*****

Chapter 1:

Buffy was sore from patrol. She decided that she needed to take a shower. She went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She was in nothing in her robe. She looked around and saw him standing there. She wondered what the hell he was doing in her house after that scene at the Magic Box.

"What do you want Spike?" Spike stared at her. He wasn't sure what he was doing there either. He felt compelled to explain his actions with the ex-demon, but he wasn't sure how to do that.

"I just wanted to say that I was sorry."

Buffy looked at him. He seemed to be struggling with something. She brushed it off and started to talk to him again. "I think that you've used up all your sorrys Spike."

"I don't want you to be mad at me."

"Well, it would help if you didn't have sex with my friends." Buffy said in an icy voice.

"Look I was just there. We were talking I was looking for..."

"You were looking for someone to have sex with?"

"No I was looking for a way to end..."

"To end what Spike?"

"To end this."

"This?"

"This whole thing. It hurts my head to think about it too much. I just wanted it to go away. I was looking for a spell or something."

"You were going to use a spell on me?"

"Don't flatter yourself, luv. I was trying to find a spell to end all this pain. I hate being your bloody slave that does anything you want at the drop of a hat. I wanted to be free from the misery. It was just too much. Don't you get it? You used me and now I don't think I can live with myself. Not after knowing what it feels like to be close to you."

Buffy looked at him. There was such pain in his eyes and she knew that she had cause most of it. It didn't help that she had basically treated him like shit the entire time.

"When you came to the crypt that night, I thought that maybe you had come and changed your mind. Then you said. look I just wanted to stop all of this." Buffy had forgotten about her visit to his crypt the night he was caught with Anya.

"Spike, look I know that I probably hurt you more then I know, but it doesn't make this any better. It doesn't make it any less wrong."

"Don't you think I know that. Do you think that I like being your little lap dog that begs at your feet for just the smallest crumb? Please I know it's wrong more then you do. I'm not supposed to feel this way about you. I'm not supposed to care. But I do. You're in my system and I can't get you out. I've bloody changed everything in my life to suit your needs and still you push me away."

"That's because you are still the monster. Just because you have that chip in your head doesn't mean anything."

"Doesn't mean anything! How many bloody times did I have the opportunity to kill you? Hundreds. But did I, no. It doesn't matter because I don't have a god damn soul!"

"Exactly! You don't have a soul. Do you want me to believe that if you didn't have that chip in your head you wouldn't kill? I'm not stupid Spike. First chance of blood and you would take it."

"Really then why didn't I? I had many times to kill you and I didn't you're just afraid."

"Afraid of what? Loving you? I couldn't love you. You're a monster." Spike held a defeated look on his face, but it went away in a matter of seconds. He walked closer to Buffy.

"Oh, really. You think that you don't love me? Bloody bullshit! I'll make you feel it." He grabbed Buffy's wrists and she struggled.

Buffy hadn't expected Spike to attack her, but he did. She started to struggle, but only half-heartedly. She was yelling at herself and wondering why she wasn't fighting back harder. Spike could tell that she wasn't up to her full potential and it made him curious. She would have kicked his ass by now, but she was still struggling to get out of his grasp. Spike loosened his hold on her and stared at her with a look of bewilderment on his face.

"What I thought that you wanted to make me 'feel it'? Is it a problem that I'm not struggling? Come on Spike make me feel it." Spike was totally dumbfounded.

Not only was she not kicking his ass she was welcoming him to rape her. Spike had never intended on doing that. Just scare her a little. Buffy couldn't believe what she was saying. She was telling Spike to rape her. It wasn't like her, but she couldn't stop the words from coming out.

"What is your problem? Why aren't you taking advantage of me? Why? Why can't you just rape me? Why are you doing this?!"

Buffy fell to the floor in tears. She didn't understand what was wrong with her. Spike was surprised to see her like this. She was crying and he didn't know why. He bent closer to her. He was a little scared to touch her because she might very well realize that she should kick his ass. Buffy knew that he was hovering above her. She stared up at him with tears on her eyes.

She didn't like him seeing her like this, but she couldn't help it. Spike saw the vulnerability in her eyes and knew that she wouldn't hurt him if he tried to comfort her. He sat down on the tile and brought Buffy close to him. He wrapped his arms around her and slowly rocked her back and forth.

"'S alright, luv. Shh don't cry." Spike searched for the words to comfort Buffy. She was shaking and it was scaring him. He held her like that for over a half-hour until Buffy final stopped crying.

When Buffy final stopped crying she looked up at Spike with questioning eyes.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what, pet?"

"Being so nice. You're supposed to be a monster. You should have hurt me. Done something."

"I couldn't hurt you Buffy. I had no intention of doing that. I just got so frustrated."

"But hurting people is what you do. It's you."

"It was me. I don't know how many times I've told you that. I'm not the same monster that I was. You've changed me. The Bit's changed me. I don't want to be that monster that you hate."

"No, that can't be. You have to be evil. You don't have a soul."

"Just because someone has a soul doesn't make them good. It shows that person the difference between what is right and wrong. It gives you a conscience, but it doesn't stop your choices. Serial killers have souls, but they still do those awful things." Buffy knew that he was right. She didn't want to admit it to herself right now, but she knew.

"Luv, I think that maybe you should get cleaned up. If you want I'll wait, but if you don't want to talk things out then I have somewhere that I have to be." Buffy lifted her head, but was mute. She didn't know what to say to Spike. He was standing there expectantly, but she couldn't offer him anything.

Spike didn't know what was wrong with her.

"Buffy, luv, come on don't you think that it would be best to get cleaned up. You don't look so good from patrol." Buffy continued to stare off into space.

Spike knew that he wasn't going to get anywhere with her. She seemed to be in a state of denial or something. He picked her up and placed her on her bed. Then he went back to the bathroom and turned on the water. He warmed it slightly and filled up the tub until it was pretty full and then he went back into Buffy's room and tried to talk to her again.

"Right, well I filled up the tub and 's all ret to go you just have to get in." Buffy remained mute.

"Are you really gonna make me do this?" He looked at Buffy expecting her to answer, but she didn't.

"Alright, but this is on you sodden head, luv." He scooped up Buffy and took her to the bathroom. He gently took off her robe. Buffy wanted to protest, but there was something in her telling her to wait. As if part of her was expecting something that would only come with patience.

After taking off her robe, Spike gently put Buffy in the tub. All the while he was doing this, he never looked at her once.

"Now that you're in the tub, 's your decision if you want to get nice and clean. I'll leave you to your business." Spike left the bathroom and stood outside and waited hoping that it would shock her out of her state. He stood outside of the door for a good fifteen minutes before he checked on her. She was still in the same position and hadn't moved one bit.

"Buffy you really need to clean yourself of. Are you gonna make me wash you off?"

When he got no reply he decided that was exactly what he would have to do. With the shampoo in hand he began to wash her hair. Buffy was amazed at how gently Spike was being. He wasn't looking at her or anything. He was just. taking care of her and it amazed her. She felt Spike pour water on her head and knew that he was rinsing of the shampoo. She closed her eyes so that it wouldn't get in her eyes.

Spike had never clean someone that wasn't himself and he wasn't exactly sure what to do. He picked up another bottle the said conditioner and applied it to Buffy's head. He knew enough to know that you had to let conditioner sit awhile. Now for the difficult part. Actually washing her body.

"Um. Buffy looked you can either get out of this little trance or I can wash you up. I really do feel a little uncomfortable doing this, but you are kinda leaving me no choice." Buffy still didn't respond. She was still amazed that Spike was being so gentle. The hits just kept coming when he said that he was uncomfortable at seeing her naked and cleaning her off.

