To be at Home or not to be
Mood:  not sure
Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
I have recently discovered something amazing. When ever I go from work to anywhere else but home I actually accomplish something. When I go straight home I barely make it out of the house for a walk. Today I came home and fixed lunch and then goofed around until I fell asleep. When I woke up the afternoon had evaporated and the evening had begun. Up here in the Pacific Northwest that means you still have at least 3 hours of sunshine during the summer months. I decided to take my walk in the direction of K-Mart to put a printer on layaway, which turned into a long process because I had to track someone down to be helped in the layaway department. Even though it can be a bit of a hassle I love layaway. It helps me get what I want without dropping the whole bundle all at once. I have 2 months to dole out 100 bucks and I know that I will have what I desire soon. If I try the wait until I can afford it track I usually end up buying it and then trying to figure out how to live of ramen noodles and white bread for the next two months. I am planning on paying 20 dollars a week towards the printer so that I can have it in a little over a month and 20 dollars is only a small adjustment to my lifestyle, it simply means ramen noodles a couple times a week. I can handle that.

I have some ideas for a printer and I am excited that it will be here in the next 2 months. I need to start creating one of the ideas and maybe it will be done by the time the computer arrives. That is a project that is currently only residing in my head and I will let you all know when it is in a printed format.

Now that I have totally rambled about a printer and layaway I will resume my point. The issue is what I manage to get done depends on where I go after work. If I head straight home I end up snoozing in front of the TV but if I go somewhere else I write, photograph, create and work on my insurance projects. Tomorrow my big plan is to find a different spot maybe a park with a nice bench so I can sit down and work on a few things and maybe tomorrow's entry will be interesting for once....


Now if I could just figure out how to motivate myself to sweep and mop the floor, vacuum, and do laundry I would be set!

The Hike
Mood:  happy
Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
Yesterday I had my first meeting with my Aflac mentor Jason. We met in Vancouver and that was my first time setting foot in Washington. I am pretty excited to start working with him. I have some homework to do for both this and the Action Insurance position. I need to come up with leads for both of these companies. I might as well say here that you may hear from me regarding an insurance quote for Action Insurance which provides auto and home insurance through 5 different companies. I want to save you money but there is no obligation to buy. If you are in Arizona or Oregon and you know someone who needs auto or home insurance let me know and I will get them quoted and signed up. Ok that is the insurance plug for the day. I am nervous and excited about starting this insurance business but I think that when I get started I will see a good result. One day I might even stop whining to you guys and gals about my air mattress and just buy myself a new bed. That would be the moment I know that I have made it, the day when I buy my own brand new bed! Sometimes I am easy to please!

After the meeting I had the entire afternoon free so I came home and tried to write a blog entry but nothing was flowing so I headed out for a walk to the mall. I had ideas of window shopping, girl watching and book reading in my head. I was making great time when I noticed a park. I made a detour to check out the park to see how big it was and what it had to offer. It had a little playground and a basketball court filled with ball players with people lined up to jump in. They also had this great walkway that led over to the Milwaukie Aquatic Park. I started heading that direction when I noticed a break in the trees on the right and a path down the hill. I decided to follow the path and ended up in this huge open field. I saw paths on the other side and I wanted to explore more so I headed out across the field. I paused to look at the yellow flowers and the white and pink blossoms on the trees when I noticed that the ground wasn't exactly solid. I took a few more steps forward and realized the ground was soft and wet because muddy water was soaking into my socks. I started running across, which in hind sight was not my best decision because now I had spots of dark mud all over my behind. Which I did not notice right away of course. I started walking along the path on the other side which ended up leading to the Aquatic Center and the Community College campus nearby. I needed a potty break so I headed to the community college. It was there while I was looking in the mirror that I noticed the mud all over my legs, so I turned around and saw the mud all over my behind. The mud on my behind made it look like I hadn't been able to wait for the potty break! I decided to cancel the mall plans and headed back to the wet grassland trail. I of course passed like 20 gorgeous women with my mud pants and I avoided every one of their eyes. As I hit the trail entrance I spotted 4 small rabbits cavorting about. I slowed down to try and sneak close enough for a picture but try as I might I could not move slow enough. After all four of them escaped into the blackberry bushes I headed down the path where I saw 6 more little rabbits. Some rabbits looked suspiciously like the rabbits that had shown up all over the place for Easter and some looked like wild rabbits. In a move that channels my mother I need to stop and point out that that means I saw 10 rabbits on my hike yesterday! I headed back along the trail and started wondering if I could take one of the trails that led further away from the park to see if it ended up near my neighborhood. I took one of the more worn paths and headed into the trees when I saw a bunch of rubbish and a large plastic trash can, you know a green one with a lid and wheels like the one you have in your backyard. I was not sure what to make of that so I kept on going. I turned a corner and I saw a tent and a canopy and decided to turn around quickly. I had no idea why there was a tent out here but I had no desire to meet the person that was living in these woods. Some little warning light was flashing in my head so I bolted out of there and straight across the soggy plains. I started to relax as I found the original trail that had led me down there in the first place but I was tired from the run and a little clumsy. I stumbled and my foot got caught up in the blackberry bushes. I avoided falling but I drove the thorn covered branches into the back of my other leg and I was bleeding pretty well. I started hearing strange noises so I hurried up the trail and out of the park. When I finally made it home I was covered in mud and blood and I was exhausted. I jumped in the shower and then just went to bed.

