep at about 7 am and woke up at around 11:30 am. 4 and a 1/2 hours of sleep woohoo. Well I had this crazy dream about this guy I used to hang out with when I was like 15. Hmmm, rather odd. I'm watching Days of Our Lives. What a bunch of crap. Teenage guys are not gonna be all lovey dovey. Saying stuff like "I love you with all my heart and soul." Give me a break. In the real world it would probably go something like this...."Oh baby I love you so much, now will you suck my d**k." Anyway I need to go to class to take my typing test. Fun stuff. Then I'm going to the mall to try and find something for my cousins wedding in a couple of weeks. Hopefully I find something that's pretty and comfortable but what are the odds.

-::- Feeling * Blah * -::-

-::- Date * March 27, 2002 * -::- Time * 5:02 am * -::-

I really liked this guy and finally on thursday he asked me if I was doing anything friday and I told him I wasn't. He asked me if I wanted to do something. I was excited because I really wanted to hang out with him. We both decided that we would go see Ice Age. But I felt like our plan wasn't really finalize. Out of nowhere he signs off and doesn't get back online. I emailed him a couple of times and he hasn't responded. Now I find out he has me blocked so I can't IM him. I'm thinking WTF!!! I don't understand. How do you just straight up ignore someone? I'm sitting here blaming myself but I know I didn't do anything wrong. If you want to know the type of person I am when it comes to guys I'll tell you. I want a guy who plays hard to get. Oh and a guy who is unavailable. I know this for a fact because I totally blew off this one guy, Mike who was actually there for me. He called me all the time and he was really sweet but I didn't want him. I made up excuses why I didn't like him and they were so stupid. He was older than me but that's not such a big deal. He also had a country accent, but you know what, there are people in the world that would say I have a country accent. I think it's a just vicious cycle. My dad treated my mom like crap so I'm destined to want to be with a guy who will treat me like crap. I think about calling Mike sometimes but it's been since Dec. since we've talked. He probably won't even remember me. I don't know what to do. Someone HELP!!!

-::- Feeling * Lonely * -::-

-::- Date * March 27, 2002 * -::- Time * 4:25 am * -::-

I just got finished practicing for my typing test tomorrow. I hate typing class. I only took the class because I thought it would be an easy 2 credits. I just can't get use to not looking at the keyboard. Any way I decided to change my major so I don't need keyboarding at all. GRR I'm dumb. Someone shoot me.

-::- Feeling * Annoyed * -::-
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