"Alright." Spike put some soap on a wash cloth and started to wash her back. her picked up her right arm and started cleaning that when Buffy spoke up.

"I can do it."

" 'Bout time, luv. I was starting to get a little worried. Here." Spike handed her the wash cloth and was about to leave when he heard Buffy say, "Will you wait until I'm done?"

"'Cor luv." Spike then went outside in to Buffy' s room. He waited for Buffy to finish up.

Buffy finished cleaning up and put her robe back on. She was still a little amazed by Spike's gentleness. She didn't know how to comprehend it. She decided not to and walked into her room. She saw Spike sitting at the edge of her bed playing with the hem of his duster. He seemed in deep thought about something.

"So, you waited."

"You asked me to."

"Listen Spike, I hope you know that this doesn't change things. It doesn't make things all right."

"I know and that is why I've decided to leave. Only for a little while, but I have to do something."

"You're leaving me?" Buffy's voice sounded a little more hurt then she intended it to.

"Look, pet, I have to go. It's something that I have to do. If I don't I think that things will just get worse between us. I can't sit here and watch you die and I can't stay away form you. Hence the dilemma."

"Spike just because I don't want to be with you doesn't me you have to leave. Please stay."

"I can't. There is something that I have to do."

Spike got up and made his way to the door. He looked at Buffy and saw the sadness in her eyes, but he wouldn't stay. Even if looking at her was killing him, he couldn't stay. He was determined to do this. Buffy saw the determination in his eyes and knew that she had lost. He was going to leave her.

She knew that he said it was only for a little while, but he was still leaving her. In a desperate attempt to keep him there she kissed him. It was a soft kiss that didn't have any passion behind it, but it soon developed into something more. Buffy tried to open his mouth with her tongue. Spike tried to fight her, but it was impossible. Soon he just eased into the kiss and found himself kissing her back. Buffy started to push him to the bed and Spike knew he had to stop her.

"Buffy we can't do this. I know you're just trying to get me to stay, but I..." Spike didn't have time to answer as Buffy crushed her lips against his, again. She needed him to stay with her and she wasn't going to let him go that easily. Spike tried again to stop her, "Please Buffy let me leave in peace."

"Spike you can't leave me. Please don't leave me." Spike saw a mixture of emotions on Buffy's eyes. She was sad, afraid, vulnerable and nervous all at the same time. He knew that she needed him, but he didn't know how to react. She wasn't usually like this.

"Buffy you know that I would give you anything that you want, but I have to do this."

"Why does everyone leave me? Why can't just one person stay? I need you to stay."

"I'll stay with you tonight, but I don't know about tomorrow."

"Then we'll just have to see what tomorrow brings." Buffy looked into Spike's eyes and saw that he wouldn't be there tomorrow. She started to kiss him again. This kiss was more about wanting and desperation then the other two kisses. Spike could tell where this was leading.

"Buffy we don't..."

"Shh, I want to. If you're going to leave me tomorrow then we only have tonight. I know that I don't love you, but I do care about you. Please Spike." Buffy felt like a little kid who was begging to get her way, but she needed him tonight.

"Okay." Spike let all his feelings on why this was wrong float away and just enjoyed this time. Buffy was right. He only had tonight to be with her one last time.

He had no idea about what his journey might bring. He might die and never had touched her again. Buffy slowly took of her robe revealing all of herself to Spike. He could never get over how beautiful she was. Each time he saw her he thought that. He wanted to touch her, but was afraid, almost shy at what she might do if he did. He was afraid that this would all end.

Buffy sensed his debate because she lay down on the bed and pulled Spike on top of her. She needed him now and thought about how long it had been. Spike took it slowly as he let his hands caress her body. Buffy trembled at his slight touch. He could always make her feel this way.

Spike kissed her on the lips. It was a quick, soft kiss and then he started to kiss her neck. He wanted this moment to last forever and wanted to take it slowly. He started to place light kiss all over her body. He wanted to kiss each part of her. Buffy was getting a little impatient and wanted to feel his cool skin against hers. She impatiently took off his shirt. Spike was surprised at how fast Buffy was going with this.

He stopped his caress for a moment and looked at her. Her eyes were glassy. She was definitely very aroused. He did nothing as she took off his shirt and started to take off his pants. He just wanted to stare at her for the rest of time. She was just so beautiful. Buffy wondered why Spike had stopped caressing her. She had thought it was because she started to take off his clothes, but they had been long off and he was still not moving.

"Spike." Buffy's voice was filled with dread and uncertainty.

"Yes, luv?"

"Are you okay? You stopped." Spike didn't need her to finish before he answered her, "I was just admiring how beautiful you are." Spike waited for Buffy to totally disregard it and keep working on her feeble attempts to undress him.

Buffy didn't know what to say. Usually Spike would say those things and she wouldn't even be paying attention. She would be to eager to have sex with him. She wondered just how many times he had said those things. How many times he had complimented her and she didn't even notice or care.

"Spike I..."

"Shh you don't havta say anything. Jus' the fact that you let me say them is enough." Spike leaned into to kiss her again. Buffy instantly wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer to her and deepen the kiss. Spike slowly moved his hands up and down her body in a sensual motion. Buffy moaned into his mouth.

When Buffy was all out of breath she looked up at him and said, "Spike please."

She was begging again. For some reason he had that effect on her. Spike could see that she really wanted her release and Spike had to give it to her. He ran his hand up her thigh to her sex and felt that she was very wet. He slowly pushed inside of her.

Buffy moaned as Spike started to thrust himself in and out of her. She was taken aback by his gentle approach to things. All Buffy could do was moan and thrust her hips as Spike repeatedly pushed inside of her until they were both spent. Spike collapsed on top of Buffy as soon as they had climaxed. They both lay there motionless until Buffy spoke up.

"That was nice." She didn't know what else to say. It was the best thing that she had ever experienced in her life. He was so gentle and he took it slow. She never remembered it being so... intimate.

"Yeah it was, luv." Spike lifted his head to look at her. Some loss strands of her curly blonde hair were in her face and he carefully brushed them away.

"What do you want to do now, pet." Spike said as he rolled over on his side and off of her. Buffy wanted to whimper from the loss of contact, but she controlled herself.

"Maybe you could just hold me until I fall asleep."

Spike started at her for a minute and the said, "If that's what you want." He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

Buffy relished how well they seemed to fit together. She shivered slightly at the touch of his cold skin, but soon laid back and enjoyed this little bit of normalcy. She had never done this before with Spike. It had always been have sex and then go. She never wanted anything more then that. Now she did and what perfect timing she had. He was leaving her. Sure he said that he would come back, but he was still going. All because of this stupid relationship that they had. She knew that it was her fault that things were totally screwed up.

"Um. this feel nice."

"Yeah it does. Now go to sleep."

"Okay."

"Sweet dreams." Buffy fell asleep instantly and Spike watched her as she rested so peacefully.

It was the first time that he had actually got to see her sleep. Sure he had seen her when she was asleep, but never when she knew that he was there. Now he had her in his arms and she was sleeping. She trusted him enough to fall asleep in his arms. Spike knew that in the morning before she woke up he would have to leave her. It would be very painful for him to leave her. This was something he had to do though.

For himself and for her. She would find out exactly what it was and maybe they could start over again. From scratch. Spike's eyes started to close shut and he fell asleep with the thought that maybe one day Buffy and him could finally be together. He wasn't even thinking about the hard thing that he would have to do in the morning. He was only thinking about her.

