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Saying Yes to Love

Practical Advice Before Joing the Dating Game

by Giselle Aguiar

Finding the person you want to say yes to is a challenge. But, actually saying yes, for some, is the most difficult challenge of all, because if means facing and overcoming fear.

In the end, fear is what keeps many singles alone.

The comfortable single life may be lonely at times, but it is safe.

Basically, if you open your heart and say "I Love You," you risk it being broken. Just like when someone aims a stone at us, we quickly put our arms up over our faces. It’s instinct. Fear instincts protect our bodies and our egos.

Recognizing the camouflage behaviour that cover our fears:

What to do about Fear

  1. Get to know your fears and your disguises. When you are faced with an intimidating situation, how does you respond? Do you laugh it away? Do you find a way to get super busy? Do you procrastinate and hope it will go away? Do you rationalize and get caught up in your excuses? Does your highly efficient, in-control adult take over and just "handle" everything? Make a list completing the following sentence: "With regard to relationships, I fear ___________________."
  2. Acceptance. So, you’ve recognized how fear is stopping you. Now what? Begin by accepting your fears and your disguises. Don’t fight them. Your fears are your old friends. Fear is not pleasant, but it is natural, you won’t make it go away by wishing it was not there. You must face your fears. Relax into your fear. Trust that you will automatically protect yourself from anything you can’t handle.
  3. Talk about your fears. To get control over your fears, you must talk about them. Find a trusted friend, someone who won’t give a lot of advice, but will encourage you to talk. When you feel ready, talk about your fear with the person with whom your fear comes up.

Fear of Rejection

This is the most popular one among singles. The person that rejects you is making a statement about himself or herself not about you. You are a great person, but 90% of the American public has bad taste. Rejection does not have to affect your self-esteem. After you’re been rejected, make yourself dwell not upon the things you liked in the relationship, but upon the ways in which you did not fit. And persevere.

Saying Yes to Love

Are you going to let fear keep you from experiencing life at its fullest? Are you going to stay in Candyland where life is sweet and easy but not very satisfying? Or are you going to pull together every ounce of courage and say yes to love, to journeying through life with another person, to opening yourself to deep intimacy and the pain, the joy, and the fullness it will surely bring you?

The choice is yours, and the time to make it is now.

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