See, I love to eat seafood... When I dine at a restaurant, my first choice is always to look out for the seafood section. I dont really fancy red meat. However, lately I have this craving for red meat... I want my BEEF!!! lol

So what happened? Well, since I moved into this new place, eating habits had changed. Not because I want to, but because I have to... Since my grandmother doesn't eat beef, so all we had was chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken and oh, did I mention CHICKEN?? She doesnt like any other sort so we had rice, rice, rice, rice and more RICE!

I did try to be a filial granddaughter and "forced" myself to swallow whatever was on the dining table. But I guess, enough is enough! So yea, for the past 2 weeks, I'm on strike! LOL... I refused to eat another spoonful of rice, nor another dish of chicken! LOL

All I want right now, is a well-done steak with its mashed potato and a whole chunk of steamed vegetables... and a bowl of ice-cream! LOL

For the past 2 days, since the conversation I had with my Childhood Sweetheart, my head had been spinning with so many questions. It's not that I never thought about those same questions... It's just that, I guess, I just refused to acknowledge the existence of it, fearful that if I brought it up with the man in question, then things might change...

And at this moment, I'm not ready for any changes... not yet. If there is, of course I'd like the changes to be something good, something positive for me (and him)... But the thing is, if its positive for me, then it would be negative for someone else. What a predicament I'm in *sighs*

Anyway, guess what book I'm reading now? It's called "IF I'M SO WONDERFUL, WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?" lol lol lol lol... Frankly, I still can't believe I'm reading this book. But, it certainly has helped me shed some lights about the relationships in my life... about my choice to be single, and the reasons behind it.

According to this book, there's 2 types of singles - singles who want a relationship but havent found the right person, and singles who are consciously or unconsciously ambivalent. Well, at the moment, I'm a lil of both - I'm single, who wants a relationship and I think I've found a person who's compatible, but I'm consciously ambivalent about it because things are not clear between us... and because, there's someone else involved in this.

Well, let me finish up this book and I'll update you later...

Despite the crazy love story history between us, it's amazing to see how close we turned out to be NOW. There's almost no barriers between us. Conversations are honest. Opinions are valued. Yup, he's definitely the original sweetheart in my life...

Anyway, today we had a good 3-4 hrs of conversation on the phone. Mostly it was about me, my life, my relationships and the men that I chose. He's got this ability to ask me questions which were simply tough to answer. Don't get me wrong. He's always been one of the most supportive person I have in my life. And yet, at the same time, he's also the most critical...

I guess thats because we share a close bond... in fact, a special bond which couldnt be changed, regardless of whom I'm with and whom he's with. It doesnt change the fact that we're such dear friends... special friends.

I'm glad that things turned out the way it did for us (me and him). It'd be a pity if we let the silly things in the past intefere with our "friendship". He's a good man... I wish him good love, good health, good life and lots of happiness *smile*

For the past few years, since my last official boyfriend, I had been looking for a travelling partner... someone to share my vacation with. Of course, there were many contenders but they either messed up within the first few months, or something unexpected happened or, they just fade away...

So my vacation plans had to be shelved a couple of times. This year started off pretty good... I thought I've met the travelling partner, made some plans... but of course, again - I was disappointed. I was just about to give up when things started to turn around *smile*...

In just a few months, I've had one of the best moments of my adult life... and it was all spent with the same person. Do I want more? Hell Yea! LOL... Which is why, as we speak, I am busy making plans for our next vacation in Jan/Feb 2005. It's gonna be great... wait... actually, I know it would be great *smile*

So... what's in the plans? Well... at this moment, I got my eye on this really gorgeous spa resort in Bangkok, called the Banyan Tree. It's a 61 storey high all-suite hotel. The view (as pictured on their website) was breathtaking... It's a perfect place to go to unwind our tired bodies, since both of us work like crazy (it's tougher on him coz he's got studying to do as well). I read thru' their spa menu and from the sound of it, I think we both need to get that rejuvenation treatment... LOL

