Hey! That's My Life
It was pure evil. The purest of all evils. The biggest evil he had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Hand him stupid fledgings and big ass demons any day over this. This was horrific. The odor it produced was enough to knock three grown men to their feet keeled over dead.
The color was just blinding. So orange and yellow like it was meant to flash around shocking people as it went along. The sheer horror it produced was enough to scare even Spike. And that funny looking hat didn't help matters.
Spike looked at the Doublemeat Hell uniform as if it were some offensive demon.
"You really should be getting ready for work." Buffy said watching as Spike looked at the uniform from all angles.
"Yeah I know, just give me a sec." Spike said still studying the uniform.
"Looking at it isn't going to make it disappear." Buffy said with an amused tone in her voice.
She couldn't help, but feel a little gleeful at the thought of Spike having to work instead of her.
"I just hope you don't get this Spike fired from his job. Come to think of it I hope the other Buffy doesn't get me fired from my job." Buffy said.
"I'm glad you find amusement in this, pet, but I don't necessarily think its all that laugh worthy." Spike said picking up the shirt and holding it at arms length to put it under further inspection.
"What's up with the stripes? This pylon thing isn't working for me. You do it." Spike said shoving the uniform into Buffy's hands.
"Would, but a have a slight case of flammability to the sun."
"You're very calm for someone who is recently sort of vamped."
"Well I figure make the best of the situation."
"How? We're stuck in an alternate dimension where things are totally reversed and I have to work." Spike said in a whiney voice.
"Well I don't have to work and aside from the residual feelings I have every thing easy."
"Say that with a little more gusto, pet. Maybe it'll be true." Spike muttered.
"'Kay I have every thing easy. In fact I think it's better then easy. I have vampire powers. How cool is that? Okay so maybe not cool, but I can hear people when they're talking really low like you just did. And don't say your British slang words. They don't sound right without your accent."
"Isn't that just dandy." Spike said spotting the small blue nametag during his inspection.
He held the tag closer to him.
"William?" Spike said questioningly scrunching his nose up in distaste for the name.
"Uh, yeah, it's kind of your real name Spike." Buffy said in the best 'duh' voice she could pull off in the rather hoarse throaty sounding voice she had.
"I know that. Why is it so small? And why is it William. Least it could've been is Will or maybe even Spike. Shoot at this point I'd settle for Jim Bob." Spike said.
"You don't look like a Jim Bob, Spike. Don't think you could pull off Jim Bob. And what are you talking about, small? It's seems normal size to me." Buffy said.
"Must be my eyes then."
"What you need glasses?" Buffy said flippantly.
On Spike's nervous, jittery silence she took that as a yes.
"Oh my God. You need glasses." Buffy said bouncing up and down at the new information.
"Yes okay, when I was human I wore glasses. What of it." Spike said as snidely as he could, but came out with less bark then it should have come out with.
It was like this body just wouldn't allow you to get mad.
"I just think its funny is all. I mean add the glasses with the two tone hair thing you got going on and those clothes on your floor and you fit right in with the classic nerd." Buffy said.
"My clothes aren't nerdy. Maybe the glasses, but they're just reading glasses. Besides you're one to talk. What's with the long brown hair?"
"Oh God, my hair's brown?"
"Uh, yeah haven't you seen it?" Spike asked in a tone he would later stake himself for.
Stupid Southern Californians and their chipper perky accents.
"Kind of hard to do without a reflection. I just assumed it was blonde. This is just great. Does it look horrible?"
"You're asking me. Personally I like the blonde better, but you're not a natural blonde so there you go." Spike said.
"Well I guess we all have flaws. You with your glasses and me with this brown hair. It's time to make the best of this situation. Now get dressed for work. Wouldn't wanna be late and piss off the boss." Buffy said getting ready to leave the room.
"Is this the same Buffy that was all broody and giving my grandsire a run for his money?" Spike asked.
"Yeah, but for the first time in awhile I'm free. It's like when I was invisible, only I can't go out in the sun. I wonder which soap opera I'll watch first." Buffy said bouncing out of the room.
This can't be happening. Spike thought for the umpteenth time. The Powers that Be picked a perfect day for him to be going to work. He was working the grill. Not being one for grills he had to ask the scary, creepy, smelly guy who talked about grease getting caught in your nostrils for help.
The guy looked at him strangely as if he were the smelly one and then proceeded to show Spike how to work the grill. Then the manager, Lori or something got on his ass for not being there yesterday and told him he was working a double shift, which included him working the counter. Yup, life couldn't get worse.
"Hi I'm William. Welcome to the Doublemeat Palace. What can I do for you today?" Spike said through gritted teeth repeating the little piece he found written on a scratch piece of paper in his locker.
"One Doublemeat Medley please." The man said
"For here or to go?" Spike asked laying on the fake cheeriness.
"To go." the man said.
Spike squinted down at the small buttons that held small icons of food and tiny letters.
"Will, shouldn't you be wearing your glasses when working the register." One of the Doublemeat employees said to Spike.
