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D'you ever think, what the hell? In regards to these guys, I think that a lot. Here is just a random assortment of not only the thoughts that cross my mind but experiences that I know only BackSTREET (go Kevvy), fans would appreciate. Of course through my words you'll gain true knowledge and insight on the world's prettiest Boys (of course)...just consider it my gift to you. Ha ha. I swear I'm not really this big of a snob...

As a side note - an important one - this stuff is also brought to you from my best friend Dannie. Thank her too.

Index Of Entries:
December 17: It's Been Awhile...
August 23: They're Gonna Put Who In The Movies?/The Trouble With Brian/It Could Happen...But Does It Matter?
August 19: Putting The Random Back In The Title...
July 27: Just Gotta Ramble.../A Gift From Katy/Now THAT'S Original!
July 24: Missing You/HwAJ Update!
July 22: Everybody Talk About Pop Music...ALL Of It
May 15: The Video Premiere From GOD/It's Official - Call The Priest
May 6: Can Su Casa Be Mi Casa Too?/Um...What?
April 24: Father, Forgive Me, For I Have Sinned
April 17: Why Must You PISS ME OFF So?
April 10: Enough With The Brian!/TRL Fan Torture/Who's A Diva?
March 30: My New Favorite Picture
March 22: My Vow...Sort Of
March 18: Good Times With Leno/Call It What You Want/The Boys Are (Will Be), Back In Town!
March 3: He's Dating Who? (subtitled: Is That Much Cheesiness Legal?)/Back Street Stories: A Must-Have!
February 25: The Best Animated SNL Bit Ever/More Backstreet Lookalikes!
February 16: My Crapentine's Day With Little Howie
February 11: New Kids: The Way It Was, The Way It Should Be
February 10: Get Him Out Of My Head!
February 7: My Feelings On Fans
January 19: Not-So-Mature Fans And Why I'm Proud To Be One!
January 18: The Funniest Thing I've Ever Seen
January 17: Backstreet Lookalikes-A-Go-Go!

* * * * * *
December 17

Man has it ever been awhile (no Staind reference meant, dear God). To look and see that the last time I did this was August 23 is blowing my mind. This semester has been nuts, to be sure. I just feel like I'm always so God damn busy...and I'm never home. It's sad, because I miss my fan fic something fierce. I'll have ideas all the time but never a real opportunity to sit and hash them out. Isn't that always the way it is? You watch them like movies in your mind, but when you actually sit and write them you lose some of the magic. No one else might notice, but you do. Rrr. Frustration.

Anyway, I'm also finding that I desperately need a new CD. Funny how with some groups you can last years with no new music, but once they train you to expect something every year or so you're hooked. The Boys have Pavloved us, or Dannie and I, at least. It's a sad state of affairs. I need a recharge though, a jolt to remind me why I go through all this crap!


* * * * * *
August 23

"They're gonna put me in the movies -
Then I know that you will plainly see
The biggest fool that ever hit the big time
And all I gotta do is act naturally..."

Dear Lord! So I went to see Captain Corelli's Mandolin (OK, but slow, although my boy Christian kicks ass, as usual), Tuesday. Above the concession counter is a screen where previews of new movies are shown. Guess what movie yours truly saw a preview for? On The Line. Heard of it? Have no fear, you will, cuz it stars - stars! - none other than Joey Fatone and Lancey Boy Bass! Aaah! I actually had to ask the man at the ticket booth if it was a real preview, I was that freaked out. Jill says she always knew Lancey Boy had bigger goals and other plans, to which I say kudos, cuz Lord knows he's not getting used to potential in his little group. Of course the soundtrack is chock full of all sorts of new 'NSync numbers, about which I can only

So what's my trouble with Brian now, I know you're wondering. Yeah, it seems I'm constantly having problems with this kid, I know. Lately it's that I can't find a decent Brian story to save my life. After Midnight is sort of my retalliation at all those sickly sweet Brians out there. I want a normal Brian, I want a bad Brian. Of course the masters of the bad Brian are my loves Katy and Sarah (go to AKCBBFF and read Dangerous Liasions and Much Ado About Nothing to see what I mean), but I've already read and reread that stuff to the point of memorization. I just want a story when Brian can be the type of asshole that Nick or Kevin usually is. Damnit! He's just a normal guy, I don't care what anyone - including he himself - says. NOHMUL. Oh yes, and I'm very happy to hear about the integrity of his new label, Brileigh Productions. Do they not know one English major that they could have brainstormed a little more creative name with? Man! That's worse that ABHNK or whatever. It's at times like this I just want to smack someone.

And finally, Amy and I had a really interesting discussion the other night regarding meeting the Boys, what to say, and would it be worth it at all. We all know that it's near-impossible to meet these poopheads unless you get supa lucky or are psycho. But let's say that just by chance you see them somewhere - at hotel, a bar, in a club, shopping, something like that. Do you even bother to talk to them? You have to assume - or at least assume they assume - that if you're at a hotel with them you're a fan, and a bordering psycho one at that. You've automatically checked yourself into the shallow-level-conversation category. Any of those other places you see them you'd have to approach them, usually marking you up as a fan too (cuz why would a non-fan or at least admirer approach and be courteous?). Even the extreme - getting trapped in an elevator (is the Wiggycool site up and rnning yet, by the way?), or the like - doesn't guarantee you anything either. No matter what, if you want a fairly meaningful conversation you're screwed. Sad, huh?

OK, gotta go clean...I move out tomorrow and there is much to do!


* * * * * *
August 19

Hola, hola, hola. How are you all? Good-great-grand-and-wonderful, I'm hoping. Personally all I wanna know is where the party at (sorry, it's on). Did any of you see the SNL rerun last night? If you didn't catch it, I'm sorry. Maybe it was just cuz I was drunk, but Mena Suvari in a blond wig and oversized clothes is a dead ringer for Aaron Carter. That kinda freaks me out cuz I think Aaron Carter is a cute kid. Should I be worried?

