Who are you?
So its kate and im sitting on claires computer talking to this girl who keeps yelling at me. I dont know her and shes bitching at me. SHUT UP MEAN GIRL. i hate you. anyway... going to go to wisconsin to get drunk so you all have an excellent night. mean girl: shut the fuck up, no one cares about your private site. leave us alone. no one did anything to you... maybe if you didnt visit the site in the first place no one would have talked about you. have a wonderful miserable life. goodbye.

she just said she had ghonnaria... i don't know how to spell it, she'll have to correct it for me since she has it. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I warned you about those creams, sweetheart.

(what a weirdo!)

Ross Unleashed
Recently it came to my attention that someone took a few of my comments too heart, like big time. This fucken weirdo decided to take all the insults she had for us and put them on her blog. I'm guessing she is doing this because she is a fucken pussy. Her statement went as follows:

"What an evening at Taco Juan's. Aha, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

By the by, that is a real e-mail address [youresolame@comcast.net]. I didn't make it up (of course, you don't know that it is me posting), and I think that it's clever, okay you self-righteous asshole?

I am completely baffled by the fact that you piss and moan and bitch and complain about the fact that no one goes to you site and reads your drunken insights, and then the second that someone posts a comment you tear them to shreds using cheap shots.

Give it up. For real, you're done with high school. It irks me because you do it for no other reason than to be vindictive. And yeah, I do talk this way. I read. Jealous?"

***site is no longer accessible.***

And here is my reply, which apparently she was hoping I'd never ger the chance to do. First off, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt on your email address. Congratulations, you proved me wrong. I suppose it's nice to have an email address like that as now you can fool yourself into thinking that the reason no one emails you is not because you're such a fucken undesirable acquaintance but because they don't want to feel lame. The fact that you think your email address is clever should also go to show how truly retarded you are and thus your need to try and impress people with your words (which, by the way, make an even bigger ass out of you). And, as I imagine you know by now, I do know it's you posting those things so I hope the fall from your high horse breaks every bone in your body. And you're calling me self-righteous? I'm going to again give you the benefit of the doubt and write that assuming you even know what that term means. Moving on, I can't remember anytime I ever bitched about no one reading this shit. If anything I've been more than sympathetic to the fact that people wouldn't be reading what we type. Also, if you'll notice, we don't rip apart everyone, just annoying morons like yourself. And if it "irks" you so much (God you're embarassing) that I do this then why do you keep giving me every outlet to do it? Kudos, again moron. And am I jealous that you can read? Obviously, you fucken human tragedy, I can read just fine, unless you're actually so stupid that you think I'm just guessing what you're typing and then making lucky guesses as I hit the keys (that wouldn't give you much credit as I keep tearing you apart). The only time I would ever be jealous of you is if I was in a competition where the first prize was given to the person with the least amount of friends, most spare time on their hands or the person who was the biggest waste of oxygen. I and plenty of people I know read and you're the only one I know who in doing so lost her spine and had it replaced via a metal rod shoved up her ass. There is a bright side to this post however. My family sponsors one of those orphans from Rwanda (you know like the kind you always see on tv?). I told him there was someone who actually lived as sad a life as you do. He felt horrible that he ever took any of our money and had been complaining the whole time as he truly feels sorry for you. In closing, please never post on our site again and if you can resist the temptation please keep our site and names out of your blog. I know this will be hard to do as what else could you possible have to talk about? But goodluck, I'm unrealistically sure you can do it. If you'll excuse me I think it is extroadinarily obvious that we have wasted far too much time on you. Go find yourself a hug (if that's even possible) and move on.
PEACE
-Ross

getting drunk in wisconsin
tomorrow the plan is to get drunk in wisconsin. we have already been drunk everywhere else, so why not wisconsin? wisconsin is boring you say? you see, that's the ultimate test. what could be more boring than wisconsin? not even north dakota, ross... or at least have their equally boring qualities. but throughtout my life, never has anything ever been boring when i've been drunk. i think it's really truly impossible. how could it be? ive seen vis plays... ive watched CNN... i've fallen down stairs... gone to twins games (and actually thought they were good).. watched my friend gamble away $800...i've even watched the fucking movie the Transporter... drunk. all of these have been very enjoyable drunken experiences (and very unenjoyable sober). so wisconsin is the ultimate test... can alcohol transform wisconsin into a place that can actually produce a little fun? a few laughs? scratch that, i'm not eve asking for that... can it produce an environment where the only option is not to kill oneself? that's all we need... at least one emotion other than suicide --- if we get there, we know the liquor has done it's job...