Spike had already established that he didn't like the guy earlier this morning when he snickered at Spike's grilling ability and took it upon himself to try and teach Spike a more effective way to grill.
"Yeah, but I just can't seem to find them. . . Lennie." Spike said.
"Don't you usually keep them in your locker?" Lennie said with a fake- questioning look.
"Yeah, but it seems I lost them somewhere. It's okay." Spike said looking back down at the buttons and pressing the right one.
"That'll be $2.25." Spike said.
The man handed him three-dollar bills and Spike made the change.
"Your order is number 25." Spike said handing the man a large cup.
"Next customer please." Spike said not looking up from the cash register.
"Hey, man. You don't look so good." Spike looked up to see Xander standing in front of him in his construction worker clothes and hard hat.
"This coming from the village people cast off." Spike said.
"Hey no need to get all snide on me. Merely stating the obvious. So your day's been that hell filled, huh." Xander said.
"I've never worked an honest day in my life. Even before when I was human I was fairly rich. All I had to do was balance the books and stupid shit like that. Always drinking tea, eating crumpets and playing croquet. Never have I ever had to really work. Well unless you count killing, but that's different." Spike said in a somewhat hushed tone.
"Okay that was weird. I keep forgetting that you're not the same Will I grew up with. It's an odd thing to hear you talk about killing people. Vampires and demons, maybe, but people are a whole different thing." Xander said.
"It doesn't sound all that menacing in this voice or this body. What is up with my hair? He can't decide a color so he goes with both. Pick one. Brown or blonde. Choose already." Spike said.
"I think he does that on purpose. Never asked. Personally I stick with not dying my hair at all. Easier that way." Xander said.
"So are you going to order something or not. That Lennie guy has been on my ass and so has my manager. Don't want to get the poor sap fired from his job." Spike said.
"Sure why not. How about you just get me a large drink. Got my lunch packed and everything. Just thought I'd see if you were on a lunch break." Xander said.
"Why?" Spike asked questioningly.
"Because I thought I'd eat with you. The site's right down the street." Xander said slightly confused.
"Again I ask why?" Spike asked.
"Because you're my friend and I thought you'd be lonely eating alone." Xander said as if he were talking to a two-year-old.
"You know I'm not your friend. We aren't friends where I come from so excuse me if I'm a little thrown by this lunch invite." Spike said.
"Right I keep forgetting. You know it's okay if you don't want to have lunch. I just thought I'd tell you that since the wedding's in two weeks and I'm not sure if the Spike that's supposed to be here will be back or not that you know, you'll have to step in." Xander said.
"Wait, step in as what? I thought I was already doing my part being an usher." Spike asked.
"My best man." Xander said.
"I thought Red was your best man?" Spike asked.
"Um, I picked you over her. She's going to be Anya's maid of honor." Xander said.
"Well then Buffy and I'll just have to figure this out before then. That way you're wedding won't be ruined." Spike said.
"Yeah although I think I like a Buffy who's willing to be in the wedding rather then one who isn't." Xander said.
"Buffy's in the wedding too?" Spike asked.
"Yeah to even out the ratio."
"Right of course. Same reason I'm in the wedding back. . . where I come from."
"Well let's just hope you guys can figure it out before two weeks. It would be nice to have my friend back for my wedding." Xander said.
"Okay well I'll work on that." Spike said pressing a few buttons and then handing Xander a cup.
Xander dug in his pocket for some change when Spike said, "It's on the house. Just one drink. Better hurry up and get back to the construction site." Spike said.
"Sure okay. Positive you don't want any company?"
"Yeah, I'm good."
This wasn't what Buffy had in mind for a restful day at home. After two hours of sitting in front of the TV and two bags of blood later she was bored out of her mind and there was nothing she could do about it. The thought of sneaking into Dawn's room had appealed to her, but then she realized how childish that was.
The thought of checking out what this Spike lived like had too popped into her head but hadn't stayed there that long. He lived like a slob. Total and utter chaos. The room looked like a big tornado hit it. No, it would be too much work to look through that and find out information.
She was feeling worthless without the other Buffy's help. What purpose did she have, but to sit in front of the TV and drink blood all day? There was absolutely nothing for her to do. All these years Buffy had a purpose and now she had nothing.
She didn't have a purpose she had a sofa and a TV playing ridiculous soap operas and the birds that were chirping way too damn loud for anyone's liking. Or maybe that was just the super advanced vampire hearing. Everyone was doing something and she was beginning to feel how crushing being free could actually be.
"This is stupid. There's nothing on TV and I just have to sit here. Maybe Spike was right. Maybe we should really be focusing on how to go back home." Buffy muttered as she changed the TV.
"Buffy where are you?" Buffy turned her head to the door and saw as Willow walked through it.
"Hey, Wills. I'm in the living room." Buffy said.
"Oh." Willow said walking into the living room.
"Thank god you're here." Buffy said.
Willow gave her a weird look then said, "Oh right, different Buffy. So how has your day been."