Second, I know this is somewhat old news, but the fact that 'NSync's Celebrity was booted from the number one spot on the charts by Now That's What I Call Overplayed Crap 422 is just too priceless for words. I realized that Black & Blue got the boot not long after it debuted too, but damnit, it was by the Beatles. There's almost an honor in that, a story you can tell your kids. But Now 7? Come on. And you know why? My friend Jill made a brilliant insight. Fanatics make first week sales, word-of-mouth makes albums stay at the top of the charts. Let me just say that word-of-mouth on that CD isn't so good. I admit that I'm a fan of No Strings Attached, so I even gave this the benefit of the doubt and went and listened to snippets from every song on CDnow. None of it impressed me. I liked one song and so downloaded it, but once I heard the whole thing I didn't like it as much anymore. It's a disappointing album - sorry 'NSync fans. I'd hate to have been on pins and needles expecting that crap.

Part of the reason I don't like the album is that it's all so driven by hip-hop. Do not get me wrong, I like hip-hop. But Celebrity is all one long, monotonous driving beat that blurs one song into another - not in the impressive concept-album way, but the we-can't-think-of-anything-else-to-do way. All pop seems to be veering this way. Here are my words of advice - the next Backstreet album should tap into a vein of music that just isn't given it's just dues. Latin's been killed. Hip-hop's too ordinary. Where to go next?


Ska. Ska is the wave of the future for pop, I'm telling you. Backstreet should collaborate with kick-ass ska artists like Reel Big Fish and Mighty Might Bosstones and just put out a rip-roaringly awesome ska album. Nick can skank, I've seen a picture. This can be done, and done well! It'll throw the world for such a loop to hear raging horns backing a boyband rather than synthesized music that 'NSync'll look so yesterday it'll hurt. Ska, baby. Take my word for it.

I'm not sure if I was serious about all that ska stuff or not...but if you hear horns on the next CD, you heard it hear first, folks! Screw MTV!


* * * * * *
July 27

Hey there, my peeps. (Peeps...what a word.) Oh my God, I'm back (again?), mostly because I was getting a little TOO into playing songs on Windows Media Player and playing with all the different visualizations (for the record, Get Another Boyfriend is really fun to watch). I was attempting to work on the Motown Saga cuz I was requested to, and I actually got some done (no update yet, though, sorry), but then I got bored. Anyway, watching the songs seemed like a kind of sad thing to be doing so I'm here instead. Aah, much better...although this is kinda strange too, because now I know for sure that more people than me read this crap. Cool, but strange.

OK, so I know you're all wondering what gift it is that Katy has for you all, right? I knew it. Well, back when More Than That came out Katy offered a very insightful guide to the video that I really wanted to post, cuz it's hilarious and I knew she wouldn't. But I kept forgetting to ask her, until we were travelling between France and somewhere (EPCOT France, that is). She invited me warmly to go ahead (mostly cuz she wants everyone to know what a genius she is, I think - just teasin'), so here you go.

Katy's Very Insightful Guide To More Than That
Backstreet Through The Ages

Nice, huh? Anyway, my last little bit unhappily brings me back to the pop backlash mentioned a few days ago. Last night I was watching Conan, as I do every night because I adore that show, and Janeane Garofalo was on. Conan jokingly asked her about the new 'NSync album, and as you can all guess she had nothing but nice things to say about them, boy bands and pop in general. The audience, of course, ate it up, but I just rolled my eyes. Know what? That gig is old. If pop is unoriginal - as yes, I freely admit at times it can be - making fun of it is much more so. Get new arguments, because I have rational arguments against every one, and a few disparaging remarks of my own against what's supposedly good (see July 22's entry for more on that).

I think this country has a huge hangup on individuality. It's become such a big deal for a person to be an "individual" that the concept of being "different" is becoming the norm. What makes us different is who we are without attempting to be something one of a kind. Boy bands, pop, mainstream music - they strike at what we all have in common. That's why we like it...and we hate it at the same time. Love, heartbreak, happiness, sadness - be you Marilyn Manson or Mandy Moore you get those concepts. You feel them, you are them. Maybe songs from Backstreet and 'NSync are simple. Maybe they didn't write them. Are we more upset that those guys are "calling themselves" music...or that they're saying exactly what most of us feel at one time or another? So some singers write it themselves, and the songs don't rhyme, and the message is more cryptic...big deal. When you break music down it's all about the same thing - who we are and what we feel as people.

All right, enough waxing philosophic. Trading Spaces is almost on and I missed it yesterday. (If you haven't watched that show, do - it rocks! Yes, I am a dork, but hey, you are too - you like Backstreet Boys, after all! *big, obvious Howie wink at the hypocrisy on that one*)


* * * * * *
July 24

It's D-Day...Dannie Day. On the third anniversary of Dannie meeting 3/5 of the Boys I have to celebrate by saying I really miss that little twerp (ha ha). Dannie and I aren't near each other during the summer - 180-some miles apart, to be exact - and I haven't seen her since May. OK, so I saw her in the hospital a week and a half or so ago, but that wasn't fun so I don't count it. We talk every few days, of course, but it isn't the same. I miss her - we don't deal well being apart. So yeah, Dannie is Backstreet-related so that's why you're hearing about it.

Also, I forgot to update you all on HwAJ, our Boston Market AJ lookalike! Awhile back Dannie and I were stunned to discover that HwAJ and Dannie's boyfriend are friends! The couple went to the Market awhile ago and HwAje says, "Hi Jamie." "Hi Matt," Jamie replies. Dannie, of course, nearly drops dead - as did I, when I heard. Rumor has it also that HwAje transferred Markets and he's manager at the new one. Congratulations, HwAje!


* * * * * *
July 22

Wow, I haven't bitched in forever, huh? And yet there's so much I have wanted to say. Here are just a few remarks that I must make before the major topic of today's session is tackled. One, I love Brad Fiscetti of LFO. Not LFO as a group or their music (God offense), just him. He's pretty. Two, I had my first all-happy Backstreet dream last night! First in three years, and furthermore Brian was nice to me during the whole thing. This is historic. Maybe because the night before I dreamed his mom was my aunt and I was begging her for a chance for Dannie and I to meet Brian (and yes, it would stand to reason that if Jackie was my aunt then Brian was my cousin and thus we'd more than likely met before but this wasn't the case). It was a happy, happy thing, and I am still annoyed that my mom woke me up.

