My dollars worth or The tree that ate my plane
Mood:  energetic
Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
Thursday..... my day off this week. In a surprise move I was given Monday and Thursday off this week. Which means I work both weekend days.... Which only slightly bothers me. I was able to spend some time both days learning a little more about AFLAC. I don't have anyone to hang out with this weekend anyway.

My friend at work (the call center work) has been MIA so I assume he quit. If he happens to be you... give me a call we should grab a beer.... The bad part about him quitting is now work is that much more painful to be at. I knew when he was working there I would have someone to shoot the breeze with at breaks. I have been deluged with stupid neighbors since he left. This one guy that sat next to me Wednesday was overly loud and full of advice. I felt like smacking him as he tried to help me. I didn't ask for help and it isn't my job to help troubleshoot phones for people so why was he chiming in? Shouldn't he be taking calls? I almost kicked him.... Oh well. At the moment this job is the only one paying bills so I have no choice but to go..... I can't wait until I have a choice.

Speaking of paying bills. Last week I got the idea that I should do some extra time at work. Of course the minute I decide that they stop offering overtime but I did manage 3 hours extra. Today when I checked my bank account I saw that I hadn't made anymore then normal.... That kind of totally deflated my sails... That extra 3 hours made for a long and painful day but absolutely no monetary gain. I was expecting to be able to tell on the paycheck.... maybe have ten dollars more then normal... but instead it was exactly the same as normal.... I will be studying the pay stub when it arrives.

I needed to pick up some things from the dollar store (I shop here because of my measly paychecks and because I like the place as well) like sandwich baggies and some lunch snacks like pretzels and the cracker and cheese packs. While I was there I wandered around the store and ended up picking up a 3 pack of airplanes you launch with a rubber band and a frisbee that looked like a propeller. When I got home I packed a little picnic, an airplane and my frisbee and headed to the park. Within 5 minutes I had ripped the airplane wing in half. I decided to see what would happen with just half the wing. It flew farther but the flight was a spiral. I learned one reason that the wings are so big on an airplane, the flight would be horrible and people would die because they blacked out during the flight and the plane crashed.... I was having a blast any way and the frisbee was pretty much forgotten when my airplane took a startling right turn into the top of a tree and disappeared. I couldn't shake it down and I couldn't even see where it went. It was like Amelia Earhart's lost flight.... never to be seen again... Charlie Brown has a kite eating tree and I have an airplane eating tree. With my airplane swallowed by a demon tree from Hades I turned to my frisbee. The first few launches went no where. I decided to throw it up and that was when it worked. It was actually quite fun once I figured that out. It would speed upward and then top out and on the way back down it would level out and start spinning and float down slowly. It was impossible to predict where it would land. It did not seem to be something you would throw around with a couple people because it simply didn't fly right. I was tossing the frisbee and chasing it down when I found one of those heavy duty frisbees they use in the ultimate frisbee game and the frisbee golf things. I waited a few minutes before I snagged it to see if anyone came running at me and when no one did I started slinging that thing around and let me tell you that thing could fly! I stopped for a while and broke out my snacks and had my picnic. I was quickly out of water so I had to head back. I stopped by my plane devouring tree and shook it a few more times but my little plane was gone! I gave up, for the second and final time and left the park. On my way back I found a racquetball and I had a new toy to play with as I walked. It was like an amazing toy discovery day today.

I have a new store that will be opening officially Saturday. Yes that makes the 3rd store in a week. You can get a sneak peak today by going to
http://www.cafepress.com/cldholiday. Which is where all the big holiday gifts will be. The next holiday I am designing for is Father's Day. I have 2 designs up and 2 more designs in the works. them out today!

Don't forget to check out my other new store for cds and movies, http://crazedlunatikdesigns.tripod.com/ And remember this one is available to be used by artists, writers and other entreprenuers. If you have something to sell let me know! We can get you online!

