Area 51... Damn Book
Topic: Stories, rants, etc.
Coincidentally, I had to read that book for my Science Fiction class at school...

Anyway, sorry to everyone who has been waiting for me to update. Well, after 50+ entries, I'm a bit tired, but I'm back and here are some delights for all of you.

First, awhile ago at work, me and Adam overheard a speaker talking about health foods so here are two quotes we thought were hilarious.

"We're not on Fiber, yet."

"Don't wash your poultry!"

Haha...haha. I guess you had to be there. Adam got a blog, but he doesn't update it. Duh.

Also, here is a great pic of one of our greatest government officials...

And here is one of Bush...

Here is a beautiful picture of me and Terri at Homecoming back in October 2004.

This beauty was featured in our school yearbook! (Also, that shirt I am wearing is NOT tin foil.)

Well, I promise I will update more, but with school it will be a bit tricky...now, off to watch "The Incredible Shrinking Man"!

Don't ask.

Shout out's:
Me and Terri
Adam's Blog
Colin Powell

Just Stupid:
Fiber
Bush
Adam not updating his blog
Area 51

-Mr. Joseph

Entry XXXVII: COMMUNISTS! and McDonald's
Topic: Stories, rants, etc.
Well I have the scan of my favorite Anti-Monopoly Communist pin.

...Here's a thought...in a Communist Government, isn't there a monopoly? The Government owns everything, right? So, in essence, this pin really doesn't make any sense...

Anyway, here it is...

Now, what is the weirdest thing you have ever overheard at McDonald's? Well, here's one. Me and Terri overheard someone say, "Ooo, it's a dark one!" Think about that. How many possible ways is that not a phrase to use in a conversation.

"Look at this mole."
(Cue)

"Doctor, look at the new-born baby."
(Cue)

"Now class, I'd like you to meet our new student."
(Cue)

"Should we pull that guy over, Chief?"
"Um, (Cue), yes! Definitely!"

"Mr. President, this is Barack Obama."
(Cue)

"Ma'am, are you ready to deliever the baby? Ok, put your legs up here...(Cue)"

If you have more, please let me know...


Here's a few things you shouldn't start off a conversation with...

"Man, I HATE going to court."
"Hail, mein Fuhrer, und? UND?"
"Hey Chief, spare an ax?"
"Look out! ...haha gotcha man, oh ge-- LOOK OUT!"
"God, I love Genesis!"
"God, I love Foreigner!"
"God, I love the Culture Club!"
"Everybody have fun tonight! Everybody Wang Chung!"
"Sir, let me say this, I know Arlen Specter and you sir, are no Arlen Specter."
"Naw, she's gotta be eighteen!"
"Hey, what some Mad Cow?"
"Get 'em while they're slippery! Real slippery!"

Ok, now here are some things that would be weird to walk into a conversation on...

"And then the doctor said, 'Where's my pants?!'"
"Hey, that's fine by me, but you gotta ask the clown's lawyer."
"Of course, I am constipated! Duh!"
"Dude, I think I accidentaly touched the wrong part of an elephant."
"Well, um, that would depend on the height of the altar boy."
"Aaaaargh!"
"Yeah, by all means, poke it."
"So, you want to see Peter Gabriel together?"
"I swear, I coulda wiped out the entire mullet hairstyle back in 1994."

If you have anymore, send them to me!

Shout out's:
Commies

Just Stupid:
McDonald's

-Mr. Joseph

Entry 32: Relationships
Topic: Stories, rants, etc.
Wow, after my Jaws Movie Marathon, I learned of many sad tales of love and loss.

Mom and Mark who were "over" have resumed peace talks, but it doesn't look good.
Spencer and Amanda broke up.
Angus and Molly broke up.
and, the clincher...
Adam and Carynn broke up!

However, me and Terri have resolved some problems and our TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY is coming up on July 31st!

Speaking of Jaws...
The marathon went very well. Megan, Dave, Terri, Joe, Jack, and Adam all showed up. It was a huge success!

So with that in mind, I will note that there will be a "Tribute" to the "Jaws" series soon. I will give a full review of all four movies.

Coming Soon: I will update things promised in earlier entries, tribute Jaws, and tribute Bruce Campbell who is coming to Milwaukee on JULY 28th!

Shout out's:
Jaws
Megan
Dave
Adam
Jack
Joe Part II
TERRI
Bruce Campbell

Just Stupid:
Break ups
Jaws: the Revenge (I forgot how horrible it was)

-Mr. Joseph

24
Topic: Stories, rants, etc.
Michael Jackson Trial: It is true then... the rich can do no wrong. The American Justice system is disgusting. Fist O.J., then Blake, and now Jackson. Celebrity does not mean innocent! But Tom Mezerou has cool hair.

Bond 21 to be "Casino Royale" with Pierce Brosmon and I will be hosting a Jaws movie marathon ver soon.

Shout out's:
Terri
James Bond
O.J.

Stupid Conservative:
George Will (Im tired of reading his stuid column in Newsweek.)