Today I woke up early but later then I normally would for work because I had today off. I puttered around the house and decided to watch some cartoons so I headed back to my bed/LAZBOY and turned on the television and immediately fell back to sleep. I woke up, ate, and then ran some errands. When the errands were done I headed home and added a new design to the Crazedlunatikdesigns.com Store. It is in honor of Mother's Day and every one of you should buy one for your mom! After that was finished I made some awesome cheese enchiladas! You would have loved them, wish you were here!

My Air Mattress Repair Job
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
It seems today I find myself in an interesting situation that leaves me bed less. Some of you may know that I sleep on an air mattress. I have no good reason to do so other then the fact that real beds are expensive and at the moment I am not sharing my bed with anyone. The air mattresses work out pretty well for me. I do not spend an inordinate amount of time in my bedroom except to sleep or to get dressed. The air mattress is comfortable enough to let me fall asleep relatively quickly and it works real well for one person, especially one poor and cheap person. The problem is that they are made out of vinyl and filled with air which is neither durable nor solid. The first air mattress I had actually lasted about 9 months before getting a slow leak and it lasted another month before the slow leak sped up to less than a night to leak all of the air. That mattress cost 50 dollars, which is considerably more then I wanted to spend for the second mattress. The second mattress was from a reputable company and about 15 dollars cheaper and it did not last much longer then 2 months. The one I have currently been sleeping on was 20 dollars and it also lasted a little over 2 months. It died last night and I mean from not even a noticeable leak to flat as a pancake. Three hours after I went to bed I woke up feeling the hard ground beneath me. It was late and I did not feel like investigating so I just moved my sleep spot from the airless mattress to the La-Z-Boy donated by grandpa. The chair is almost as old as me but it is still pretty comfortable and I have napped on it several times. It actually worked out pretty well last night.
Today I was busy enough to forget about my mattress problem, which resulted in a bit of a shock when I went in to go to sleep. I decided to set the chair up for sleep and deal with the problem tomorrow when I could decided if I could afford another one or not. As luck would have it sleep was extremely evasive. I decided to watch some TV to calm myself down because that works, right? TV in my house means DVR so I selected a show from my list of recorded features and it happened to be Mythbusters. Some of you may remember that I lauded this show as one of my favorites in a previous entry on April 2nd. I watched as they strapped Buster the crash test dummy into an airplane fuselage and dropped it from 20,000 feet to see if he would survive and it inspired me to try and find the leak and to try to patch it. I am sure I do not have to point out the similarity between dropping a fuselage 20,000 feet and repairing an air mattress because it is so obvious! Actually the show always inspires me to creatively think of solutions for problems and broken things to see if I can salvage them. I may not be doing big television show worthy construction normally but I think tonight would have been worthy of a sitcom scene at least. Somehow I managed to find the rip which was decent sized and of course I made it bigger by trying to figure out how I could jerry rig it. The first step was to feel around in the hole to try and see if I could secure some thing on the inside and then cover it with tape. I had managed to find two types of tape: scotch and packing tape. Unfortunately the taping something to the inside was a little problematic so I quickly abandoned that approach. The bad part was now I really did have a decent sized rip because of my exploration. I started brainstorming and lamenting the fact that I didn't have any duct tape. I used to have duct tape as part of my emergency car repair kit back in the VW days and I know it has been used to repair bad hoses and to reattach bumpers. If I had had it I am sure it would have worked. Of the two tapes I did have I thought packing tape would be better so I slapped a few strips across the hole and I started filling the mattress with air. It would not fully inflate and the tape did not want to stick. So I tried the scotch tape and did not have any better luck. I came up with a last ditch effort and concocted a crazy and overly complicated patch that used a combination of both scotch and packing tapes and a couple parking garage receipts. It seemed to be holding by some crazy miracle of my ingenuity (in this case ingenuity is also known as 'cheapness'). I put the sheets back on and laid down on the bed and the patch was holding! It was holding! Until I moved and then I heard "PSSSSSHHHH!" and I was back on the ground. I guess I will hold off on sending my application to Mythbusters, unless I am trying out for Buster's (the crash test dummy) job. I guess tomorrow I will be buying some duct tape...

