Titanic "Never Let Go" - Rose's Diary Page 6


When we reached the stern, memories of the past two days flashed rapidly through my mind. Here is where it all began. This is where I first held Jack's hand and looked into his eyes. This is where we exchanged names. This is where Jack had saved my life. Now we were both here again, our futures uncertain. I felt a lump in my throat as I told Jack that this is where we first met. He looked at me without answering and he kissed me on the forehead. I glanced around me and saw a girl no older than myself clinging to a rail. There were tears in her eyes as she looked to me for help. I could do nothing; she was too far out of my reach. The ship tilted further upward and Jack said we needed to climb around. As we moved to the other side, I noticed the ships propellers were rising up out of the water. Then I watched in horror as a man lost his grip and fell striking the propeller and bouncing like a rag doll into the water. There was a loud noise and what sounded like thunder and then all the ship's lights went out. We were in total darkness. Suddenly there was a horrible ripping noise and the ship shook violently. More people fell including the girl who had been clinging to the rail. As she fell, I closed my eyes. I could not bear to watch her and the others die. I watched frozen in fear as the ship split right in two. During my time on Titanic, I had heard many people; Cal included, boast that God himself could not sink this ship. Now it seemed as if God was answering the challenge. We were being punished for our arrogance. Water sprayed up like geysers as the back end of the ship fell and hit the ocean. For a minute it seemed that the ship had righted itself and I heard some explain that we were saved. Jack just looked and me and shook his head. Then the stern rose upright again until we were perpendicular with the water.

We bobbed on the surface like a cork, and then I felt a lurch as the stern started to descend. It felt like an elevator, but this was an elevator right into the jaws of hell. The sea sat waiting to claim us. Jack shouted to me that the suction would pull us down and to hold tightly to his hand. He said on his signal to take a deep breath and hold it. He told me, "we're going to make it, trust him." I said, "I trust you" and squeezed his hand tightly. Seconds before the stern went under, Jack shouted, "now!" and I inhaled and held it just as the water struck my body. I felt the pain as the freezing water knifed its way through my body and then the suction ripped my hand from Jack's and sent me spinning. I was disoriented and terrified as I fought my way to the surface again.

When I emerged, I heard people screaming all around me, and Jack was nowhere to be found. I called out his name again and again and then I felt someone climb on me as I went under the water. I could not get him away from me and my lungs began to burn as I struggled for air. Suddenly I was free and I saw two fists beat the man unconscious. His limp body floated away and then I heard Jack's voice. He said he needed me to swim and I started to swim as best I could. I could no longer feel my legs. I saw a piece of debris floating in the water and I slowly made my way to it. Jack helped me climb onto the debris but when he tried to climb on himself, it started to flip over. Jack swam over to the front of the pile of debris and hung on facing me. All around us people were screaming for help. I heard a whistle blow and someone called for the boats to return. Jack told me to hold on, that the boats would soon be here. I nodded to him, barely able to speak because my teeth were chattering so badly from the cold. Soon most of the voices grew silent and the water was so black and still that I could see the reflection of the stars above me. I told Jack it was getting quiet and he said to hold on a few minutes more because the boats would be returning. He tried to lift my sprits but I could only weakly laugh. Jack could always manage to smile despite the circumstances. I told Jack I loved him and he took my hand and told me that I should not be saying my goodbyes and not to give up. Then he told me I would get out of this that I would not die here in this place this night. That I would have lots of children and die an old woman warm in my bed. My body was completely numb from the cold and I told Jack I could not feel my body. Jack was having a hard time speaking as he told me that winning that ticket was the best thing that ever happened to him, because it brought him to me and he was thankful for that. Then he looked directly into my eyes and told me to promise him that I would survive, that I would never give up no matter what happened or how hopeless and to never let go of that promise. I made him my promise and he again told me to never let go of that promise. I told him "I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go." He managed a weak smile and he squeezed my hand gently. Those were the last words he ever spoke.

I cannot be sure what happened after that. I vaguely remember staring up at the heavens and following a shooting star with my eyes. The day before when I was with Jack after the party, I saw a shooting star and he told me his father said it was a soul going to Heaven. What bitter irony. The next thing I remember was seeing the light of an approaching boat. I turned to Jack and told him the boat was coming. He did not hear me and looked like he was asleep. I gently shook him thinking he would wake up, but he did not respond. His face was pale and he was very still and quiet. Then I understood and the shock hit me. Jack was dead. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces as my sorrow overcame me. All desire for living left me and I abandoned myself to what I thought was my fate. I closed my eyes and waited to die.