But I digress. Onto bigger and better things. I've come to discover lately that MTV is not all that enjoyable for me. Why? Because I am sick and tired of the pop backlash. I'm not a pop nut - sure, I know the latest songs on Top 40 radio and I like some of them, but I am seriously pissed at all the crap about pop music. It came to a head with this "Everybody Talk About Pop Music" special. First let me say that I'll probably offend someone with this shpiel but remember, this is just my opinion and you chose to read it.

We all know that there is a crazy amount of boy bands thriving on the charts right now, and many have come and gone since the whole pop phenom took hold a few years ago. No pop fan can deny that. But, I ask you, why is no one mentioning all the punk bands that Blink-182 has spawned? Or the rock groups that Limp and Korn set off? Or the gangsta rappers that Puffy and his posse inspired? Hello! I hate the fact that because groups like 'N Sync and Backstreet don't pen all their own tunes they are immediately dismissed as not credible music or not even music at all, but because other groups do they're absolutely OK and thus no one can say a word about them. Know what? Just because they write music doesn't mean it's good. A personal opinion? Yes, absolutely, but I am Goddamn sick of the hypocrisy. It's like we're all so fucking eager to get rid of pop that we'll take anything in its stead. All pop sounds the same? Well guess what? I'm going out on a limb and saying that I can't tell the damn difference between Sum 41, American Hi-Fi and Alien Ant Farm. I don't know Linkin Park from Papa Roach from P.O.D. OK?

And furthermore, I don't know how we can even say what pop is anymore. The stuff that's overplayed on Top 40 radio? Maybe you all's radio stations don't work like Detroit's and Grand Rapids', but that means that you must now include artists like Staind, Incubus, Dave Matthews Band and Moby in what you're calling pop. Oh, we don't like that, do we? No...that's not pop! That's...that's...well, that music is good! Pop sucks! OK, well, if you say so. I'm not saying that these artists are good or bad, but it seems that because we can't actually classify pop we can't actually discount anyone from it, right? Pop is a category, not a judgment, and we should remember that.

Now I want to get a little more Backstreet specific. I remember distinctly first seeing Quit Playin' Games back during the summer after my senior year of high school in 1997. Keep in mind that I wasn't a Top 40 fan then, but since becoming one I've learned that radio always precedes videos, and so I can say with almost absolute certainty that the song must've been on the radio before that. I remember first seeing the Boys on MTV Live (what later became TRL), on Dannie's birthday - January 28, 1998 (OK, so technically I took a nap while it was on, but details details). By then Everybody was out. What's the point of all this? That Backstreet - for better or worse - was first. As BSB fans we're all well aware of this, and MTV used to be too. I'm not going all "Without Backstreet there'd be no 'NSync!", I'm simply saying that I've also grown weary of the new history that MTV's grown fond of telling - that after Hanson and the Spice Girls came the influx of boy bands. Not the case. Like it or not, Backstreet was right there with those other two groups, and they helped pave the way for the others. Why is this now being dismissed? Whether they jumped the gun by a year or three weeks they were still the first of their kind since New Kids. Period. I hate that because everyone has decided to love 'NSync we have to rewrite history. Maybe I'm biased - I probably am - but it upsets me and I have to say something.

Phew. OK, enough for today. I'm hungry and I sound like a bitch. Later y'all.


* * * * * *
May 15

Dear sweet God in Heaven above. I havenít really tuned in to TRL in a bit - in fact, I had no idea that The Call was retired - so when Dannie gave me a ring yesterday afternoon to tell me that the More Than That premiere would be on in just a few minutes I was stunned. As is tradition whenever we are apart during an important Backstreet event (Iím home for the summer while sheís still at her apartment), we watched it together via the phone. I can safely say I damn near suffered a small heart attack. Holy freaking shit! We were both ďOh my GodĒ-ing every three seconds. She pointed out that they could have done so much more with that video, to which I responded, ďThis is enough for me!Ē She had to agree with that.

They were all so pretty. Like, hella pretty. My favorite - and I havenít said this since Everybody - was none other than MY BOY! He was gorgeous. No ifs, ands or buts. You disagree with that and I kill you. There will be no debate. I think I asked him to marry me a record number of times that time. AJ was hot on his heels - in fact, the only reason he wasnít numero uno was because of that damn nail polish. I hate that on boys. But he was looking wick-ed oo-ah-sum. Next, or maybe tied, was Kevvy-Kev. Mmm. Is it right for a boy to be that pretty? No. My friend Jackie has a thing for guys with cowboy hats and I gotta say, Kevvy made that hat. I was even...God. OK, Iím busting Dannie out here too (ha ha, and she doesnít even know). Nick was hot. Damn. I said it. He was...crap, dude, he was really hot. I think I only really like him when heís supa made-up, but he was enjoyable. At one point Dannie yelled, ďI love Nick!...No!Ē I told her it was a painful thing to admit (like I have so much experience in that area, Iíve dome it all of once before). I have to clear up now that Nick is...well, letís just say he probably gets a little unfairly dumped on for something that he had no control over (what exactly that is remains a secret, sorry), so donít give me too much crap. I did freely admit he was hot...God, twice now? Iím trying. At the end when he fell to his knees, grabbing Howardís arm, I sighed and said, ďOh my God, he just fell to his knees and touched Howie...making me love them both!Ē

So why have I not covered a-B-Rok himself yet? Quite frankly because, as a first, Brian was the least attractive in the video. I was disappointed, because he always looks good. He was just looking shady. Dannie kept asking if he was wearing a jumpsuit, and that was cracking us up. I said that he had an ďabnormal foreheadĒ, but that word combination was enough to crack me up too, resulting in Dannie not understanding me, resulting in me having to say it again and again. For some reason this kept running through my head during last period today (Iím a substitute teacher, by the way), and I kept smiling, then almost laughing. This was bad because the kids were all quiet and working, and I was sitting in the front of the room trying to look official. It was bad news.

