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Mac's Apartment
Georgetown
Washington, D.C.
Sunday, November 16, 2003
1137 Hours (local)

Mac woke up to the sound of the phone ringing. She rolled over in her bed lazily and answered the phone. "MacKenzie," she mumbled.

"Mac? Are you okay?"

"Harm, do you know what time it is?" she asked, sleepily.

"1142."

"1137. Either way, it's too damn early."

"My watch must be fast… But are you okay?"

Mac yawned. "I was, until you woke me up."

"Everything okay at the hospital?"

"Yeah," Mac responded, nodding her head like he could see her. "They decided I wasn't a real emergency, that I wasn't going to bleed to death on the hospital floor, so they made me wait for an hour and a half. We probably could have driven all the way to Bethesda and gotten seen faster. We saw a guy come in with a gunshot wound and a bad car accident, drunk driver, go figure…" Mac went on.

"But you're okay?" Harm asked, interrupting her.

"I'll be fine. They stitched me up, gave me painkillers, and sent me home. I don't even really remember getting home, or what time it was."

"You must have really been out of it," he said, chuckling, finally realizing that she was going to be okay. "Sorry for waking you."

"It's okay. Listen, Jen and I were going to call the Admiral later and see if we can get off tomorrow. Why don't you do the same?"

"I've got court later in the morning, so I can't. But thanks for telling me. Now I won't freak out when I don't see you in the morning. Of course, the Admiral will be all out of sorts with his yeoman gone."

"He's big boy. He'll live. And so will you," Mac said.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Yeah," Mac said, yawning again. She was awake now, so she would stay up.

"Let me know if I can do anything for you."

"I'll be fine. I'll talk to you later, Harm," Mac said as she hung up the phone. She stretched out lazily and climbed out of bed. She slipped silently out of her bedroom and into the living room. Jen was still sleeping soundly on the couch. Mac was relieved to know that the phone hadn't awakened her. Stepping into the kitchen, Mac got a pot of coffee going. It was somewhat annoying because of the pain and the brace on her wrist, but she managed. Nothing was going to keep her from getting her coffee.

She gazed out the window, thinking, while she waited. No matter what happened between them, she and Harm always found a way back to each other. They could say mean and hurtful things to each other, but when things got bad, they always wound up right back together. Take the time she left JAG to join the firm with Dalton. He was hurt and a little angry, but he was glad as hell to have her back at JAG. And when he left to go flying, she was hurt and angry, and she did hold it against him when he returned, but they still found themselves as friends. Even with Mic and Renee in the picture, they were friends, though not as close as they had been. Harm had been bound and determined to make it to her wedding, even if he didn't want her to marry Mic. He was going to see it through. And then his plane went down, her engagement dissolved, his relationship vanished, and they were still friends. Through the ups and downs, they stuck it out. Their relationship may not be a marriage, but they worked harder to keep it than some people did with their marriages. And perhaps now, with the case behind them, they would be able to move on, pick up their friendship once again, and maybe take it further.

Mac jumped, startled, as Jen entered the kitchen. "I smelled the coffee," she explained, yawning.

"Sorry," Mac grinned, sheepishly. "I was lost in thought."

"Anything interesting?" Jen asked.

"Nah," Mac said, shaking her head.

"How's your wrist?"

"Sore, but I'll live. Of course, it's my right hand, so doing anything is going to be difficult."

"Sounds like a perfect excuse to not work," Jen suggested.

Mac nodded. "Good point." The timer on the coffee machine beeped and Mac reached up to the cabinet to grab two mugs. Mac held one mug while Jen poured the coffee and when the first cup was filled, Mac placed it on the counter and held the second one for Jen to fill. They each added sugar and milk to their cups. Before they drank, Mac held up her mug in a toast, "Here's to team work. And catching the bad guy."

"To teamwork and catching the bad guy," Jen echoed, smiling broadly. They clinked their mugs together and calmly sipped their coffee.

