Disclaimer:
The following scenerios are completley fictious. Please remember that these are for entertainment purposes only. I don’t mean any harm towards the Kids in the Hall members. I will be more than happy to remove these fan writings from my site immediatley if any offence is taken. Copyright 2000 Kristen Jacobus

Bruce McCulloch
What he loves=popcorn
What would kill him=mashed potatoes

Poppy Corn For Brucio

Starring: Bruce and Me

Bruce: What’s that smell?
Me: That’s popcorn, Brucio.
Bruce: With butter and everything?
Me: Yes, with butter and salt and the kernels are extra fluffy
Bruce: Well don’t just stare, sit down and share
Me: Here, you can have it all
Bruce: Really? Thank you Satan!(I couldn't resist. sorry.)

Late Night At a Cafe on Some Street Somewhere

Setting: Bruce is at a late night cafe sitting on a bar stool. Mark and Kevin are waitresses, Dave is sitting perched on the ceiling fan, and Scott is a child drawing with his crayons at a nearby table

Bruce: Who? What? Is this some kind of dream?
Mark: I don’t know, would you like cream in your coffee?
Bruce: No, no, cream kills the dairy industry like fish kills the sea
Kevin: Well, hon, I don’t know about that but your steak is ready.
Scott: Mr., you’re siting on my red crayon
Bruce: Well, I wouldn’t be sitting on your crayon little boy. I mean Scott. I mean, what’s going on here? This is either a dream or I’m dead. Well, which is it?
Dave: Up here!
Bruce:(looks up) An angel from above. I guess I am really dead
Dave: No stupid. It’s me Dave.
Bruce: Why is everyone starring at me?
Kevin: You got a giant knife sticking out of your head hon, (turning to Mark) How many times do I have to tell the customers those sharp things are for cuttin’ the meat?
Bruce: (feels his head) This is a knife, but this isn’t blood, It’s, It’s....Mashed potatoes! Mashed potatoes Kill!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhh! (stops momentarily and again) AHHH!

The End