Society
Maybe it is just another form of self inflicted pain, but the Society section will be for those rare instances when there is more than two entertainment stories or just feel like throwing in story that just defies all other sections.
Common
sense shakeup opens up technology job sector After what many claim to be a move by the Illuminati, or at least their software developing, pen protecting equivalent, to end the conspiracy of filling the world with useless system developers in order to hold back society, job openings are everywhere. Large software companies have reported that they have been forced to lay off entire departments because the people working there proved to be totally and completely incompetent. A spokesperson at Microsoft has admitted that they need to restaff almost half of the entire company, most notably in the Live Messenger, Hotmail and Internet Explorer departments. The IE department, long sitting on their behinds and doing absolutely nothing as most people were too moronic to switch to a better browser (pro tip: it has a giant O as a logo, for what, as soon as one gets to using it, are obvious reasons.), or design their sites for one, is almost entirely new. The new team, the ads say, should focus on making a browser that loads webpages. Hopefully it will even render them correctly this time. Preferably faster than the old “14.4k modem simulation” way the current versions use. A team that, it seems, has long been suffering under the problem of making stuff for IE, the windows mail team (hotmail, live, etc) is currently trying to restructure the entire thing, so when you click on an e-mail you wish to read, it actually opens the email you clicked. The new, competent developers sought are expected to find this job easy. They are also expected to be able to make a system where wanting to download a freaking file will actually freaking work, shocking most of the world in the process. New employees in the Messenger department are expected to “bring back those features people actually liked using, you know, like being able to check your mail, change your display name, and show people what you were listening too. You know, all those things we dropped for some inexplicable reason right around the time we made the main window become a giant piece of junk that served absolutely no purpose since we had removed all the features?” Similarly, on a related note, every person working on the Windows Media Player application has been fired and the software discontinued, potentially to be brought back at a later time and hopefully not sharing a single line of code in common with the version people currently use. The entire Office department has largely been scrapped in favour of trying to copy OpenOffice, and the .docx format is no longer the default, meaning people in the future might be able to read files sent to them by moronic office-users. The kind of morons that most likely paid for the stupid thing, too. While Messenger will hopefully recover some sort of relevance, rivaling instant message service Skype fired their web-guys for being unable to create a registration form that recognized some of the countries in the world. The affected countries were of course hardly relevant, being minor nations like Sweden, the United Kingdom, Singapore and every other country. Hopefully Skype will hire some people that know how to make a form on a website AND how to make an instant messenger service, as one of these seem infinitely more complicated than the other. Finally, a whole bunch of companies fired their designers and programmers in favour of people who have heard, and maybe even studied, this new, exciting field of human computer interaction. What this means is that hopefully, in the future, accounting software and things will actually make at least a tiny bit of sense, thereby allowing people to use them and society as a whole to become marginally less stupid and useless. Apple-users and employees are not affected by any of these changes, as they have been deemed a lost cause. |
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