Molly's Reviews

Gay WarriorMGay Warrior
Jim Fickey Ph d., Gary S Grimm MA

Good Informative Read……. 4 stars…… recommended

"Gay Warrior" is written in Parts. Part I includes chapter headings Introduction in which the writers explain the purpose for their book. "The Warrior" introduces the concept of the Warrior model for the gay man while The Puer introduces the opposite of the Warrior. "Initiation" explores the rite of passage when the man leaves one part of his life to enter the next.

Part 2 includes "Betrayal of the Gay Man" the stigmatization of the gay male is explained, "Sebastion and Violet, Violet and Sebastion - Importance of divorcing our Mothers", is an explanation of how to begin leaving The Puer behind and becoming a Warrior. "Where's Dad - How our Fathers Betray Us" touches upon the abandonment felt by so many men when thinking of their father. "The Consequences of Abandonment" points to the fact that when a gay boy does not have the support of his father he must find other methods for coping. "A Father's Abuse": the authors present the premise that abuse comes in many forms some brutal and some not, some overt and some hidden, all have the same result. "Initiation and the Father" initiation is that moment when a boy straight or gay gives up his allegiance to mom and the feminine world to enter that of dad and the males an absentee father whether by death, or emotion causes pain for the boy.

Part 3 Includes "How We Betray Ourselves" the writers point out not all betrayal comes from others, often much comes from the man himself. If the Puer is not overcome then The Good Boy, Characteristics of the Good Boy, The Narcissist, Characteristics of the Narcissist, The Addict, Substance Addictions, Process Addictions, The Irresponsible Boy, and/or The Oppressor surfaces.

Part 4 offers insight for the gay man who may be struggling with Transforming Betrayal into Wisdom - The Journey of Initiation, Betrayal Through HIV, Betrayal Through War, A Profound Example, Coming Out - Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Beyond Coming Out, Leaving Home, Roadblocks, The Challenges of Leaving the Extended Family, Knowing When and How to Leave, Healing the Inner Homophobe, Therapy, Getting In Touch With Feelings, Part 5 The Gay Warrior, The Warrior Relationship, Learning How to Work with Conflict, The Value of Anger, Healthy Dependence, Monogamy Vs NonMonogamy, Becoming Political, Warrior Work, The Gay Elder, Developing a Spiritual Path, Conclusion, and the Bibliography.

The writers of this work are psychotherapists who over a number of years have counseled with many gay men. Their book is not a feel good book, rather it is written to help gay men become free of the betrayals set upon them. The book is an outgrowth of what these therapists have learned from their experience in the field and wish to share with others in an effort to aid gay men who may not realize what their role in society can be.

"Gay Warrior" is a well written work, presented in terminology laymen can understand. The authors are striving with this work to offer to the public at large and to gay men in particular a book to help each understand some of the many problems, confusions and misconceptions that may be harbored by the other. Greater understanding on the part of all can only lead to greater harmony and less guilt for the gay man and those with whom he may come into contact. The book will aid parents and the straight community in understanding if not accepting some of the plight experienced by gay men. Behind all presented is a theme that cannot be denied: we are all seeking the same things from life, our method for achieving having our needs met may differ somewhat, however we all crave home, acceptance, livelihood and someone with whom we can share our lives.




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© 2005 by Molly Martin