And I thought that maybe, after 2-3 nites of bliss, we could fly over to Phuket for more rest and relax. There's this hotel called Burasari which looks absolutely perfect for us. I'm definitely very interested about this room which got a private access to the pool. Just imagine, you wake up in the morning, open up the door and voila, the pool is right there at your door step! Is that helluva cool or what?! LOL

Anyway, these are just plans for the moment... I'm still interested in that luxury cruise thing... so yea, who knows? *smile*

You have no idea how happy I was when Mother Nature decided to "drop" by *giggles*

See... for me, the PMS thing (ie bloated tummy, water retention, moodswings, sore nipples, etc) would be over only if the menstruation cycle happens.

In my case, it being so irregular (damm, I just envy those women who got their period regularly!), it causes my PMS to prolong. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?? I just hate it! Of course, I could be on the PILL to help regulate the cycle but, that's not without side-effects (and I loathe the idea of it).

There has been quite a controversy about the relationship I have with Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt. Why? Because he's got a girlfriend, and she's not me. I've received quite a bit of mixed reactions because of that. It's definitely not easy...

But then, people don't understand the depth of relationship that I have with him. It's so r-e-a-l. I can go on and on talking about it, but unless you yourself is (or had been) in a relationship that's based on reality and not some fantasy/dreamy/la la land type of deal, then you wouldn't be able to grasp what I'm saying.

Our friendship is already about 2-3 years. That was before he even met his current girlfriend. The only reason why he didnt step in to say anything to me back then, other than "hi! how are you doing?" was because he didn't think that I'd be interested... thought that I was stuck up! LOL

Anyway, the new found relationship that had derived from us spending time together and putting the effort to communicate during these past few months, is still fresh and "raw"... meaning, anything is possible. I can't say that he's in love with me. But for him to come back all the way here voluntarily, to spend time with me again, there's gotta be something there...

I doubt it's just about physical intimacies (as suggested by some people). If it was just about s-e-x, why travel all the way here, to Singapore? It doesnt make sense. However, if that same GOOD physical intimacies comes with emotional bonding, understanding, respect, security, consistency and some love, you get what I call... a fantastic chemistry. See what I mean? *wink*

At some point, I truly believe that we're good for each other. We support each other's decision. We understand the importance of career establishment. We're aware that both of us are busy people. We got each other's back and we'll take care of each other. And most of all, despite of all that, we know that communication plays a big part in maintaining the consistency in any types of relationship.

Cmon now, it's common knowledge that I'm a "go getter"... I go for what I want. I'm not gonna let anything/anyone slipped by me without even trying. I'm not in this to hurt anyone, especially not another woman - really...

All I want, is to do what my heart desires so that in the future, I'll never have to sit around and wondering what it would be like if I had done things differently...

Life is short... so, LOVE IT and LIVE IT! *smile*

I haven't had a good heart-to-heart conversation with JD (remember him? my sexy lil thug? *smile*) So... tonite, after a certain subject came up, and sensing how upset he was, I realised then, that he's always had so much respect for me, and he thinks so highly of me... it was so flattering!

How I wish that the damm subject hadnt came about so that he wouldn't be this upset with me *sighs*... But I can't take it back, now can I? Plus, it wouldn't be right because I've always lived an honest life. You asked, and I'll answer. I don't like hiding things because when you hide one thing, you'll end up with another lie to keep hiding it - that's not me.

I think JD has a lot of potential to be a good life partner for some lucky lady out there (whoever she is). He's very passionate that you could literally feel it in his voice. And he can be pretty vocal expressing his opinion (you know how some guys just tend to give you this nonchalant "ok" or "cool" or "alright" or "hmmm", not wanting to elaborate or to explain themselves).

I don't want to sit here and reminisce about my good moments with JD, coz it's hard to do so without getting all choked up about it... but I guess, the more I try to block my mind from thinking about it, the more vivid it all became to me...

Anyway, moving along...

