Now Playing: Jack FM
Topic: Life As I Know It
I’ve been experimenting with various forms of hair removal lately (and by lately I mean for about five years or so). Shaving is what I usually come back to because waxing produces a litany of profanity that even my husband finds troubling, but last night I tried something different.
Sally Hanson makes this bottled stuff that you spray on, wait four minutes and then rinse off. Simple, right? Well. The directions say to spray it on thick, but the problem is that it comes out in thick gobby spurts that could in no way be construed as “even”. By the time I got done gooping it all over I had a hand cramp. And then I was waiting. Four minutes goes by really slowly when you’re standing naked in the shower with no water running.
To pass the time I decided to read the directions one more time to make sure I hadn’t missed anything, and of course I totally had. What I had missed was this wonderful little sentence: “Test on a small patch of skin, wait four minutes, rinse off and if after twenty-four hours no redness or rash has occurred use on all parts of body.”
At this point, I was about three minutes in and ready to bash my head into the shower wall. How had I missed this? What did redness or a rash mean? Would it itch? Ugh!
With great angst, I waited another thirty seconds so, debating really over what might be the best course of action (if I rinsed off and there was no redness or rash I would have wasted all this stuff), I rinsed off and discovered to my annoyance that it didn’t really work at all, except on my arms. All that stress for nothing!
And of course I spent all of today waiting for the rash to hit. Luckily, the Hair Gods have spared me once again.