Speaking of which, remember Old Brian? I saw Young AJ today. He was a cutie. He had a wifebeater on under his shirt and everything. I was starting to miss my lookalikes. They turn up in the strangest places. Of course now that Iíve seen him heíll probably disappear again. Noooo, Iím not bitter...

Oh, back to my Boy for a second...I just read this article on Backstreet.Net called ďItís All About HowieĒ from LatinGirl magazine, and I have to share with you his top qualifications for a girl. Why? Basically because it describes me. Biased? Hell yes, but humour me. If youíve read my letter you already know that I think itís inevitable that we marry. Hereís more proof. Howie wants a girl who: PS, just heard the new íNSync song. I might change my mind later, but for now I rule it with Shining Star - a not-good song that induces seizures. Oh well, they canít all be Bye Bye Bye.


* * * * * *
May 6

I know this is a bit late, but I had to talk about it anyway. Although I missed its first 50 airings (God bless MTV's reruns), I did manage to catch Howard on Cribs. Can I just say I love him? I do. I love him. He is a big geek and I love him to death. Here are my highlights...

As I've said before, I'm past my psycho-fan period, but I actually squealed-sighed when I saw this. He was telling the story of this award, how they'd received it after selling 250,000 records somewhere in Europe and Kevin and Brian had cried, and Howie said something along the lines of, "But I held them together. I didn't cry. I'm a man." And I made some noise. I don't know what came over me, it was just too cute. Usually if I say anything, it's something super-appropriate like "Oh my God, why aren't you marrying me/having sex with me? I love you."

This part cracked me up because clearly the boy is overwhelmed by all this gadgetry. He can run a damn studio but not his house stereo. That is funny. But, this is another thing the geek and I have in common. I have yet to figure out how to program stations on my stereo or set the time on my answering machine.

Come to me...come on... Look at the crucifix. What a good Catholic.

This is most definitely a view I could get used to waking up to. I'm not really a beach type of girl, but this just took my breath away. Did you notice later, when he was out on the patio, that la familia Dorough was there too? I have nothing against that family, believe you me, but are they ever not there?

My other favorite part. I think I made that mystery noise here too. First, the geek has popsicles. The only thing that could have topped this was if he had otter pops (otherwise known as Flavor Ice or something like that). Second, they were the no-brand value pack popsicles. Third, he was proud that they were only $1.50 - a multimillionaire. Fourth, he revealed all this on MTV. That is the coolest of all. I love this man.

Oh my God, why aren't you having marring me or having sex with me? I love you.

On a completely different note, I was reading an interview with Leighanne Littrell a few days ago and I ran across some quotes that...well, here:
"I am also writing with my roommate trying to get another film started."
What? Who's her roommate? Wouldn't that be Brian, or is she attempting to write a movie with Litty Leigh?
About Olive Juice: "[T]he film is awesome because obviously, it's my first starring role..."
Um, well, yeah, obviously.
In response to the question, "I know that you co-produced the soundtrack of "Olive Juice" with Brian. What was that like?": "It was really fun. I had a lot of people send me different music from Orlando and L.A. and Brian and I listened to the music together and then we put the music in the film and that was where he played a big role, where we actually sat together and watched things over and over again with the different music to see what fit. It was something that we both have a natural talent for, and now that Brian is getting ready for the tour and he was recording, I was left on my own with like getting all the rights and I actually had to fight for like 5 songs that are on the album, to get the rights to because we loved them so much. We work really good together and I have a little music background, because like my Dad was a drummer when I was really young, so you know I have a passion for it, as well."
Does this sound really stupid to anyone else? It sounds like a 13 year old trying to explain something...and furthermore, why do I care that, like, her dad was a drummer? Who let her talk?


* * * * * *
April 24

I take it back. I take it all back. I am a whore for when boys look pretty and I am not afraid to admit it. I really do, I take it all back.

Did you people watch the Kids' Choice Awards?!

More importantly, did you see my Boy Howard?!

Did you see the rest of the Boys?!

Sweet God in Heaven, I was ready to pay millions after seeing that. Howie was back t o looking exactly like he did when I found him his absolute hottest. But not just Howard, Deb was agreeing they all look mighty fine. And I don't know if it's because of reading my new friend Janie's kick-ass Nick stories or what, but I was having thoughts about that Boy (to use her words), that'd make God blush. Me! Nick! Hellooo, welcome to the planet of Never-Thought-Possible - what in the world is going on with me?!

And it gets worse.

As you may know after reading my RM for February 10, I am not a great fan of the 'NSyncers, and I especially rebel against Justin. You already see what's coming, don't you? I don't know...Deb and I were running errands Saturday, I asked that she bring No Strings Attached, I Thought She Knew came on first (my song, although it has absolutely no personal meaning), then I'll Be Good For You (my other song, although again, means nothing personally), next thing you know I'm having thoughts about Justin and considering writing a fan fic with Chris (no worries, I'm not, although he will be making an appearance with a Deb-like character in Knowing When eventually...maybe you should read it now so that you're ready? Ha ha, plug!). Later that night we're bored and I suggest we watch the 'NSync HBO concert we taped (Deb, Dannie and I taped it last summer, more as a joke than anything else...stop saying "yeah right!", we did!), and I'm checking out Justin the whole time...except for once when I actually found Lance (aka Wet Rat, ha ha), attractive. I know, I should be shot now. I've gone against everything I stand (sit?) for, and I now stand (sit?) before you a broken woman.

