So Much To Do, So Little Time
This weekend should be very, very busy indeed. Today is my last day of work. Tomorrow, I have a practice hair appointment with the headpiece. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but this is how it?s done. If I like what they do, then I will book them for all the bridesmaids? hair, plus my own, on the day of the wedding. Thank God the ceremony isn?t until four in the afternoon.

From there I have to go pick up the practice cake from the bakery. Yes, you read that right. I ordered the wedding cake two weeks ago and while I was there they offered to make a practice cake. At first I was like whaa? But it turns out that it?ll just be a miniature version of the cake I ordered which we will then get to take home and eat. What bliss!

After picking up the cake, we have to pick out tuxedos. Hopefully, that won?t take long and we can then head home for laundry and house cleaning.

Sunday I head into Brooklyn to tape my segment for the radio show. I haven?t written about this much the last few months because I didn?t want to jinx it, but it?s definitely happening. I don?t know when it?ll air, but as soon as they tell me, I?ll post it.

On Monday I start my new job. I think I did this to myself on purpose. I tend to perseverate on potentially nerve-wracking events, so by keeping myself busy to the point of distraction, I can?t worry needlessly about my first day. It?s a little like the first day of school, though, isn?t it? After a whole summer of just playing and being yourself, you?re suddenly forced back into a room full of people who might not like you anymore. They?ve changed over the summer and maybe they?re cooler than you now. Maybe they don?t want to hang out with you anymore. Or worse, maybe they?ll openly shun you. My stomach still gets queasy at the thought of my middle school years.

A new job is a little like that. You?ve proven yourself in the interview, but what if your co-workers hate you? What if they think you?re a big fat smarty-pants? What if they don?t let you sit with them at lunch?

What happens then?!

Crying Over Spilled Water
First, for those of you concerned with today?s visit from the gross boss from hell, worry no more. I wore the baggiest thing I own and therefore only had to deal with his smell. Awww, yeah.

Second, Pumpkin was one perverse little kitty last night. I had a glass of water on the windowsill just above my nightstand and she decided it would be fun to play ?Tip the Glass?. The water landed all over my alarm clock, which naturally, is now broken. I?m not sure if this was her clever attempt to keep me home from work by making me oversleep, but it didn?t work. She is pure evil sometimes.

Overweight evil, that is. My cat is so fat that when I visited my parents last year and saw their cats my first thought was, ?Wow, these cats are anorexic.? Turns out, no. They?re normal. Pumpkin is fat. She?s Cartman on South Park fat. She?s Jabba the Hut fat. She?s ridiculously fat.

The vet just put her on prescription diet cat food. She rebelled immediately by leaving a pile of poo next to her food dish.

This cat likes her food. You mess with it and you get a pile of poo.

I Am Not Making This Up
Tomorrow, the day before my very last day in this hellhole some people call an office, my first boss here is coming back to make sure that everything I do all day long is documented and ready for the ?transfer of power? as some people are calling it.

This particular boss is rather squicky in nature. For example, he is not above staring. For extended periods of time. And then staring some more. At one point it felt like I had been keeping my arms crossed over my chest for the better part of six months. I am not making this up.

He doesn?t bathe on a regular basis so there?s always some funky smell emanating off of him. This isn?t helped by the fact that he will re-wear a shirt several days in a row. These shirts, though? Some of them are so old that they?re semi-transparent. There?s one in particular that used to be pale yellow. Now, you can see the two dark, parallel strips of back hair through it. I am not making this up.

In addition, to the body odor, back hair and uncomfortable staring, I have seen this man put his fingers in his nose, pull them out, and then put them in his mouth. I am not making this up.

When he was finally transfered to the New York office I breathed a sigh of relief heard 'round the world. Tomorrow, though, he's coming back.

God help us all.

Cart?
I had to go to the mall this weekend. The new job is much more professional and my clothes need to match my new position in the business world. Ordinarily, I hate going to the mall and this weekend wasn?t any different. I mean, people are all over the place, with their screaming and/or misbehaving children, you?ve got restless teenagers dressed like call girls and hoodlums, adults acting like kids themselves and various other miscreants and troublemakers.

I?m fairly used to this, though. Not long ago, in fact, a fight broke out between a youth who had been swearing loudly into his cell phone and a middle-aged longhaired guy in leather whose girlfriend had been offended by the swearing. We naturally stopped to enjoy the spectacle. Well, I didn't, but the person I was with did.

What I wasn?t prepared for this weekend, and what seems to be a new low, is the Cart Phenomenon. Apparently, the new thing to do when you get to the mall is hit Sears, make off with one of their carts, load your kids up into it and then use it as a makeshift stroller as you then browse and shop the rest of the stores in the mall.

