Molly's Reviews

I Never Held You I Never Held You
Ellen DuBois
DLSIJ Press

Excellent Presentation - Highly recommended

"I Never Held You" is a small work of 7 sections designed to aid women who are suffering the results of loss of a baby. Areas covered in the book are Miscarriage, Grieving, Blame, Letting Go, Moving On, My Angel Baby and Online Resources.

Writer DuBois has crafted a well written book based on her own experience with miscarriage and the struggles she, and other women must combat as they learn to deal with it. DuBois asked that I review the book because she knew that I too suffered this particular hurt. In her book writer Dubois says that she still has moments of grief a decade later, and I will confess that 3 decades later I do the same. The grief affects not only the woman who has lost her unborn child but her whole family as well. Many times, my own doctor told me, marriages fail following the loss of a child, and I was recently told by my now 30 year old son that on his birthday he always thinks of the brothers and sister he has never had the opportunity to know.

"I Never Held You" gets to the heart of the situation without being maudlin or offering the ersatz comfort and completely useless advice women so often hear from those who have had no experience with the plight. The short length of the book is to be commended. For those newly suffering from miscarriage a lengthy work is not likely to get read. This smaller narrative offers brevity plus good solid help for dealing with the predictable response that follows miscarriage.

Grieving and Blame are a typical, to be expected, reasonable part of the days following loss of a child. In "I Never Held You" writer DuBois offers sensible helpful hints regarding each. It is okay to grieve, and the compulsion to blame needs to be acknowledged if women are to be able to deal with and get beyond both. DuBois' poem My Angel Baby says well what women so often think and feel during the days following the loss of her child. The links to online resources are ones women can put to good use as the move from the grief to healing and acceptance.

This is not a fun little book for an afternoon of lighthearted reading. It is a valuable resource to help fill the void of beneficial materials for the woman and their families after suffering miscarriage.

Highly Recommended for those women and their families who have faced the sorrow of miscarriage first hand.

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2005 by Molly Martin