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Buffy tried to remain calm as she comforted her sobbing sister, but her own panic threatened to consume her. She had come home after slaying to find Dawn shaking with fear in their bed.

"I can't remember Dad. I can't remember L.A.... I can't remember moving to Sunnydale. I can't remember anything!" Dawn was terrified. Buffy did not tell her sister why she was so frightened herself: she herself could not remember Dawn being in L.A. Not at home, not in school.... She could not even remember Dawn being a child at all!

It was after midnight, but an emergency Scooby meeting was called. No one had any memories of Dawn that weren't relatively recent. Buffy wished Dawn weren't present to hear this.

"You don't remember me before I was created, do you? Any of you? That's it, isn't it?" asked Dawn shakily. "All the memories that made me a real person–they're gone!" She began crying again. Almost her entire life had suddenly been taken from her. And even worse, her friends and sister no longer had all those shared memories. It was as though the people closest to her were now half strangers. Especially Buffy, who had shared a lifetime with her before today.

Buffy stroked her lover's hair. "Shhhh.... it doesn't matter. We all knew those memories were false. Everything we remember about you is real, now. And we all love you."

"This may have to do with the Soulbridge," said Giles, not letting his own apprehension show. "We've learned more. Just a rumor, really, but from a fairly reliable source. It involves the monks who created you, Dawn. A Council source has reason to believe that the monks have recently come up with some new way to protect you. It must be the Soulbridge."

"So why aren't they protecting her?" said Buffy, feeling helpless and angry.

"I don't know," said Giles. "In fact, for all we know, this memory loss is a side effect of something that is actually a good thing."

A good thing! Buffy didn't see much good in taking a person's memory away. She restrained herself from snapping at Giles. And... what if Dawn's sickness was no coincidence? She knew she should tell the others about that–they had certainly noticed something. But Dawn didn't seem to want to speak of it, and Buffy felt the same. Speaking of it with the group would make it all the more real.

Dawn also did not tell her friends–not even Buffy–that she was having nightmares every night now. Nightmares of white shrouded figures and red flames engulfing her. And she did not speak of the new fear that now filled her and stopped her breath in her throat. The monks had a new plan for her protection. What if that meant taking her from her Buffy? What if that meant disposing of her entirely and building a new persona for the Key, to be protected by someone else instead?

That night, Dawn cried for hours, drifting in and out of an exhausted sleep, and Buffy could not comfort her. "I want our life together. I want my childhood. I want it all back!" She felt as though she were slowly being sucked out of the world.

Buffy cried as well, unable to do anything but hold her lover in her arms. She wanted–no, needed–an enemy she could stake through the heart and put an end to this right now. But her skills as the Slayer were of no use–there was no enemy–and she hated herself for being so powerless. But she repressed the most terrible thought of all: this was just how she had felt when her mother was sick. And died.

 

---

 

Buffy, Xander, Willow and I paced inside the perimeter of a fenced family grave plot, watching the shadows for any sign of movement. This vampire had been difficult to track, but we knew he was nearby.

Suddenly, strong hands hoisted me over the iron fence and threw me to the ground outside. Fangs sank into my throat and the pain was excruciating. Willow screamed my name and fired a crossbow bolt through the fence, knocking the creature away but not killing it. Buffy leapt the fence, stake in hand, but the vampire was gone. Stealth was clearly his strong point. Buffy made a sudden pained face, and Willow was afraid she had been injured. "I'm fine," Buffy hissed, and continued to prowl. But in actual fact, she felt very strange indeed, and she feared her skills were suffering as a result.

I had not been bitten deeply, but Willow cradled my head in her lap, holding a makeshift bandage to the wound and keeping me from moving. Two down. Buffy had only Xander to help her now.

Xander yelled from the far side of the plot, and Buffy raced to help him. He swung his club hard and made contact with his attacker, but the vampire was barely slowed, and shoved him to the ground hard enough to knock the wind out of him. Three down. He could feast on these creatures at will–but he must deal with the Slayer first.

The vampire darted between the gravestones, keeping his distance and protecting his heart. Buffy hurled a stake but missed. She realized he was waiting for her to use up her weaponry, and she wasn't going to play that game. She made a point of retrieving the stake from the tall weeds.

But when she looked up, the vampire was gone. She spun around searching for telltale motion, and then collapsed to her knees with a grunt, suddenly afraid. Grimacing and rocking back and forth, she never even noticed when the vampire dropped onto her from the tree overhead. She felt a rain of choking dust, and a crossbow bolt fell at her feet.

When Willow and I reached the Slayer, she was still sitting on the ground. "Nice shot," she said weakly. Willow had transfixed the creature's heart in midair.

Buffy stood up, although she was still shaky for several minutes. "Thanks for... you know!" Willow nodded and touched her friend's arm, worried.

Buffy took off her jacket and tied it around her waist, but not before I noticed a small dark stain at the back of her skirt.

Something was very wrong with the Slayer, and for some reason she would neither talk about it nor consult a doctor. All we could get out of her was, "I'm OK now. Thanks."