And the old standbys:
Rent My Dad Store
Stewey Store
CrazedLunatikDesigns.com Store

Have a great day!

HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Site News
NEWEST STORE!
I am selling a few movies and cd's cheap! I will also be selling other items like stories, poems, photographs, and comics here in the future! Go and check out the newest stores! Movie Store & CD Store

Do you have items that are in good condition? I can sell them for you as well. Are you an artist, writer, photographer, seamstress or crocheter? I can host your items for sale as well! Ask me how!

My Car Needs Some Money Thrown At It Blues
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
It is a warm day again but not as blistering as yesterday but still it is hot enough for ac, which of course I don't have. I waited too long to eat so I am feeling a bit dizzy as I write this. The food I finally ate was not an instant cure so I am hoping the ice water will be. I decided it was high time to take my car for a bath and after much searching I found a scrub it yourself car wash. I wanted it's first bath of the summer to come from me as I tried to take off the Winter grime. There was even a spot of mold on the trunk where the paint continues to peel. I scrubbed the grime and mold away and I vacuumed the car. It took the whole roll of quarters I had to get it clean. Of course I had a machine steal about a dollar fifty of that. I hate vending machines. All I wanted was some Armorall for the inside. I put a note in the refund box about my $1.50 (cha-ching). I doubt I will ever see it again. I ended up stopping at the dollar store and picking up some interior cleaner wipes. I used about 10 wipes just for cleaning the dashboard..... like I said it was time for a bath! In the future I will probably take it to a place to do it for me because it isn't any cheaper to do it yourself. It seemed like such a good idea for a warm day though! In the end the car looks a lot better. It doesn't look great because the paint job has been peeling since shortly after I bought the car.... what do you do.

It looks better but it does not sound better. The car has always had a scary rattle to it when you start it up but it is definitely getting worse. That is the most obvious sign of attention needed that the car gives. The oil is due for a change as soon as I can fit it into my measly budget and the car needs a lot of TLC and probably a bundle of cash to get it running better. So far Uncle Don has donated to my car's health with a can of fuel injected engine cleaner and I have given it a bath. I know where a good chunk of money will go once the money starts flowing. Right now I am just hoping the car makes it until I can show it some love! C'mon and pray with me!

I am burning up
Mood:  on fire
Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
It was 92 degrees today. That was bloody hot and not an air conditioner in sight! Good lord this sucks! It is still too hot and it will not cool off quick enough!

I wish I had more to say but my brain seems to have been cooked tonight.

Happy Mother's Day
Mood:  happy
Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
It is the day to honor you mommy! So get out there and do it! I hope by the time you all read this you already have! I called my mom and sent an e-card and then told her that her Mother's day mug would be sent as soon as I could afford to buy one from myself! Nothing like delayed gratification for gifts. I should start a line of greeting cards that say: Happy (holiday, birthday, anniversary or whatever)! "I apologize for the lack of a gift; I will remedy that as soon as I get the electricity cut back on!" What do you think? Would you buy a set of these cards? I can make them if you would!

I spent my Mother's day hanging out with my Aunt and Uncle and we had a very nice visit. Every time I go there I remember why I need to go there more often! In reality I have a very good family and I realize the same thing every time I visit anybody in it. Which brings me to a shocking revelation. I do not keep in touch as much as I need to! I promise to make a more concerted effort from now on. So everybody needs to go and sit by their phones! OK maybe not but I will try to keep in touch more and I ask that you all do so as well! So instead of every 6 months I will shoot for every 2 months and then try to wrestle it down to every month.... I am including friends in this as well....

So did I see my cousin Robert and his wonderful wife Denise at my Aunt and Uncle's house? As a matter of fact no, I did not. They are in Hawaii living it up 'La Vida Loca' style! Robert was a good son and he called his ma to wish her a Happy Mother's Day!