Just Stupid:
Michael Jackson
Tom Mezuero
American Justice System involved with Jackson Trial.

-Mr. Joseph

Entry 22 to you
Topic: Stories, rants, etc.
Hello all,
My, it has been awhile, hasn't it? Well, ok, here are some stories...

Tonight at work, my friend Adam and his girlfriend Crynn (SP?) had a huge fight over the dumbest thing ever. Remember, Crynn was the one who threw a French Fry at me and after it missed, it left a dent in the wall. Ok, so anyway, what happened was, Adam and Crynn were talking and Crynn was complaining about how her Grandmother calls her "fat" and Adam said, "Well, she's just brutally honest."

Whoa! Burn!!!! Right? ...Wrong. Crynn went into a major fit and stormed off. Adam was dumbfounded, see, he meant it as that someone who says things like that is called "brutally honest", not that Crynn was actually fat.

At this point, I am cracking up, it was hilarious and for the rest of the night it was this huge thing -- back and forth -- arguing, apologizing, etc. Finally, they made up (after some nasty name calling on Crynn's part). And everything was fine.

Until...

Until, as a joke, Crynn said to Adam, "We'll be fine, if you 'go down' on me." (I shuddered.) Adam said something snappy that didn't mean "yes". So again, she stormed off, and I thought, "oh boy, here we go again." Well, a plot twist occurred. As she was sobbing to Chris Beretta ("Why won't he go down on me?!"), Beretta said, "Crynn, he won't because... YOU STINK!"

BURN!!!!!

That singlehandidly took all the heat off Adam and her rage focused on Beretta.

Then...

Yes, then. Then, a kid in the kitchen staff, Stephan, was fooling around and he tackled her and LICKED her (again, shudders). So now she's mad because Adam won't go beat up Stephan. Ludicris. Complete and utter ludicris.

Also, Kayla (a "white shirt") is quitting, so I might get a promotion!

...but yeah, I'm glad I'll be gone for two weeks. Oh yeah -- I'm going to Florida, so you won't hear from me from June 9th to June 18th. I'll try to post something before.

...

Tomorrow is my Missing in Action movie marathon, in which we (several friends and I) will watch "Missing in Action", "Missing in Action 2: The Beginning", and "Braddock: Missing in Action III".

I wish, I knew how to post pictures. I promise, I will soon.

Speaking of, my girlfriend and I are working on a photoshop of "Lisense to Yawn", so that should be fun.

...

So I got my grades yeasterday, three C+'s, two B+'s and a B. Yuck. I am really dissappointed, but you know, it has been a tough year. Also, my mom totally went off the deep end about it. Like I friggin' murdered somebody. What's the point? I don't need the grades, she won't let me get a lisense to drive anyway (oh yeah, I forgot to mention, she's paranoid about me driving). Sometimes, parents are just wrong. Well, that's my rant.

...

I might be moving my blog to "blogspot", I heard it is very good. Don't worry, I will let you know. Also, my new email is Full_thrust_commitment@yahoo.com -- It's from a Hulk Hogan movie (I'll get a pic). Guess what. My mom freaked out about that too. Figures.

...

Well, the Michael Jackson Trial is wrapping up, I hope he burns. By the way, Robert Blake totally did it.

...

Another pic, I should get it of Kent Hovind, he is a crazy "Christian Scientist" (I thought that was an oxymoron) and he believes in "Creationism".

Well, that's about it for me...

Shout out's
Chuck Norris
Fartski
Adam
Hunter of Zombies
Special K: The Sequel
Beretta
TS / MyGuy
Dan Da Man
Clauds

Stupid Conservative
Kent Hovind

Just Stupid
Michael Jackson
Crynn (SP?)

-Mr. Joseph

Entry nummer sechzehn (German for # 16)
Topic: Stories, rants, etc.
hello again

Couple things -- no commie links today
Prom at Thomas More tonight! And that means that I wil get some "dessert"! ...and by dessert, I mean whatever crap they give us at the Italian Community Center. Anyway, that should be fun. I hope.

Also, on the bus, I looked out the window, into the taxi next to the bus and I saw the cab driver PICKING HIS NOSE! Not just "scratching"; but DIGGING! Oh jeez, I nearly died.

Well, my buddy "Con to the Mac" was driving a MINIVAN today! SWEET! ...how macho!

Well, that's it, for today.

Shout out's:
ConMac
Thomas More
Italians
Commies
Minivans

Just Stupid:
Cab Drivers (not all)

Stupid Conservative:
Tom DeLay (this guy is a crook)

-Mr. Joseph

Entry 15
Topic: Stories, rants, etc.
Well, it has been awhile, my darlings but I am back, oh yes, I am back.

...

So anyway, yesterday, I was violently ill. I had a Hell of a Headcold. I was in bed from (6pm - 7:30 am this morning). It was TERRIBLE. I'm better now... maybe...?