I don't think I've done anything that has compromised my pride and dignity as a woman. A woman does not hurt another woman for her own happiness. A woman is a powerful "tool" that can either be the rise or the downfall of a man. But in all honesty, a woman adores her man with all her heart...

Whatever I did, whatever decision that I made, I've taught myself to NEVER EVER regret it. Life is short. We should make the best out of it. Go for what you want. If you wait too long, the chance might just slipped and won't turn back around... But should something negative came out of it, then we should at least, learn something from it, and progress... .

Afterall, that's the only way I know how... to make myself a better person. As for JD, I hope he'll always remember March 28th...

It's already the finale of the last season of the sitcom "FRIENDS". This is sad... Why does a good show always have to end? It was just like that other time with "ALLY McBEAL".

Of course, to most, she's a nutcase but perhaps thats coz they don't understand her emotional entanglement in life and her strive to find good love - nothing but g-o-o-d. They don't understand how it feels to be left out from the normal crowd, where everyone is telling you that you're odd just because you're searching for someone who is right, who is suitable, who will be an added asset in your life and you just refused to settle for anything less than what you totally deserves to have.

That show helps to enlighten your own doubts about your fears of commitment, relationship and the risk of getting hurt. However, too many of us tried so hard to hide behind that shelter, building a wall up and around our heart, in fear of embarking of a new relationship. But guess what? There's no guarantee in relationships... there's no "live happily ever after"... but we can strive to live as happily as we possibly could with our loved ones.

The question here is, how far would you go to be happy? And what exactly makes you happy? And would you be content with just loving someone or is there a need for you to call that someone as yours?

I guess, it's human nature to be selfish, not wanting to share a good love with someone else. And that's alright... There's nothing bad about it, just as long you're not doing it obsessively. Loving is not about inflicting emotional pain to someone else just so that you could be happy. Loving is about lavishing your attention and affection to someone unconditionally. If you think you can't love someone unselfishly, then dont do it... Coz chances are, you'll be unhappy and dissatisfied when he/she doesnt measure up to what you expect in return of that love that you had so graciously given.

Meanwhile, if you are at the receiving end of that good love, it's your duty to reciprocate that love accordingly with the same depth of passion that was given to you. But if you don't feel the same way, own up... the earlier the better...

With that said, what about my own relationship? Well, so far so good. I'm happy... head over heels... and just enjoying the smooth flow of things. He's busy... I'm busy... we're both busy. But we understand that we need to make time to communicate. Until then, I'm over here, he's over there, and when time permits, we'll see each other again and have a great time, like we always did whenever we're with each other (i miss him *sighs*).

It's been a while since I updated my journal. But there's a lot of stuff to do since my 10 days vacation. By the time I got home, all I wanted to do was get some rest. There's work, paperwork, studying, meetings, presentations, staff management... and oh, there's a WEDDING! *big smile*

Yup, another cousin of mine just got married - 2 DAYS AGO! It was fun! A lot of work but yup, it was fun! This would be the time to meet up with relatives near and far. There's no questions of negativity - just positive vibes all the way *smile*

My father is the 3rd child of 9, so yes - there's a whole bunch of aunties and uncles, and cousins and nephews and nieces - they're a bunch of colorful people. There's the motherly one, the strict one, the funny one, the silly one, the intelligent one, the creative one, the naughty one, the flirtatious one, the beauty queen and the list goes on and on and on. So when everyone gets together, you can just imagine how chaotic the mood was! LOL Everyone was laughing, joking, smiling - simply put - having a lot of fun!

The wedding went great. There was a minor glitch but which wedding doesnt, right? But thats not the point. The point is, my cousin married the girl that he truly loves (and I'm sure who loves him just as much, or maybe even more). They're perfect for each other, same interests, same sorta career, same sorta mindset, same sorta expectations - so yea, its good, really good. This is what marriage should be - with all the common sense. It's not about just romance. It's all the other things that will make a relationship work.