What else? Aunt Wanda and Uncle Don bought me a plant! We went to the plant store and I found a little basil plant I liked, it was purple!!! Yes you heard right the basil is purple! He is in a big ol' pot (another thing they donated to me) and he is sitting on my kitchen table next to George. Yes I did refer to it as a he.... I already named him! His name is BAZ!!! I saw on Mythbusters that talking to the plants helps them grow but playing heavy metal makes them grow faster and larger! So I might need to hook up some Zombie, Slayer and Megadeath for him to listen to! Or maybe just Zombie since I don't have any music by the other 2 bands. I will try to get some pictures of Baz tomorrow for you guys.

I found out today that my cousin Jeremiah and Tracy just had a baby girl this weekend. She is named Maile. I might get a picture of her soon. HINT HINT!!

I wanted to announce that I missed a birthday announcement recently but I take no blame from it since the person I am about to name did not put her birthday in the events calendar. HINT HINT! Jennifer M is having a birthday tomorrow. So wish her a great birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNIFER!

Gas prices
I just wanted to show some thing cool about the site that produces all of my swag, GasPrice merchandise and the 3 dollar discount!

Just A Quick Note...
Mood:  special
Well what can I say?

I have not been very faithful about updating this blog since May started. I apologize for that. I will try a little harder the rest of the month. I want to remind you that there is still a contest going on. The tombstone inscription contest. I have only recieved 2 entrys so far which is a bit demotivating but I shall persevere. The contest is wide open it's anyones game at this point! Go back to the main page to enter.

I am currently plotting out a layout for a comic. I am hoping that it will be ready by the end of July. It stars the Crazed Lunatik character, George and Stewey. I have not nailed down the concept yet so I will wait until I am in graphics production before I give anymore hints.

This weekend I am heading to Aunt Wanda and Uncle Don's house in Salem. I may not update tomorrow because of it but things should start getting back to normal on this site fairly soon. Life is kind of at a point where I am waiting for things to click together and as of yet they haven't. It is just making it hard to have anything to say. I should be writing about other things besides my life but at the moment I am a bit too self absorbed. I will give it a shot right now.

My mom is still absorbed in the hunt for a teaching job for next year. She wants to have her position locked in and not wait until Fall to see the position that her school district gives her. I can't say that I blame her, being in limbo is a truly annoying and stressful place to be. I have no doubt that my mom will land a job. She is a special education teacher and every year more kids qualify for programs to help them learn. She also has a gajillion years of experience. That doesn't mean it is not a cause for worry, anytime you are on a job hunt life is stressful. Ask me how I know. Send your wishes, prayers and positive thoughts her way.

Arlinda is graduating as a teacher in the same field. She will be looking for work herself pretty soon, probably as soon as she gets done with the graduation. Which is today! Anyone that knows Arlinda knows that she will be great at this job! Send more thoughts, prayers and wishes her way as she enters the new teaching world. Congratulations again on the graduation and good luck on the job hunt!

That's it for this entry, my dinner is calling!

A little update
Mood:  smelly
Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
Yesterday I had an adventure. I started walking and ended up at the library. It was a 2.5 mile trip, so it was 5 miles total. When I got home I went to bed....

I didn't watch Foster's Home for Imaginary friends. I did not view the latest Mythbusters episode. I did not pass go, I did not collect 200 dollars. I was asleep by 8 pm. So how come I woke up exhausted? In fact I am still exhausted. I almost just skipped entering in a blog entry today but that would make 2 days in a row without a new entry.... that wouldn't be good...

Today I went out marketing with Jason my AFLAC Mentor. We hit up some businesses, handed out some fliers and some people even asked us questions. Other people met us at the door with a broom.... Now I know how Sylvester the cat felt whenever Granny would chase him off for attempting to eat Tweety. That was a Looney Tunes reference if ya missed it..... If you missed it I have one question: "Were you ever a child?" Anyway I am anxious to help with the next step..... I want to see how you turn that bit of marketing into leads... and then into business....