-----

D.C. Police Station
Washington, D.C.
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
1343 Hours (local)

Mac and Jen had returned to work the previous day. Mac was limited in what she could do as long as she had the brace on her arm, which she was supposed to take off on Friday. She couldn't really write, but she could still type awkwardly. And she could still stand up in court and talk. But they had been invited to the D.C. Police Station to hear some of the questioning of Alan Canter. She and Harm were standing on one side of a one-way mirror. Alan and his attorney, plus two cops asking questions, were on the other side. She and Harm could see what was taking place, but couldn't be seen. Although, it was almost a sure bet that Alan knew they were there.

A background search on Alan had turned up information on his father. He had been killed while at sea on the Stennis. There had been an investigation, but two witnesses saw him take a leap and his roommate had said he was acting depressed and withdrawn. Alan, as it turned out, had a juvenile record, but it was sealed. His grades in school had been below average and his mother was cold and uncaring, not at all surprised by his actions.

Alan had been jittery and evasive during questioning. He had been reluctant to answer any questions. It took bringing up the Navy and his father to make him talk. The questioning of Alan had concluded, for the time being. He was being brought up on three counts of first-degree murder, one count of attempted murder, and one count of attempted rape. Even though none of the previous women had been raped, the recordings of Jen's conversation with him indicated that he was trying to force himself on her. At some point in the future, however, the attempted rape charge would probably be dropped.

Alan hated the Navy with a passion. He blamed anybody and everybody in the Navy for his father's death. He hadn't admitted to killing any of the women, but he didn't show any remorse, either. When questioned about pushing Jen towards leaving even when she said no, he said she wanted it, that when women said no, they meant yes. And when asked if women frequently said no to him, he responded, "Ones in the Navy do." That seemed to give him another reason to hate the Navy.

Jen was going to head back to the club to talk to some of the people she knew there, get contact information for the police, and see if any of them were willing to talk about Alan, to perhaps even testify against him. Harm, Mac, Jen, and Denise would probably be asked to testify as well to what happened that night they were at the club and Alan was arrested.

The friends and families of the three victims were finally going to get some closure and it looked as if Alan was going to be going away for a long time.

-----

JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
1507 Hours (local)

Mac stood, leaning against the doorframe to Harm's office. He looked up from his work and caught her looking at him with a slight smile on her face. He smiled back to her and she spoke, "I understand you aren't coming in tomorrow?"

"Nope," he said, his grin widening.

"And what makes you so special that you get the day off?"

"I've got a flight to La Jolla tomorrow morning to spend the holiday with my mom and Frank."

Mac's smile grew and she nodded. "I'm glad to hear it."

"What about you?" he asked. "What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"

"Jen's coming over and we are going to pig out and watch some football. You know the players with their tight little buns in those tight pants," Mac said, laughing lightly.

Harm just shook his head, still smiling broadly. "Sounds like a plan."

"Well, you know that neither Jen nor I really have a family to go home to," Mac said softly, her face losing its smile.

"You will, someday," he said.

"You have fun out there," Mac said, a slight smile returning once more to her lips.

"You and Jen have fun watching the football players."

"We will," Mac said as she turned and left his office.

He left some time later, stopping by her office to say goodbye and wish her a happy Thanksgiving. Mac bid him the same and smiled sadly as she watched him go.

-----

JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Friday, December 5, 2003
1428 Hours (local)

Harm knocked on the doorframe of Mac's office. He held his cover and his briefcase in one hand, using the other to knock. They had been busy since their return from Thanksgiving and hadn't had a chance to talk much. They had talked about their Thanksgiving weekends, which both had enjoyed. Mac was able to relax and spend time with Jen, clean her apartment, and catch up on some reading. Harm had enjoyed visiting his mom and Frank and the peacefulness of the weekend, and the distance, had given him a new perspective on things.

Mac looked up at him, her concentrated face softening when she saw him. "Going somewhere?"

"I'm heading out for the day. I have things I need to do."

"Okay," Mac said, smiling. "Have a good weekend."

Harm didn't smile as he said, "You, too." The expression on his face hinted at sadness.