 

---

 

As we were battling the vampire, Dawn sat bolt upright in bed. She had been lying awake fantasizing about what she and Buffy would do when the Slayer got home, when suddenly she was afraid and she didn't know why. No... she wasn't afraid! She felt fear, but not her own. She felt Buffy's fear. And then it passed. She did not know how Buffy's peril was being transmitted to her, but she tried to send comfort and reassurance back.

A half hour later, Dawn awoke to the sound of running water. Buffy had returned and was in the shower. When she emerged, wrapping herself in a towel, and sat down on the bed, Dawn took her hand. "Buffy... you were afraid tonight. You were in trouble. What happened?"

"How did you know that? It was a vampire. I wasn't performing very well and I screwed up. But I had the gang to back me up. Willow is pretty dangerous with a crossbow."

"Buffy, I felt it when you were in trouble! I tried to comfort you." She didn't think the Slayer would believe her.

Buffy looked at her sister in surprise. "You did comfort me. I felt you wishing me well... I thought it was my imagination." She thought a moment. "You know, the night we all lost our memories... I knew you were in trouble even before I got home. I felt your fear."

"There's something between us, isn't there?" whispered Dawn.

"Yes... I think there is... I think we will always know when the other is in danger." Tears welled up in Buffy's eyes. She loved this girl so much!

Dawn felt her sister's love like a nearly physical force. "I feel that, Buffy! I love you too!" She hugged the older girl tightly.

Suddenly Dawn started crying. "Bears!"

"What?" asked Buffy, suddenly worried.

"I remember! Bears!" Dawn was smiling and crying at the same time. "It wasn't real, but.... my wallpaper was stupid-looking teddy bears!"

Buffy still couldn't even remember Dawn having been in L.A. at all. And yet... teddy bears... that was familiar....

"In red and orange!" Buffy suddenly blurted out.

"Yes," said Dawn, unable to stop the flood of tears. "God they were ugly!" The girls laughed and cried together.

 

---

 

The next Scooby meeting was more productive than the last, and Dawn's attendance was specifically requested again. A trend she was quite pleased with.

At first, nobody but Buffy and Dawn could remember anything about Dawn from before her creation. But Dawn explained how she had gotten to those memories. "Don't think of them as memory. They didn't really happen and they aren't there. It's more like remembering a movie we all watched together. It's not real... but we still remember it." Buffy nodded in agreement with this.

"Think of this," Buffy said. "Think of the first time we were all together with Dawn. It was in the school library, and Willow had lost a library book and was all upset about it. Do you remember?" Xander and Willow nodded, but they looked puzzled.

"I do remember that day," said Giles frowning. "But Dawn wasn't there."

"Think, though–Dawn found the book in Willow's lunch bag, and we all laughed," Buffy reminded them.

"No," said Willow, "I found it myself, and we didn't laugh–I didn't even tell anyone I had found it, I just returned the book."

"We laughed–think!" Buffy insisted. Everyone was silent.

"We did!" said Xander excitedly. "But.... really we didn't...." It was very confusing.

"That's right!" said Buffy. "We remember it the way it really happened. We didn't laugh. But we also remember it with Dawn."

Willow suddenly smiled, "Yes! You're right, it's just like remembering a movie, or a book I read long ago!"

Dawn was smiling with relief. And then, all of a sudden, her face fell and tears began to flow.

"Dawn!" said Buffy, "what is it?"

"It's not the same," her sister sobbed. "I'm glad I can remember my life.... only it doesn't feel like my life anymore. It feels like a made up story. And it IS a made up story." She cried even harder. "And the worst thing is, I can't even WANT things back the way they were. Now it all feels like a lie–I can't want to believe a lie." Buffy held her sister, and sent her feelings of love and comfort. It helped. But Dawn still wanted the impossible. "I wish I was a real person. I wish I had grown up with you, Buffy. I want that so bad."

"I know, Dawn, I want that too. But we have right now–and we have the future. That's real." Dawn nodded. A future with Buffy made up for an awful lot! "And Dawn, remember Mom? Remember all of us, even after we learned you weren't who we thought? We all loved you anyway. That hasn't changed."

"This is deeply disturbing," said Giles. "I wish we could help you more. But I do have some good news of sorts for you." The group gave him their attention. "The monks did not make the Soulbridge. Whatever new thing they have discovered to protect Dawn, it's not the Soulbridge. They don't seem to know quite what it is themselves."

"Nobody knows what it is!" said Buffy, exasperated, "how is that good news?"

"Don't you see?" said Giles, "If the Soulbridge is something that can protect Dawn, and the monks also have some new power of their own to defend her... then we've got not one but two new forces on our side!" But as good news went, this was rather vague and confusing. "I only wish we knew what either one of those forces was...."

Buffy was not reassured. "If everybody is on Dawn's side, then why is she getting sick?"

She hadn't meant to let that slip out. That was something for Dawn to tell if she wanted to. But now that it was out, it seemed suddenly very important. Buffy began to cry in spite of herself.

"What's wrong? Dawn? Have you been ill?" Giles and the others moved close, suddenly concerned.

