Volpane In Love

A personal blog with irregular updates.

Thursday, December 19, 2002

I don't know why I'm posting this so late. Chris took off today to visit with his brother and parents in Austin, TX. I'm not going to see him for two months now, while he returns to Tucson, like the sun. I keep telling him that if he believes in what he desires he will do what he needs to do and then eventually he will be able to do what he wants, when he wants. Occasionally I'm not that lucid.

Sometimes he is not his best friend. That's when I hope he understands that I'm supporting him as best I can. Sometimes I'm just taking care of myself so that he's not worrying about me. I focus on that "universal" love, so I know what is real and good in the world.

Someday he will return and we can get back to business. In the meantime, I have to work on myself so that I can be better prepared. I have my memories right now, which are good and pleasent.

Perhaps the best thing recently was when someone complimented me on how positive I am. I'd forgotten that usually I try to be, without losing touch with what is real. I really think of myself as angst-ridden and negative, but that is simply why I work so hard at being the opposite. I think I may have succeeded convincing myself this new positive me is the real me and the negative me is out-dated and unsuccessful or at least false. Perhaps I'm growing up finally. As always, there is still much to learn.


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