My other job: The cellphone thing is still going strong.... the people keep calling in and the stupidity of the customers no longer amazes me... now I am surprised when they understand what you tell them, I keep waiting for the stupid question and it doesn't come. My favorite stupid question comes after this statement: "Those minutes should show up on the phone within 5 - 10 minutes. Do you have any other questions for me?" customer: "no" Me: "Thanks for calling Cingular." Customer: "So when are those minutes going to be on my phone?" What part of the 5 to 10 minutes did they miss? And why say no to having more questions and then ask a question? I have started noticing all my conversations are the same.... exactly the same.... they may cuss differently but they are all the same....

One trend that has me boggled is the constant use of the word "cut". I will provide an example.

SCENARIO 1
me - Would you like to refill your phone today?
customer - You need to cut my phone back on!
me - So do you want the 15 dollar refill?
Customer - You all took my minutes and you need to cut my phone back on! This is my bidnes phone! I be doing bidnes wit dis phone! I need dis phone! You can't be doing me like that you need to cut my phone back on!
me - OK so do you want to pay for the full plan or just a refill?
Customer - Let me talk to your supaviza!
Me - Certainly, I will transfer you right now. There may be a hold time and you may need to restate the reason for calling when you reach the next representative. Thank you for calling Cingular!
Customer - You be..-TRANSFER-

SCENARIO 2
Me - I am sorry sir but the only option I have is for you to pay for your monthly plan I can't just add 5 dollars. Would you like to pay for your plan?
Customer - That is Bull-CENSORED!- man! Ya'll need to cut my phone back on! I got an important call to make!
Me - I am sorry sir but the only way I can get the phone back on is by having you pay for the plan.
Customer - Ya'll tryin' to rob me! You betta cut my phone back on! I use this phone for bidnes!


I think one day I might say: "Oh it's your bidnes phone?! You should have said that! Of course you don't need to pay for it! It's for bidnes! Let me get that back on for ya!"
Customer - Really!
Me - No! Now are you going to pay for the minutes or not? I have your cousin on the other line and he has a returned check he is arguing about so I am kind of busy. Can you make this quick?


That is the other thing. How come all these people bounce checks and then yell at me about it? I am not the one that tried passing a bad check, you are. I love that all these people tell you they aren't sure if it will go through so they want you to try it. Have you ever heard of checking with the bank? Nothing like playin the financial version of Russian roulette. Besides that who do they think they are fooling with the I need this phone for business bit? I think I will not pay my electric bill and when the power gets shut off I will just call them up and say "Hey y'all need to cut my power back on, cuz' I need that for bidnes! I have important cartoons to watch!" Do you think it'll work?

I should try this for everything! I can see it now: Store clerk: "Sir you have to pay for that!" me: "You must be crazy I need this bagel for bidnes! I have important cream cheese to spread!" When I land in jail my lawyer can use this argument: "But judge he had important cream cheese to spread! It was for bidness!" The judge, after seeing the flawless logic: "Mr Bakery owner, can't you see he needs that bagel for bidnes!?!"

Another use of the word "cut" came at me like this:
"Hold up let me cut this music down!" or "Hold up let me cut this phone volume up!" Huh?

The word "cut" seems very versatile!

Other then that things are hunky dorey!

Where was I.....
Mood:  cool
Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
Well I took a weekend break....

Did ya miss me? Of course you didn't! You guys have things to do besides live on the Internet! I'm not bitter! Ya big fancy party all the time people! Not bitter at all....


What did I do with my weekend with out the blog? It was jam packed with excitement. Let me lay it out for you... It may take several pages, Saturday: Work, Comic Store for FREE COMIC BOOK DAY, eat left over tostadas, watch TV go to bed... Sunday: Lay around all day, it was raining so no exploratory walks, take a walk in the nearby mall and started feeling like stabbing people so I went home, sent out email to you all, watched TV went to bed....

