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Dolph Lundgren has the power.... to stop oil spill
By Cozmic

The Gulf oil spill is one of the worst oil spill disasters in the world, ever, if not the worst. Since the spill started in May it has been leaking tens of thousands of barrels of oil (you know, that thing we claim we are running out of) every day. It is not hard to see how this is a major environmental disaster, and despite this, all attempts at blocking it have been futile, weak, not all there, and just plain lame. That is, until Sweden decided to act. They do this by sending in a man who needs just about no introduction. He has portrayed a former Marine turned High School teacher, saving a school full of ridiculously dumb kids from even sillier crooks. He has held up a sword and proclaimed that yes, he does indeed have the power. He has performed an Elvis song in front of a Swedish audience who doubted he could even speak Swedish. He claims he has forgotten his native tongue. He has studied chemical engineering at the Royal Institute of technology. Perhaps most importantly thus far, he has punched Rocky Balboa in the face. He is, of course, one of Sweden's most famous actors, Dolph Lundgren!
Because if a giant pile of junk, like most of Lundgren's movies piled together in a heap, won't stop the Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill then how about a guy who once portrayed freaking He-Man!?
Yes, Sweden is sending out, or perhaps sacrificing, Dolph Lundgren to the great oil spill in the hopes of appeasing, or beating the snot out of, the Oil Gods that are to blame for the problem.
Just how Dolph intends to combat the spill is unknown at this time. Perhaps he will dazzle it with his frighteningly blonde hair, perhaps he will punch it into space(although the physical violence approach would seem to call out for Mr. T, or at least Chuck Norris). As a b-rate actor, he probably could try to put on a really unconvincing Shakespearian monologue to persuade the thing. Perhaps the answer is even so simple as to think that he might try and put all those chemical engineering skills to good use. After all, he does have a degree in that, which would imply it works far better than his acting. Or his directing. Or his writing... Wait, why is this guy famous again?
Oh yeah, b-rate action movies. Maybe he will simply blow up all the oil leaking out of the oil spill, thereby saving the world with a giant ball of fire. That does seem like a plausible explanation., I mean, he knows the chemistry to do it, he is one of those people who does not look at explosions, and it would look totally awesome. And he’d probably do even more damage in the long run, but who cares about the long run anyway?
Or maybe he simply intends to use his extreme He-Man strength and his bulk to plug the hole with. Nobody knows. But man, that explosion thing sounds cool!

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