Neptune
There you sit, looking into the sea
The pale green tinge clings still
There swim the two fish you seek
The one who swims against the waves
And the other who simply avoids
Avoids all the hardships of work
He's the one always near the bottom
Where serenity and peace and misery
And distaste merge as one
Where he rests ever so happily
You look at the fishes and think to yourself
"God, I am those two fishes"
For when the spirits of love are right
You find your way through all waves
And nothing short of God Himself
Can even begin to with hold you
And then there are the times
When the tides of love are lower
All your hopes, expectations
Aspirations fall to a pit of dark
All you see are your problems, failures
Idiocies, inabilities, desperations
And the bottom pulls you down further
You find yourself making uncharacteristic
Choices, decisions, and conclusions
What seems good now is all that counts
Manipulate, lie, disconcern, embellish
Make your own truth to all the others
You lie to yourself not knowing a lie
Because no malicious interests are intended
How can it be a lie if it's what you believe
When is your reality, what real reality is
You follow the down swimming fish completely
Find satisfaction where simple malcontent was before
You get up and start to walk the sandy beach
Up on the escarpment above the beach
You hear the sounds of huge parties
Up there is your true lover, the one the only
But to get her, she must know you
And that's not something you have faith in
Because you aren't sure of yourself
You can see her sitting on the edge alone
Waiting for you, begging you with her eyes
Yet you lower your head and keep on walking
And as you're finally out of her direct vision
She yells out your name in seeming anger and disgust
When in fact it was in utter heartache
But you tell back to your unknown lover
"I know not myself! How can I know you?"
And keep walking thee beach not in self pity
But awaiting Neptune to show you yourself again.
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first page of poetry
poetry for/about Veronika
early poems