And God does punish us for our unholy thoughts. Sunday afternoon Dannie and I were having Chris-and-Dannie time, supposedly headed to the Market for lunch/dinner, when Dannie catches my eye in the mirror. "We should go to the Garden." No, Dannie, no money. "We have credit cards." No, I want to live. "But Little Howie works on the weekends, and this'll be your last chance to see him." But I look shady, Dannie... "So do I! C'mon, this is your last chance..." But we shouldn't... "I know we shouldn't," she says with an evil gleam in her eye, "but we should..." So I'm all ready to stand by my principles-

"Let's do it!" I cry. Yeah, nice job.

We get there, no LH at the host area. "The shifts are changing, though," Dannie murmurs comfortingly. We get seated before I see him, but of course not before we see Valentine's Waiter, who laughs at me. A few minutes later he comes to our table to say hi and share some news.

"Hey, your friend got fired."

Really. He's gone. G-O-N-E, bye-bye, see ya. No more Little Howie. Apparently he came in late or never came in and didn't call or something. Whatever, the point is that I will never see him again. I have a theory about this that I'll be sharing soon, but til then...well, we shall all mourn. I love you forever, Little Howie.


* * * * * *
April 17

It's actually the 18th now, but details details. So let me just share with you my feelings on the Boys as of right now. THEY ARE PISSING ME OFF. A week ago my angst was directed only at Nick and Brian (well, more at Brian), but over the course of seven days they have all made it onto my shit list (with Brian ranking number one). Here's why.

"Divas Live" was a week ago today. Of course VH-1 boasted Backstreet left and right. Many here are thrilled - we rush home from dinner at the Garden (no LH again, damnit, although the friendly waiter from Valentine's Day chatted with us, teased me and told us he [he being LH], usually worked weekends), drop Dannie off at her apartment and Deb and I settle in to watch. Now I had had a feeling that maybe Nick and Brian wouldn't be there because they only showed the other three on the commercials, but I wrote that off, thinking who'd blow off Aretha Franklin? I mean, I'm personally not a huge fan, but she's...damnit, she's Aretha! But apparently that means jack to our blue-eyed Boys, because ellos no estaban alli (they weren't there...sorry, Spanish minor). Dannie called about two seconds after only Kev, Howard and AJ danced onstage, and I promptly informed her her Boy was pissing me off. She was pissed too, calling him either an asshole or a fucker, and I responded by prompting her to love AJ for the night. (Was that hard? Yikes, I had issues, he looked good! Deb made sure she pointed out that AJ was hers) I did, however, thoroughly enjoy the other three, especially Kevvy dancing down the aisle singing "Chain of Fools". They redeemed their group's name, barely.

Until Friday, at least. Friday Detroit tickets finally went on sale. I call and request three in our usual handicapped section at the Palace, casually asking for a total at the end of the call. "I don't have the sheet right here with prices," my friendly operator says, "but I think these are $68.50." What?! I'm paying $70 to see a show I just paid $60 to see two months ago? No. Plus we can't afford that. (Mind you Sting, one of music's gods, is charging that for those seats, but he's Sting, man, there's a difference.) I mumble a request for the next higher section, being relieved to hear that these are only $40. I ask for the price range - $38.50, $68.50...and $124.50. "You're shitting me!" I blurt. Nope, she shat me not. Now there is no way on God's green earth that the Backstreet Boys should be charging $124.50 for tickets. There are so many things morally wrong with that that I can't even think of where to start. Frankly, for that price, you either put me in the front row in a tiny venue or you put Howie on my lap for the majority of the show. Period. If that's how much it costs to shoot off the fireworks and play the videos and pay the dancers and costume the Boys, then God damnit, give me a show with the guys in t-shirts and jeans, on stools or standing or dancing alone, with spotlights, and charge me $40. That'd be a hell of a lot more enjoyable, at least for real fans. As my mom says, "They're going to charge their fans away," and as Deb beautifully says, "Who the fuck do they think they are?!" My sentiments exactly.

And as for why Brian tops the list, what did him in was some Black and Blue special the guys shot for MuchMusic that we re-saw the other day. Someone called in and asked a question along the lines of what else were the guys focusing on other than Backstreet. Howie of course said the Lupus Foundation, Nick talked about trying to set up an oceans foundation or something, AJ said Save The Music, Kevin joked about his marriage, then mentioned his Earth group, and Brian...ugh. Brian first said bettering his marriage, then talked on and on about doing the soundtrack for Olive Juice, when it was coming out in theaters, how you could get the soundtrack online...I was like, dude? Hello? What about your former avid commitment to the Happy Hearts Kids Club or however you say that? Does he even care anymore? What pisses me off about Brian is that he's changed so much. I'm saying it. Brian is becoming, or maybe already is, a jerk. This upsets me, a lot, because I love the kid, and I think deep down Brian is still a fabulous, wonderful guy. Sometimes he still can be on the surface too, but the incidents seems so isolated. I'll be good and not theorize here about why I think this has happened (although I bet you could guess), but I hope to God something changes soon.

OK, enough angry ranting for one night. "Peace, we are here to love," right? (Gavin Rossdale, baby!)


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April 10

All right, so we all know that those quizzes that you find online and in magazines are usually crap and you can pick and choose answers to get what you want, but when I checked out this eCrush Backstreet quiz I was actually impressed, a little. Some of the questions had answers that you couldn't immediately tag as the AJ one or the Kevin one. So I took it and surprisingly ended up with Brian (as did the girl whose page I found it on, and she too liked Howard). Hmm. OK, whatever. This morning I force Deb to take it. Deb is an AJ fan. Deb gets Brian. I get suspicious. I go through and take the quiz again and pick my almost-first choice answers (for example, the question about the movie - Star Wars? Braveheart? Pulp Fiction? Dilemna!). Again? Brian. What is this? I'm not saying that I have to get Howie, but I seriously think it's rigged. If you get a minute try it for yourself here.