Buffy woke up feeling refreshed. She had forgotten for a second exactly what she had been doing the night before and then the thought dawned on her. Spike. She rolled over hopping against hope that he had decided not to leave her. Her hopes were crushed when she didn't feel him in her bed.

She looked around the room. There was no trace that he had even been there. Buffy looked at the clock on her nightstand. It was only 9:00 o'clock. Buffy was about to get up when she saw something out of the corner of her eye. It was a paper with her name on it. She recognized the writing as Spike's. She eagerly opened it and began to read.

Dear Buffy,

I left early this morning. I didn't want to wake you so I decided to leave you this letter. You know that I don't have the best way with words so bare with me. I know that you didn't want me to leave although why still remains to be seen. I guess that I will just have to wonder until I come back. I wanted to say that I will miss you and that I am coming back. This is just something that I have to do. For both of us. I know that right now my motives are unclear, but you'll see soon enough. I hope that once I get back we can start over and things could be good between us. I'm sorry for any pain that I might have caused you. I just wanted to say that even though right now things are still going pretty lousy that you can't give up. I want you to keep fighting. You have to keep fighting. I will love you always and I thank you for finally letting me say it to you. Even if you don't return my love. I will come back to you. Send the Bit my regards and tell her not to worry about me. And you don't worry about me either.

Sincerely, William

Buffy read and reread the letter over and over again. He was really gone. Of course he said that he would come back, but neither were sure. Buffy decided that she would take his advice and keep fighting. There was still the matter of the nerds. She would get them soon enough. Buffy put on her fighting clothes and headed downstairs.

Somehow she knew that everything was going to be fine and that Spike would come back and be her strength. She took his words to heart as she got ready to face another day of slayer life hell.

Chapter 2:

Three months later

Sure everything was going to be all right. What had I been thinking? If anything things are worse. Okay so not worse, but definitely not better. Buffy thought as she dusted another vampire.

It had been three months of nonstop worry. And what was getting her so worried. A new big bad that just happened to be her best friend. She had caught the nerds. Well not exactly. Jonathan and Andrew had gone to jail. Warren had escaped, but was soon captured. After shooting her and killing Tara.

The police had come just in time to arrest him and take his stupid ass to jail where he belonged. That was just the beginning of her problems. She thought that it would all end once she captured the nerds. That it would be over with. Boy was she mistaken.

She hadn't counted on Willow going all crazy homicidal. Grieving was apart of the cycle to recovery, but this kind of grief was just nuts. She had successfully gone of the deep end with the black magicks. She was still terrorizing the city after she had killed Warren and his gang. Buffy shivered at that memory. It was one that she wished to erase from her mind. The smell of their blood and intestines on the ground as Willow laughed and laughed in a way that Buffy didn't think was possible from the evilest villain.

Let alone her nice stable Willow. Buffy had thought that it was all just a bad dream that she would eventually wake up from. Well three months had passed and there was no waking up from it. Not yet at least. Giles had come down to try and stop Willow, but he wasn't even close to being powerful enough to take down badass Wicca Willow. He had almost gotten himself killed. Everyone was trying everything they could, but they couldn't abstract Willow's powers without killing her. It seemed hopeless. Either way they lost.

Buffy picked up her weapons and looked around. She had encountered Willow a few times. It seemed that she was still trying to do good. It hadn't stopped at vampires and demons though. She was going around killing robbers and people who she considered bad. Buffy was hoping that she would one day be able to stop Willow. She had been a terror on the whole time for these past months. She had started her own little gang of people who wanted to help her.

To the people of Sunnydale it might have seemed like a blessing. If she was only killing demons. Buffy just wanted out of it. Again she was wishing that she hadn't been brought back from the grave. She wished that she had been able to stay in heaven and maybe if she had then none of this would have happened. She wouldn't have to live this crappy life where the only person that ever listened to her hadn't returned from his quest.

Buffy unconsciously searched her pockets for something. She pulled out a very tattered piece of paper that looked like it had been folded over and over again. It was Spike's letter. She had carried it around with her ever since the first day that she had gotten it. For some reason whenever she felt down, which had been a lot over the months she would read it over again and it would give her some strength. The words weren't anything to ogle over, but they were simple and very powerful.

The message was simply to keep fighting even though it seemed hopeless. Buffy sighed as she read it over again for the umpteenth time and started to make that journey home. It seemed that the words had lost their effect after all this time. Maybe it was because of the situation or maybe it was because it seemed like Spike was never coming back.

Buffy wasn't sure which, but she really didn't feel like figuring it out. She didn't love Spike, but she needed him as a strong person to help her through the hard times. She could really use that right now.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike fiddled with his Zippo lighter trying to desperately light his cigarette. He was still trying to cope with having a soul. It was all very new and different. It was also terrifying, scary, nerve wracking, and unsettling. Every day he went to bed and saw memories of the past hundred years of his life. All the bad things that he did came flooding back to him. He was trying to deal with it, but it was driving him crazy.

It almost hurt to think about what he had done as a vampire. As William he would never even think about unpleasant things, let alone commit them. His soul was just like that. It hit him hard. All the things that he did and all the blood that had been shed were pulling him into a dark hole.

Spike didn't know how he found himself in London, but he had just turned up there one day. He was skinny, even more pale then usual, and his hair was turning back to the brown curly mop it had been before he had dyed it. All and all he looked really sickly. He hadn't drinking blood in what seemed like forever.

He was just roaming the streets of London during the day and hiding wherever he could find shelter during the day. He had thought about going back to Sunnydale every day, but thought that he needed to get himself together before he saw Buffy again. He didn't want to be crazy around her, but it seemed that everyday he was getting worse and worse. He could also feel that Buffy was in trouble.

He had had this feeling for some time now. He knew that she could handle herself, but this was a different feeling. It made Spike wonder what was wrong. He couldn't believe that he could feel Buffy's pain from this for away. He knew that he loved her, but he was in England and she was all the way in California. Spike pushed it aside as he felt another repressed memory coming forward. It was one were he killed a little girl. She couldn't be much older then Dawn and that even made him feel worse.

"No no no. Get out of my head. Stop it. I don't want to remember. I'm sorry." Spike said as he pounded his head against a wall.

He hated reliving these painful memories, but it was all apart of having a soul. He knew that he would just have to live with it. He had to get better or he would never see Buffy again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy woke up at seven as usual and started to make breakfast. It was the same thing every morning. She would get up. Make breakfast and Dawn's lunch then get ready for work at the Double Meat Palace. Boring as usual, but it worked. Buffy was cooking pancakes and pouring some milk when Dawn came downstairs.

"Mmmm, pancakes. So what's with the home-maker Buffy attitude?"

"Nothing I always get up and make breakfast."

"Yeah a bowl of cereal. For the past three months every once in awhile you'll do something like this. Is it some sort of special anniversary?"

Yeah the anniversary of the day he left, Buffy thought.

"No, I just feel that some times I should do something special for my sister. What with Willow going crazy on Sunnydale and things still kinda crazy. I think that it's nice to have a little bit of normalcy."

"Yeah I guess that I'm with you on that train of thought. So when are the pancakes going to be ready."

"Just a few more flips and they'll be done. I packed your lunch already. It's over there on the counter." Dawn grabbed her lunch and put it in her backpack.

Buffy watched Dawn as she put her lunch in her backpack. Each day Dawn asked if Buffy knew anything about Spike. Buffy knew that Dawn was getting suspicious about where Spike had gone. Buffy herself wanted to know where he was. She knew that it had to be hard on Dawn.