"Oh just ever so boring. If this is what it means to be a vampire I think I'm going to pull a Dorothy and say 'There's no Place Like Home.'" Buffy said.
"Well technically regular vampires would be out. . . sleeping and later causing mayhem. Because you're all Chips Ahoy you're not out commanding minions." Willow said.
"I guess you're right. I mean I knew that Spike, from my reality, was chipped and all, I just never knew what that meant. And these damn vampire senses are going haywire. I mean I can literally hear the neighbor's two houses away arguing about that mysterious stain of lipstick on his shirt. He's not very good at defending himself." Buffy said.
"Yeah I was kind of wondering when she'd catch on to his cheating. He's been coming in at two in the morning every night for the past month. Anyway, I was thinking about how we can fix this and maybe we could call on a higher power to ask if they know anything about this." Willow said.
"That's a lot of magic isn't it?" Buffy asked.
"Well, it's pretty big, but I think with my help Tara could pull it off."
Buffy nodded. "Don't want you to fall off the wagon just because I need a little magical assistance. So we just call on this higher power and ask it questions?"
"No, it's a little harder then that. It appears that if you call the power you have to have a champion present to fight some big fight. It's risky at best and if you want to not get your head cut off then you have to win." Willow said.
"Okay not that I'm not okay with the head chopping off of my head, but maybe there's a less violent approach." Buffy said.
"I'm still looking through the text. Anya's at the Magic Box helping out too. We should, maybe, be able to come up with something different, but maybe not. If this is our only hope. . ."
"Then we take it I know. It's just where do you go about finding a champion?"
"And that's why our system of checks and balances is so wrong. It's outdated. The government should really put a new system in place." Lennie said as he hovered over Spike's shoulder.
It was only two more hours until he was out of this dump. Part of his mind said he'd go home, take a nice long shower, and fall right to sleep in that nice warm comfortable bed. The other part said he should really go out and kill something before plopping onto that messy bed that belonged to him in this dimension.
"It's like America is totally disregarding everything John Locke wrote about. Not that I'm saying we need an overthrow of government, but someone needs to be looking out for the little guy. Get what I mean?"
Spike looked over and gave him a tense smile.
"And it's not just the fundamentals. It would be easy if it was, but this goes deep. Bureaucrats still exist my friend and politicians love to eat out of there hands. The president tries to pretend that it's all just a big conspiracy, but anyone with eyes could see the difference." Lennie said.
"You're really into this cause thing aren't you." Spike commented.
"Oh is it boring you. I'm sorry it's just ever since I've been taking this economic and government class I've been all Mister Government. You know talking off anyone's ear about the basics of our society and the ever rising of communism. Sorry if it offends you." Lennie said.
A confused look passed over Spike's face. He wasn't sure whether to be outraged by the comment or to brush it off completely. Spike knew more history then the kid could ever know. He was alive during the Industrial revolution and the up rise of communism in Germany. Hell he had even met Mussolini and almost got to meet Hitler.
He was over a hundred and twenty years old. He knew his history. He had majored in History and English when he was in Oxford. Part of him told him to creep down and just forget about it though. That was the part of the Spike from this dimension. Not really secure in his ability to outsmart people. He'd rather just dunk down and hope he wasn't seen.
"Oh it's not that it's just well you're so enthused by government. Of course, I personally, have more of an English thinking stand point." Spike said watching as the boy's face contorted in confusion.
"You're English. I didn't know you came from Britain?" Lennie said thoroughly confused.
"I don't, but I have a. . . friend a few actually that are from Britain. I guess the thinking structure rubbed off on me." Spike said.
"Really so you think there should be a monarch or something?" Lennie said stifling his laughter.
"Oh, no, never was much for the queen. Parliament regulates everything over there anyway. No, I think that the government we have now is a good one." Spike said.
"So what's your stand point then?" Lennie asked.
"I guess I just feel that maybe, if everyone stopped arguing about the wrongs of government and feeling ready to revolt, they could see that what they have now is a pretty good set up. I mean we have all these rights activist, which are all well and good for things like animals and polluted sea water, but for humans after all this time is just ridiculous. I mean, and I've once argued this before, Americans went to America, revolted on British views from Enlightenment thinkers, conquered tons of lands killing thousands of 'Native Americans' to do it, and know you all feel bad on Thanksgiving for all the wrongs done to the 'Native American' race. It's silly. You came in, conquered, won and know you feel really bad about it. The whole system of thinking is ridiculous." Spike said.
"I guess, but what does that have to do with the wrongs in our government?" Lennie asked in that condescending tone he had perfected.
"Well, Americans use the ideas of Enlightenment thinkers and then raise them on a pedestal for all people to live by. You go telling other countries how to run themselves instead of fixing the problems at home. That's the real problem. Fix the internal before the external. If they aren't bothering us don't bother them. So what if they live under a different system then us. We aren't the world dominators. We don't own them. If you want to tell a country how to run themselves then conquer them. Don't sit in the sidelines waving a finger saying 'Do it 'Cause I Said so.'"
