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North Korea Threatens Nuclear Response to HorroR Movies
By Grey Entertainment

Kim Jong-Il, reclusive leader of North Korea, noted film buff and amateur astronomer, released a statement today declaring that if the Saw franchise and noted horror writer/producer/director/midwife Wes Craven are not eliminated then North Korea will launch a nuclear weapon.
Coming from North Korea this is one of the saner demands in recent years, a list that includes the surrender of South Korea, the surrender of all US forces in Asia, the surrender of Japan, South Korea and Istanbul (but not Constantinople) and the right to name Miss Teen USA 2005.
It is thought that with his failing health Kim Jong-Il is looking to pave the way for his successor, little known Kim “Corleone”, and go out in a blaze of glory, forcing the West to stand down and possibly have a lasting impact on world cinema. For the better no less.
The movie angle is the least surprising aspect of this announcement, Kim Jong-Il is widely reputed to be a modern movie buff, holding directors such as Spielberg and Stone in high regard, and all but idolising Keanu Reeves, a man he identifies with strongly as both of them breathe oxygen.
Some consider the possible nuking if the Saw series continues as somewhat heavy handed, it is expected to hit the DVD special release bin market in just two more films.
At the same time many doubt Wes Craven can be stopped by man made weapons. Just as many are willing to give it a shot.
Complicating matters is that no one knows if North Korea seriously has a nuclear weapon. Tests are one thing, but to mount a nuclear warhead on a reliable delivery system larger than a moderately trained otter may be beyond the technical capabilities of the impoverished nation.
Add to that the lack of a stated target and what you have is something of a hollow threat. The assumption is that Craven or a major Saw set or office will be hit, but it could just as easily be Washington, Tokyo or the moon. Let’s be honest, it could be downtown Pyong-yang given those pesky technical issues.
That being said there is a line of people perfectly willing to destroy the current three Saw movies being worked on – currently consisting of two prequels and a semi-spin-off involving James Bond level gadgetry – so much so that insiders think that Kim Jong-Il just tapped into popular sentiment to get an easy pass for his latest chest thumping.
This of course could backfire on us all horribly, as politics steps in and America, Japan and possibly even China step in to ensure additional Saw movies and a line of unlimited credit to any project, however unbelievable, awful, thinly plotted, poorly dialogued or badly written, waved at Wes Craven just to stymie the childish North Koreans.
Excuse me I have a script to hawk.

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