Spike and Dawn were close and it must have hurt that he left without saying goodbye. Buffy had shared the letter with Dawn, but Dawn had been so upset when she found out that Spike had left.

"So are you going to the Magic Box after school?" Buffy was trying to have a nice conversation with her sister.

"Yeah I still have to pay off my debt I got myself in as a klepto. Anya is freaking out because of the damage down to the shop when Willow was looking for Andrew and Jonathan."

"Oh she's still paying that off?"

"No, the construction people are still there fixing everything. The insurance paid for most of it."

"Well that's good. I know that Anya loves that shop."

"Yeah she stopped complaining about it too much. Xander and his men are working on it for half price. She gets a little money left over to buy some new things for the store."

"Well that great." Buffy didn't know what else to say. She knew that Dawn was just waiting for the right time to ask her question that she asked every morning.

Dawn was waiting for the right time to ask Buffy if she knew any news about Spike. Dawn knew that it annoyed her sister to hear the question over and over again. She had to ask though.

"So, did you hear any news on Spike?"

"Dawn we've been through this. I told you that I would tell you if I heard anything. I haven't heard anything."

"I know that I'm being a pest, but I can't help it. I miss him and I just wish that he would come home."

"He said that he had something important to do. It's something that he had to do. Not because he won't be sad being away from you, but because he needed to. He deserves to be a little selfish. He has been doing good things and he needs a break like everyone else. You know to find himself." Dawn knew that Buffy was only half-talking to her and half talking to herself. "Yeah I guess you're right. It's just I never thought of Spike as a selfish person and now that he is being one I don't like it."

"Well we may not like it, but we have to live with it. Now hurry up and eat your pancakes and then finish getting ready for school. Dawn nodded and started on her big stack of pancakes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy had carelessly flipped her last hamburger and was on her way to the Magic Box. It was about eight o'clock. She would go there and talk with her friends while she gathered up weapons she would use on patrol. As Buffy walked to the Magic Box she wondered how her life had gotten so predictable and boring. Even if she was the slayer things had become dull. She entered the Magic Box through the back entrance were the training room was located.

This room wasn't used that much anymore. It was under construction after Willow's attack. Buffy had been training in her basement, but she had no one to challenge her. Xander and Giles had helped her, but she really wanted to have a good sparing partner. Of course the only one she could think of was MIA.

Buffy made her way into the main room of the Magic Box. There were tarps over the open areas where the construction wasn't finished. Anya, Xander, and Giles sat at counter where the cash register was located. The round table they used to look at research was gone so they had started to use this. Books were strewn over the counter top. Buffy saw Dawn putting away a few items and dusting the remaining shelves. All of it was so humdrum.

"Hey guys what's going on?" Buffy said.

"Uh, nothing, Buff. We were just doing research on spells to take away Wills mojo and save the world. Going out to patrol again?" Xander asked.

He had noticed that Buffy was going out more. He knew that she felt like there was nothing more that she could do. Willow was strong. Very strong. He had always known how it felt to be weaker then the bad guys.

"No, I think that I will just stay here and be research gal. Need a little bit of a break."

"Oh well everyone needs a break once in awhile. It you don't take a break then you'll wear yourself out." Anya said as she looked up from the book she was reading.

"Yeah my muscles are kinda telling me to take it easy tonight."

"Well, Buffy you don't want to over exert yourself. I know that it is an unpleasant thought, but you must be strong if you want to face Willow." Giles said. He could see the look on Buffy's face. She looked very tired and worn out. Well beyond her age.

Buffy felt Giles's gaze on her. "Yeah I know. It's just what with everything going on I need to keep the demon population down. It would be easier to keep things in check that way."

"Yes I see what you mean." Buffy knew that everyone was avoiding the fact that Spike wasn't there. They had been doing that for the past three months.

"Yeah besides Buffy is doing the patrolling all by herself lately. Not to mention her job at the Double Meat Palace and trying to keep the house clean. It's tough work." Dawn said. she had always been the one to bring up Spike. Sure it was in a subtle way, but she still found a way to bring him into the conversation.

"Yeah, Dawn's right. Maybe you should just go home Buffster. Take a nap or something?"

"I don't know. Can you guys hang without me?"

"Sure you don't want to stick around here and be researchy. These books are very big and very boring. I wouldn't subject myself to them, but I don't really have a choice." Anya said.

"Okay I guess a little nap wouldn't hurt anybody. Dawn be home by ten. Giles can you give her a ride?"

"Sure Buffy."

"Okay well I guess I'll be on my way."

"Bye."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As soon as Buffy got home she went straight to her room and plopped down on her bed. It had really been a long three months and things didn't look like they were going to shape up any time soon. Those moths ago things had finally started to get normal. Buffy really felt like she belonged. Now it was back to distant Buffy who couldn't even talk to her friends. Sure she tried to keep up appearances, but sometimes things would slip. It wasn't like she was the only one.

Everyone was very distant from the others. Xander had to have been the one most affected by Willow's turn to the dark side. He was quieter then usual and dropped by the Magic Bow to work or spend countless hours looking for a spell to change Willow into her original self. Everyone was looking for a way to bring Willow back. Even Giles, who had stated time and time again that Willow might not be the same. She had killed people and that never goes away.

Buffy remembered when Faith had killed someone and how Angel had told her that Faith might never return to the Faith before. Not that that Faith was any more stable, but it was the Faith that hadn't killed anyone.

Buffy really wanted to have Willow back, but in her heart she knew that Giles had a point. Willow had killed people. She had taken at least a dozen lives and Buffy wasn't sure that there was any coming back from that. If Willow did come back from that then everyone would always wonder if they did the littlest thing wrong that Willow would turn into Evil Willow again. It was a lose-lose situation.

A total Catch-22. If they didn't get Willow back, she would surely continue to kill. If they did get Willow back then that would always wonder if she would go off the deep end again. Buffy just wished that this wasn't happening to her. It would be so much easier if things were different. Of course everything would be different if things were different. Buffy started to cry on her pillow. She hadn't cried in a while and she really felt like she needed to.

While she was sobbing into her pillow she felt very strong cold arms wrap around her waist. She abruptly turned around and was staring at Spike.

"Spike when did you get back?"

"Does it matter, luv? All that matters is that I'm here with you."

"You've been gone for a while. I was afraid that you weren't going to come back. That maybe you were dead."

"No, I would never leave you. I couldn't leave you all alone and scared." Spike tightened his grip around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

"I'm sorry that I was gone for so long. I had some thins' to do. Jus' had to clear up some stuff s'all."

"Well I'm glad that you're back. I did miss you. You've always been very strong and I need that strength."

"No you don't. You're stronger then I could ever be."

"I needed someone to talk to. To be friendly to me and not judge what I had to say. I needed a friend."

"Well now I'm back to be that friend. So tell me what's on your mind?"

"Just everything has been totally messed up these past few months. I don't know where to start."

"You better hurry because the sun is coming up."

Buffy looked out of the window. It was still very dark outside and she looked at Spike with curiosity.

"What are you talking about? It's still very late and why would it matter that the sun is coming up?"

"Because then you have to get up and fight some more."

"What are you talking about?" Spike looked at her as if it were obvious as to what he was trying to say.

"I will have to go again."

"Why? I though that you said that you were staying?"

"I have to go and let you go. You have to stay strong though. I promise that I will be back."

"No. you can't go. Not know. I need you to stay."

"Buffy you have to get up in the morning and fight."

"What are you talking about? Please stop being so cryptic. I really hate cryptic. It's like you're speaking in riddles."