"So you're saying you support communism?" Lennie asked.
"The idea behind it was good enough. Crazy people like Hitler and Mussolini took it too far I'll give you that, but if a country wants to live under that rule, fine by me. Not my place to judge them." Spike said.
"So you totally disregard all the things the Enlightenment thinkers came up with?"
"No, they came up with some good ones."
"So you just don't believe in Machiavelli's three branches of government?"
"Montesquieu wrote the three branches of government. Machiavelli wrote The Prince."
"Oh yeah well." Lennie said as he stalked off back to his register. Spike smiled a triumphant smile.
Maybe this thing will be fun after all, Spike thought as he put the fries into the crisper.
"Well I didn't find anything else out. It seems this gladiator type is our best bet." Anya said.
"Right now anyway. We have plenty of chances to find something else." Willow said off of the sad look on Buffy's face.
"Well it's good that you're researching. That's a good thing." Buffy said twirling a lock of her brown hair.
"Yeah, but if only we had something more to go on. Now don't freak out on me again, but we have absolutely no solid information. I mean just look at your memories. If those are different then any information from your dimension leading up to the switch-a-roo could be different too." Xander said.
"Xander's right. Besides who knows if we're even supposed to interfere. I still think this has to do with just Buffy and Spike going through this thing." Tara said.
"So we just have to wait." Dawn said a little more sullenly then she hoped for.
She sounded downright sad at the idea of not having her brother anymore. Sure this Spike was nice enough, he reminded her of the Buffy that belonged in her dimension, but he wasn't her brother.
It was awkward that now Buffy was acting like her big sister, but it was to be expected considering in her dimension Buffy was her sister. Dawn just hoped that things would eventually go back to normal.
"Sorry Dawnie, but short of us finding a champion and using said champion to fight a war with some really big possibly demonic guy who would probably kick said champion's ass, we've got nothing." Willow said.
"Willow babble back in full force. It's been awhile." Buffy commented.
"Yeah, unde. . . Buffy's got a point. Nice to see some things returning to normal." Xander said.
Willow blushed nervously and dared a glance at Tara. Tara was smiling sweetly back at her.
"So as Willow explained in that really long sentence, we've got nothing, but we have a little something called optimism. We'll keep looking until our eyeballs pop out." Anya said with enthusiasm rarely seen when researching.
"Which might be soon if these books get any boring-er." Xander said.
"Well, we'll just have to pop them right back in." Willow said.
"Yeah shouldn't be too hard. I mean there's like six of us. Seven when Spike finally does get home. Why is he so late tonight." Dawn asked glancing at the time and seeing that it was almost eleven.
"He called bitching about having to work a double shift and if he didn't have the chip in his head then he'd kill his boss. Shouldn't bee back until midnight. You better get to bed Dawn." Buffy said not looking up from her book.
"Yeah I guess. Wait. . . Spike was complaining about his chip. He doesn't have a chip in this dimension." Dawn said.
"It's probably habit Dawn. You know he probably just doesn't want to get this Spike charged with murder and, as force of habit to explain his non- violent tendencies, he used the chip as an excuse." Tara said.
"Makes sense." Xander said.
"Besides you wouldn't want to have a mentally deranged chip free Spike. It's best he doesn't remember that he doesn't have the chip. He might go killing people." Buffy said.
"Or worse he'll start blaming his soul."
Just a few more minutes. Twenty at most. Only twenty minutes and you're out of this hellhole. You can actually go home to that nice warm bed you were thinking about earlier. Just a few more minutes. Spike thought as he helped the last few customers of the night.
The Doublemeat palace stayed open until midnight and the drive-thru was open until two. Spike didn't want to know what kind of people came to the drive-thru at one in the morning.
Mostly, right now, it was college students getting the munchies.
"Can I help the next in line please." Spike said. A tall brunette with blue eyes walked up. She had a big scar over her eye and wore all black. It reminded Spike of some sort of ninja. She was staring at him expectantly.
"Hi, I'm William, welcome to the Doublemeat Palace. What would you like this evening ma'am." Spike said in that fake cheery voice it had only taken him a day to get down. The brunette stared at him oddly.
"Will, it's me. Renee." She said with that same expectant look on her face.
"Um. . . okay Renee. What would you like?" Spike said.
"What is wrong with you? I come back to town and you act as if you don't know me." She said.
"Um. . . are you going to order something? I have customers." Spike said feeling very uncomfortable. He obviously didn't know who she was. She wasn't from his dimension.
"Will, stop acting like that. The Initiative needs your help." She said in a voice barely above a whisper.
"My help? Why do they need my help? And why would I help them?" Spike said forgetting where he was.
"Because you're the Slayer." She said in that same low tone.
"Am the what?"
"No I'm. . . oh, that's right."
“Buffy stop messing around. This is really important. A very volatile demon is loose on the Hellmouth. I need the Slayer’s help on this one.” Riley said looking at the very confused Buffy.