In other news, TRL can take their Fan Appreciation Week and stick it where the sun don't shine. Watching psycho fans meet the guys? Yeah, not appreciating that. And I think they're doing it again today. Usually I'm pretty contained - my psycho fan period has long since passed - but Howie rubbed the girl's leg. I'm pouting just thinking about it. If all you have to do is plaster your walls I should've met them last year...oh wait, horrible flashbacks to a basketball game (too bad there are only maybe a dozen people in the world that'll get that reference, which is probably for the best)... Anyway, I really don't enjoy this. But at least the Boys are on TV, so for eight seconds 'N Sync aren't. I'm not one of those "'N Sync or Backstreet!" people at all, but I think we should try to rearrange the letters of the guys' names to spell OVERKILL. Is there any event they won't play? I open the bathroom door and half expect them to pop up and start singing. I get worried they're dead if a few days go by and I don't hear about them playing somewhere or hosting something. Is it still a treat for an 'N Sync fan to see they'll be on TV? I realize that we have several compiled video tapes of Boys' appearances, but that spans three years. They were never this bad. Oh well...

Speaking of 'N Sync, I have one last thing to add. Backstreet may be performing with Aretha tonight, but my favorite diva is now and forever JC Chasez!

TO INDEX! * * * * * *
March 30

OK, so in my strolling around the web lately, I have found my new favorite picture of the Boys. Here it is, and of course I shall explain why I love it so much:

This picture is precious - no, not so much precious as priceless. Here in this photo, we see the Boys taking part in the ancient art of Downriver Dance. What is this Downriver Dance, you ask? Downriver is the area of Michigan I'm originally from (south of the Detroit River...down the river...get it?), and this dancing is what young male natives of the area typically take part in at local dancing establishments. Now, I know that some or all of these dances can be found all over this great land of ours, but what makes Downriver Dance so special is that it is, like it is here, a group of young men, all participating in different numbers. Here is a rundown of the mystical dance each Boy is partaking in:

* * * * * *
March 22

Well, tomorrow is my BIG DAY. What BIG DAY? My 21st birthday. ("Ooo," you muse, "that BIG DAY.") And while tomorrow will be the first time I get intoxicated in a public establishment (well, legally), it will also be the last time I smoke non-socially. I never meant to start doing it as more than a thing to do while I jealously watched my of-age friends drink, but since this semester started it's become an almost daily gig. But, I have vowed repeatedly that I will quit that on the BIG DAY, and so tomorrow I shall bid that nasty habit adieu.

With one exception: should I ever meet AJ, that chain-smoking freak, I will break that vow as often as that man needs a smoking buddy.

It seems silly and far-fetched, I know, but I am determined that a day will come when I will get to chat with the Ajester for a few. Rather than freak out or ask him to sign something, I'll just ask to share a cig with him during an off minute. My warped theory is this - if the man won't honor that request (I'll pout, and for God's sakes I'm in a wheelchair - even I couldn't turn that down, no way!), screw him, plus I think smoking with someone can lead to some really profound moments (ask any smoker). Dannie has even valiantly volunteered to take a few puffs, but she doesn't real-smoke anyway so it's not that big of a deal. Anyway, AJ, if you read this, or if anyone that can arrange this is reading, you have a smoking buddy in Michigan. Come hang out here, we'll kick back a few, smoke til we can't'll be a good time. No screaming, no freaking out, just good organ-destroying fun.


* * * * * *
March 18

All righty, well! Bet you all thought something tragic happened - Chris hasn't bitched in more than two weeks? Is she dead? Nope, not dead, just waiting for fodder. Friday night was it. I was pretty pumped for Leno, because other than a MuchMusic special Dannie and I happened to catch before class Wednesday (God bless digital cable!), I haven't seen much of the Boys lately, other than on TRL. So yes, it was certainly a treat. I was geeked as hell that they did More Than That (aka The "Don't talk during this part!" Song - see below), but we were sort of wondering why Nick was absolutely freaking out. Bro, it's a ballad. They sounded great, though. What I was really excited for was the interview. All I have to say (and Dannie, Brian lover extraordinaire, agrees), is that Brian sounded like the hugest snob ever. "I've gotten all sorts of positive press, blah blah blah..." Oh spare me, your wife threatened your life. We all know it, just come out of the non-gay closet. (And as a side note, it's clear that Brian's obsession with Sting that started at Men Strike Back is still in full effect - I think he stole that shirt from Sting's closet and kidnapped his hair dresser) Anyway, he pissed me off. The rest of the guys cracked me up, though, because they were like, "Well we thought it was a great idea!" Good call. (It was a really awesome picture, although I very much doubt Kev knew on his own it was a mock-up of a Hendrix cover, but no matter) I thought Kevin and Howard were looking exceptionally attractive, though, and AJ would have been too, but for those damn braids again. And in case you hadn't figured it out, Howie's talent is sitting pretty and saying nothing. Overall an enjoyable night.

On anothe note, Dannie and I have renamed the songs on Black and Blue. They are as follows: Oh, one last thing! New tour dates! The Boys will be here in lovely Michigan July 24 - exactly three years to the day from when Dannie met them. Is this fate? Survey says...yes! Also, Caitlin (Backstreet.Net), has April 5 posted as a potential Johnny No-Name date for Detroit, with no other information. Why does she do this to me?


* * * * * *
March 3

Hmm, well. An interesting rumor has come across my desk, if you will, in the past 24 hours. Supposedly this is hardcore fact, but I'm dubious. Has anyone else heard anything about Howie dating Debbie Gibson? What is that all about? My friend said he heard it on VH-1 Pop-Up Video or some other show, but this seems to me too cheesy to be real. "Hi, I'm Backstreet Boy Howie Dorough. Here with me is my girlfriend, eighties teen pop diva Debbie Gibson." That is And I can't even bring myself to be anything more than mildly annoyed with her - she's Debbie Gibson, for God's sakes. She's America's sweetheart, or something. I think back on all that time I spent rocking out to Electric Youth...and now she might be sleeping with my future husband. Has no one given Debbie a lesson in loyalty? I still listen to that tape, Ms. Gibson! I even had the perfume! (phew)

Anyway, what else? Oh, not long ago Dannie and I enjoyed yet another viewing of "Back Street Stories" (can't connect the two words, it's unauthorized and that's copywright infringement). What a great video. If you don't own that very unofficial (for obvious reasons), piece of film, get out there and get it now. I love all of them madly in that video, minus Nick who is obnoxiously like my brother. I think it's safe to say that Brian is by far the one you just want to hug and never let go (damn Leighanne!), but Howie and AJ are such losers that I want to just hang out with them and watch Clerks and have one big sarcasm-fest. What about Kevin? Well, his way-cute early 90's bowlcut and almost shirtless scene are enough for me, but it's just funny to watch him eminate such an air of "in high school I never would've given any of these losers the time of question who'll be the lead guy here". Ha ha, Bowl Cut Kevvy, joke's on you... No, but seriously, I love that tape. It contains classic lines like:
Lou: What're you playing with back there, Nicky?
AJ: Probably himself.