How I wish more people would get into marriage with the same sorta common sense and realistic ideas, measures and expectations...

Anyway, just like any other family gathering, in between all those conversations, there's always the question "WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?" posed to me *giggling*

In an effort to free up the memory of this pc, I accidentally erased ALL my emails - personal and work! How stupid is that?? GRRRRRRRRRR!!!! *frown*

Awwwww, what the hell am I supposed to do now? *shakes my head* There's some very important info!

Shyt shyt shyt!!! Dammit!

[ok bear with me, I'm just venting my frustration]

provided by VideoCodes4U.com

Lil Flip - Sunshine

I could call you my babyboy
You could call me your babygirl
Maybe we could spend some time
I can be your sunshine...

Whenever I heard this part of the song, I'd be reminded of me and Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt. The things we did, the time that we had spent together, the silly jokes, the mad laughter... spending our time giggling and poking fun at each other... and a smile would be formed on my face as it is right now *wink*

Well, eversince I had his pictures uploaded onto my online photo album (with his approval), enquiries about him had doubled up lol! I got people writing to me saying this, saying that, and some had actually seen him. I guess coz his identity is somewhat finally revealed. He used to kid around, jokingly state that I'd make him "famous" lol... and as the saying goes, be careful of what you wished for? Yup he's getting that all right! lol

Of course, the most common question I get "Is That Your Man?" Hmmmm, let's just say that for the moment, we're very close and we share a bond of understanding. I guess we have our 2-3 years of platonic friendship to thank for *smile*

Ok, for those of you who doesnt know what Amazing Race is, it's a reality show where contestants race against the time to reach their destination. The last one who arrived at each designated stop will be eliminated.

Now, in tonite's episode, one of em took a taxi ride to the airport and along the way, one of the tires punctured. That incident cost him his lead. After a lot of hassle, he finally reached the airport. However, he refused to pay the taxi driver the agreed amount, which is US$100. Obviously, the taxi driver wasnt happy about it.

So yea, conflicts occurred which ended up in the police station! After all the arguments, he finally agreed to pay the taxi driver the original amount but did it disrespectfully by throwing the $ - how rude is that??? *frown*

I can't believe that contestant was being such an idiot! Cmon now, he's in a competition that could've won him a million dollars! This is not the day nor time to pick a fight over something so stupid!

Emotions... hate 'em but can't live with out 'em. When you thought you got it all under control, it slipped by your grip and forced its way out. Suppressed emotions are slowly showing up on me. I hate it, thought I'd never have to deal with it again but I guess I'm just human afterall.

The mind is saying this, the heart is saying that... and the struggle begins. What a huge contrast of effect a single person can make in your life. When they're around, the world is fabulous and life is fantastic. But when they're not by your side, everything is gloomy and terribly boring! *frown*

Yes, I miss him... never thought I'd miss him this way *sighs* Sleep is eluding me and nothing on the table seems appetizing... What do I do? What is happening to me? And why am I distraught over this? This is confusing but I know I have to stay calm or else, I'd just drive myself insane. Tonite, pictures of us will be my companion...


:dedicated to t.m.:

RCC is what I call THE ELIGIBLE BACHELOR. Tall, dark, handsome, smart, articulate, firm, responsible, romantic... lil wonder why I fell for him back then *smile*

Anyway, it's been awhile since I last heard from RCC... And from what he told me, it seems that things are going towards the positive direction again. He finally got his income streaming in again after 2-3 years of non-employment. Being unemployed can really blow a man's ego but he handled himself pretty well (to a certain extent).

I'm happy to learn that he's back on the dating scene. Even though things didn't work out between us, I still feel that he's a pretty good "catch" and he definitely will make a fabulous husband to some lucky lady out there *smile*

Alright, now that I've had my nap, I'm ready to do my typing about my vacation with Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt lol!

First of, we had a really great time! *smile* (Of course there were days in between when I'd be throwing tantrums but I know he knows, it was just me being me - the spoilt brat lol!)