Today, I got my class ring and it is beeee-you-ti-ful! So I showed it to my "super-cool" Chemistry teacher, Mr. Paul (first names only) .. and looks at it and sees that I had the "American Eagle" on the side of it. He asked what it was and I told and so he says "But you're a Democrat, you can't put that on there." I nearly killed him. My point is, I love my country...probably more than most Republicans do, probably because I want to fix America's mistakes rather than to rush to "defend freedom". Ok! No more politics.

After Driver's Ed, I got onto the bus and I paid my fare. Usually, the bus driver automatically just gives me a transit. But this guy didn't, so I say, "Can I have a Transport" (not "transit") (after just being Driver's Ed, I made a mistake) So he says "Transport?" And I say, "Oh sorry, transit." And he says, "What is this? Star Trek Enterprise?"

Normally, I would snap back with something like "Yes, beam me down, Scotty" or "Khaaaan!" or something, but I was dumbfounded. Since when do bus drivers have quick wits? ...JUST KIDDING! But, anyway, I was startled, so I had no comeback. I just took my seat and pouted while listening to Twisted Sister's "We're not gonna take it".

Also, in Driver's Ed, we watched a film and, apparently the cop who was "teaching" the kids had watched "First Blood", Robin Williams, and Bill Cosby the night before. When this guy wasn't threatening to SHOOT A STUDENT he was sexually harassing another or making DIRECT QUOTES from Bill Cosby. No wonder so many kids drink and drive, this guy confuses them! I was confused when I left!

Also, me and my email buddy "Andreas" are going to start a "Young Democrats / Republicans of the South Side" this Summer.

Well, thats about it for today, next entry or so, I should have some COMMUNIST links for you.

Shout Outs:
Bus Drivers
Cops
Mr. Paul
Jostens -- my ring
Advil
Democrats

Stupid Conservatives:
sorry, but...
Mr. Paul
Republicans (not all of them)

-Mr. Joseph

Entry XIV
Topic: Stories, rants, etc.
Well, I started Driver's Ed and my instructor is a Vietnam Vet and an Ex-Biker. Yes really. Also, his nickname is SCRAPMETAL. How the Hell am I gonna learn how to drive from a guy named "Scrapmetal"?

Also, me and my friend Jack (Fartski) were talking and there is a teacher at my school named "Mr. Krahn". So we thought that it would be funny he introduced himself to someone and it went, a little something, like this...

"Hello, I'm Mr. Krahn"
(Kneels down) "Kraaaaaaaaaaaaahn!!!! ...hi, sorry about that, gotta a little bug in my ear."

You know, from Star Trek II: Wrath of KHAN...?

Also, about Jack...our little joke about him is that "He's not gay, he just enjoys homoerotic foreplay" ...and he does.

One more story--
At work, my friend Adam and I were playing "Funniest phrase we overhear from the customers." (We're bussers) And he won with..."And then the doctor said, where's MY pants?"

Ok one last thing--
If you have seen Monty Python's Meaning of Life, you will know that they reference their "Wedding Tackle" as a "John Thomas" Well... there is a kid at my school named John Thomas!

Ok, shout out time:
Sticklyman
Skyscraper83
John Thomas
Monty Python
Scrapmetal
Mr. Krahn
Star Trek

Stupid Conservatives:
Brit Hume (I don't know why)

-Mr. Joseph

Entry 9.999999999
Topic: Stories, rants, etc.
Like my Walker?

Anyway, at the bus stop today, I saw a school bus with like seven kids all jumping around and screaming. They were crazy and if that bus hit anything they probably would've been injured. Anyway, I find it amusing that the driver didn't even seem to care. Well, that's it for today, bye!

Shout-out's
Angelfire -- they did give me a blog and website
Walker Texas Ranger
Jeff Foxworthy

Stupid Conservative
Ann Coulter

-Mr. Joseph

Entry: Eight (ball in corner pocket)
Topic: Stories, rants, etc.
Oh boy, what a day...

So, I leave school and go to the orthodentist and my dad drops me off and leaves. I go in, make small talk with the nurse and sit down. "Doc" come over and checks my teeth and retainer (shut up) and says "Okay, you're free to go." IT TOOK TEN SECONDS!!!!! ARGH!!! And my dad is gone. So, I go to the bus stop and bus my way home. It had been 6 months since my last appointment, you would think it would take longer than 10 seconds. But, it was nice because i got to get home earlier. And talk to my babies...you. (laughs diabolically)...

ok, what else? We read a story in German II class about a robot that falls in love with a gasoline pump. Yeah. I'm not kidding. Those crazy Germans. In U.S. History, I asked my teacher "What is the Constitutionality of the U.S. authorizing John Rambo to invade Vietnam by himself?" He told me to sit down. ...typical high school oppression.

Well, thats about it...

Today's Shout-Outs:
My boss, Marcus (although, he's trying to split up "The Loop")
Krazy Kaiser / Neuuuuman
Carl Johnson (from GTA: San Andreas)
Pope John Paul II (even though he's dead)

Today's Stupid Conservative:
Lord Acton

-Mr. Joseph