"Soon the day of the light and dark will come and the tree will sway in the breeze. Only then can things return to normal. I have to go now. They're calling me. I havta do what they say until I'm ready to come home. I will soon be with you for real. Be patient, don't let the wind carry away the savior, and remember what I said."

"No Spike please don't go." Spike had already left.

"Spike come back!"

Buffy woke up by Dawn shaking her.

"Buffy wake up! Buffy you're having a bad dream."

"Sorry Dawn did I wake you?" Buffy said in a sleep voice.

"Yeah you were screaming pretty loudly. I thought that maybe it was one of those slayer dreams you get sometimes."

"I'm not sure if it was or not. I mean it was sort of like one of them."

"Spike was there?"

"Yeah he said something and it sounded like something that would be said in one of the creepy slayer dreams, but it didn't make much sense."

"Do the dreams ever make much sense at the time?"

"Some times they do. I mean there was that one where I saw Angel getting killed by Drusilla. That was pretty evident with the meaning."

"Yeah well what did Spike say in the dream?"

"He said that in the morning I would have to fight. Then he said something about there being a day of light and dark and then the tree would sway. He said that only then would things return to normal. He also said that he would be back for real soon. Then he left saying that they were calling him and he had to do whatever they say. There was one more thing he said. I think he was telling me to protect something from the wind."

"Wow that is weird and very cryptic. Do you think that it is some sort of message?"

"It was to be."

Buffy grabbed a rubber band and put her hair in a ponytail. She was sweating and her hair was adding to the perspiration.

"So do you think that it means Spike is really coming back soon?"

"I don't know. Maybe. The dream Spike said that he had to do whatever they said until he was ready to come home. It could mean that he will be coming back to Sunnydale soon."

"I hope so. Not only because I miss him, but because if there is going to some big fight then we might need him to help."

"Yeah I know." Buffy noticed that it was very late and said, "Dawn I think that you should go back to sleep. It's still very late or early which ever way you want to look at it."

"Okay, just don't start yelling in your sleep again, okay?"

"Yeah. That might be because I don't think that I'll be able sleep after this."

"I'm sure that you'll be able to sleep." Dawn kissed her sister on the forehead and stared to walk out of her room.

"Sweet dreams, Dawn."

"Goodnight Buffy." As soon as Dawn left the room Buffy tried to get some sleep. Her mind was filled with images of her dream.

She had seen Spike. He didn't look so good, but he still looked like Spike. He was paler then usual and his hair was all messed up with his roots showing. He looked and felt skinnier then usual. She also couldn't get the message out of her mind. He had told her to protect the savior from the wind. He had told her about a day with light and dark.

It was all very puzzling. Buffy didn't know what to make of the information presented to her. It was just so confusing. She didn't even know who the savior was. It could be someone very ancient that had been described in a foreseen prophecy. It could be anyone.

Buffy tried to sleep, but thoughts just kept filling her mind. She couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Spike might be coming back soon. Forget all the things that he had said, she just wanted him to come back and give her comfort. She found herself going to sleep as she thought about Spike returning at last.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike's memories had finally stopped coming to him for the time being. He sat in an old abandoned building that no one would ever go near. He was trying to fall asleep, but his nerves wouldn't let him. He had already gone through a pack of cigarettes today alone and there was no way of him getting anymore.

He would just have to sit and wait until night. Maybe if he tried really hard he could sleep without having a flashback of his life as a demon. He found a nice spot to curl up at and fell into a restless sleep. He welcomed any sleep though. He had been so tired and hungry. He needed to sleep to forget the hunger.

To Spike it felt like he had only been asleep for a little while before he started to dream. It wasn't a memory it was an actual dream. He was in a cemetery. From the looks of it, it was the cemetery where his crypt was. He was standing near a head stone when he saw her.

Buffy.

She was wearing a long white dress and was glowing like an angel. Spike unconsciously ran his fingers through his hair trying to smooth it out. He knew that he looked like a train wreck that no amount of adjusting could fix, but he always tried to look his best when he was around her.

"Buffy" It was all he could manage to say because his throat was very dry from lack of nourishment.

"Spike you're here. I wasn't expecting you."

"Well I wasn't expecting you either, pet." Spike finally managed to find his voice. He knew that it was just a dream, but he hadn't seen Buffy's beautiful face in a long time. He longed to touch her.

"You've been gone for a long time. We were starting to get worried."

"Don't worry I'll be back soon."

"Yes I know. You have to help stop this."

"Stop what? Has some Big Bad moved in while I've been gone?"

"Yes, you have to follow me are they'll find you. They don't like vampires very much." "Who?"

"The wind will come soon. Come on lets go." Spike took Buffy's hand and she led him into the forest. They went there without talking and the silence was actual refreshing to Spike. Just being in Buffy's presence gave Spike a calm feeling.

"Okay we're here."

"Where is here pet?"

"Some place where they won't be able to find us. For now. Spike you have to come back."

"I will. I jus' need some time to sort thins' out."

"You don't have time. They are calling you. Can't you hear them?"

"Hear who?"

"It doesn't matter. If you don't return you'll miss the day of light and dark."

"Buffy stop speakin' in riddles for bleeding sakes. Tell me what is going on."

"You have to return to the land of the Sun. you have to help stop the end of the world. You can't miss it. It is important."

Spike thought that Buffy sounded like Dru. She was telling him that he needed to come back to Sunnydale before it was too late to stop the end of the world.

"You have to help me protect the savior from the wind. The tree will sway soon, but not until you get back."

"Buffy are you in danger?"

"If you don't come back I will be. We will all be."

"I don't know how much help I can be. Not s'actly the most stable person these days."

"You are one of two champions. You have to come to Sunnydale and soon things well be revealed. If you don't then we will fail."

"Okay I'll be there soon."

"Good I will see you later. Don't let the wind find you. Be careful coming back home." Then Buffy left.

Spike woke up with a start. That had to be the weirdest dream he had ever had in his life. Buffy was telling him to come back to Sunnydale. To come back home as she put it. That he had to come back and stop the end of the world. Okay so help stop the end of the world. He knew that it could have just been a dream, but the words were to crypt to just be a dream.

They had to have some hidden meaning. He would have to go back to Sunnydale and figure out what exactly was going on. It had to be something big if the Powers were getting him involved in it. Buffy had said that he was one of two champions. He wondered what that meant. He wondered what any of it meant. If he was really suppose to go back to Sunnydale then he would, but he was still a little nervous about it.

He was still going through a period where he was hearing the voices of his victims and seeing his crimes play over and over again in his head. Would he be sane enough for this trip or would he go insane and do something bad. He remembered what it had been like the first couple of days that he had had his soul.

He went around saying that he was a bad man and needed to be punished. He had even tried to kill himself.

What if he wasn't stable enough to help Buffy and ended up being a burden?

Something inside of Spike was telling him that that wouldn't happen. The Powers had to have contacted him because they had faith in him even if he didn't have any in himself. He knew that it would be hard on him to be around people, but he had to do it.

If Buffy and the Bit were in danger and he could help them then he had to do it. As he had said many times before he was love's bitch and he would do anything just to keep Buffy and Dawn safe. He would even protect the whelp if he was forced to.

Spike decided that he would get on a cargo ship tonight and leave for the closet place to Sunnydale it could take him. From there he would find anyway to get to Buffy and help her. Spike's started to shut and he came to the conclusion that he couldn't do this tired. He had to be up to his full strength.

Once he got to Sunnydale he would go to the local butcher shop and get some blood. Right now he had to sleep and be well rested for the fight that lay before him.