Are you surprised that I wouldn't just buy a new air mattress or maybe even a bed? Did you miss the part about me being cheap? Or maybe you missed the "I'm poor" part, hehe. If you want to help me out just click this button!

Spring
Mood:  energetic
Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
It is spring in Portland and I have been spending a lot of time after work taking walks. I have also spent part of that time plotting my days off. I imagine myself enjoying the warm sunshine as I head downtown and explore the Chinese Garden or take the Walking Art Tour. I see myself getting on a bus near my house and heading downtown and living it up. It's a nice dream.

Unfortunately it is only a dream. It is true that every day I get off work it has been sunny and beautiful but every single day I am off from work it has been overccast and slightly chilly. Let's put this in perspective my days off last week were Wednesday and Saturday. Monday and Tuesday were perfectly blue skies and the best temperature ever. Wednesday was grey and I needed a light jacket. The next morning I woke up and it was clear and sunny all day and Friday it was as well. In fact Friday was a little too warm! So I wake up Saturday and put on shorts and a light cotton shirt.... and it is grey outside and slightly chilly. I decide that I will not let that deter me so I start walking in the general direction of the grocery store. As soon as I get about a 1/4 mile from my house it starts raining! I am not talking the light rain that Portland is famous for I am talking 'drench your clothes when you are a 1'4 of a mile from home' rain. So I was dripping by the time I got home. All my ideas and desires flew out the window and I tucked back into the computer and produced all of the stellar designs for the Stewey Store, the Rent My Dad Store, and the new designs for the original Crazedlunatikdesigns.com Store.

I guess I can say good came out of a spoiled day but come on just one beautiful sunny day that is completely off from work! PLEASE???

Posting A Comment
Topic: HOW TO COMMENT!
I have been playing around with this site a lot in the last few days and I have changed quite a few things. Unfortunately I have not been able to change the usability of the comments on this site. It is not the most friendly set up so I decided I would just do a quick break down of what it takes to comment on the site.

First things first every entry has a section at the bottom that says: "Posted by Michael Williams at 11:58 AM PDT | post your comment (0) | link to this post Updated: Saturday, 29 April 2006 6:09 PM PDT" In this line of text is the place to click. It is the "post your comment (0)" text. Now that you know where it is go ahead and click there. It will bring up another window that contains the blog entry you are replying to and any other comments that may have been made. Then at the bottom it should have a bunch of white boxes to put your comment and your name in. Sometimes it doesn't so just click "post your comment" on this page and the white text boxes will show up. For the name section just put in your first name. If you have a website enter the address in the Home Page spot. You can leave your email address if you want but you do not have to. I will respond to everyone's comment the email will help me tell you that I responded. Then you have the comment section and this is where you type all of your reactions, raves and condemnations. Here is an example "Mike has smelly feet!" Then when you have entered your comment click "Continue".

