If the Star Wars Characters Ran for President . . . .
Admiral Ackbar for President
PROS:
He has military experience and achieved the rank of Admiral.
Good leader. Good guy.
CONS:
He's butt-ugly.
His voice is unpleasent to listen to.
Wedge Antilles for President
PROS:
Lots of military experience, survived two Death Star battles.
Good pilot.
CONS:
He's short.
Sio Bibble for President
PROS:
He believes in Democracy.
He sounds pretty educated.
He has political experience as a governor, or something.
CONS:
His beard is kind of evil-looking.
He's probably dead.
Jar Jar Binks for President
PROS:
He achieved the rank of General.
He's tall.
Political experience as a senator.
CONS:
Though he achieved the rank of General he has little military experience.
He's a terrible speaker.
He's stupid.
He was manipulated into proposing giving Palpatine more power, therefore leading to the Empire.
It's likely that he's dead.
C-3PO for President
PROS:
He's fluent in over six million forms of communication, this will be good for foriegn affairs.
He's a good, intelligent-sounding speaker.
CONS:
He's a pansy and stresses over small things.
He's a droid and could be reprogramed or have his memory erased.
He was built by Anakin, who turned to the Dark Side and killed a bunch of people.
Lando Calrissian for President
PROS:
He has experience running a large company.
He has military experience and achieved the rank of General.
He has a cool cape.
CONS:
He has been known to betray old friends.
Probably has scandels, I don't know what, but the other party would find out about them.
Chewbacca for President
PROS:
Millitary Experience.
He's very tall.
He's devoted and fatihful.
CONS:
Some people might have trouble understanding him.
He has been involved in scandels, such as assisting smugglers.
Salacious Crumb for President
PROS:
Good sense of humor.
CONS:
It's short.
It's annoying.
It doesn't speak Basic.
It's stupid, or at least acts stupid.
No military or political experience.
It's name means "lustful."
It's dead.
Biggs Darklighter for President
PROS:
He has military experience.
Good pilot.
Nice guy. He's nice to Luke even though he's a whiner.
CONS:
He's dead.
Count Dooku for President
PROS:
He looks like a president.
He's great with a lightsabre.
He's tall.
CONS:
He betrayed the Jedi.
He mingles on the side of evil.
He's dead.
Boba Fett for President
PROS:
He has a cool helmet.
He has cool weapons and will get the NRA vote.
CONS:
He doesn't say much and won't do so good in debates.
He's a bounty hunter, which is cool, but might be considered a scandel.
He might be dead.
Jango Fett for President
PROS:
He has a cool helmet.
He'll also get the NRA vote.
He was chosen as the host for an army of clones, so he must have something good going for him.
CONS:
He's a bounty hunter.
He kills Jedi, or at least tries.
He's dead.
Bib Fortuna for President
PROS:
He, um, well, he's kind of tall, I think.
CONS:
He's weak-minded.
Doesn't speak English and he doesn't even get subtitles.
He's kind of freaky-looking.
No military or political experience that we know of.
He's dead.
Greedo for President
PROS:
He's, uh, green.
CONS:
He's kind of short-sighted.
Not very sharp.
Faithful to no one person.
He's dead.
Nute Gunray for President
PROS:
He has political experience on the Trade Federation.
CONS:
He's a coward.
He makes deals with Sith Lords.
He attacks peaceful planets like Naboo.
He has a stupid accent.
He's probably dead.
Jabba the Hutt for President
PROS:
He is willing to compromise, to a point.
He's not weak-minded.
CONS:
Scandels such as hiring smugglers.
Also hires bounty hunters.
He's not only butt-ugly, but he's fat and drools too.
He hires exotic dancers.
He's cruel to animals.
He's dead.
Dexter Jettster for President
PROS:
He's wise.
Seems like a nice cheerful guy.
Has his own business.
CONS:
He's very scruffy-looking, and dirty.
Probably dead.
Qui-Gon Jinn for President
PROS:
He's a Jedi Master.
He would look presidential if he just got a hair cut.
He's tall.
Has political experience dealing with the Jedi Council.
He saved thousands of Jews during the Holocaust.
CONS:
He's somewhat reackless.
He insisted Anakin be trained, and is therefore responsible for the deaths of everyone Anakin killed.
He cheats in dice games.
He's dead.
Obi-Wan Kenobi for President
PROS:
He's a Jedi.
He looks presidential.
He has military experience and achieved the rank of General.
He's our only hope.
He's patient and makes good decisions.
He helps drug addicts over-come thier addictions.
CONS:
He trained Anakin and is therefore responsible for all the people Anakin killed.
He's dead.
Beru Lars for President
PROS:
She's a lot more reasonable than her husband.
No scandels.
CONS:
No political or military experience.
She's dead.
Cliegg Lars for President
PROS:
He has been known to free slaves.
His wife was killed by Tuskin Raiders which could get him a sympathy vote.
CONS:
No political or military experience.
Scruffy-looking.
He only has one leg.
He's dead.