“Okay, one, please refrain from using the demon talk at my place of employment and two, you’ll just have to wait until I get off of work and then we’ll go meet the Scoobies and sort this all out.” Buffy said glancing at her boss who was sending her wary looks.
“I don’t have time for you to finish up at this... ... ... job. I need the Slayer now.” Riley said.
“The Slayer talk needs to be kept to a minimum. I’m not a blo... ... ... freaking machine here. I do need to finish my job. Besides you don’t want me to help you. I’d probably let you get killed just for the heck of it.” Buffy said flippantly.
“Buffy, I’m sorry that I left you like that, but can we please just put that behind us and look for the demon.” Riley said in an exasperated tone.
“Wanker, really think I care that you left. I’m not even sure who you are, but if you are who I think you are then as me I should be glad that you left.” Buffy said snorting.
“Okay, I’ve been out of Sunnydale too long because I don’t remember how to translate Sunnydale-speak and did you call me a wanker?” Riley said. Buffy let out a long sigh.
“Look I have about twenty minutes left on the job. Then we’ll go to see the Slayer’s minions and then you’ll get the Slayer to help you out and I can lie down and sleep.” Buffy said.
“Buffy are you okay?” Riley asked.
“No and no amount of Jack D is going to fix that.”
“This is beyond boring. This has entered the realm of torture.” Xander complained.
“I have to agree, but I also have to say that if we don’t keep researching something bad might happen to both Spike and Buffy. Let’s just keep going.” Willow said.
“Yeah well if things don’t pick up soon I’m going to leave. No sense in pulling an all nighter.” Anya said.
“I have this intense need to beat up something.” Spike said out loud.
Everyone turned to look at him as though he had grown an extra head.
“Well I do. I don’t know what it is, but it’s centered on one thing. Don’t know what that is though.” Spike said burying his nose in the book.
“Well you could murder the books if you want to. They don’t seem to be helping although I think Giles might not like that.” Anya said.
“I’m not sure what it is, but it’s pretty strong.” Spike said.
“Maybe it’s just that vampire instinct kicking in. Just another thing you’ll have to get used to.” Tara said.
“That’s not fair. There’s the blood and the bumpy face and the advanced hearing and the totally boring nothing to do all day. Now on top of that I feel like ripping someone to shreds and I don’t even know who the hell that someone is. Being a vampire sucks ass.” Spike said pouting slightly knowing it probably looked ridiculous. He really wanted his old body back.
“Ladies and gentleman witness the ever popular vampire mood swings.”
Everyone turned around to see Buffy and, “Riley!” the group sans Spike yelped out.
“Hey guys.” Riley said in a slightly shy voice.
“Who’s that guy?” Spike asked.
“Just some guy that needs the Slayer’s help. Thought I should bring him here to discuss things with the group and then I’m going to go to bed.” Buffy said.
“Oh no you don’t. If I have to deal with all this vampire crap you can do a simple demon hunt. Should be easy.” Spike said.
“This from the guy that just said and I quote ‘Being a Vampire Sucks Ass’. Looks like you don’t want to be here as much as I don’t want to be here. At least you’re finally admitting it.” Buffy said.
“Yes, I’ve learned the error of my ways and am currently reaping what I sow. At least I’ve been researching for a way to send us back.” Spike said.
“Good, because I can’t stand it here.” Buffy said plopping down in a seat.
“Could someone please fill me in on at what the heck is going on here. Seriously I’d like to know.” Riley said.
“It’s slightly complicated.” Tara said shyly.
“No it really isn’t. Riley, that’s your name right, well see here’s the thing, the thing is, well it’s a pretty big thing, but not that big, but large enough for me to start babbling incoherently.” Spike said brows furrowing in confusion over the right words to say.
“What, Spikey is trying to say is that we aren’t the Buffy and Spike you know. We’re different people from a different dimension and have no idea who you are.” Buffy said.
“Wow, is this true?” Riley asked the rest of the group.
“Yep, very true. They come from a dimension where Spike is the Slayer and Buffy is the vampire and they switched with the Spike and Buffy we know.” Xander said.
“And all of us are here to research for a way to send them back.” Anya said.
“Well then maybe I shouldn’t be here. I mean you’ve already got enough on your plate as it is.” Riley said.
Riley made a motion to leave, but before the non-existent little angel on Spike’s shoulder could voice it’s opinion Spike stood in front of Riley blocking him from leaving.
“You don’t have to go. Obviously you wee friends with the group and it would be a shame to turn away a friend in a time of need.” Spike said in an ultra-sweet voice that no one was prepared for.
“Spike what the hell are you doing?” Riley asked with a hint of annoyance and disgust that almost sent Spike into another touchy feely moment.
“Nothing I’m just saying that if you need the Slayer’s help then what kind of person would the Slayer be to turn you away like that.” Spike said in a no nonsense voice that dared anyone to argue with the logic.
“A person that wants to sleep. If you’re so gung ho to help out then you go out. I’m. Tired.” Buffy said rubbing her feet a little.
