Mood:
mischieviousTopic: Words of Wisdom
What is it exactly I’m supposed to sit here and reveal to you? There’s nothing in the universe I know about to any significant extent except myself and no one wants to hear it or believes me when I tell them anyway. There isn’t a human in my life who wants to know more than I’m willing to share at a distance from them and their “personal” lives because if one did s/he would be a little more involved with my life than my hundreds of invisible friends who cannot learn something more of me than I’m able to share online or by phone.
I’m expected by society to restrain myself with “exploring” folks I meet so that I don’t overly influence them and lead them astray from the paths of God; cuz I’m so seductively evil people want to follow me to Hell to live my life and do the things I do as the naturally “aligned” and highly experienced evil soul that I am, I guess. I suppose the fear is that I will seduce the righteous from their happy, God-blessed homes into my sadomasochistic clutches and convert them to my evil ways and they will be lost forever and God will lose the big fight with Evil and all Hell will break loose or something inconvenient. Yet the opposite is actually true; although I most certainly could seduce someone into ruining their lives had I any desire to treat others as they’ve treated me from learning my fealty to my beliefs which are only partially opposite to their own by necessity of who I am as a person at this place in my life journey.
The brutal truth is that I’ve always held others at arm’s length and respectfully, subtly redirected them to lead their own fulfilling lives with absolutely nothing of my thoughts or suggestions or friendship they didn’t deliberately seek or consciously consent to (then eventually reject) with me first. The fact is that I’m a purist in my “Absolute” or “Old Guard” beliefs and don’t want folks to absorb my perspectives into their lives; my perspectives only work in my life and absolutely do work against people in their goals of equal relationships and career and children and all that they strictly enforce as “the good life.” However, I was already long too late to prevent the “BDSM” fashion craze to hit the collective unconscious by ’97 when I finally managed to get my $2500 Performa 400 Mac online and discovered email discussion groups and chat rooms. To this day I still find precious little of the sadomasochistic reality of life and utterly nothing of the respect and sacrifice and honor of my “personal” evil life anywhere on the internet; regardless how “real” people are on their sides of the screen or how much they sympathize and care for me and mine.
I promote the Safe, Sane, and Consensual campaign and, yes, it’s an organized campaign by members of various gay and leather groups originally primarily in the Pacific Northwest of the US who held a conference in someone’s backyard (or basement) one early year in the advent of the internet and decided saving stupid people’s lives prevented a lot of persecution for themselves in the long run. I promote their efforts because it’s the lesser of evils and who am I to prevent anyone else from discovering their destiny? They might as well have a few tips to cling to and give them a fighting chance for a good ten minutes if they’re lucky, since they’re bound and determined to jump into my evil “personal” life with both feet first regardless what their loved ones or anyone else tells them is the more effective way to satisfy their curiosity once and for all time.
The only way any of us “true Leather folk” survived our experiences and grew to the individuals we are today is from being enslaved at some point early in our lives by a human predator who held us on the literal verge of death (and worse, brought to orgasm with rape and pain and knowledge of imminent physical death) and deliberately allowed us to live as their prey every dark, anguished night and day until we either died -- as in all the way, physically dead -- or agreed and abandoned ourselves to Evil, period; it was an “absolute” kind of love no matter how sensitive one feels about the topic. And although SSC is an utter illusion with someone into bondage and rape fantasies and already a case of beer on the short drive to the middle of nowhere; at least it offers recourse after the fact and protection under mainstream law for the stupid people’s families. Too bad people like me have to be the ones to prove who the real predators are in your "mainstream" society; but that’s life, isn’t it?
Most of us that were taken to such extremes in our childhoods and adolescence (hell, once as an adult is enough to break most people’s egos, but it’s worse if one’s ego hadn’t fully developed yet and sincere predators like their prey young for that very reason) find it challenging building healthy mainstream relationships with anyone; however there are many, many more choices of healthy adult relationships available in the universe than only “mainstream” ones. It doesn’t matter whom or how much I love someone if we are incompatible in the kinds of relationships I am willing and capable of building with another creature in this realm or any of God’s realms. It’s my way to be brutally honest and show folks what they really want to know about their sexuality and attraction to me as I flirtatiously escort them back to familiar territory and let them choose a path more suited to their natural talents and life goals.
Yes, I’m arrogant like that. I deliberately choose my intimate partners and I make certain I’m willing to adapt my home and lifestyle to accommodate that specific individual’s unique needs and experiences of the past before I speak my feelings and share my plans for wanting to include someone more into my “personal” life; provided one seemed interested and willing on a deeper level than the opportunity to poke around in my pussy and feel body orgasms at the same time. I want to know that the things I do in my life will benefit them more than any other activities they could choose with anyone else because the relationship is “real” for me too and I don’t want to worry about someone changing their mind in the middle of something intense and crying “abuse” and giving my enemies an opportunity to send me to prison or the mental hospital or otherwise destroy my entire life.
Yes, I would reject you in a heartbeat before you even knew my full name if I sensed anything I “choose” to do in my evil “personal” life might offend you or lead you into temptation you have zero way of feeling fulfilled in the long run by doing yourself. Appreciate how rare it is that you know me as well as you do; there must be something more I value in you and our friendship if you’re so near to me. Yet, you’re not near enough to kiss me much less have an opinion of anything I might choose to do without your knowledge or witness; quit expecting me to build a mainstream relationship with you just because you and your body and your mind and your soul are not suited to building an “evil” one with me. Be satisfied with living your “good” life and acknowledge there’s some things you were never intended by God to survive and trust me when I hold you at arm’s length; I’m risking my very real life for you to look into my eyes and share something “personal” with me at that vulnerable distance if that’s true. That means something very special to me and I refuse to conform to your adolescent ideals of romance or uninformed “BDSM” whims just to prove I intend you no harm with living my own life and fulfilling my own destiny in this evil world. We can be more mature and respectful to each other than that by a great deal more, I’m certain; we’ve lived through more than our share of persecution and sabotage from our own blood already, don’t you feel?