Subject: Back at it
Date: Tue, 07 Oct 2003 12:25:40 -0600

Greetings, sorry i can't write many good letters, its not cause i don't wanna. things here are rather intense, internet really sucks, INCREDIBLY slow, so its a tough combo to navigate. as you probably heard, the female martyr in Haifa was from here, so its back to curfew, has been for several days, making it about 12 or 13 of the 16 days i've been here. her families' house was exploded the other night, i wasn't there but it woke the whole city up. she was a human rights lawyer, not particularly religous. in april she was sitting on the porch with her brother and male cousin {who was wanted}, idf shot both men, the bodies fell onto her in a most gruesome manner etc. it has been curfew since the Haifa bombing, nearly constant incursions. last night tanks swept in arresting 31 young men. this is the climate here. no word yet on when when Michigan will recieve collective punishment for Tim Mcveigh's Ok. city bombing.we have been picking olives most days with farmers who are in danger from settlements, the apartheid wall and soldiers. its easy labor by my standards, we are also having daily meetings with various village leaders who need security to harvest. i am taking part in weekly workshops on democracy, very interesting. my Mom had surgery last week, religous among us please say a prayer for her.to be honest, i am at a loss as to what to say to you from here, i can't internalize what i'm seeing, let alone describe it. i see the Warsaw ghetto, my feelings have changed in ways that i know many of you would find to be irrational or anti-israel, but i am not. i continue to realize how much i have been misled about the situation here all my life, and how naive i was as to the the power dynamics of this "conflict". i no longer see neutrality as morally acceptable or intellectually appropriate. i will no longer be a slave to the manipulation of my legitimate and genuine horror at the holocaust, i will call a spade a spade. those disgusting events do not justify these events. i am so sickened by the naked aggression of the Isr. gov't, the only time i clear my head is writing these e-mails, and i choke back tears every single time. its too much . this is the most one-sided thing i've ever seen, and i have seen a good bit.we have been blaming the victims, it turns out.cultural genocide: Palestinian children here have been allowed to attend classes 3 days in the last 30.Physical genocide: the design of the Wall is not security based, it is designed to cut off farmers from their land, people from their wells, local folks from the outside world in general. observe its meandering path, its snake-like movements thru the entirety of Palestine.this is not something i knew, even as a person who made lot of effort to follow the news etc.Israel is ON the attack, what made them think folks would never fight back? they'll fight back however they can, and they'll fight like hell. i cannot really disagree with it any longer. several years ago i was jumped on the street in the middle of the night walking home from work. i fought back and was lucky enough to "win". should i have felt guilty.? should i have been judged for the manner in which i defended MY VERY LIFE? all i did was get jumped, i started nothing. these are my thoughts now. even as i picture the puzzled or even disgusted faces of folks i know will read this, folks i care about, i can't water this down to be PC. back someone into a corner and the rules are off, survival supercedes treasured cultural norms of civilization.these are a civilized people, really an amazing people, kind, welcoming, dignified, fair, all these things, but they have been backed into a corner.The permanency of current Isr. machinations is the most horrifying thing, the goal is annihilation/mass exodus, truly.you can think i've been brainwashed or you can think of me as the fair and objective, genuinely caring person that i am. i tell you about these events in the same feverish manner which was used to smuggle hurried warnings from Berlin to Warsaw 65 years ago. will we ignore it again?i hope all is well with all who read this, i will keep looking for a regular internet link, would like to send regular emais of day to day life here, but when i sit down this is what comes out. let me tell you i'm not exxagerating anything and it is really ON here in Palestine, a final solution hidden by memories of a prior final solution. I WILL NOT SHUT UP!!this is what is happening and we're paying for it, shielding it and guiding it. i have no words for the disgust i feel, and i was not prepared for what i have found here. Love and Struggle, BenPS there is also plenty of good times here, laughter etc, don't worry about me or my mental health, these serious things are just what i obviously feel the need to convey in my limited access to update you. i'm fine, tough as nails in america, tough as nails in Palestine. i still smile alot etc, no need to think i'm entering permanent darkness-smile. after all, i get to leave.