Like I said action packed! I bet you were amazed by all that excitement!


Anyway back to FREE COMIC BOOK DAY! Every May they have Free Comic Book Day at comic stores. Last year I was in Kevin and Becky's wedding so I never made it to the comic store. I kind of feel like burning their house down over it but I won't... This year I did get to go and I got 3 free comics, 2 little toy characters, a music download card worth 50 free downloads and a couple posters! Woowoo! It was like Christmas!

The mall...... hmmm...

The mall is an interesting place. There were way to many people there for me to handle. What is with people stopping in the middle of the aisle? GET OUT OF THE WAY! I almost ran into a few people on accident and had to restrain myself from barreling through other people on purpose! "Hmmm the mall is so crowded today! I think my 400 pound behind needs to stop right here and block 3/4 of the walkway while I talk with my 2 sons age 6 and 8 that way the combined weight of a large elephant." MOVE!! It boggles my mind. I felt like getting a cattle prod sometimes! The young kids were the worst. They just parked in the middle and pretended you didn't exist. How they could stand in the middle of a crowded mall flopping their heads about like that defies logic. It is places like crowded malls that make me realize why I never will buy a tazer. I would be tempted to use it. I was daydreaming about going all Blues Brothers in the mall and driving my car through it at high speeds with a cop car chasing me..... I can see the crash ending with the 400 pound woman trying to swat me away like I was a mosquito instead of a car going 60 miles an hour into her backside.

While I was busy not tazering people or trying to run them over with a car I noticed a job that must suck. This lady was standing by the big group of gum ball machines and was cleaning them and when I passed her a second time she was still standing there. I began to wonder if she was just a lazy member of the cleaning crew or if she was in charge of the bubble gum island. If she was confined to the bubble gum island I think she would really hate kids as they squeal about wanting gumballs as they walk by. Smearing their germ ridden hands all over the glass and screaming until the parents coughed up the quarters. She probably shouldn't have a tazer either.

I found a show I really like this weekend. It's called Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. It airs on the cartoon network and I watched it after I watched a few recorded episodes of another fave from that channel called Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The ATHF show is not for kids so it airs late at night but the FHIF is good for everybody and it is pretty entertaining to boot. So I added it to my list of shows to record. So if you like cartoons, you may just want to check out the show. It is about these imaginary friends and they all live in this house run by Mrs. Foster who is this little old lady with a mischievous streak. Her granddaughter is the caretaker and a stuffy old rabbit is the manager and he is always bellowing about rules. The main characters are Mack and his imaginary pal Bloo. Bloo is a rule breaker and tends to cause most of the trouble. Some of the other imaginary friends are just as much fun. A personal favorite is Edwardo who is this large purple guy with huge teeth and he has a Spanish accent. He is the biggest crybaby and scaredy cat and he makes me laugh out loud. The show is great! If you need a kid around for an excuse borrow one and watch this thing!

I found this trolling the internet tonight and it made me laugh go ahead and check it out! Stephen Colbert Roasts President Bush This makes me wonder who was in charge of this dinner. It was pretty amusing... what I really liked about this is all the awkward silence. The press corp did not seem to like being included in the roasting. They were ready to laugh at him going after the president but not so ready when the tables were turned. I love his audition tape for press secretary at the end it was good stuff. I think I am sharing this not because of any political statement but mainly because I liked watching the awkward humor he achieves. My favorite things from when he was a correspondent for the daily show was to see him play devil's advocate to his interviewee, the way people would stop talking and stare at him in disgust was classic. I think he achieves that here, I was laughing hardest when people were the quietest.


Well I hope your weekend was good... let me know! Drop me a line!

Cars, Pedestrians and My Name is Earl!
Mood:  flirty
Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
I hope you all had a grand Cinco de Mayo!! Otherwise known as Cinco de Drinko! I didn’t drink I just made some tasty tostadas (I forgot to buy tortillas for burritos). Either way they were extremely tasty!