So the comment is posted right? WRONG! There is another step. The next page will display my blog entry and your comment. You are able to at this point correct any spelling errors or add anything if the comment doesn't make sense so you should read it. If it looks good click Post Comment! If it needs some work click Edit Comment and you will be able to add and make changes. Cancel will prevent the comment from existing. If you click Post Comment it will post it and you are an official commenter. You can not edit your comment once it's posted.

The next screenthat pops up will display the blog and the comment for you. When you are done enjoying your wit you can return to my main blog by clicking Close Window at the top. You will not see the correct comment number under the entry on the main blog until you hit refresh so go ahead and click on that to see your comment. It should now say "post your comment (1)" or whatever the number count is.

You can read posted comments if the entry has them by clicking the "post your comment" text again. It will pull up the blog entry and any comments made. That is the only way to see the comments. I tried to find a blog that just posted them in the blog but none of them do so keep your eye on the "post your comment" text.

The store has expanded!
Mood:  bright
Topic: Site News
So last night in a fit of inspiration I expanded the products offered at my store. In doing so I had to expand the store a bit so there are now three shopping sections.

The first store is the original store CrazedLunatikDesigns.com which contains a variety of items. It has the 'Enjoy Your World' mugs, the Magnolia Tree mouse pad, the attack squirrel magnet, the future civilization journal and George's sticker. It also has a few Stewey shirts and a stewey button that reads "I Helped Turn 'Fuzzy' into STEW!" The Stewey items at this store have an expiration date. They will disappear on May 30th, so if you like them you need to get them now.

The second store, the Stewey Store has only Stewey related items. It has 'Stewey and the Reaper' and the NEW 'Ode to Stewey' items. The Stewey and the Reaper items say: "Tell them I know who read the word Broccoli and said EWWWW!! Tell them I Know and I'm coming! You tell them I'm coming and the Reapers coming with me, you hear?! The Reapers coming with me!" The Ode to Stewey items say: "Ode to A RABBIT NAMED STEW!: We have had some good times buddy! I loved the late night mob hits even though all you let me do was drive and carry bodies.... I will miss that. I will also miss sharing the broccoli and cleaning up your staggering pile of poo everyday. I will really miss coming home to you viewing rabbit erotica and videos of broccoli fields that caused you to hump: my shoes, my pillow, my blanket, my broom, my trash can, and all the socks I left lying around. I will miss you stabbing me whenever you felt it was broccoli time. Gosh, those were fun times." This store has shirts, sweatshirts, pillows, tile coasters, stickers, clocks, magnets, hats, bags and aprons!

The third store is the Rent My Dad store. Since not everyone can afford to actually Rent My Dad I developed a line of more affordable Rent My Dad items! This store has shirts, sweatshirts, stickers, magnets, clocks, buttons, caps, aprons, ornaments and a pillow! Text on the shirts read: "Need Rain? Rent My Dad! Only at crazedlunatikdesigns.com/I promise he will smile in your pictures!/Warning: My dad might not actually make rain! Use "Rent My Dad!" services at your own risk." The buttons say "RENT MY DAD! If You Need Rain You Need My Dad!" and the magnets say "Need rain? Rent My Dad! Available Exclusively at: Crazedlunatikdesigns.com Warning: Use of this product does not guarantee rain or that my dad will perform any chores!!"

Now my shop has more shopping choices! You know you need some CLD swag! Go there today and make your first of many purchases. The store is updated often so keep checking back for more items to fill your home!

Gas....
Mood:  blue
Topic: Mike gets kinda political
So the hottest topic of the last few weeks is the ever increasing price of gas and the fact that the gas monopolies show a huge profit. Their argument that they are just adjusting to make up for the increased price of oil seems suspect. I am not surprised that they are making money; they have turned amazingly stifling summer gas prices into an expected trend for the past few years. It is a trend every single one of us has accepted. No matter how much we griped we paid the price and kept driving. Most of the time there was no choice we needed the fuel to get to work. I am in that exact situation again because my phone job starts earlier then the buses get going. My insurance job will also require me to drive. So I am up a creek and there never was a paddle for my boat to begin with.

