Sunday, November 2, 2003
0039 Hours (local)
Denise had called and said that the operation was to go on without her that night. Harm had arrived at the club on his own before Mac and Jen, as they had planned at Mac's apartment. He had spent about half an hour watching Mac and Jen before he got up to talk to them. He asked Mac to dance, making it look as if he had never met either of them before. They had danced a few songs before Harm moved away to get drinks. Jen was dancing with a guy that she had encountered at the club a few times before. Harm returned with the drinks and sat with them for a while. Jen came back and left again, dancing, conversing with guys easily, as if she had been born to do it.
Glancing at Mac, Harm extended his hand and said, "Want to dance?"
"Will she be okay?" Mac asked, nodding her head to Jen.
"She's with Luke. She'll be okay. If she stops dancing with him, we'll come back."
"Okay," Mac nodded with a smile, accepting his hand. They had not been so focused on catching their killer tonight. They were there more to make sure that nothing else happened. Jen hadn't spoken to or danced with many unfamiliar guys, but stuck more to the ones she had met on previous visits. Harm and Mac got to their feet and stepped out onto the dance floor.
Within moments, they had slipped into an easy rhythm, moving with the music. Harm felt that dancing with Denise had been somewhat forced, especially the previous week, but dancing with Mac felt completely natural. The way she fit into his arms, the way they moved together, their eye contact, it all seemed so right. As one song blended into the next, Harm and Mac moved closer, inch by inch, until their bodies were touching. As Harm gazed into Mac's eyes and felt the electricity that flowed between them ignite a spark, he felt the pull of desire stir within him.
Mac had looked across the floor and noticed Jen still dancing with Luke. She was smiling and laughing, having a good time. And Mac had to admit that she was enjoying dancing with Harm. If she could forget about the past few weeks, what they were doing here, what had driven them to such tension of late, she could enjoy herself. And as she brushed against Harm, she felt his hardness. Apparently, he was having a good time, too. She broke the eye contact they had been maintaining and blushed. Perhaps it was time to pull back a little and take a break.
Harm felt Mac pull away slightly and had noticed her blush. He pulled her towards him, pressing her against him, making her feel how much he wanted her. He leaned over and said in her ear, "How could you ever think that I didn't see you as a desirable woman, Mac?"
Harm's voice, his warm breath, tickled her ear. She turned back to meet his gaze. He had no idea what he was doing to her, how she was melting. It was so easy to forget everything, to just slip away into the moment, give in to the desire.
Somehow, Harm had backed them up, just inches away from the wall, in the very corner where the murders had taken place. He spoke into her ear again, "I want you, Mac." He stayed close to her, breathing heavily, as he lightly nibbled her ear, moved down to kiss and linger just below her earlobe, near her jaw.
Harm was no longer pressing her to him; she was doing that willingly. She took a step back and felt the wall at her back. Her head was tilted up, her eyes closed. What Harm's lips were doing on her throat was truly evil. Mac's hands were already at the back of his neck and she easily pulled his head up and forced her lips onto his. There was nothing sweet about this kiss. A second after their lips met, Harm's tongue was invading her mouth. Mac pressed herself even closer to Harm, lifting one leg up, angling her core to his erection. He was hard and she was wet.
Harm felt her movement and lowered his hands from the small of her back to under her thighs. He lifted her up and pressed her back into the wall, still pressing himself towards her. She wrapped her legs around him and gripped him with her thighs, crossing her ankles behind his back. She had him right where she wanted him, if only it weren't for the clothes between them. Harm pulled back from the heated kiss. "Jesus, Mac," he said, his breathing heavy.
Mac opened her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. Her breathing was also labored. "Harm, we can't do this," she said. She practically had to yell to be heard.
"I know," he agreed, but even as he spoke the words, he was still dancing, or at least moving in time to the music, moving against Mac, wishing there was nothing between them clothing-wise. He leaned in and kissed her again. The kiss was urgent, needy, as if they both knew this couldn't last. When Harm pulled away again, he rested his forehead on hers. He glanced to the side and saw that Jen was still dancing with Luke. She seemed to like that one.
Harm was still moving against her. It wasn't enough; Mac wanted more. She, too, glanced over and noticed Jen. Looking back, she met Harm's gaze. "This is so wrong," she said quietly, but still loud enough for Harm to hear.
"I know," he said again. Harm had moved his hands, bracing himself against the wall, Mac holding herself up with the strength of her legs and her back against the wall. Harm moved down and kissed Mac's neck again, slowly working his way from one side to the other, the whole time, his body moving against hers. He pulled his right hand down from the wall and fondled one of Mac's breasts through her top.
She moaned in response.