"Is everything okay?" Mac asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. He studied her for a moment, taking her in. "Everything's fine."

Mac nodded. "Drive safe."

"You, too," he responded as he turned and walked out the door.

Mac watched his progress across the bullpen. His back wasn't as straight, his gait wasn't as sure as it normally was. Something was wrong and he wasn't telling. Shrugging her shoulders, Mac got back to work.

-----

Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
Washington, D.C.
Friday, December 5, 2003
2044 Hours (local)

Mac knocked for the third time. Something had been eating at Harm since he returned from La Jolla. He hadn't been his usual self and Mac was determined to find out what it was. Finally, Harm opened the door. He just left it open to let her in, walking away back towards his bedroom. Mac followed him inside, shutting the door behind her. As usual, the place was immaculate. His bedroom, however, was another story. A large duffle bag and a suitcase were open on the bed, half-full of clothing and personal items. Also draped across his bed was a garment bag, already closed, full with what Mac assumed were his uniforms, as they weren't hanging in their usual place. Mac hesitated at the doorway to his bedroom, looking at the scene around her. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"Away."

"Where?"

"I'm not telling you. TAD." His tone wasn't angry. If it had any emotion at all, it was sadness.

"Did you request it?"

"No. The Admiral offered it to me. I accepted."

"Oh." Mac was silent for a minute. "Why?"

"Why am I leaving?"

"Yeah."

"I need time," he said, shutting his suitcase. "I need a chance to clear my head, get away from all of this."

"To get away from me?" Mac asked quietly.

Harm threw a few shirts into the duffle bag before he answered. He turned to look at Mac for a moment, and nodding, he answered just as quietly, "Yes."

"Were you going to tell me that you were leaving?"

Returning to the duffle bag, shoving his toiletries in he answered, "No."

"Why?"

Harm turned his steely gaze to her. "Why, Mac? We've beaten this poor dead horse to its second death. We've determined that we are headed for an explosion, one that could kill us both. I thought it would be best if I left."

"But why no goodbye?"

Harm held her gaze, though his expression softened and became sad. "I thought it would be easier this way, not seeing you one last time."

"Oh." Mac was still lingering in the doorway, unsure of what to do, and watched him pack his bag.

Finally he stopped and looked at her. He stepped close and traced the shape of her cheek with his thumb. "It wouldn't work. You know it and I know it. Maybe we could have, at one point, but we've done too much damage."

Mac nodded slightly and closed her eyes. She reveled in the feel of his hand and wished she could keep it there forever. She had gotten what she had come for, she had found the reason he had been so distant in the last week. She wasn't sure now what she wanted to say to him, what she could say to him. It had all been said in their recent arguments.

"I wish it didn't have to be like this, Mac. I wanted our happy ending. But this never was a fairytale."

Mac reopened her eyes. "Harm, I don't know what to say," she began, one tear slipping out of her eyes. "And I feel like I should ask you to stay, but I can't. You're right. Perhaps leaving is the best thing."

Harm nodded, offering her a sad smile.

Mac smiled weakly in return. She removed his hand from her face and put it between her breasts, just over her racing heartbeat. "You feel that? You have my heart, Harm, wherever you go."

"And you have mine."

"I want to know what it would be like, Harm. What we could be like. But it would hurt too much. I can't do it."

Harm removed his hand from her heart. "I know," he said. "That's why I didn't want the goodbye." His own eyes were watering. Who ever would have thought that doing the right thing would hurt so badly?

He bent low and gave Mac quick kiss on the lips. As he pulled away, she followed him, wanting more. And he provided. And for one moment, the world was theirs and they glimpsed heaven as his arms wrapped around her, pulling her close, and her arms pulled his head lower. But when they separated and looked into each other's eyes, they knew that heaven was being denied to them, perhaps for eternity.

"I love you, Harm," Mac said quietly.

"And I love you, Mac," Harm responded, just as quietly. He turned away and walked back to his bed and slowly zipped the last bag closed.

"When do you leave?" she asked, still standing in the doorway of the bedroom.