We know that gas prices are high and no matter how outraged we get that they really won't change the price or lessen our plight. The 'investigation' by the government won't change things either. We are stuck paying the gouging prices and I hate that! It gets me upset and it causes me serious heartburn. In fact I had a panic attack after I saw the final purchase price of the gas I got tonight. I was hyperventilating and everything! What I held in my hand was an amount over 2/3 of 1 day's pay at my phone job. I told the station pump guy: "Next time can we have a little foreplay?" and of course since he is a lowly peon he did not find that at all funny. It was not meant to be. What the gas companies are doing is shooting fish in a barrel. They have a product that a lot of people need to have. Gas fuels the car that gets them to work to pay the bills. What gas companies seem to want is to make you work a second full time job so that you can pay for the gas that gets you to the first full time job to pay the other bills.

So what do we do about it? I know plenty of people that like hugging trees would say we should have a day when no one drives a car at all to show our protests of the gas prices. I am not one of these hippies. I realize that I can have all the no drive days I want but when it's over I have to get gas to go back to work. Other people suggest that we all go and buy alternative fueled vehicles and that will allow us to use less gas. Unfortunately I exist in the real world, I can not afford to have an oil change let alone get a new car that is more expensive because of the 'eco-friendly' label!

I have no choice I will keep driving to and from work everyday. So how am I helping myself and fighting the evil fuel empire? I am rearranging my thought process. My car will be used to go to and from work. I will get gas and food only if I am already in the car because of a work trip. I will walk to places in my neighborhood and I will take the bus on my days off for any sightseeing. It is not a huge change as far as gas consumption, I won't start any revolution or any noticeable dip in the gas companies’ bottom line but it might push my fill up day back 1 more day. That 1 more day may help me a little bit, but it will be a moral victory. Not using my car to see the city will definitely help me actually see more of the city as I sit on a bus cruising through streets to my desired destination and not worrying about the traffic. Most of all it will help me feel better knowing my trip to explore the city did not put money in the gas companies’ pocket. I am not exactly taking food out of their child's mouth but unfortunately that would take more then me. It would take an army....

#1 Fan Email
Mood:  spacey
Topic: Reader of the Week
I have recently been getting a flood of emails on my site but I was very surprised and happy to hear from one group specifically and that group is the Milwaukie Seniors. Apparently they have seen my blog and in particular the articles on the Park's dedicational benches and their senior center. They had a few words of encouragement for me:

On 4/26/06, Judith Garland wrote:
To Mr. Crazed Lunatik,

We have recently been made aware of your 'website' through Edna's grandson little Billy. When little Billy mentioned we were featured on a 'website' we were naturally very excited and we raced to the computer to see it. We couldn't figure out how to turn the blasted thing on so we signed up for a 'Computers for Seniors' class. The instructer kept confusing us by saying the computer had a mouse and we tried putting out mouse traps but apparently computers need mice. We are still very confused by this whole computer information virus thingie so we have made the teacher show us the 'website'. What we found has shocked us! We are outraged. It made Harold so upset that he had a heart attack and had to be rushed to the hospital! We are sending his bill to you and we are expecting you to come over and listen to us talk about the 'good ol' days'!

We don't find your material funny. It is not ok to make fun of memorial benches or to show pictures of naked people on our billboard. It is definitely not ok to suggest that we lack libidos! In fact just last week Edna, Martha and I were planning a game of naked twister with Harold and George before your internet shenanigans sent Harold to the hospital! So we are very very very upset with you!

We have decided to dedicate a bench to you to show our displeasure. Since it is what you wanted so badly we are giving it to you before George kills you, he used to be a gangster in the 30's. We have had the bench inscribed with: "Milwaukie Seniors Think Mike is a Big Jerk!" They are harsh words we realize and although we might not normally resort to such verbage your antics have brought it out in us!