Harm moved his hand lower, lifting up her skirt, which was loose and came to her mid-thigh, and stroked the soft skin on the inner region of her leg. He brushed against her underwear, feeling the dampness there. "Oh, fuck, Mac," he breathed. This was too much. He couldn't stop, he didn't care where they were. He kissed her harshly on her lips, almost hard enough to bruise, his tongue once again invading her mouth to tangle with hers.
When Harm brushed against her core, Mac arched up, saying, "Oh, God, Harm." What he was doing to her felt so damn good. She didn't care, she wanted him. She pulled one hand down from the back of his neck, careful to not loosen the grip she had with her thighs. She reached down and fumbled with the button on his black jeans, managing to undo them and lower the zipper. She reached inside, slipping her fingers through the front of his boxers and grasped him.
At her touch, Harm shuddered. "Fuck," he said again.
Mac wrapped her hand around his organ, and as Harm moved, he thrust into her hand. His own fingers roughly pushed the crotch of Mac's underwear aside and he slid one finger into her slick folds, finding her clit. "Jesus!" she moaned into his mouth. Harm maneuvered his hand, sliding one finger, then two, into her, his thumb brushing her clit. Both of them were breathing heavily. Mac pulled her mouth away, arching into Harm as he slid his fingers in and out. She was moving her hand along his organ as he moved, twisting and turning her hand, tightening and loosening her grasp. "Shit, Harm," she said between breaths. "We aren't doing this. Not here."
"We can't," he agreed, also speaking between breaths. "We have to stop."
Mac nodded. But neither of them quit.
Harm wanted to rip the underwear off of her and slam himself into her, but he didn't think it was possible at that moment. He couldn't stop long enough to do that. He continued to slide his fingers in and out of her and rub her clit as he clamped his lips down on hers again. A minute later, he felt her inner muscles contract around his fingers, her thighs around his waist, and her hand around his penis. She bit down on his lower lip as she pulled back. He watched her orgasm and felt her grip tighten on him as he moved and he felt himself go. He came right after her, his seed spilling out over Mac's hand and her thighs.
For a moment, they merely stood there, catching their breaths, Harm's fingers still inside Mac, her hand still around his organ and her thighs still around his waist, though looser now. Harm was helping to support her more than he had been. It was Mac's turn to say it. "Fuck," she breathed.
"Fuck," he repeated. After another minute, Harm removed his fingers from her underwear. Mac removed her hand from his pants and Harm slowly let her back down to the ground. He casually tucked himself back in and zipped his pants as Mac tried to slyly readjust her underwear. And of course, they both had sticky fingers. Neither one made eye contact with the other.
Looking around the room, Mac noticed that Jen was still dancing with Luke, though she did glance quickly over in their direction, and Mac hurriedly looked away, blushing. She looked down at her hand and back up at Harm. He also was looking at his hand. Mac shrugged her shoulders and proceeded to lick his semen off her fingers. She had always wondered what he tasted like.
Harm watched her for a moment and proceeded to follow suit, licking her juice off his own fingers. And like her, he had always wondered what she tasted like.
When Mac was done, she flipped the edge of her skirt up to dry her hands. She offered it to Harm, but he wiped his hands on his pants. And after their unusual clean-up method, Mac was afraid to look up at Harm. She was afraid of what she would see in his eyes. She swallowed hard.
"Mac," Harm spoke first.
"I think we should go," she said quickly, still not making eye contact. She rushed past him, moving to Jen. She pulled Jen aside, away from Luke and said, "Let's go."
"What happened?" Jen asked.
Mac just shook her head and took off.
Jen waved to Luke, glanced at Harm, and took off after Mac.
Sunday, November 2, 2003
0123 Hours (local)
Mac had said nothing to Jen on the way back to her apartment and Jen had been content to let it go, at least while Mac was driving. She had seen Harm and Mac in the back corner. She had seen what looked like some pretty intense kisses and maybe some feeling, she had tried not to watch, as Jen never was a voyeur and they were her superior officers, but she had noticed them and kept track of where they were for a while. Jen had chosen to stay with Luke, she liked him, while Harm and Mac were doing their thing in the corner, not wanting to stir up any trouble. She didn't know how far things had gone, but something had happened. As soon as they were in Mac's apartment, Jen asked, "Is everything okay?"
Mac shook her head, rubbing her temples. "Don't even try, Jen. I don't want to talk about this."
"Okay," Jen said, furrowing her brow. "I'm here for you, though."
"I've got a headache," Mac said as she walked off to the bedroom and into the bathroom. In the bathroom, she quickly washed her hands. Her thighs were sticky and she wanted to take a shower, clean it off of her. She felt dirty, not only because of what she had just done, but where she had done it, and whom she had done it with. She grabbed some Advil and swallowed them without water.
While Mac was getting some Advil, Jen went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Mac was back in the living room when Jen returned from the kitchen. Jen looked at Mac and her mind was made up. "It's still early, Mac, I think I'm just going to drive home instead of staying here, okay?"
Mac nodded, "Okay, that sounds good."
