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The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying "this is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment.
So I was wondering what you can give me for it?
The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister.
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses."
A woman walks into a drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic. The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
"To kill my husband," she replies.
"I'm sorry Ma'am, I can't sell you any for that reason."
The woman then hands him a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising xposition. The man is her husband and the woman is the druggist's wife. The druggist looks at the photo and says, "My apologies, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
The Mommy Test
I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter.
She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that.
"Why?"
"Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs."
At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff. "Um, it's on the mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a mommy."
"Oh."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
"I get it!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the daddy."
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. Because I wanna take my money to the after life." So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well one day he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"
She had a shoebox with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in there with that stingy old man."
She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into
My account and I wrote him a check."
I used to have Saturday Night Fever... Now I just have Saturday Night hotflashes.
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Ever get the feeling your stuff strutted off without you?
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Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old... as long as she buys him a few drinks first.
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
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I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.
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I'm getting into swing dancing.
Not on purpose some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.
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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
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I think I've reached my sexpiration date.
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People our age can still enjoy an active, passionate sex life!
Provided we get cable or that dish thing.
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The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.
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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
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I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age..
But they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."
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Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.
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Don't let aging get us down...It's too hard to get back UP!
Signs on bathroom walls:
Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
~~~Women's rest room
Starboard Dewey Beach, DE
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Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married!
~~~Women's rest room
The Filling Station Bozeman, Montana
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A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
~~~Women's rest room
Dick's Last Resort Dallas, TX
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The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
~~~Women's rest room Murphy's Champaign, IL
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It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
~~~Written in the dust on the back of a bus - Flagstaff, AZ
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<<<<LADIES NIGHT OUT >>>>>>
Two women decided to go out one evening, without their husbands, and more importantly, No Kids. Laughing the entire evening away and finding that they had consumed entirely too much wine, they decided it was time to head home.
They were about half way home when both ladies decided that they needed to find a bathroom quick. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. A little bit scared and tipsy, they decided they'd just have to stop there... they couldn't wait any longer.
Stumbling off the road into the cemetery they soon discovered they had no toilet paper or Kleenex but the trip being an urgent one, they decided to 'just make do'! The first one decided to use her panties and then discard them.
The second one had on new panties and not wanting to leave them behind grabbed a big ribbon from a floral wreath on the grave stone next to her.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one of them said to the other:
"You know, we'll have to keep a closer watch on our wives... it seems that those two were up to no good last night. My wife came home in the wee hours without her panties...".
The other one responded: "Well, you're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her "rear end" that read, "We will never forget you....The Carboni Brothers".
"Your recent letter regarding tattoos reminded me of an incident I'd like to share.
Last year I was in a nail salon in Hawaii, waiting for a manicure and a pedicure. Waiting with me were two ladies well into their 60s."
A girl of about 20 strolled in and sat down across the room from us. She was wearing a low-cut top, so we couldn't help but notice a prominent rose tattoo high on her breast.
One of the women leaned over to the rest of us and whispered, "Little does she know that when she's in her 50s, she'll have a long-stemmed Rose!" --
Moods of a Woman
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk;
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
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Moods of a Man
Horny.
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.
His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come >>>>>home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
A man drives down a road, tra la la, just driving along. A woman drives down the road from the opposite direction.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells,
"PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and yells, "BITCH!"
As the man rounds the next curve, he crashes into a huge pig in the
middle of the road and dies.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
If only men would listen.
Rain in Minnesota
One night a torrential rain soaked northwestern MN. The next morning the resulting flood waters came up about six feet into most of the homes there.
Mrs. Johnson was sitting on her roof with her neighbor Lena, waiting for help to come.
Mrs. Johnson noticed a baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back to the house.
It kept floating away from the house, then back towards the house. Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Lena, "Do you see dat der baseball cap floatin' away from da house, den back again?"
Lena said,"Oh ya, dat's my husband Ole. I tole dat lazy ass he gonna cut da grass today, come hell or high water."
Antiques have become very popular. Right now there are 15 million Americans who have things that are old, funny-looking, don't work and are only kept for sentimental purposes. Some of these are called antiques - and the rest are called husbands.
A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton
Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent Mary Louise to the hardware store.
At the hardware store Mary Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf as she was waiting for Joe Bob to finish waiting on a customer.
When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Louise asked, "How much for the teapot?"
Joe Bob replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!" "My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary Louise exclaimed.
She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to buy, and Joe Bob went to the backroom to find a hinge.
From the backroom Joe Bob yelled, "Mary Louise, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
To which Mary Louise replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."
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