“Nonsense. A Slayer never gets tired. A Slayer stands up and fights the good fight.” Spike said.
“You keep putting it that way and I may have to stake you.” Buffy said.
“Well, like Tara said the only way to get out of this is to experience what the other is feeling. I do that kind of thing on a daily basis. It’s the only sure fire method any of us know.” Spike said.
Buffy glared at him with all the furry she could muster trying to mentally smack that smirk off of Spike’s face and when did he get so good at that?
“He’s right Buffy. We’ve concluded that that is what’s going on here.” Willow said in a hushed voice not wanting to incur the wrath of Buffy that was currently brewing in the small blonde Slayer’s head.
She growled, really growled, at Spike and then let out a frustrated sigh.
“One day, when you least expected it, I’m gonna get you for this Slayer.” Buffy said in the lowest tone her voice would go.
It didn’t really convey much of a threat considering the voice was made for a preppy Southern California girl.
“Empty threats. You can’t kill me. If you do we may never get back to our dimension. I don’t think you wanna stay in that body although I gotta say even with the blinding pylon colors it is an improvement from the black Goth look you had going on.” Spike said.
“You’re not really one to talk. Look in a mirror lately. Oh that’s right you can’t cause you’re a vampire.” Buffy said.
“Anybody else find this conversation very disturbing.” Xander asked.
“I think I speak for everyone when I say yeah.” Riley said.
“Good just checking.” Xander said.
“Buffy why don’t you go with Riley. I mean Spike is right on this instance. Maybe experiencing what the other goes through will get you home sooner.” Willow said.
“But I’m tired. I just worked a double shift at a place that smells worse then a Fyral demon and I’m tired.” Buffy said.
“Well I’m always tired and I still slay. Just a part of the job.” Spike said with a slight air of superiority.
“Yeah as if you can call what you do slaying. More like...” Spike whapped Buffy in the head before she could finish her sentence giving her a glare as he did so.
“OW!” Buffy said giving Spike a meaningful look.
It took two seconds before Spike caught on and followed up with, “Ow, that hurts. Stupid chip.” Spike said not really feeling any pain, but trying his best to act like he did.
“That’ll teach you not to hit people.” Anya said.
“I forgot about the chip.” Spike said.
“Serves you right.” Buffy said.
“This coming from a hundred and something year-old vampire.” Spike said.
“I don’t know if I can take much more of this. Look if you aren’t going to help me with the Suvolte demon then I have to go because it’s out there attack innocent people.” Riley said.
“Oh you can’t handle a Suvolte demon by yourself. Those things are dangerous. I don’t even know if I can handle that kind of demon. Even with my Slayer strength I might be powerless against it. I think Spike should go with us.” Buffy said turning to Spike with an evil grin on her face.
“You’re joking right. That’s not my job. Not the Slayer... ... ... well anymore considering I’m in this body.” Spike said.
“Well you’re looking for redemption and being curled up in the house all day can’t be good. You’re probably going crazy just looking for something to kill.” Buffy said.
“Yeah you if you don’t shut up.”
“Empty threats.” Buffy said resisting the urge to stick her tongue out at him.
“She’s right to Spike. If you’re feeling the urge to kill something you should do it. Remember it’s about going through what the other is going through.” Tara said.
“Tara, I know you mean well, but as a trained professional I’m not allowed to team up with vampires.” Riley said.
“Well then I can’t go, because in a technical sense I’m a vampire.” Buffy said sitting down in the nearest chair.
“And I’m a vampire in the literal sense.” Spike said sitting down.
“You’re going! That’s finally! You’ll do the being in the other’s shoes thing and help Riley fight this demon! I don’t want to hear anymore complaints. The rest of us will be here researching a way to send you back home.” Willow said resolve face firmly intact and voice daring anyone to argue.
“Yeah, okay let’s get weapons.” Buffy said.
“Right behind you.”
The three people walked in silence with the occasional stare. Spike, despite his earlier protests, was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet in anticipation for a fight.
“Could you quit that? It’s distracting.” Buffy hissed to him.
“I can’t. I’m all juiced up to fight. I didn’t even realize that I wanted to fight this much. Is this what it always feels like. Are you always this jumpy?” Spike asked.
“Most of the time. Usually more to do some damage to some unsuspecting innocent person, but you know the chip. And speaking of the chip, it has to go off whenever you hit me you do know that right?” Buffy said.
“Yeah I forgot. Clutch my head in pain whenever I hit something human.” Spike said.
“And try not to hit me at all.” Buffy said.
“Well I wouldn’t have to if you weren’t about to tell them... ... ... things that you shouldn’t tell them.” Spike said.
“Sorry, but I had to prove a point. You don’t really slay as much as you,” Buffy cut off her sentence when she saw Spike’s hand raised in the air.
“Sorry I won’t say anything. You already know what I mean.” Buffy said.
“Will you two be quiet? I think I’ve tracked it. It should be over there somewhere.” Riley said pointing to the woods.
