Masked Man 1:
You know, Debra, I was wondering ... after the show, would you like to-

Debra:
Now, Edge, you should know better than to hit on me while we're out here to present the award for Diva of the Year in 2005!

Masked Man 1:
Who's hitting on you? Eww, gross! I was just asking if you'd like me to give you the name of a good lip-hair-remover, because ... well, let's just say THIS DUDE RIGHT HERE is a little turned off by all that hair up there!

Debra:
...

Masked Man 1:
Yeah, okay. Probably should have done that withoo-out the mics on.

Debra:
Yes. Yes, you should have.

Masked Man 1:
Well, BE THAT AS IT MAY, you deserved it for oo-outing me. So, King, here we are at the PWF Slammy Awards, and looking oo-out over this capacity crowd, I have to tell you... BOOMER SOONER! Would you say so, King?

Debra:
I... yes.

Masked Man 1:
That's great to hear, King. So here we are to present the award for Diva of the Year, and King, I have to tell you, good old JR right here LOVES THE LADIES, am I right?

Debra:
You know, if you say so.

Masked Man 1:
Great! So, King... THE NOMINEES ARE~!

Debra:
Buffy Tyler ... "Female Perfection."

Masked Man 1:
I'll say!

Debra:
Edge? It's your turn.

Masked Man 1:
Oh, right. Stacy Keibler ... victim of a Germanian Army assault!

Debra:
... Pamela Paulshock, hostess of The Pamela Show.

Masked Man 1:
Trish Stratus ... The Extreeeme Beauty! The Awesome Beauty! The BUSTY Beauty! OH~!

Debra:
The Undefeatable Kimona Wanalaya, PWF Women's Champion.

Masked Man 1:
Wow. What a stellar crop that is. Remember when you were like the only woman around?

Debra:
I do.

Masked Man 1:
Well, the dark ages are OVER~!

Debra:
...

Masked Man 1:
Anyway. DEBRA, THE ENVELOPE PLEASE~!

(She hands over the envelope.)

Masked Man 1:
Aaaand the winner of Diva of the Year 2005, AS WELL AS the recipient of a FREE night oo-out on the town with superstud Masked Man 1 right here ... oh, oh my god. Debra, the winner is ... Kimona!

PA SYSTEM:
I ... HATE ... EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!

(Kimona heads to the podium as the crowd ... well, some boo, some cheer, mainly due to her ... attire, which only loosely qualifies as such. She snatches the Slammy statue from Debra and glares at Masked Man 1.)

The Undefeatable Kimona Wanalaya:
Wow ... this is ... well, this is just SO GRATIFYING, to know that all you people who say you hate me, all you people who run around all the time talking about how you're BETTER than me, all you people who live your lives every day WISHING you could be like me ... when it came right down to it, you all had to choke back your pride and ADMIT IT. I mean, all you people out here, you other wrestlers, you fans, officials, promoters, whatever ... you all had to admit not just to yourselves, but to the world, that there is no one ... NO ONE ... who does this as well as I do. That's a fact, and you people just confirmed it. I'd just like to thank ... NO ONE, because I did this all on my own, I didn't NEED any of you people, let me make that perfectly clear. With or without your support, I would still be standing here, because the best will ALWAYS rise to the occasion, remember that! Oh, oh, Young David, get up here! Come on, come on! I have something I have to do.

(Batista, reluctantly, goes up on stage as well.)

Masked Man 1:
Sup, homie.

Batista:
...

Masked Man 1:
Yeah. Back at ya.

The Undefeatable Kimona Wanalaya:
Okay, Young David, pick me up.

Batista:
Excuse me?

The Undefeatable Kimona Wanalaya:
I'm sure you know how, you're a strong young fellow. Just put your ridiculously oversized hands around my waist, and lift.

(He does so. Kimona throws her arms out to either side and leans forward.)

The Undefeatable Kimona Wanalaya:
I'M THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD~!

(Batista damn near drops her, but manages to hold on and just sets her back down.)

The Undefeatable Kimona Wanalaya:
I always wanted to do that. Oh, oh, where is My Undefeatable? He should get to share in this.

The Undefeatable Chris Jericho:
Here, my love!

(Chris Jericho comes PARACHUTING down onto the stage from parts unseen.)

Masked Man 1:
Okay, this is just going too far.

The Undefeatable Chris Jericho:
Nonsense, dear brother! For we have just BEGUN to celebrate this joyous occasion!

The Undefeatable Kimona Wanalaya:
Yes, yes, indeed! The celebration, much like the night, is young!

Batista:
Edge, I'll give you those damn Skittles you wanted if you can cut this off somehow.

The Undefeatable Kimona Wanalaya:
NO! Young David, those are MY SKITTLES!

The Undefeatable Chris Jericho:
All sweets in the Perfect Team locker room belong to me!

The Undefeatable Kimona Wanalaya:
Mine!

The Undefeatable Chris Jericho:
MINE!

The Undefeatable Kimona Wanalaya:
There is only one way to settle this!

The Undefeatable Chris Jericho:
EN GARDE!

The Undefeatable Kimona Wanalaya:
I MUST HAVE YOU! RIGHT NOW!

(And off the stage they go. Batista follows, looking somewhat saddened.)

Masked Man 1:
Aaaaaaaand ... we'll be right back.