Titanic "Never Let Go" - Rose's Diary Page 5


Jack had saved my life and I just could not leave him to die. I ran back to the first class entrance and down the corridor. Turning a corner, I spotted Mr. Andrews warning people to leave. I asked him to help me find Jack, but he told me I needed to get to the boats before it was too late. I told him I would do this with or without his help. He gave me directions to where they were holding Jack and I repeatedly went over them in my head so I would not forget. I approached the elevator but the operator told me that the lift was closed. I was fed up with all the frustration I was encountering and I pushed the operator back into the lift and cursed him, demanding he take me down. He complied and when we arrived at E-Deck, the elevator doors opened and I screamed in pain and surprise as ice cold water rushed in up to my knees. The thing I vividly remember most about Titanic sinking was the painfully cold water. I will never forget it as long as I live. The pain cannot adequately be described in words. It sort of burned like fire, yet it numbed me to the very bone. It was painful to even breathe. Jack said it best when he told me it felt like a thousand knifes striking all over your body. I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy. The operator quickly went back up, leaving me alone. Following the directions that Mr. Andrews had given me, I shouted for Jack. He heard me and called out my name. I turned back towards the sound trying to ignore the pain from the water I was wading through. I found him in a small room and as soon as I saw him, I ran and kissed him. He told me that Lovejoy had put the necklace in his pocket. Jack would never betray me, I told him I knew. I was horrified, Jack was shackled to a pipe and they had left him to drown. I began to search for the key, but it was nowhere to be found. In despair I looked at Jack and he calmly told me to go and get help. I kissed him and said I would be back. Making my way through the corridor, I spotted a stairway leading up to the next level. A man came running past me but when I asked for help, he just ignored me. He had a look of fear in his eye and was speaking in a foreign language. Then the lights went out, I heard the groans of the ship in the darkness and my heart began beating wildly in my chest. I was breaking out into a cold sweat, thinking I was going to die then in a cold dark tomb and wanted to scream when the lights came back on. Since childhood I have been terrified of dark closed spaces. My hopes brightened as I saw a steward coming towards me. I told him about my predicament and asked him to help me. He told me to follow him and that every thing would be all right. He grabbed my hand and started pulling me with him. I told him he was going the wrong way but he would not listen. Knowing that there was very little time left, I had to do something or Jack would drown. I shouted at the steward and when he turned around, I hit him right in the nose. He dropped my hand and said, "the hell with you," and then he left. I was alone once more, then I spotted a fire axe on the wall. Smashing the glass, I took the axe and retraced my steps. Climbing back down to E-Deck, I saw that the water was almost to the top of the stairs. I waded in up to my waist, cringing in pain from the icy sting barely feeling my body but I told myself that I must save Jack or I would die trying. When I got back to where Jack was I showed him the axe asking if this would work. He told me to take a couple of practice swings first. Lifting the axe, I brought it down cutting into the cabinet in front of me. The second blow went high and missed my mark. Jack said that was enough practice. He kept his sense of humor even at a time like this. I would have been in hysterics. Jack put his wrists out as far as the handcuffs would allow him and said he trusted me and to hit it hard and fast. Closing my eyes, I said a silent prayer and brought the axe down expecting Jack to scream in pain because the axe had cut off his hands, but instead I heard a shout of joy. I had done it. I had freed Jack! Jack followed me out into the corridor, but the rising water blocked the exit to D-Deck. We followed another corridor, which led to a door, but it was locked. On the other side, we could hear voices. Jack told me we would make our own exit and began kicking at the door. I asked him why they left him locked to that pipe? He told me that Lovejoy had taken the key. I replied that Lovejoy took his orders from Cal and now I knew what Cal had meant earlier. Jack asked me to explain and I told him what Cal said about how the drawing would be worth more in the morning. Jack smiled and said Cal would be disappointed because he was still living thanks to me. I started to cry and Jack stopped kicking to ask me what was wrong. I told him Cal had destroyed the drawing and apologized to him for causing him so much trouble. He kissed me on the cheek and told me that never at any time was I trouble for him. Then he held me and said he would do another drawing better than the first, but now we needed to concentrate on getting off the ship. I thanked Jack and kissed him saying, "you are a true friend Jack, you really are." Then Jack broke through the door to the hallway on the other side. A steward saw us and to my amazement actually chided us for destroying ship's property. We were trying to save our lives and all he could think of was property destruction! Jack and I both told him to shut up and he just stood there with his mouth open. We joined a group of passengers trying to make their way to the boats, but to my shock, all the gates leading to the upper decks were locked. We were locked down there like animals in cages. I was appalled that they were treating the passengers this way. Jack saw Tommy and Fabrizio and went to hug them. They told Jack all the gates were locked, but Jack was determined to find a way out. We approached another stairwell, but another steward told us to go back the way we came. Jack was furious; he cursed at him and grabbed a bench that was bolted down to the floor. Tommy and Fabrizio assisted Jack and soon they had ripped the bench from the floor. I understood what they had in mind and told the crowd to move aside. They used the bench as a battering ram to break down the gate. Jack took my hand as the crowd surged forward to freedom. The impertinent steward kept saying, "you can't do this" and then Tommy punched him in the face on his way through the door.