“Of course you’re a big demon lets hide out in the woods. Is there any special way to kill it that I should know about?” Spike asked.
“Big, blunt, objects should do the trick. Maybe some shiny, sharp, ones too.” Buffy said.
“We aren’t here to kill it.” Riley said.
“WHAT!” Buffy and Spike said at the same time in a shocked almost outraged tone of voice.
“It laid eggs. We have to find those then we can kill it. If those eggs hatch we’re going to have one hell of a problem. The multiple faster then bunnies.” Riley said.
“So the plan is to risk our necks putting a tracking device on the momma bear and then tracking it to it’s nest to kill it’s babies and then possibly get said necks broke. I think I’ll pass and just kill it now.” Buffy said.
“Yeah I mean it’s not like we can’t go to Willy’s for information as to where this nest is. Let’s just kill it.” Spike said.
“It’s faster to just put the tracking device on the Suvolte that we find and follow it to the eggs.” Riley said with irritation clearly in his voice.
“Faster innit always better.” Buffy said. It was hard to tell whether it was an innuendo or not.
“Look this is the way we’re going to do it. Can I count on you two to back me up?” Riley asked.
A minute or two passed where Buffy and Spike just looked back and forth at each other. Riley wasn’t sure what was going on so he stood there, his hip jutted out just a little and his arms across his chest with his foot tapping a little. He was radiating a wave of impatience, but Buffy and Spike didn’t really care. He was a stranger to them both.
“Sure, but I get to say I told you so if you get your neck broken.” Buffy said walking into the woods.
“I don’t remember her being like this.” Riley said suddenly realizing how stupid that statement was.
“Well, duh, we’re from an alternate dimension.” Spike said walking behind her.
“I really don’t know how much more of this I can take.” Riley said.
“Oh cheer up. How bad can seeing your ex-girlfriend be?” Riley turned around to see a tall woman with dark brown hair and a slight Eastern European accent standing behind.
“Very hard, Sam. Turns out it’s not my ex-girlfriend. It’s a different person from a different dimension with the same name as her.” Riley said.
“Riley was that English?” Sam asked.
“Apparently yes it was English. Let’s go before Spike starts hacking up everything in sight.”
Riley said pulling Sam along with him. They entered the woods to find Spike with his hands over his ears and Buffy sniffing around.
“What are you two doing?” Riley asked.
“It’s very loud.” Spike said.
“Who’s that?” Buffy said pointing to Sam.
“Oh, well, Buffy this is Sam. Sam this is Buffy.” Riley said.
“Nice to meet you Buffy.” Sam said sticking out her hand politely to have Buffy shake it. Buffy stared at her weirdly before accepting the handshake.
“Okay so that answers what her name is, but who is she?” Buffy asked again.
“Well, Buffy Sam’s sort of my wife.” Riley said fidgeting nervously. Buffy stared at him for a second before bursting out in hysterical laughter.
“You know what that means right?” She yelled to Spike who was standing behind her.
“Yes, I know what that means.” Spike said snidely.
“That’s too funny.” Buffy said between bursts of laughter.
“Shut up.” Spike growled at her.
“I know I should, but... ... ... whoa.” Buffy said as she fell backwards.
Spike caught her.
“What’s wrong now?” Spike asked.
“Strange suffocating feeling. Not, heartbreak, but I don’t know something different.” Buffy said.
“You think you can stand?” Spike asked.
“Yeah just give me a sec.” Buffy said.
“Buffy, we don’t have a second. Suvolte demons at twelve o’clock.” Riley screamed.
“What’s twelve o’clock?” Spike asked.
“That means they’re right behind us.” Buffy replied.
“I thought so.” Spike said lifting Buffy to her feet and turning around.
There, standing in front of them in all their ugly glory, were two of the ugliest looking demons Spike and Buffy had ever seen or faced. They were purple and looked remarkably like some alien they’d seen in some movie. Drool, or possibly saliva was coming out of what appeared to be their mouths.
“Oh this doesn’t look good.” Buffy said.
“No, not good at all. Still dizzy?” Spike asked.
“Um, if I say yeah will yeah hold me again.” Buffy said.
“Not now.” Spike said.
“I can fight.” Buffy said as she straightened herself up before almost falling again.
“Maybe I should sit this one out.” Buffy said heading for a good place to sit.
“I guess it’s just you and me then, Spike.” Riley said throwing himself into battle.
“Well, when you put it like that.” Spike said throwing himself into the scrimmage as well.
Fists flew in the air and landed with easy on the big ugly demons. Kicks landed on their targets and Spike and Riley fought the demons. Riley tried his hardest to put a tracking device on one of them while Spike fought of the other.
Sam went to sit next to Buffy making sure that Buffy was okay and totally ignoring the heated glares Buffy was throwing her way. She was too caught up in watching the fight to really care how mad Buffy was at her.
The fighting seemed to go on for hours when in reality it was only a few minutes before Spike said, “Oh for crying out loud. This isn’t going to work.”