Owen Lars for President
PROS:
No scandels, the guy's a moisture farmer.
CONS:
He doesn't like to get involved in anything.
No political or military experience.
He's kind of scruffy-looking.
He's dead.
Darth Maul for President
PROS:
He has experience dealing with senators.
CONS:
Doesn't say much. He won't do well in debates.
All his tatooes will make him lose the conservative vote.
He's vindictive.
He's dead.
Mon Mothma for President
PROS:
She has political experience as a rebel leader.
She's a good speaker.
CONS:
She looks high sometimes.
Admiral Motti for President
PROS:
He has military experience, he's an Admiral.
He's willing to voice his true opinion, doesn't lie.
He uses big words.
CONS:
He's kind of a moron.
He's over-confident.
He's on the side that blows up planets.
He bickers.
He's probably dead.
Padme Naberrie for President
PROS:
She has political experience as an elected queen.
She won't get America into a war, but will defend the country if it's attacked.
Good, confident speaker.
She plans ahead.
CONS:
She married Anakin who killed a bunch of people.
She's dead.
Ric Olie for President
PROS:
Military experience as a fighter pilot.
He can be trusted to fly the queen's transport.
He's nice to annoying little kids.
CONS:
He's probably dead.
Bail Organa for President
PROS:
He has political experience as a senator.
He believes in Democracy.
He seems a lot more compassionate than the other senators.
CONS:
He's dead.
Princess Leia Organa for President
PROS:
Political experience.
Military experience.
No scandels.
Her mother was a good queen.
She's a good speaker.
CONS:
Her father killed a bunch of people.
Admiral Ozzel for President
PROS:
He has military experience and achieved the rank of Admiral.
CONS:
He's clumsy and stupid.
He looks kind of like Hitler.
He always wants to argue.
He's dead.
Emperor Palpatine for President
PROS:
He has political experience as a Senator.
CONS:
He's power-hungry.
He's ugly.
He kills people.
He's dead.
Captain Panaka for President
PROS:
He has military experience as a guard.
He has a cool hat.
He won't trust just anyone.
CONS:
He doesn't have much for political experience.
He's probably dead.
Admiral Piett for President
PROS:
He has military experience and achieved the rank of Admiral.
He was a good Admiral, Darth Vader didn't even kill him.
CONS:
He is a bad guy.
He's dead.
R2-D2 for President
PROS:
He's a well put-together little droid.
He's extremely devoted.
He doesn't stress over little things.
Just when you think there's nothing he can do, he pulls out a new gadget you never knew about.
CONS:
He's short.
People might have trouble understanding him.
He's technically not living, and could be reprogramed or have his memory erased.
Sebulba for President
PROS:
He's a good pod racer.
CONS:
He cheats in pod racing.
He sounds nasty, and is nasty.
No political or military experience.
It's likely that he's dead.
Luke Skywalker for President
PROS:
No scandels, the guy was a moisture farmer for cryin' out loud.
Military experience.
He's a Jedi.
His mother was a good queen.
CONS:
No political experience to speak of.
His father killed a bunch of people.
Shmi Skywalker for President
PROS:
She's a good, caring person.
CONS:
No political or military experience.
She's dead.
Her son turned to the Dark Side and killed a bunch of people.
Han Solo for President
PROS:
Military experience, achieved the rank of General.
He's tall and good-looking.
He's a "natural leader."
He likes his blasters. He'll get the NRA vote.
CONS:
Scandels, such as smuggling.
He uses improper basic, such as the word "ain't."
He can be reckless.
General Tagge for President
PROS:
He has military experience as a General.
He's not as over-confident as most bad guys.
He's catious and realistic.
CONS:
He is a bad guy.
Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin for President
PROS:
Political experience.
Military experience, he's a Grand Moff.
CONS:
He has been known to blow up planets.
He has been known to torture princesses and sentence them to death.
He's ugly.
He's dead.
Darth Vader for President
PROS:
He has military experience.
He has political experience.
It's admirable how he went from a slave to a Jedi and powerful leader.
He has a cool helmet.
He's tall.
Good voice.
CONS:
He killed a bunch of people.
He has been known to betray people, such as the Jedi and then the Emperor.
He has a breathing problem.
He's ugly, and won't show his face.
Not good with negotiations, he usually just kills the other guy instead of compromising.
He has been known to torture princesses.
He was involved in a Tusken Raider massacre.
He blames others when things go wrong.
He's dead.
Wicket W. Warrick for President
PROS:
He's a brave fighter.
CONS:
Most people can't understand his language.
He's short.
He probably had little if any formal schooling.
He's niave.
Watto for President
PROS:
He's not "weak-minded."
CONS:
He has owned slaves.
He gambles.
He attracks flies.
He's probably dead.
Mace Windu for President
PROS:
He's a Jedi Master.
He has political experience serving on the Jedi Council.
He's not nearly as up-tight as most of the Jedi Council members.
He believes in being a "keeper of the peace."
CONS:
He's dead.
Yoda for President