"Anything I can do for you?" Jen asked as she picked up her duffle bag of stuff she had brought with her earlier.
"No," Mac said. "Sorry for dragging you out of there so early. I just…" she trailed off. "I don't know."
"You'll figure it out," Jen said with a smile. "I'll see you Monday."
"I will," Jen said as she walked out the door.
Mac locked the door behind her and watched Jen's progress towards her car from her window, and once Jen pulled away from the curb in her car, Mac bolted into the bathroom to shower. She quickly rinsed off, rinsing the stickiness from her thighs. She didn't feel totally clean when she got out, but a clean pair of underwear helped, a little. She figured Harm would be there soon and sure enough, two minutes and twenty-seven seconds later, he was knocking at the door.
Dressed in flannel pajamas, Mac quickly opened the door.
"Where's Jen?" he asked as he entered the apartment.
"She went home. It's still early."
"Oh. I guess that's good."
Mac nodded, not daring to look him in the eye. "You want something to drink?" she asked.
"Just water, please. And I'm just going to go use your bathroom," he said, looking down at his feet. He didn't really want to look her in the eye, either. He headed off to the bathroom while she retreated to the kitchen. When he returned, she handed him a bottle of water and he looked around the room. The picture of the two of them from Afghanistan was still missing from the mantel. "You haven't gotten a new frame yet?" he asked, gesturing to the empty space above the fireplace.
"No," Mac said, shaking her head. "Actually, the picture got wet and was ruined."
"My copy is fine. I'll get you a new one."
"You don't have to."
"I want to."
"Thanks," Mac responded, still not meeting his gaze.
For a moment, the two of them stood like awkward teenagers at their first school dance, a few feet apart, facing each other, staring at their feet, neither of them knowing where to begin. Harm finally started, "Mac, I'm sorry if I over-stepped the boundaries tonight."
Mac shook her head, looking away. "I just proved you right."
"What do you mean?"
"I take it when I can get it. Spread my legs for the first man that comes along, which happened to be you."
"Mac, I didn't mean it like that, that night," Harm began.
"It doesn't matter," Mac said sadly. "That's who I am. I was like that when I was younger and I guess some things never change."
"Please," Harm said, a pleading tone in his voice, "don't think about yourself like that. You aren't a slut, Mac. I know that's not who you are, because if you were, we would have walked down that path a long time ago."
Mac sighed heavily. She just didn't see it that way. Give her the opportunity and she would go for it, no matter who offered it.
"But what happened there," Harm began again, "it shouldn't have happened. Not there. We were on a mission and Jen could have been hurt."
"I know," Mac said softly. "I get it now."
"Get what?" Harm asked, confused.
"I blamed you, Harm," she said, looking up at him, focusing on his nose, his forehead, anywhere but his eyes, "for sleeping with Denise, for having desires. The club does bring that out. But I blamed you for being human. I hated you for being human, for giving in. Because I wouldn't. I couldn't."
"But you're right, Mac. It wasn't just the club and I am human and I did want it, but she wasn't the one I wanted it with."
"Who?" Mac whispered, afraid to hear the answer.
Mac's eyes teared up and she turned away.
Harm stepped closer to Mac, close enough to touch her. He reached out and lifted her chin so she was looking at him, looking him in the eye. "Why do we do this? Why do we hurt each other?" he asked, his tone of voice gentle.
"I don't know."
"Neither do I."
They simply stared into the depths of each other's eyes for a few minutes, seeing the intense flame of passion that burned within them, with tendrils of love and hurt spread throughout.
"Will it always be like this?" Mac asked, her voice a whisper.
Harm stepped closer. "Be like what?" His voice was just as quiet as hers.
Mac leaned forward, closer to Harm. She could feel his warm breath on her face, feel his heart beating in his chest. His breathing was fast and uneven, matching her own. The heat between them was stifling. "A love-hate relationship."
"Maybe," Harm said as he swallowed and inched his lips closer to Mac's.
Mac closed her eyes, anticipating what was coming, hating herself for speaking, but she had to. "Relationships like that never last."
"No, they don't. And they do tend to be explosive."
For a moment, Mac stopped breathing. Harm's lips were a few hair widths from hers. "Are we… exploding?" she whispered.
Harm closed his eyes. "I think we are," his voice still quiet. His lips touched Mac's very lightly. For a moment, neither one moved. Slowly, Harm increased the pressure on Mac's lips, creating a full-on kiss, no tongue, no lust, only an intense longing for the love that seemed to be just out of reach. Mac responded in kind for a few seconds before backing away.
"I can't, Harm. The explosion would kill me."
Harm looked into her eyes. They were full of sadness. And love. And his own probably reflected the same. She was right. The explosion might kill him, too.
"Go home. Please," Mac begged as she walked away, tears flowing once again.
Harm turned silently and left. There was nothing more to say.