When we got to the boat deck the davits were empty. Alarmed, I told Jack the boats were gone. I saw Col. Gracie escorting two frightened women and I asked him if there were any more boats and he said that are a couple all the way forward. Jack grabbed my hand and we ran past them. I was fighting to keep the fear at bay. My heart was pounding wildly and a part of me wanted to scream. My clothes were wet and I was shivering from the cold night air. I just wanted to wake up from the nightmare I was having. There was a lot of commotion as we approached the boats. The officers were shouting "women and children only," and the crowd seemed to be one of confusion and fear. One officer got so excited that he started to fire his pistol above the crowd to keep them away from the boats. There were two small girls being loaded into a boat with their mother and I noticed their tearful faces as they asked why their daddy was not coming. I looked at their father and saw the sadness in his face as he told his little girls he would be along in another boat. My heart was breaking for those children because they would never see their father again. That is when I looked at Jack. I knew if I got on that boat, I would never see Jack alive again. I told him I would not leave without him. He told me I had to get on the boat, but again I refused. I told myself that I would rather take my chances with Jack on the ship then have him die without me. Then Cal's voice startled me as he repeated what Jack had just told me. When I saw Cal, I moved closer to Jack for protection. Cal's jaw clenched as he saw the two of us together, but he forced a smile as he said that he and Jack had another boat waiting. Jack's reply was encouraging, and I finally, but with hesitation, got into the boat. The officer helped me to get seated and then he lowered the boat. I felt it jerk beneath me as the pulleys slowly lowered the boat to the frigid water below. The sky lit up from the emergency rockets as I looked into Jack's face and saw the sadness in his eyes. My sense of reality seemed to be passing in slow motion as the boat made its way downward. I stood transfixed looking at Jack. The look of sorrow in his face at seeing me leave, betrayed his wanting me to get on the boat. I knew I could not leave without him. If Jack was going to die, then I wanted to die with him.

I leaped from the boat, nearly missing the ship as I struggled to climb back aboard. I heard Cal shouting for people to stop me but as soon as my feet touched the deck of the ship, I ran back to the upper level. People were too astonished to stop me as I made my way back. At the grand staircase, Jack came running towards me. We both fell into each other's arms kissing and hugging. My emotions got the best of me and the tears flowed freely. Jack cupped my face in his hands and asked why I did such a stupid thing. I smiled through my tears and said, "you jump I jump right?" He kissed me again and I told him I could not leave him. He told me it was all right and that we would find a way. Suddenly Jack shouted run and I heard a sharp cracking noise and then the carving at the bottom of the banister seemed to explode. Jack practically was dragging me down the steps and as I glanced behind me, then I saw the reason for his concern. Cal had a gun and was shooting at us. There were several more shots fired and we fled further down the staircase, crossing the flooded dining room and then headed below deck where we hid hoping Cal would not find us. I heard him shout "I hope you enjoy your time together." We waited a few more minutes until we were sure Cal was no longer following us. Cal had taken complete leave of his senses. I wondered where Cal could have gotten a gun, but then I remembered that Lovejoy always wore one. Damn both Cal and Lovejoy, I was lucky that Cal was a poor shot. Otherwise, he would have killed us both.