I managed to do something different this afternoon. I didn’t head straight to the park like I swore I would instead I came home, had lunch and checked my email; it was completely empty as usual. Then I decided to head over to the library area and from there I walked to Sellwood and then back. The total trip was a little over 3 and a half miles. It was a nice walk. Sellwood has some nice looking cafes and coffee houses; I stopped in one and sat down to write with a large iced Mocha. The name of the place was Twin Paradox and it is open pretty late most days, which is always good to know. The walk did exactly what I hoped it would it started some new thoughts and I want to share this one with you.

One of my favorite shows on television is ‘My Name is Earl’. It is a great show that to me channels the spirit of that comedy gem ‘Raising Arizona’, I love this show. I was thinking about the opening where Earl gets hit by a car, after winning the lottery, and ends up in the hospital without the winning ticket. In the hospital he learns about Karma by watching Carson Daly talk about Karma and he decides to stop being a petty crook and to turn his life around by doing good things for people he wronged. He makes a list of his misdeeds and the show is all about him dedicating his life to setting right the wrong he caused and that is when the winning lottery ticket returns to him to help him accomplish his new goal. Anyway it is the car hitting him that started me thinking about things. I have always found people getting hit by cars on television and movies to be extremely humorous; even when it is not meant to be funny. The most glaring example of this happened in college. The show in question was ‘Felicity’. Ok sure go ahead and laugh it up. Yes, I saw an episode of ‘Felicity’. I was actually mooching food from some sorority girl and they started watching ‘Felicity’. Which brings up another point, college was where I learned that girls always have food. They might not have a television or a radio but they always have food. Where as single guys seem to have the gadgets and condiments but no actual food. That is one of the many reasons why guys need women…. I am still hazy on what the ladies get out of it. OK, back to the story I was heating up their leftovers from some restaurant when the show started. Trying out my good manners I decided to stay and socialize while I ate their food. So I tucked into watch the show. Felicity was being flirted with by some dumb guy that all the girls thought was charming because he was earnestly trying to win her over. In the scene I sat down for he is walking with her and finally gets a yes to a date and dramatically walks backward away from her right into an oncoming bus. Ok wait a minute let me stop laughing; the scene in my head still makes me laugh. Anyway I was laughing so hard that I was asked to leave and was not invited back for a couple weeks. The next example was very similar to this one. It was in the movie ‘Meet Joe Black’ starring Brad Pitt. The first part is this guy (Brad Pitt) flirting with this gorgeous girl (Claire Forlani). I am not sure but I think she was charmed by the guy and they part ways when Brad gets hit by a car and if I remember correctly he ricochets into another car and bounces off that one too; it was spectacular! It was like he had been turned into a pinball! I saw that scene and I was in tears of laughter. I do not remember the rest of the movie so you can see what I was thinking about while I was watching it; Brad Pitt as the human pinball. I mean how many times do you get to see people like Brad Pitt hit by a car? It was a beautiful thing! Other Examples include ‘The Craft’, ‘City of Angels’ and several other shows and movies. They have this happen as if it’s a common occurrence. What I find amazing is how many romance shows have some charming guy pulverized by a car after the girl gets interested. In my opinion it says a lot about women… or maybe it doesn’t. Either way I know it says a lot about me when I find these dramatic scenes and horrible scenarios so dang funny. It is kind of like when you are supposed to be quiet in church and all you want to do is giggle or like when you were a kid and you were being scolded and you try to be contrite but all you want to do is laugh. It is inappropriate but I would not change that reaction for the world. Before I leave you just picture with me: Brad Pitt bouncing off the hood of a car….. Leonardo DiCaprio as a human ice cube in ‘Titanic’. Ok the last one has nothing to do with a car but you have to admit that it gives you a smile to think of that scene.

Or not…


PS. Thanks for signing the Guest List Dad!