Spike ran over to where Riley was failing at keeping the Suvolte off of him for longer then five seconds. Spike grabbed the demon from behind and snapped its neck.
“Spike! We want theses things alive.” Riley yelled.
“Yeah, well it wanted you dead.” Spike yelled back.
“Go hold off that one while I see if this one is the female or not.” Riley said.
Spike listened and went back over to where the demon was howling in pain over the death of its mate. More punches were thrown before Spike got it in what looked like the chocker hold.
“Hurry it up over there!” Spike yelled at Riley as the demon tried to wiggle free from Spike’s grasp.
Riley sliced open the demons stomach to reveal that it was the female and definitely not carrying any eggs.
“Damn it! This is the female and she doesn’t have any eggs. Shit! This is all your fault Spike.” Riley screamed and began ranting.
Spike was barely listening as he fought to keep a hold of the demon in his arms. He was sorry that he had killed the demon, he really was, but Riley didn’t have to be such an ass about it. Spike was sure that a talk with Willy would straighten out where the missing eggs were in a jiffy.
Then a truly evil though and possibly feeling washed over Spike. /Let go of the demon. Let it rip and tear through that asshole’s flesh. Let it kill him. You don’t like him anyway. He’s part of the Initiative. The guys who put the chip in you head. Just let go of the demon./
Spike fought to keep holding it, but the vengeance that was seeping through him made him let go of it and just stand there and watch as it ran towards Riley with the purpose of killing the other man. Spike felt the evil smirk curling on his face and tried hard to fight it, but the feeling that he was gaining vengeance on the man was too great and he just had to smirk.
“Spike, help him!” Buffy screamed as she watched the demon rip and tear at Riley.
Riley was screaming in excruciating pain at that point and he couldn’t do anything to throw the demon off of him. Sam ran over to where the demon and Riley lay on the ground only to be thrown like a sack of potatoes against a tree.
“Crap.” Buffy muttered as she got up and charged at the demon.
There was a slight fight before Buffy used the sword she brought along and stabbed the demon till the sword was coming out of the other side and puncturing the ground. Buffy yanked the sword out and ran over to Riley.
“Are you okay?” She asked. Riley didn’t answer her.
He seemed to have passed out from pain and he was bleeding everywhere.
“Oh god, Riley!” Sam screamed running over to her husband and clutching him close to her. Buffy walked backwards and made her way to Spike. He was standing there with game face on and snarling like a maniac.
“Spike, are you okay?” Buffy asked.
Spike turned his head to look at her and an evil smile lit up his face. It was something, that if Buffy hadn’t been Elizabeth the Bloody, would have made her quiver in fear.
“Does it matter if he’s okay? Look at Riley. He’s bleeding and he could be dead.” Sam yelled.
“It wasn’t him. Something possessed him to make him do this. The Spike I know would never do that. He just has to calm down.” Buffy said petting Spike’s arm lightly.
“He’s a vampire, Buffy. Vampires aren’t nice or friendly they’re evil. They’re evil.” Sam yelled her voice quivering slightly.
Buffy decided it would be best to just ignore her.
“Spike, come on Spike you have to stop this.” Buffy said.
Suddenly Spike was looking at her with guileless and worried eyes. The scent of bloody hit him hard.
“Oh god what happened?” Spike asked.
“You let Riley get mauled by a demon that’s what happened!” Sam yelled.
“I what... ... ... no I would never do that. I wouldn’t let someone die.” Spike said with a frantic tone in his voice.
“Spike, it’s okay. What feelings were you get at the time?” Buffy asked.
“I was feeling this strong feeling of trying to get revenge. I... ... ... I don’t know why. I just was. Then all of a sudden I didn’t have a hold of the demon anymore and... ... ... then I was standing here growling and you were yelling at me.” Spike said. Buffy looked at Spike’s eyes and knew that he was telling the truth.
“Oh God, he’s not breathing. Buffy Riley’s not breathing.” Sam yelled. Buffy turned to see Sam holding Riley close.
“I can hear his heart. The beating’s very slow.” Spike said staring off into space.
“Spike I need you strong right now. I don’t know what to do. I’m not good with taking care of humans.” Buffy said.
“I... ... ... I ... ... ... I can’t be here.” Spike said wiggling out of Buffy’s grasp and running farther into the woods.
“Spike! Get back here! I can’t do this alone!” Buffy yelled hoping that Spike would come back.
“Buffy, we have to get Riley to a hospital.” Sam said. Buffy was still staring at the path that Spike had taken when something clicked in her head and shook her out of her thoughts.
“Do you have a car?” Buffy asked.
“Yeah I do.” Sam said.
“Okay let’s get him in the car. I’ll drive.” Buffy said helping Sam pick up Riley.
They began to carry him off to the car. Buffy gave one last look to the path before walking off with Riley and Sam. She knew that Spike was physically strong, but his emotional state was shot at that moment. She just hoped that he didn’t encounter any demons in his little run through the woods.
Or humans for that matter.
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