Expect a severe caning the next time we see you in our senior center or if we catch you near your bench. We would appreciate it if you don't move too quickly when we attack you. We are old and we can't chase down big jerks like you as easily anymore.

From,
Judith and the Milwaukie Senior Swingers


Ps. Little Billy typed up this email for us and is sending the pictures of your bench. This whole email thing is crazy!

Naturally when I read this I was ecstatic! I love getting fan emails. I feel sorry for little Billy having to type about his grandma's twister parties but I am glad they made that snot nosed punk type up the letter. I sent this email back:

On 4/26/05, Mike Williams wrote:
Dearest Milwaukie Senior Swingers,

I was very happy to recieve your email the other day. I hope all is well with Harold so that the Naked Twister parties can resume. I do enjoy hearing from my fans and I will keep dedicating my highest caliber of writing for you and yours. I do recommend getting little Billy into counseling immediately since no one should have to think about their grandmothers naked. I absolutely love the bench and can not wait to have a seat on it. I guess I will see you at the senior plant swap next month, I have a great tomato plant worthy of some trading!

Just as a side note Judith, please pass on to the rest of your group that you and the rest of the Milwaukie Seniors are this week's Reader of the Week! Congratulations and keep taking those computer training courses in about two years you might be ready for the on button!

Yours truly,
Mike Williams
Crazed Lunatik Designs

And here are the pictures little Billy sent!

The bench kind of gives you a warm fuzzy doesn't it?

Magnet Poem
Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!

An Attack on Hackey Sacks (And George Speaks Out)
Mood:  on fire
Topic: A Mike and George Moment

I was taking a walk around the neighborhood today and as I turned a corner on the walk I saw some college aged people playing hackey sack. I noticed none of them were smiling they were just watching each other kick the sack around. This got me thinking about the fact that hackey sack is the worst waste of time ever! Don't believe me? I'll prove it! Have you ever....

(Testing.... Testing.... can you hear me? Well I guess you can't answer that question. This is George Jefferson, Mike's fish! I just did you all a huge favor; that would have been the most boring couple of minutes of your life! Mike means well but he just is totally missing the mark with this rant. I bet you are wondering what is going on. It is actually quite an interesting situation actually so I am glad you are curious! I invented a device that has let me occasionally take over his mind. I can't do much with it but I can get him to occasionally buy some great fish treat for me and today I managed to make him write my words in his blog. He doesn't even realize that you are all missing the various reasons why he thinks hackey sack sucks! I managed to turn the light device on my tank into a transmitter that can temporarily control his actions. I am a freaking genius! You know it's true! I am doing you a such a big favor, check out this sentence!)

Have you ever had to pick the hackey sack up off the ground every time you get to the third kick? That totally sucks!

(See what I mean about doing you a favor? Talk about boring! He and I have had a few disagreements in the past but ever since I invented this device I have been able to tolerate him. He can be an insensitive jerk sometimes, like last night he asked me if I wanted to take a walk to the park! A WALK! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!?? WHAT A TOTAL JERK! HE KNOWS I CAN'T FREAKING WALK! DOES HE EVER ASK ME OUT FOR A SWIM??? NO, NO HE DOESN'T! OK, sorry I need to relax. Wooo I could have killed him! If it wasn't for the fact that he feeds me I probably would have. Let's check in on his ramble.)

I mean who wants to kick around a sack? You know what I mean?

(A HUGE FAVOR! Anyway I am here for a point! BUY MY FREAKING GEORGE STICKER! I CAN NOT BELIEVE THE STUPID STEWEY CUP IS HIS NUMBER ONE ITEM! YOU GUYS ARE SLACKERS! DON'T MAKE ME TAKE OVER YOUR MINDS!

Click on me!

Other then not having the number one item I have been doing well. The fish life is an easy one. I swim around and hide under the filter and then I go to the Buddha statue for a little worship time. Finally I head to the fake plant to seek inner peace. It's a good life!

He is almost done with his stupid hackey sack rant..... I better go. I will talk to you all again real soon!)

And that is why hackey sacks should be destroyed and all hackey sack enthusiasts should be jailed under the Patriot Act!