if not, i have killed myself in wisconsin. why? because what else am i going to do in wisconsin? evidently i will probably end up in a field somewehre by a dirt farm road smoking my last cigarette asking myself what the hell i'm doing and how the hell i ended up in such a god foresaken place. oh well, worse could happen. i could sober up and still be in wisconsin and not even be drunk... dear god i hope that doesn't happen. how do people live in wisconsin? i mean, i like cheese, but i can just buy cheese here... wisconsin cheese too.. you don't have to LIVE there and DIE there to eat good cheese. i wonder if people in wisconsin know this? i think i will pass out flyers to let them know. well, we will be investigating the effects of alcohol in wisconsin tomorrow... i'll let you know how it goes, regardless if you want to know.

--claire

Who the hell is running this state?
Whose idea was it to put those fucken Peanuts characters all over the city? Those things are fucken ridiculous! Don't get me wrong, from what I know Charles Shulz was a really nice, cool guy and I'm actually pretty sure that's true. But c'mon! How the hell can anyone take our state seriously now? We had a fucken professional wrestler for governor whose popularity actually dropped faster than that damn taco bell dog. We have the fucken Twins, and now these goddamn statues?!?? They all look like shit too! They wouldn't be so bad if we had like one of each character, painted how they always look and spread all around (like at the bottom of the Mississippi for example). But no, instead they're all painted so as to give the impression that you're reading the comic strip on acid. I saw one today called "Linus Entertain You" in the newspaper. That caption would only be accuarate if painted on Linus were several wounds left from a shotgun blast and if somehow they could make it apparent that Garfield was the culprit. That's really all I got for tonight folks.
PEACE
-Ross

people with more power than the average joe
besides ross and me, i have decided that if the coke company teamed up with clear channel they'd own us all. screw the taliban and osama and george bush and anybody else anyone thinks is a bitch and has too much power... we'd all just be fucked. speaking of taliban (i know that was a while ago), but my radio just started playing "zombie" by the cranberries, which by the way is an excellent song.. but maybe if we sent that over to israel and they played it really loud, the people who are pissed would just stop fighting... "the violence causes silence, oh are we mistaken.. but u see, it's not me, it's not my family in your head.. they are fighting... with their tanks and their bombs and their bombs and their guns in your head... what's in your head?..." -- that's my approach on how to solve all of this shit -- tell them to forget about it and move on.. jesus christ. i hate osama, by the way. not so much george bush, although the guys a complete moron, but osama... did we kill him yet? what about sudam (if you correct my spelling ross will yell at you)? did we kill him yet? and why the hell not? that's all.

ps.
I fucken knew it was Tom Sawyer
-also Ross
PEACE!

New Rule
Ok new rule, new rule. If someone mispells something on these "blogs" you can't post something pointing that out to them. I have no idea who this "Johanna" character is but this has got to stop. I'm sure you're a very nice person but not all of us have the good fortune to be sober 24/7, especially when we are posting shit on here (if I was sober, I'd probably be doing something else...maybe). In any case, you're more than welcome to post shit or comments or whatever, but this constant correction thing has got to stop, put it to pasture. I'm sure I mispelled something in this article too, perhaps a grammatical error, nonetheless please have the self-discipline to keep it to yourself. If you must perhaps tell somebody via phone, IM or in person. Write it down for later or keep a fucken diary, I don't care...goddamnit, see what you've done? Now I'm getting angry for no reason. Every time this happens I murder a homeless person!!!!!!...that was unnecessary...and probably incriminating...I've gotta go!
PEACE!!!!!!!!

ps. This one was from Ross. Better Chris?

