Pretty Damn Happy
I?m skipping out for the weekend, guys. Tomorrow morning I?m heading up to a little town called Stillwater, NY to visit my best friend Joy and my fairy goddaughter, Kate. I don?t think I could possibly be more excited about it. I haven?t seen Joy since the time in New York when we got off the subway too soon and ended up lost in Harlem. Now that was an adventure. Lesson learned: no matter how car sick you?re feeling don?t get off the subway unless you?re really sure about what you?re stepping into.

In the random segway section we find that the other day I was noticing the difference between rock stars and pop stars. I think the main thing that separates them is looks. Rock stars tend to be really ugly. Steven Tyler, Tom Petty, Mick Jagger and all the rest are completely unattractive. You know you?ve got staying power when you look like that and are still a sex symbol. Of course there?s always the exception that proves the rule and that would be my boy Bon Jovi. I drove through his hometown two days ago and had to smile. I love me some Bon Jovi.

Why Men Shouldn't Attend Bridal Showers
Click here to see the disastrous results.

Idol Update?
As I drove in to work this morning I was impatiently flipping radio stations trying to find some music. More than anything else I hate talk in the morning. Funny talk, serious talk, morning-show talk, traffic talk ? I hate it all. Give me music and leave me alone with your banal hilarity.

Anyway, as I was driving, one song ended and the dj came on with far too much enthusiasm and began to give the ?Idol Update?. As I hastily changed the channel I started to get angry. If I wanted to know what was going on on ?Idol?, I?d watch the damn show. Is there really that big of a need to recap it the morning after?? If you were watching you already know what happened. If you weren?t, it?s probably because you feel, as I feel, that reality television is one of the tangible signs that our American Empire is slowly slipping towards the abyss.

American Idol, you make me weep.

Truly A Miscellaneous Thoughts Post
Sometimes my computer makes a grinding noise when it plays a cd. As if it?s eating something that?s making its stomach hurt. I really wish it would stop. It makes me want to throw it out the window.

So far today I?ve had two candy bars, a small bag of Doritos and half a provolone and mayo sandwich. Maybe I should switch to lo-carb water to lose the extra pounds before the wedding.

One Month
Today, May 5, 2004, is exactly one month, 30 days, before the wedding. I am feeling surprisingly calm today. I have a picture of my good friend Eliza on her wedding day. She?s leading the crowd in a hula-hoop contest and it reminds me that no matter what happens, I need to have fun. If I stress myself out then the wedding won?t be any fun. So, that?s the thought for today. Fun. Tomorrow I may freak out again, but for now I?m trying to concentrate on having fun. Which sort of seems like a contradiction. Fun shouldn?t be work, right? Okay, so new thought. Fun that you don?t have to work at is key. Effortless fun. Thoughtless fun. FUN fun.

And hey! It looks like the Germans hate Tom Cruise, too! Now that's fun.

Lo-Carb What??
The other day on the radio I heard a commercial for Lo-Carb Water and I just couldn?t contain my horror. Lo-Carb Water? First of all, who the hell thinks this crap up and second of all, who the hell BUYS it?? Are we really that stupid and willing to grasp at straws? You don?t want carbs? Cut out the pasta and pizza and bread. Simple! People make me so crazy sometimes. All I can do is sadly shake my head and worry that we really are at the beginning of the end.

I went to a yoga class tonight and I loved it. For anyone who has never tried yoga, I highly recommend it. I always leave feeling so rested and calm. Very good stuff, indeed.

Work is still going well. Bitching about my job used to be the meat of this little corner and now that I don?t have that anymore, I feel like I post less often. In fact, get this: today I was out of the office because my boss told me to beef up my wardrobe. That?s right. He told me to go shopping. Life is good.

But it?s bad for the blog. So, I?m going to do my very best to post at least once a day. We?ll see how that goes.

I Hate Tom Cruise
I saw the new Jessica Simpson video this morning?or rather, I saw the first five seconds of it because after that I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a sharp object so instead I just changed the channel. What is it with singers who want to do remakes? Or, if they absolutely HAVE to do a remake, what is it with doing a crap job of it?

I now have a negative connotation associated with that song, which makes me have a negative connotation for Top Gun, which makes me have a negative connotation for Tom Cruise. So basically Jessica Simpson has made me hate Tom Cruise.

Tom, if I were you, I?d sue.

Whaa?
I know I said I?d post something funny today, and I will, but first, for those of you who read the last post and immediately jumped to the conclusion that June 5th would turn into a shot-gun affair, let me say this: No. Way. In. Hell.

Now that that?s taken care of, can I just freak out a little here? We have just about four weeks left and I feel like my head is going to spin right off. There?s still so much to do. I think I?ve finally decided to keep my name but add his to the end of it. That way I can legally use either and that might be important later if I choose to go back to school. To all our friends and fam, though, I?ll go by his last name.

You know what?s so bizarre about this whole thing? In the end, I?m going to have a husband. And even more crazy? I?m gonna be someone?s WIFE.

My head just flew across the room and smashed into a wall. Bye head. Nice knowing you.

Eh.
I finally finished Angels & Demons by Dan Brown and I have say that I didn?t hate it as much as I thought I would. When I finished The Da Vinci Code I wanted to hurl the book across the room because the ending was such crap. With Angels & Demons, though, the ending was just a little weak. The villain wasn?t who I thought it was going to be and the mystery was resolved in a very satisfying way. The two main characters hooked up which was pretty squicky, though. I didn?t find either of them very appealing and so the make-out scenes were a little blech, but other than that, the book was good.

I was going to update yesterday, but I had a breakfast meeting and a dinner event at which I got sick and had to go home. Nothing like ralphing in the bathroom while you?re supposed to be out mixing and mingling. To make matters worse, the event was held at a nearby Indian restaurant and even after my stomach was empty the strong smells of the spices just turned me green. I though it best to leave as opposed to dry heaving at the table.

I?m still loving the new job. Not much else to report. Sorry I'm such a bore today. Tomorrow I'll post something funny. No, really.

Jack & Karen
So I was watching last night and in between bouts of hysterical laughter it hit me. Debra Messing is bringing down this show. Ordinarily it?s only funny because of Jack and Karen. But last night Will was even watchable. The problem? Grace has NEVER been watchable. In every single seen with a punchline you can actually see her trying not to laugh. That?s fine for SNL, but dude, it?s called ACTING. Perhaps you?ve heard of it? It?s when you control your own emotions so that you can then project your character?s emotions.

The continued onslaught of guest stars (J. Lo next week? Can I shoot myself now?) only adds to the craptacularity, but last night it was just Will, Jack and Karen with a smattering of Rosario and I was laughing my ass off.

Maybe someone could knock Debra up mid-season next year, too? Pretty please?