If I had only seen one person doing this I might be able to let it go, but I counted three or four! What is the deal here? Can someone please explain it to me? All I can do is sadly shake my head and wonder what has happened to our society. First grocery carts and now this? The humanity!

Winter?s Death Rattle

We?ve been under a Winter Weather Watch for the passed few days now and last night the big wet flakes began their descent. In all honesty it?s a lot better than we feared. The temperature is hovering just at 33 degrees so that the snow isn?t settling when it hits the ground, but melting. The roads are a little sloppy but it?s much better than what we thought it was going to be.

As good as all that sounds, though, winter is supposed to be over starting tomorrow! Spring starts in less than twenty-four hours and here we are, laden with snow.

I know that when we?re in the middle of July, sweating our skin off we?ll be praying for weather like this, but right now I just want it gone! I?ve had enough of winter. I?m ready to re-experience the other seasons!

I?ve said it before and I?ll say it again, I shake my fist at you, Mother Nature! You are a filthy hoor!

Home Improvement
I changed the appearance again and so far I'm not thrilled but I'm more pleased with this than the way it was before. The links were basically the same color as Spider and that made them hard to see. Now, we've got links but Spider's head is also cut off on top.

For now, it'll do.

Thank you very much for all the well-wishes I've received about my impending job change. It means a lot.

Toxic
I had the great misfortune to see Titney?s (? Kevin) new Toxic video yesterday morning. What?s a girl to do? I was innocently sipping my coffee, flipping back and forth between the Weather Channel, MTV, VH1 and (I can?t lie to you) The Waltons on TV Land (please don?t judge me ? I watch it with the sound off) and I landed on the opening scene of the video. You know, with the funny airplane jetting through the sky.

Let me first say that I recognized the music immediately but was surprised to see our girl as the flight attendant. What does that say about me? Or her, for that matter? Her music is so ubiquitous that I knew it right away, but had no idea who was singing until I saw her for myself. Is she so indistinguishable or am I just out of the loop?

Anyway, back to the story. It was like watching a train wreck. The song is inane (like most of her music), and so she decided to sex up the video (and rightly so because let?s face it, if it weren?t for her half-naked strutting would we really all be in such love with her?).

As a result, half the time she?s playing a spy wearing skimpy outfits and various wigs so as to imitate Jennifer Garner?s Alias alter ego. The other half she wearing a skin-toned body suit decorated with what appear to be diamonds or sequins.

The problem I have with Titney is that she?s not even all that talented. The music sounds so processed and mixed and shellacked that I find it difficult to believe that she could ever just sit on a stage with an instrument and sing. But I guess that?s fine. We can?t all be Norah Jones, right? Or Ella Fitzgerald. Or Billie Holiday. Or Ani DiFranco.

What is the point of this? Dunno. I guess I just still can?t believe I sat through the video. To my credit I kept thinking to myself, Turn this off! You?re IQ is dropping by the second! Did I listen, though? No. I couldn?t take my eyes off of it. In a state of horror I watched as she seduced me. I?m not proud of myself. In fact, I feel a little dirty admitting it to you.

I'm Still Laughing
From Slate Magazine:

The Post's Reliable Source column reports on a fundraiser for and at Ford's Theatre. Bush was there and made a small verbal gaffe, calling the theater, where Lincoln was killed, the Lincoln Theatre. But he was one-upped by another attendee, singer Jessica Simpson. Upon being introduced to Interior Secretary Gale Norton, Simpson complimented her, saying, "You've done a nice job decorating the White House."

Changes
Since my little job rant a few days ago, a couple of things have happened. First, the Helpdesk has fixed it so that I can see and edit this page from work again ? yay!

Second, I?ve been offered and have accepted a job. I won?t go into the details, but its a lot more money. There are a few cons but overall it?s a better deal. I sent in my letter of resignation yesterday and immediately they tried to offer me more money to stay. You know what, though? Because of what I?m making right now, a ten percent raise is peanuts. I mean, it?s been over a year since my last merit increase, let alone annual. As I said before, there were no holiday bonuses. Staying would mean that I would have to accept being taken for granted indefinitely and I just can?t do that to myself. I feel icky when I leave here at night. Like I?m doing myself a disservice.

So that?s done. The downside for you, my darling readers (all two of you), is that with the new job there?ll be less free time during the day, and therefore fewer daytime updates.

In other news, the snow is really freaking coming down hard today. The first day of spring is four days a way and we?re having a snowstorm. I shake my fist at you, Mother Nature! As Joey Pants would say, you?re a filthy hoor!

Dinner?
On my way home from the gym tonight Kevin called to see if I'd pick him up a couple of slices for dinner. While I was there I grabbed an order of moz sticks for myself. Nothing like fried cheese to complement your workout, eh?