Johanna
Johanna doesn't know the answer to the question of which American literature character was able to see his own funeral. Therefore i am leaving it up to YOU... somebody out there knows the answer, don't be shy... show off your knowledge of literature and comment on this one. johanna, you have failed not only me and the readers of this blog, but you have failed yourself. this will be reported back to mr. shandorf and he will be quite dissapointed. so somebody tell me who got to see his own funeral. thanks.

shit.
oh my god, oh my god... what to say today other than "shit?" so i wake up with these killer pains in my arms and in my back and my legs. this is from work. now i know you're all probably laughing right now but you try tray serving wine for 2 hours then pumping this stupid "hand pump" keg for 4 hours (because some MORON broke the good keg) and then standing for 11. you too would wake up in the morning in some pain. plus i had to go to the doctor yesterday. she was one of those women who thought i'd respect her more and think she was cool if she just talked like a normal teenager.. then suddenly i'd be like "holy shit! where'd the doctor go?? i'm just sitting in this really cold room in this stupid paper 'gown' having so much FUN with this totally awesome teenager!" NO. i wish i could have told her that saying "horny" three times in one sentence wasn't the "cool" thing to do. Not that I know what is cool and what is not. She is probably making fun of me today, sadly, for I probably am not even cool enough for her. But whatever, I don't care, you can tell her to shove it, but you'll probably have to say it in "cooler, hipper" terms so that she understands. More and more people are IMing me telling me they were invited to Larsen's wedding... THANK YOU for bringing that up. Johanna has still not even commented to tell us what American literature character watches, and as i recall, breaks up, his own funeral... and nobody sends me mail anymore. I'm not talking email, although nobody sends me email anymore either, but for about a month and a half my favorite thing was to go and check my mail (and read my mail that I would ALWAYS get). now i'm lucky if i get a pack of coupons on Sunday. Bastards. well anyway, i'm pissed today and now i'm going back to sleep since i didn't get off work until late and i woke up early and i'm in a bad mood

Hell on Earth
Hey everyone, guess where I'm going tomorrow??!!? Nope, not California. No, not Florida. Nah, not NY. Ok, ok think of someplace that's no fun to visit. No, not Rawanda, not Siberia, but ur gettin closer. Alright I'll tell you. Grafton, ND! YAY! Think Fargo, ND but farther North and less fun. Don't know anything about Fargo? Imagine you have have a scab on your body that doesnt necessarily hurt unless you pay attention to it. Now pretend this scab is in the Midwest. Well tomorrow, I'll be paying attention to it and good God it's going to hurt. So why am I going to this porta-potty made province? I am going there for the one and only reason anyone would ever go there. Because I have family there and thus my parents are forcing me to go. I have never been able to understand why it is that my parents, both natives of this horrible joke of a state, would want to return. It'd be comparable to the Israelites turning around and going back to Egypt. Except that Egypt had sunny beaches, ND has sunny...corn fields. The environment I will be subjected to is also of particular interest (in the sense that I find it interesting how much this is going to suck). We're staying with my aunt, and by we're I mean my family (me and three people I have a hard time living with as it is) my aunt and uncle, my other aunt and uncle, their three sons and a dog. We will all be staying in the same house which means I'll probably be sleeping in the garage. But hopefully, with some luck, one of the cars will turn on and I'll be suffocated by the exhaust, and thus ending my life. Here's hoping! Another factor making this trip rival an episode of Fear Factor is the fact that there is no alcohol up there. I'll say that one more time. NO alcohol. For some reason my aunt and her family object to it so it looks like I'll be swallowing large amounts of mouthwash to dull my senses. If that doesn't work perhaps hitting myself in the heads several times with a hammer will do it. I'll do either. Wait, wait, wait, I forgot, it won't be all bad. We're going to have a family golf tournament. Oh shit, that's right. The only thing I hate more than my family, Democrats and the butch chicks who always vote pro-choice is GOLF! I was a caddy for like three years. That is the closest I have ever been to golf, the closest I'd ever like to be and even then they had to pay me. Eventually, however, I'll get to come back home. So somebody get the booze and I'll pay u back when I wake up... seriously. PEACE