"Now," he said as he strode past her and down the short flight of steps. "I have a cab on the way to take me to Andrew's."

"Oh." She was silent again as he straightened up the kitchen and living areas. She descended the steps and stood on one side of the bar. "What about the trial for Alan Canter?"

"If I'm needed, I'll be back," he said. "Everything else is either wrapped up or you and Jen can handle it." Walking into the living room, he picked something up from the coffee table and moving towards the bar, he handed it to her. It was a picture of the two of them in Afghanistan in a wooden frame. "Keep it."

"Is it yours?" Mac asked.

Harm shook his head. "No. I got this one for you." She didn't need to know that he had gotten new glass for his when he got a new picture made for her. She didn't need to know that his was safely wrapped in his clothing, packed and tucked away in his suitcase, going with him.

"You didn't have to."

"I wanted to," he said softly, catching her eye.

"Thanks," she whispered. Mac was silent as she studied the picture, leaning against the bar. "When do you come back?"

"I don't know."

"Do you need me to do anything while you're gone?"

"Nope."

"Do you want me to come by every once in a while, just to check on the place?" She was desperate to hold on to something. She didn't want him to walk away like this.

"Nope."

Mac was heartbroken.

There was a knock at the door. Harm crossed the room to answer it.

"Harm?" Mac called weakly, her voice sounding distant.

He turned to gaze at her. There were tears in her eyes. This wasn't easy. "Mac, don't…" He paused for a moment as he took a step closer to her. "We both know it has to be this way."

She nodded mutely.

Harm turned back to the door and opened it, revealing the cab driver. "Rabb?"

Harm nodded. He turned back to Mac. "It's time."

Mac crossed the room and left the loft without looking at Harm. She had never even taken her coat off. She took the stairs down and said nothing. A moment later, outside the building, Harm and the cab driver caught up to her. They loaded Harm's bags into the trunk and the cab driver got back into the car. Harm opened the rear door and turned once more to Mac.

Neither of them knew what to say.

Mac broke the silence by saying, "I'll miss you."

Harm removed his hand from the door and moved closer to her. "I'll miss you, too, Mac. We had a good run."

Mac nodded, unable to hold back the tears. "Yes, we did." She stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around his midsection, desperate to hold on to him for just a moment longer.

Harm responded by wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close. He could smell the shampoo in her hair. A gentle breeze lifted a few strands and tickled his nose, but did nothing to dry his own tears. This time, Mac wasn't the only one crying. Finally, he let go and slipped into the cab, whispering, "Goodbye, Sarah," as he pulled the door shut behind him.

"Goodbye, Harmon," Mac whispered, just before the door was pulled shut.

The cab pulled away from the curb. Harm couldn't bear to look back at the woman he was leaving behind. He couldn't stand to see her tears, to see the pain etched onto her face, read the regret in her eyes. If he really wanted to see all of that, he could look in the mirror because his own face told the same story.

Mac stood in the darkness and watched the cab drive away. She watched it until the taillights disappeared in the darkness and she was alone on the corner, alone with her tears. She slowly wandered back to her car and leaned against the hood, unwilling to go back to her apartment. She wasn't ready to let go yet, wasn't willing to let go of him.

Somewhere, Mac heard a song playing in the distance. It may have been from an open window, even though the weather was cold, or it may have been from somebody's car. Or, perhaps, the music played just for her. But the more she listened to the song, the harder the tears fell because the words were so true.

After many long minutes, she climbed slowly into her car and pulled away to drive to her place. It wasn't home. Home wasn't made up so much of where you lived and what you owned, but rather who you shared your life with, and a large part of her life had just disappeared. He had just walked away.

To nobody in particular, Mac asked the question to which there was no answer, "How the hell did we wind up like this?"

-----

The song that Mac heard in the final scene (and the one in my head when the ending came to me was: "Someday" by Nickelback, from their album The Long Road (2003).

"How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Don't think its too late


Nothing's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will


Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when


Well I hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up staying
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror


Nothing's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will


Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)


[Solo]


How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror


Nothing's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will


Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when"

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THE END (for now...)

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