"Yeah," said Dawn. Buffy's tears were scaring her badly. "I have no energy and I sleep all the time. The doctor gave me some pills that don't do anything but make me throw up. I'm going back to the hospital tomorrow."

 

---

 

Waiting with Buffy in the hospital waiting room, Willow pressed her friend regarding her own recent episodes. What if Dawn and Buffy were both being poisoned or attacked in some way? After seeing Buffy nearly incapacitated while attempting to fight the vampire, Willow and I had both noticed many smaller attacks. Once or twice a week we would catch the Slayer wincing in unexplained pain, stumbling while walking, or even crying out when she thought we couldn't hear. Willow had almost spoken up at the meeting–something was wrong with Buffy, and everyone needed to know about it–but she decided to make one more attempt to talk privately.

"Yes, I am having some problems... but I'm OK most of the time." Buffy appreciated Willow's concern but did not want to talk about it.

"But, Buffy, what if it's some curse or magical attack? What if it has to do with Dawn? I think you should tell everyone. Giles might be able to find out something!" Willow took Buffy's hand.

"It's nothing like what's been happening to Dawn. It's... kind of a female thing... and I really don't want people talking about it." Willow nodded but was not reassured. "Willow, I really don't think there's anything magical about it. And I don't think it's getting worse. I just can't worry about it right now."

 

---

 

"Dawn, it's up to you. The doctors want you to stay in the hospital."

"No. They can't help me. I want to come home."

Dawn's body temperature was even lower, her heart rate had slowed further, and she was asleep or sleepy much of the time–and still nothing else seemed to be wrong. No scan or x-ray revealed any disease. No poisons were in her blood. In short, her symptoms were a complete mystery. The doctors had wanted Dawn to begin taking larger doses of stimulants, but after two days they still had no effect, and she had refused further drugs. She was referred to a psychiatrist but refused that as well. Now all the doctors could do was observe, and there seemed to be little point.

But there was one specialist whose opinion Dawn did want. Willow put Dawn into a trance and performed spell after spell, seeking signs of curses, possession, or black magic of any kind. Dawn had even told Willow about the dreams–the painless fire and eyeless figure that haunted her constantly in her sleep–but made her promise not to tell Buffy.

"There's nothing. I can't find any curse or magic of any kind around you. If you're being attacked magically, it's not in any way I've ever heard of." Willow was frustrated. She really had expected to find something–which would be alarming, but at least understandable. Possible to combat, perhaps.

Dawn nodded. She did not know about Buffy's attacks, but she had the sense that something was wrong that the Slayer wasn't telling her. "Willow, will you check Buffy, too?"

"Yes, I'm just about to." Buffy, who had watched the entire process, gave Willow a warning glance. She didn't want Dawn to know why Willow was testing her too.

Dawn watched, amazed, as glowing mists and sparkling lights danced over Buffy's floating body and Willow mixed potions and lit strange fires, hour after hour. This must be what Willow did to her, too, but she had very little recollection of it. She fell asleep several times while Buffy was being examined, but she wanted to stay. She wanted to know immediately if Willow found anything.

But there was no detectable curse on the Slayer either.

Buffy left the witches' room afterwards, but Dawn stayed behind. There was something she had been meaning to ask Willow for some time, and she was beginning to have the sense that she shouldn't be putting important things off. Her dreams left her with a sense of something terrible impending, and some part of her wondered how much time she still had among the people who loved her.

"Willow," she asked, "will you teach me some magic? Just something simple?"

"What kind of magic?" Willow had been through some bad times while becoming a witch herself–she had even turned her magic against me, forcing us painfully apart for a time. She was not at all eager to get Dawn involved in something so dangerous. But Dawn wasn't just a kid anymore–Willow would at least discuss it and then explain her reservations.

"I want to do the sprite thing."

Willow blinked but held her expression steady. She knew what Dawn had seen that made her want to become a sprite. And she did in fact feel bad for those who weren't able to experience such things. She felt even worse knowing that she and Tara had consciously shown off in front of Dawn. But she shook her head. She could not help Dawn with this.

"You mean when we leave our bodies? That's actually not a simple spell at all." She sighed and clasped her hands around Dawn's sympathetically. "There are no potions or magic words for it. It's a state of mind. Those are the hardest spells of all, I'm afraid. Even after years of training, many witches can never become sprites."

Dawn's eyes welled up with tears. She hadn't realized herself just how much she had been counting on becoming a sprite for Buffy's pleasure. She had been so sure it would be possible!

Willow held Dawn tightly and rocked her back and forth, feeling terribly guilty. Tara would be devastated if she knew how Dawn had fixated on this.

Soon Dawn's tears ceased: she was fast asleep.

 

Continue to Chapter 4 – The Flaw.

"Buffy! Shhh....." Dawn kissed the Slayer's tears. She knew Buffy had never–would never–fully accept this life, after leaving Heaven behind when she was brought back to life. And it hurt. Dawn began to cry as well. "I wish... I wish I could make you happy to be alive. Really happy. So you wouldn't miss being in Heaven."

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