Chapter 3:

Buffy was sitting in the Magic Box. She was waiting for a reaction from her friends. She had just finished telling them about her dream and they all seemed stumped. Giles cleaned his glasses and Anya opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but closed it again. Xander was the one to finally say something.

"What does it mean?"

"I don't know. All I know is that it means something big. I mean it has to be a slayer dream right?"

"Most definitely sounds like one. What I can't comprehend is the figures in which it speaks of." Giles said as he carefully placed his glasses back on.

"Yeah. I've been a vengeance demon for over a thousand years now and I've never heard of the 'savior'. Maybe it refers to some ancient prophecy, but I don't see how I could have never heard about it. Vengeance demons usual hear about all the apocalyptic prophecies."

"Maybe the dream was referring to a prophecy which involves what is going on right now. Maybe it's a way to save Willow." Xander said hopefully.

"Could be. I mean I don't see any other big thing going on in Sunnydale right now. I have to protect this savior person and I don't even know who it is. He or she could already be dead." Buffy said.

"No I think that if that person died then it would already be over. What puzzles me isn't the savior part. It's the reference to the wind and tree. I've never heard of a prophecy that used those terms before." Giles said as he picked up a very large book and started to flip the pages.

"I don't know what to make of it. We can't look up that many prophecies because Willow performed extensive damage on my store. That includes the books that used to be up there on the balcony. Not to mention the sucking out all the knowledge thing she did before ruining my store." Anya said.

"That does present a problem. Those books could have presented some very valuable insight," Giles said. "Do we know anyone who can help us in that department. Give us some information?" Buffy said. "No I don't think we know anyone with that kind of knowledge."

"We could have the information right here. We'll just have to look. If it's something that will help save Willow then we have to try. We've been looking for months for something and here is clue. We just have to find the answer." Xander said. He knew in his gut that this had to have something to do with Willow. He had to try and save her.

"Okay well Giles can't you ask the Coven if they could look for a prophecy like the one talked about in my dream. I'm sure that they have just been looking aimlessly and now they have some direction to go in. Anya maybe you could talk to some of your demon friends. See if they know anything about this prophecy? Xander why don't you go check things out at Willy's. Maybe they might have heard something to do with Willow and her little gang. I know that she has raided Willy's once already. Everything should be pretty safe there."

"Can do, Buff."

"Yes you're right Buffy. I think it might be helpful to the Coven to have some direction to go in." the group looked at Anya who hadn't answered. "Anya it's okay if you can't do that. It was just a suggestion."

"No, it's okay. I would have to ask D'Hoffran, but I think that he would allow us access to the vengeance reports." "There are vengeance demon reports?" Xander asked Anya with a shocked look on his face.

"Yeah. They're kind of like the Watcher's diaries or police reports. It's just so D'Hoffran can keep track what demon does what." "Do you think that your boss would let look at them?" "Sure. Without the world vengeance demons don't have anyone to exact vengeance on. We don't want the world to end just as much as you guys don't." "Good so we have a game plan. Why doesn't everyone go do their tasks now and we'll meet up her in a little bit." "Okay." The three people said in unisons and then went to do their assigned jobs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike looked outside of the ship he was sailing. He had found a ship that would take him to San Francisco. It was the closest to Sunnydale as it got. Spike was lucky to find one that was going anywhere near California. It would take him three days to get to San Francisco. Three long days on a ship with people he didn't know. He was sort of glad, for the first time in his undead life, that the chip was in his head.

He couldn't hurt anyone that way. He was indeed very hungry, starving practically. He needed to get to Sunnydale as soon as possible. He had to safe Buffy. Spike had kept Buffy on his mind this whole time. Thinking of her would stop the memories for a short period of time and even though they would come back it still made things a little easier.

Spike took his cigarette pack out of a pocket in his duster. He had made sure to buy to buy a lot of cigarettes before he got on the ship. He took out his lighter and lit the cigarette that he was holding in his mouth. He was still a little shaky, but his nerves were getting a little better as the days passed. Maybe it was because now her had something to do and looked forward to or maybe it was because things get easier with time, he didn't know.

He welcomed the steadiness with open arms and wished it could stay more often. He would needed to remain calm if he wanted to hide on this ship. He couldn't be seen. Not after what Buffy had told him in his dream. Someone or something was looking to get rid of vampires and other things that go bump in the night. He had to hide from anyone who would show the lightest interest in him. He didn't want to get caught and then not be able to help fight the bad guys.

Spike threw his cigarette on the ground and smashed the butt with his he boot that was covered in dirt. First thing he would do when he got to Sunnydale after he got some blood would be to go to his crypt and clean himself up. Of course he would have to wait to dye his hair again. After changing he would go straight to Buffy's and figure out what the hell was going on and why she was making appearances in his dreams. He would just change into cleaner clothes and then be on his way.

That was if he wasn't going all crazy at the time. He was able to fool the people in London, but that was because to him he was just another guy who was passing on the street. Now he was going back to Sunnydale where he would surely be monitored all day and night by the slayer.

She would see that something was up with him. Anyone who wanted to looked close enough could see that there was definitely something wrong with him. He was sickly looking and he didn't need a mirror to tell him that. He just knew. If he were able to look in a mirror what he saw would scare even him. It was just on more reason to get back to the Hellmouth.

Spike had said before that the Hellmouth was no good, but now he was willing to go back there. It was his home and he missed the things that were there. Namely one blonde slayer who he loved more then anything. Everything he had was there. His heart was there and he had to go back. He had argued with himself on the reasons why he shouldn't go back.

The big one being that he sometimes started to act like a loony-toon. He had made a decision to go back and now he was going back. It would only be three more days until he stepped on American soil and only a little while after that when he got to see that stupid 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign that he had plowed over many times on his way into Sunnydale. It wouldn't be long now. He just had to be careful of the danger that was looming over him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The gang was sitting in chairs looking for anything that pertained to a tree, or the wind or anything that even remotely resembled the things in Buffy's dream. So far nothing had come up. Xander had went to Willy's and found out where Willow and her gang of witches were held up. Giles had called the Coven and told them what they were looking for. Anya had gone to speak with D'Hoffran and he had granted her full access to the vengeance demon reports.

He had told Anya to tell everyone to hurry and find something before the world ended. They had all come back to the Magic Box and decided that they would look in the books before looking at the reports. They had been looking for stuff for hours and still hadn't found a prophecy that had anything to do with the dream. They were all to busy to notice that Dawn had walked into the shop and was staring at them intently.

Dawn had been inside the store for a couple minutes now and the group didn't even notice she was there. She would have felt bad, but she knew that they were researching Buffy's dream. She decided that she should start working at let them research in peace. She went behind the counter and grabbed the feather duster. She had been so happy when Buffy had explained her dream. Spike was coming back soon. Even though Spike had done some bad things like having sex with Anya, but she forgave him for that. She didn't see it as Buffy's fault or anything like that, but Dawn was sure it wouldn't have happened if Buffy hadn't hurt him.

Besides Anya and Spike weren't involved with anyone at the time. Still people placed the blame on Spike. Like he had forced Anya to have sex with him when really it was consensual on both parties. It was about fixing pain and Dawn knew that. That was why she couldn't blame Spike. It was bad for all people involved and everyone's fault. It was Buffy and Xander's fault for walking out on the people that they cared about, but Dawn couldn't blame them either. They were scared and didn't want to do something stupid.