We were about to climb back up the stairs, when we heard wailing. We both turned towards the direction of the noise and there was a small child standing alone in water up to his knees. I told Jack we could not leave him and he ran after the child and picked him up. Then we ran down to the end of the corridor. The door was groaning dreadfully and both of us sensed danger so we turned around. Rushing water blocked the way and as we again turned around, a man appeared. He grabbed the child from Jack, I assume he must have been his father, and he shouted at him in another language. He ran back towards the door and I just knew something horrible was about to happen. I shouted at him that he was going the wrong way, but he did not understand me. He seemed to pause a few seconds wondering what to do. Then the door burst open and I watched in horror as an immense wall of water rushed in burying both the man and the child and headed straight for us. We turned down a side corridor as the main force swept past us. The secondary stream followed us up the stairway and slammed us against the gate.

I was stunned for a moment and saw Jack grab a pipe overhead and move towards a stairwell that the water had not yet submerged. I followed him and we climbed the stairs to another gate, which was also locked. On the other side, there was a steward about to leave when he saw the rising water. I called out to him to please help us. He stood there for a second as if contemplating a decision, then ran over to unlock the gate. He was nervous and afraid as he fumbled with the keys trying to unlock the gate. He dropped the keys and ran off. The water was rising higher each second. Jack submerged to retrieve the keys and when he surfaced, the water was nearly up to our chests. He asked me which key as he tried all the keys. I told him to try the short key. The short key fit, but would not turn. The water was rising now up to our necks. I was silently praying to God not to let us die here when the key turned and the lock opened. Jack pushed open the gate and we made it through up to the next deck. It seemed like we climbed numerous stairwells until we came into the smoking room. I saw Mr. Andrews standing in front of the fireplace and told Jack to stop for a second. I gently took Mr. Andrews' arm and asked him if he were not going to make a go for it. I will never forget his face and the look in his eyes as he turned to face me. It was one of deep hurt and sorrow as if he had lost something very dear and close to him. He replied, "I'm sorry I did not build you a stronger ship, young Rose." I looked at Jack and he told me that we needed to hurry because the ship was going fast. The loud creaking of the ship confirmed Jack was telling the truth. Mr. Andrews then said good luck and I kissed his cheek and told him, "the same with you Mr. Andrews." I turned to follow Jack and Mr. Andrews said he had something for me. He picked up his life belt and gave it to me. My last view of him was as he was standing at the fireplace, a vacant expression in his eyes. As we left the smoking room, I asked Jack why Mr. Andrews was choosing to die. He told me he did not know but that perhaps he was choosing to go down with the ship because he was an honorable man who could not leave the thing he most loved. I looked at Jack and my eyes filled with tears. I replied, yes of course, now I understand. We looked into each others eyes as the meaning of what Jack had said was silently communicated to both our souls and then we embraced. Jack kissed me and whispered, "we will make it Rose, trust me." When we returned to the boat deck, the scene was one of terror and confusion. I could see people running madly about looking for boats, but alas, all the boats were gone. There were some throwing deck chairs overboard and anything else that could float in an effort to save themselves. Then I felt the ship lurch upward. There were more screams of panic as people began rushing towards the back of the ship in an effort to escape the encroaching freezing waters. Jack led me by the hand as we followed the crowd. Looking at the mob of people, Jack said we would have to find another way back and he jumped down to the deck below. He shouted at me to jump and I jumped. When I landed, I lost my balance and fell in a heap on the deck. I could sense my strength was beginning to fail me and I struggled to bring myself up. Another hand gripped my own and a strange voice said, "I've got you miss." I looked up and saw a large man who smelled of whiskey and from the way he was dressed I guessed he was a cook or baker. I thanked him for his assistance and I followed Jack up another stairwell to the upper deck level. The crowd was thinner here and we passed a group of people huddled around a priest, in the act of praying. The priest was reciting from the book of Revelations in the bible and he almost lost his footing as the ship tilted even further upwards. Suddenly I heard a commotion, and as I turned my face towards the noise, I noticed Cal in a boat madly swinging an oar over his head and shouting, "you'll swamp the boat." It is remarkable how adversity reveals the true character of a person. Cal was nothing but a sniveling coward. Jack was courageous and noble even in the face of death.