Nick: Go pimp daddy! Go pimp daddy!

Brian: Yes, very! (oh it's so precious!)

AJ: I wanna see some babes.
I hope that enticed you. Probably not but hey, I tried.

Oh yeah, one last thing - I was a little far from the Lookalike Capital, but last night I saw Kevin working at Casino Windsor. His hair was a good bit shorter, but it was him.


* * * * * *
February 25

OK, two things. First off, Saturday Night Live had the funniest TV Funhouse animated sketch yesterday. Basically, it involved the Boys and how badly they suck, but by sucking they could save lives and fight crime. It was awesome! Did any of you see this? It was absolutely classic, easily as good as the old Head Trip clips starring the Boys. The classic quotes - "Backstreet Boys! Backstreet Boys! Sucking for the human race!" (the theme), and my favorite, "Thank you for sucking, Backstreet Boys."

On another note, the crazy number of almost-Backstreets continues. Dannie, Deb and I had not one but two run-ins this weekend. We actually had two Nicks - one Friday night (he was a little short but other than that pretty damn good), and one Saturday at Steak and Shake (again, short, not as good as Friday but still strange). We also saw a Brian. This was a special case, too. This Brian was an Old Brian, as in if you advanced time twenty years this guy would probably pass for Brian everywhere but at the proctologist's. Maybe there too, who knows. This guy even had Brian-isms - the smile, the hand gestures, the shaky knee, the story-telling...even a damn diamond stud in his ear. The only difference was that this would be a post-hair plugs Brian (c'mon, you know Leighanne's gonna push for them!), because Old Brian had more hair than Real Brian has now. Dannie and I couldn't stop staring at him (luckily at least I had an excuse, there was a TV right behind his head so I was really interested in that hockey game between...uh...anyway, Dannie had no such safeguard and so caught a dirty look from the ho-bag that accompanied OB - funny enough she was an older lady, made-up and dressed to look much younger. Hmm...). He was really attractive!!! So there you go, more evidence that we are the Backstreet look-alike capital of the world. We really need to start carrying a camera around. Oh yeah, and we also re-remembered that Dannie's brother is a dead ringer for Kevin. How we ever forgot this I do not know (he is hot!). Whoever it is that eventually makes the Behind Backstreet TV movie better call us first to help with casting. Better yet, we'll make our own!


* * * * * *
February 16

We saw the Boys!

I was going to put the full write-up here, but I decided that I have way too much to say so I'm going to make up a separate page. What I will share here, however, is that my Crapentine's Day was actually quite lovely because part of it was spent with...Little Howie! Yay! Poor LH was tired (there was a mob of people at the Garden), but still cute, and he had his rage under control, which was good to see. I also found out his real name, finally...I'm a little leery to put it up here, but I will tell you he's from Croatia. (Ooo, foreign boys...) Dannie has made it her personal mission to hook us up ("He's as good as yours!"), so we'll just have to see. Upon our waiter (not LH), asking if we wanted dessert, Dannie replies, "She'll take ___________." Uncomfortable, me? Noooooooo. But anyway, there's the much-anticipated news on Little Howie (I love you!!!), so now it's on to the here for that...


* * * * * *
February 11

OK, so as a Backstreet fan no doubt you've heard at least one comparison at sometime or another to the infamous New Kids. Well, Deb and I are watching the New Kids On The Block LIVE! In Your House Pay-Per-View concert as I type this ("Pump it up! Pump it up! Pump it up, homeboy, just like that!" "Can we take it to the bridge? Say oh yeah! Can we take it to the bridge?"), and I'll say that yeah, there are many a similarity. At this second each of the guys are "playing an instrument", a little earlier we had a thank-you to the fans for the first number one single, and of course all the stellar choreography (Nick-ese: chor-ah-grfy), scattered throughout (which Deb told me she could do, and true to her word she can, and well). Sure, five white guys trying hard to convince us that they are talented and original (the Boys do, the Kids...well, uh...hey, look over there!), all the while coming off as painfully over-trying but still sweet. There are a lot of things alike.

However, two things are amazingly different. And, I think, they are important things. One is pure enthusiasm. Granted the Boys have been around longer than the Kids had at this point, but these dudes are wired! They are having real fun! OK, OK, real kinda-rehearsed, semi-planned fun, but pure lovable fun nonetheless. Last time I saw the Boys have this much fun was on the tape Katy and I watched together of the concert INBYH on the All-Access Video is from. It's awesome, I love it! I'd die a happy girl right here and now if the Boys were like this again!

Here's the other thing. I know that you don't have to be a raging intellect to be in a boy band, but the Kids make the Boys look like brain surgeons. The Boys are smart on their own, but compare them to the Kids and you'd think you were dealing with the MENSA elite. This tape has all the pre-concert backstage footage, and that pretty much reveals our good ol' Beantown Boys as the simple souls that they are. When Donnie told us to "prescribe" to the concert we nearly died. That Donnie is something else. I'd marry crackhead, late 80's/early 90's Donnie for laughs in a New York minute now. Donnie's motto during this show, in the immortal words of Deb: "I'm stoned outta my mind!" That kid is funny.

And damnit, are there ever not psycho-fans?! Damnit!


* * * * * *
February 10

OK, somebody needs to make the weirdness stop.