I think it's mainly due to us getting more comfortable around each other. We're more in tuned with each other's thoughts and feelings. Plus, I think location plays a part in it too. The first few days, we spent our time on Singapore's own resort island - Sentosa. We stayed at the Shangri-La... and let me tell ya, the view from our room - it was BEAUTIFUL!





We'd wake up early just to catch the sunrise... and we'd sit there at the balcony, taking in the morning sun, relaxing, smiling at each other and just enjoy the view. We tried to be dressed in time for the breakfast buffet at the cafe but somehow we would end up ordering room service for breakfast. It didnt take long for him to get ready, but cmon now, I'm a lady - I need time lol!!

We did a lil sightseeing around the island. Places of interest, just to name a few - the Underwater World, the Butterfly Park & Insect Museum, etc. We took a ride on the Cable Car as well. I wished we could've stopped at Mount Faber but I was getting nauseous (lol!) so yea, we had to get off.





And you'd think someone who's afraid of heights would NOT get on one of those virtual rides, right? Well, I did lol! Initially, I was all out for it but as soon as we bought the tickets, I started imagining the worst - how silly was that? lol! But he was pretty understanding about it, calming me down with his gentle words and big hugs. So yea, I got myself on those rides, screamed the shyt outta my lungs and closed my eyes whenever the screen showed the roller coaster lol!!!!

After scaring shytless out of myself, we took a lil walk along the island's beautiful garden and talk... just simple talk about life, love, relationships, etc. And as we rest our eyes on the beautiful view, we saw one of those luxury cruise ships... maybe, IF there's a next time, we could spend a few nites there - it would be great *smile*





Ok, aside from sightseeing and relaxing on the island, we also spent our time EATING (I blamed him for all that extra pounds that I had gained in such a short time lol!) Pizza at the beach cafe, seafood dinner by the seaside, romantic candlelight dinner at one of the hotel's restaurant (we had a bottle of Moet *wink*) and eating ice-cream as we walk along the beach at nite.

Of course we didnt spend our entire time on the island. After enjoying 4 days 5 nites on the island, we left and went back to main land, Singapore. We stayed at Raffles, The Plaza. The city view from the room was breathtaking! The service was great. All you need to do was press one button for their 24 hrs on-call valet, and everything would be taken care of. I did try to avoid doing the calling coz whenever I called, the valet would addressed me as Mrs ******* (and each time, I'd feel a twinge of oddness lol!!). And oh, the bathroom was simply gorgeous - yup, I LOVE IT ALL! *big smile*





This time, we didnt do any sightseeing. We just did normal things. We went to the movies - watched Alien vs Predator (that was pretty cool), The Village (that's such a twisted show!) and Open Water (a few intense moments). We did some shopping... actually, HE did lol! He bought a few souvenirs for people back home, a Louis Vuitton handbag for his mom (her birthday is next month) and a set of costume jewellery for ME (ok, when that happened, it totally caught me offguard *smile*).

However, we didnt go out dining as much as we had planned to do. It was mostly in-room dining. I was in my lazy sleepy mode and he was busy studying and submitting his report online. So when he's out at the Business Centre, I was entertaining myself with Videos on Demand aka Pay Per View.

But eventually, we did manage to get ourselves out for dinner lol!... We went to a Spanish Tapas bar for a few drinks and finger food (I pretty much gorge myself with their spicy garlic sauteed prawns lol!). And we also went to Holland Village for a nice dinner at this North Indian restaurant.

Ok, let me just wrap this up quickly...

Basically, I've had a fantastic time. Out of the many occasions that I've spent with the men in my life, this is definitely one of the BEST. You know why? Coz you can't buy these sorta connection/passion/chemistry/honesty/reality/understanding and to share it with just ONE person... It has got to come from your heart, with full sincerity.

I don't know if this will last forever but I do intend to enjoy it while it lasts.

And with that said,
I'm signing off...

Till next time... CIAO!



:dedicated to t.m.: