MIND ON FIRE
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: I HATE EVRYTHING ABOUT YOU
Oh my gosh. My back hurt so much from sleeping in that pittiful mattress. They could have done alot better than that. For the navy to have all this money but can't even get there members something worth sleeping on. And on top of that there's not alot of ways I can sleep cause laying on my stomach is very uncomfortable.
I hate this shit. I found out where I was going once I leave the ship. They are still trying to get me to go underway. I think its to punish me for when we go to Florida. I don't want to go. I know my baby isn't going to be there. He doesn't get out til the 3rd. I miss him. I don't even think he notices how much him being away from me is hurting me so.
Yesterday, I felt that I didn't want to have this baby. I'm now 11 weeks. I don't know. Its like he says he's happy but I know he was happy then with all his other girls had there babies. So how is this happiness different from theirs. I don't like it. I don't want to give it up for adoption. BUt if he's not there when I have it that's what I'm going to do.
If he's there then after a while I'm going to leave him with the baby. I know its wrong but I have to put my whole life on hold for a child but for him he could just leave us anyway. I don't want the baby to go to D.C. He will be wanting it to. Then he's going to be wanting for his friends to see it. That shit ain't going to happen.
Its like shit I haven't even meet your friends why the fuck you want my child around them. And don't even think those females going to watch it either. Hell no. Especially that one. She can't even take care of herself or her kids so what the fuck make you think she's going to be able to watch my child for a minute.
I hope I don't have a boy. If its a girl and you try that same shit as with your other daughter, I'm fucking done with you. My child don't have to know you. I know that sounds fucked up but that's just how its going to be. I'm getting out of the military.
You want all of my attention but damn look at it like this. Why do I have to share you but you can't share me? When we went to D.C., you went out and saw your friends even spent the night over there house. Damn females. Left me in the house and shit. Didn't tell me when you were or nothing.
BUt when I went home and talked to my friend on the phone you got mad and I said I was going over their house you talked about leaving and shit. I didn't say shit like that to you. And you're going to get fuck mad at me for some shit like that.
Even if you were playing when you said that, you shouldn't play like that. Cause like you said how can I get mad when you talked to someone that you knew before me.
Nigga you can't have your cake and eat it to. I've kept all these things trapped in my mind. You have no idea how much this shit has bothered me.