Dawn knew that Buffy loved Spike or at least cared a lot about him. Buffy considered Spike a friend and Dawn knew that much. He had been there for her when everyone else wanted her to get over it and be the superhero. Spike also loved Buffy. Dawn also knew that. When Buffy had died, he cried so hard. It was painful to look at. Everyone else was crying, but he was really crying. Wailing and sobbing his lungs out. The sound was almost deafening. Nobody heard it, but Dawn.

Sure they had heard it, but not really. They might have thought that he was crying because of pain, but Dawn thought that he didn't even notice that he was injured. Dawn had gotten to say goodbye and that made things a little easier. No one else had gotten to do that. So as everyone cried, Dawn looked at her group of friends that would now become her family. She saw the pain in their faces, but none of their looks looked like Spike's. That was when Dawn knew for sure that Spike loved Buffy. She had known that he cared about her a lot, but she never really believed that he loved her.

Dawn went on with her dusting as she continued to watch the group. There were only four of them. There used to be six, seven when Spike pitched in to help research. They all looked so absorbed in their work. Trying to save the world was what they did the best. It was like they were destined to meet each other and work together to stop the forces of evil. Dawn wasn't allowed to do much research, but she did help out on occasion.

Buffy treated her like a little kid even though she was really thousands of years old. To Buffy Dawn was still her kid sister and Dawn actually liked it better that way. Sure being nurtured all the time could get annoying, but it made Dawn feel loved. Dawn continued to stare at them when a loud thump noise woke her out of her trance and she jumped knocking over a statue.

Xander had just shut one of the most boring books he had ever read in his life. When he did he heard a little shocked gasp and then something fell. He looked over to see Dawn standing with a feather duster in hand. The rest of the group looked over at her.

"Sorry Anya. The book shutting so loudly scared me a little."

"Oh it's okay Dawn. How long have you been here?"

"Just a couple of minutes. I didn't want to disturb you guys so I just went straight to work."

"Well we could have used a little distraction. I know I could have. These books are worse then trying to figure out what my dream was about." Buffy said also shutting her book.

"So you didn't get anywhere?"

"No I wouldn't say that. I found out where Willow's lair is. Giles got the Coven looking for a prophecy that had to do with Buffy's dream. Anya got her boss to give us access to some files that the vengeance demons filed over the years. They are supposed to have all sorts of indications to prophecies. So we're doing okay."

"Still wish we knew when this whole 'day of light and dark' was going to happen. At least we would know what kind of time schedule we would be working with." Buffy said. That was one of the many things bothering her about the lack of information.

"Well as Xander has stated before we are lucky to have something to go on. We should be happy that we have this information and work with it at a fast pace. As if the apocalypse was coming tomorrow," Giles said.

"Great knowing our luck it will come tomorrow. Couldn't you just say that we have to work really fast." Buffy said.

Anya was still flipping through the book that she was reading and then looked up when she heard Buffy's sarcastic comment. "Somehow I doubt that. The Powers wouldn't have sent you that dream so late. Also I think that this whole 'day of light and dark' thing is going to happen after Spike gets back from wherever the hell he is."

"Why do you think this involves Spike?" Xander asked.

He didn't like that Anya was even thinking about Spike after what had happened. Some part of his mind was telling him that it wasn't Spike's fault, that it was no ones fault, but Xander always had to blame someone else for his problems and he hasn't just going to stop one day.

"Well because of the obvious use of Spike in Buffy's dream. This has to have something to do with him. Maybe he's the savior or maybe he's supposed to help protect the savior. We won't know until he comes back. Which will obviously be soon considering the fact that he said it in Buffy's dream. That clear up everything for you Xander?" Xander mumbled what sounded like yeah and went back to looking for information.

"Anya's most likely right. The image was Spike for a reason and he was to have something to do with stopping Willow." Giles said. Anya smiled proudly and continued to search.

Buffy had listened to the conversation and wondered exactly what Spike's role in this whole thing was. He hadn't made it clear in the dream; but then again he hadn't made anything clear in the dream.

"Well I guess we'll just have to wait until he comes back."

"I have a question." Dawn had been dusting in the background, but had been listening to the conversation with interest.

"Yes, Dawn." Giles said.

"If Spike is meant to help could he be having dreams to? I mean if the Powers wanted him to get back to Sunnydale could they be sending him dreams?"

"Well I honestly never thought about that. Yes I suppose that could be the case. When he gets back we should ask him. They might have given him more information then they did you Buffy. Something that we might be missing. Good thinking Dawn." It was Dawn's turn to smile proudly.

"So the Powers could be telling him the missing links?" Buffy asked.

"Yes they very well could be. Things that would keep him safe on his journey back to Sunnydale. We have no idea where his quest lead him."

"Giles is right. We have to assume that Spike has some valuable information that the Powers gave him. He has to have something valuable to add. If not information then muscle." Anya said.

"Yeah well we can't really be picky on the matter. Whichever they send us will be greatly appreciated." Giles said and grabbed another book.

"Dawn would you like to help us." Buffy said. She knew her sister was interested in this topic and it would go faster if they had help.

"Really?" Dawn was shocked that Buffy was going to allow her to research.

"Yeah it would go faster with an extra pair of eyes to help."

"Okay." Dawn put down the feather duster and took a seat next to Buffy and picked up one of the really heavy books in front of her. They sat in silence as they looked for any information on what was going on.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The research had ended way after the sun had gone down. Buffy had stopped it saying that her and Dawn had to go home and have dinner. Buffy and Dawn were now sitting in their living room watching some t.v. before going to bed. Both were trying to ignore each other and watch the television, but Dawn couldn't help herself.

"So when do you think Spike is coming back?" She asked and didn't look up at Buffy. It was a good thing because Buffy was giving her that look that said 'am I talking to a child' with a hint of anger.

"I don't know Dawn. Soon probably."

"Don't you care?"

"Yes... he is going to help us save Willow from herself. Of course I care."

"I mean care about him. As in care that he is coming back and not in a work related way."

Buffy remained quite. She didn't really know what to say. Did she care that Spike was coming back? Of course! He was the only person that she felt she could talk to when she came back and that hadn't changed.

"Well I think that you do. I think that you care about him more then you let on."

"Who made you the expert?"

"I can see it. I know that you have strong feelings for him."

"Spike is good to have around as a fighter."

"Buffy we can't just gloss over the fact that you and him 'did it' for months. You and him were close."

"Close in a way that we did it. Dawn just because to people do it doesn't mean that they have any feelings for each other. It wasn't like it was any kind of relationship."

"He has feelings for you. He loves you. How can you say that there were no feelings? There had to be something to start the initial doing it. You couldn't have just said one day 'hey why don't I have sex with Spike'. There had to be a reason."

"He was there for me and things went a little to far. That's all."

"So you have no feelings for him?"

"I never said that. I care about him in a friendship way. Nothing more. I think that we need to even work on our friendship before I can even call us friends."

"Then why were you screaming for him to come back last night?"

Buffy looked down into her hands. Dawn had caught her a very awful position. The truth was Buffy didn't know what she felt for Spike. Ever since that night where he puzzled her with his gentle demeanor she didn't know what to think. Then he left and she was even more confused.

"Dawn it was a dream. A slayer dream at that and those dreams always get me a little jumpy. I couldn't tell you why I was yelling or why it was Spike in my dream. There are tons of reasons that anyone could think up if they had enough time. I just think that it was the dream that was making me do that. Spike could just be a symbol of something."

Dawn sighed. Buffy had always been very stubborn and this was definitely one of those times.

"Fine Miss Queen of Denial. Just remember that one day you'll figure out just exactly what is going through that heart of yours and it might be too late. Spike isn't a dog that will stick around forever. Just take now for example. He leaves and you can't even function..."