I need to stop dreaming I'm friends with Justin Timberlake!

No, I realize this isn't Backstreet-related, but it is, in a way. The boy band member I most want to be friends with is AJ, followed very closely by Brian. If I had to pick a non-Backstreeter it'd be Chris Kirkpatrick ("My wife and daughter do not appreciate that question!"). I don't like Justin. I don't want to dream about Justin, and this is easily the fourth dream I've had about him in recent months. I'm not the one that has the thing for Justin, that's Dannie! It's not a big deal, she just enjoys him sporatically...I'll admit that he can wear the jeans at times, but that's as far as I go! For God's sakes, he dates a girl that wears a tube sock on her arm - on purpose! Make the madness stop!


* * * * * *
February 7

A week and a day! A week and a day!

And the countdown, as they say, is on. Dannie, my roommate Deb and I are officially off to see the Boys in eight short days. Dannie and I are rather surprised that it has taken this long for us to get fired up. Usually we have countdowns everywhere when we go take in a show, but this year it's different. I think it's because we live further apart than before. Either way, we're excited to go! And I have to say that I'm almost more excited to see the fans than I am the Boys.

I have to say now that overall I don't really like Backstreet fans all that much. OK, at all. Most of the people that I've met online are totally cool, but as I watch TRL and go to shows I find that for the most part fans are really obnoxious. Far too much screaming and thoughtless buying/wearing of merchandise and screaming and blindness to reality and have I mentioned screaming? I don't know. I realize this makes me look like a huge snob but it's true. I just don't like crazy fans, and sadly most fans are. Not that I don't do my share of being loud at concerts - hell yes, every time I see Howard's face I let out a little squeal. But that's in the right context. People need to calm down.

Anyway, hopefully sometime soon after the concert we'll be bringing you a really kick-ass feature/tribute to the more out-there of Backstreet fans, so stay tuned...

By the way - a week and a day!


* * * * * *
January 19

I'm sure taking advantage of this little page. Getting up at 6:3 AM and not having a damn thing to do til 1:'ll do that to you. Anyway, so I was just reading a journal of sorts from a mature BSB fan. Some of the entries had me rolling, but one made me think. It was going on about all the pros of being an older fan and essentially why they're better than "normal" fans. The reasons revolved around the fact that...well, basically, they've had more life experience so in all ways important (and I won't spell those out, y'all can imagine the range), they have an advantage. OK. I'll concede that yes, they do know more than I do. They've seen more than I have, probably have more tact, more sexual know-how, all that. Cool. I'm not knocking any mature fans. But (isn't there always a "but"?), I do humbly offer the following as reasons why us college and right-outta-college "kids" have an advantage: OK, well, there you have it - if you have any suggestions email me, I'd love to hear them.


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January 18

Dear God in Heaven, I think I have found the funniest thing known to man. I was looking around on and I found this ad featuring Leighanne. Words just...they fail me here. I won't even attempt to explain, and if you don't get it...well then.


* * * * * *
January 17
(Happy Birthday, Mom!!!)

First I have a question that I desperately need answered. In that prank call to Britney Spears from Nick that you can download on Napster, there's the beat of some song playing right as Nick is saying hello. Please help me, what is that song? This isn't trivia, I just want to know. Email me if you know. Thanks. Moving on...

OK, well, we've done it. We've done what every psycho and supposedly-not-psycho-but-still psycho fan hopes to do - find the Backstreet Boys.

We did! I swear! Tons of them!

You people need to move to western Michigan. I am sure that there are a higher concentration of almost-BSBs here than anywhere in the world. There are some guys that bear an uncanny resemblance (my friend Miguel to Howard, Dannie's friend Troy to Brian, that guy at Boston Market that crazy-resembled Nick, with Jane Carter with him to boot, that guy that looked just like Kev that walked by my Psych class once that blew my mind), but then there are some that just defy explanation.

The first is the Brian that Dannie is obsessed with. At the Howell outlet malls (this means nothing to you, I know), there's an Adidas store, and supposedly "Brian" works there. Now, I have never seen said Brian but if Dannie says so than I believe her. We always end up driving by and looking for him when we're out that way and then he's not there so we have to stop at the Old Navy outlet to make up for not seeing Brian.

Our next favorite is a classic. Given name Matt, Chris-and-Dannie given name HwAJ. Don't ask why it's Hw- in front, I don't remember. I think that just sounded funny at the time. We discovered HwAje two years ago at our Boston Market. He looks exactly like a young AJ, but not as dorky. He's just the cutest! We have a very large crush on HwAje and subsequently always stare at him, which scares him, I think (and rightfully so). The best HwAJ moment was last year when Dannie and I were there and he knew to put our food on the same tray. Basically we were just excited that he knew us oh so well. We were afraid for a long time that HwAje had quit the Market because we hadn't seen him since this summer, but just last week he was spotted again - looking quite hot with his little highlight job. My jaw nearly fell off. Of course Dannie and I drove by to see if he was working last night but he wasn't. But at least now we know there's a chance we'll see him again. Welcome back, HwAJ! I mean, Matt! No, actually I mean HwAJ.

And our latest discovery...perhaps the closest of all. Last night we had dinner at the Olive Garden and I had sort of remembered that a guy that looked like Howie worked as a host. Man was I right. Aside from different hair, this guy is Howie. The face, the eyes, the nose (big), the mouth, and Dannie's favorite - the teeth. His manner of speech is even the same, sorta short but friendly. He was sort of palling around/play fighting with this guy that was clearing tables and we have a deep fear that he may have a lot of pent-up aggression and rage. After all, if he is in fact Howie's twin in the world (as we are certain he is), he must have a lot of anger to balance out Howie's peacemaker-ness. But no matter what, I love this man and want to marry him. I don't even know his name. We were going to check as we left, but we missed our chance. He was opening the door for us but stupid us went to the bathroom first...when we got out Little Howie (aka Kermit...don't ask, I don't understand either, Dannie made it up), was gone. We will go back. I love you, Little Howie.


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