Buffy cut in. "I can function."

"You haven't exactly been Miss tell her friends everything girl lately. You've been exactly like you were when you came back. Only this time there isn't a Spike to talk things out with. Just imagine how it would feel if he never came back. You wouldn't have anyone to listen to you talk about how crappy your life is until you meet some new guy who will take off just like the rest of them. Then you'll wonder what ever happened to Spike. The guy who actually listened to you and actual took the time to care even without a soul. By then of course it would be too late. So you just think about what Buffy wants. It's a good thing that Spike cares so much that he'll probably never leave you even if you tell him to." Dawn got up and went to her room to get some sleep.

Buffy sat on the couch listening to Dawn's words play over and over again in her head. Maybe she was in denial or maybe she really didn't love Spike. Buffy was just too confused to figure that out. It was just another part of the big puzzle that well puzzled her. She decided not to dwell on it too much and go to sleep. She made her way upstairs and plopped her head on the pillow. At least one thing would never change. Her room would stay the same forever and it would never puzzle her. Sleep would stay the same. She would always need to sleep. She wished that everything else was that simple as she fell into a deep sleep

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy wasn't sure where she was, but one thing was for sure. She was definitely dreaming. She looked around to try and figure out where this dream had taken her. it looked like she was on a ship or something like that. She could feel the waves crashing against the sides. Buffy wondered why on earth she was here in her dream. She looked around for any sign of someone or something that she knew. Then she saw him. He was scrunched in a corner surrounded by cigarette butts. He looked even less healthy then last night. Buffy made her way towards him. He appeared to be sleeping and not very soundly. She had never seen a person sleeping in a dream and it was fairly weird. Then he opened his eyes to look at her.

"Another dream?" He seemed just as puzzled as she was.

"Come to tell me some more mumbo jumbo 'bout trees and wind. Seriously 'm going back to Sunnydale what else is there?"

Spike looked up at Buffy or really the dream Buffy. She seemed just as confused as he was. Why would the Powers send him a dream in where the person with the information was just a puzzled as he was. "Luv?"

Buffy found her voice, "Spike it's really me. Well at least a form of me. I don't know what the hell is going on, but it would appear that we are in each other's dreams."

"Oh s'that all?" there was a sarcastic tone in his voice that Buffy didn't miss.

"So what now?"

"I'm not sure really. Do you have any information to give me?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know what did they tell you in your dream?"

"Well you said something 'bout trees and wind and a day with light and dark. There was also something about it not starting until I went back to the land of the Sun. oh and the wind thing hates vampires. Told me to keep an eye out. I also had to help you protect the savior from the wind and the tree was going to sway after I got back."

Buffy had heard most of this before. The hating vamps thing was new, but she had assumed that this wind thing would hate any demon.

"Anything else?"

"Well let me think. I know that there is something that I'm missing." Spike went into deep thought for a second and then said,

"Right. You said that I was one of two champions. I don't know what it means, but you might wanna find the other champion."

"Could be useful."

Buffy started to pace around. Spike felt like he was going to be nauseous. Why couldn't she just sit still?

"Look, pet, I know that you are nervous 'bout this whole being each others dreams thing, but could you please sit down." Buffy looked at him and then sat down on the ground.

"So you're coming back to Sunnydale?"

"Yes on my way there right now s'matter of fact."

"When will you be back? Dawn has been asking about you."

"I should be back in a cuppla days."

"That's good. So are you going to tell me why you left?"

"Soon. I think that we shouldn't be in each other's dreams. More of a face to face kinda guy."

"Well I hope that you get back safe."

"Me too. I think that I should be alright."

"Where are you going to right now?"

"Ship takes me to San Francisco."

"How are you getting to Sunnydale from there?"

"Don't know yet."

"Why don't we pick you up. I mean you don't look so good. Have you eaten at all today?"

"Today no."

"How long was it been since you drank some blood?"

"Not really sure. Lost count a while back."

"No wonder you look so bad."

"I think that I'm holding up considering."

"Spike will you let us pick you up."

"Do whatever you want Goldielocks. You never let me stop you from getting what you want. Maybe that's cause I never tried to stop you."

Buffy looked at Spike. For some reason he seemed more broody. It didn't suit him well. Broody was an Angel thing. Spike was Mister Cocky and Confident not Mister Feel Sorry For me. "Spike is everything okay. You seem a little out of it."

"Well I haven't eaten in what seems like forever and I think I'm going crazy. I'll save the why for later, but just believe. I don't know why the Powers think that I would be of any help as a crazy psycho man."

"You'll help lots." Buffy found herself moving closer to him.

"Right. Slayer you don't even know whats happened over the months. Not s'actly Mister Stable lately. Going insane I tell you. No help to no one."

"Spike that isn't true." Buffy was so close to him she was practically sitting on his lap. As if her hand had a mind of it's on it went up to his face and started to caress his cheek.

"Buffy what are you doing?"

"Not sure really. Just acting."

"Well stop it." Spike didn't want her to stop and he knew that his argument was half-cooked.

"Make me stop. You just said that I always get what I want because you give it to me. Prove yourself wrong." Buffy's hand continued to stay at his cheek. She brought his face closer to hers and placed a gentle kiss on his dry lips.

Spike felt like he couldn't move. She had just kissed him. He was dreaming yes, but the Buffy in this dream was dreaming the same thing he was at this very same moment.

"Buffy come on you have to stop this. It will get us nowhere."

"What's so bad about me kissing you?"

"It's just what with our history it's all very cloudy. I can't make any sense of it."

"Then don't try."

"But like I said. I want to change everything. I want to make things better. I don't know if we have a chance to be something, but I want to try. On a clean slate."

"I don't love you Spike. I can't and you know why. But I do care."

"I know you do pet. And maybe things will change, but like I said they have to start on a clean slate. Nothing from the bad."

Buffy understood what he was saying. It made perfect sense, but it just wasn't something Spike would say. He would insist that she loved him and pester. That was just Spike. Now it seemed that some foreign alien had taken over Spike's body and was making him say and do weird things.

Buffy looked up into his eyes. Those eyes were still the same. They still glowed with the same intensity and compassion that was only reserved for Buffy.

"You're right Spike. I will see you later then."

"Two days at the loading docks in San Francisco."

"Okay." Buffy wanted to move but found that she couldn't.

Spike saw that she was moving and wondered what was going on. Then she turned around to face him. Before Spike had any time to react Buffy was kissing him. It was a passionate kiss that was begging to be deepened. Her tongue flickered against his lips as she tried to force her way into his mouth. Spike tried to fight, but it was no use. He didn't have the strength and some part of him wanted to kiss her. It had been such a long time. The kiss lasted for good five minutes before Buffy backed away to breath. Even though she had stopped kissing him her face was still very close to his.

"What was that 'bout?" Spike said when he regained his voice.

"Call it a token of are old ways." Spike laughed and Buffy giggled.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy woke up from her dream with a smile on her face. It had been a very vivid dream complete with color and surround sound. Buffy's fingers went up to her lips. They weren't swollen like they usually were when she kissed someone, but the memory still lingered in the air. Buffy knew that she had to go and get Spike. She would leave tomorrow morning with Giles.

Anya and Xander would watch Dawn and keep going with the research. When they got back they would do some research all together and save Willow. Now all Buffy would need to do was wait for morning to come. She drifted of into a sound sleep thinking about what tomorrow would bring. She hoped that it was something good because she had had enough with the bad.

Chapters 4, 5, and 6