my 2nd drunken entry
this is my 2nd enry tongiht.. why? because i am drunk and things i think seem to be really smart -- u don't have to tell me they aren't, i'll read this tomorrow and realize my stupidity. why is this thing called a "blob?" who made that up? i'd like to see these people who invent these things that are supposed to be appealing to teenagers.. i mean... these old middle aged men with suits and gray hair sit there at their desks with their toyota camrys outside and they say to themselves.. teenages are basically retarded -- we'll just give everything retarded names and they'll go for it. sadly, it worked, and therefore i am basically calling myself retarded. i like to think of myself as a little bit quicker than that though, i mean, at least i am noting how i am giving in to allowing these assholes to basically shit on our intelligence... or maybe that just amkes me more retarded... i see that i'm doing something stupid and i just keep doing it.. i have no respect for myself, or my repuation, nto that there's much to uphold there. my mom just asked me how many beers i had tonight.. i told her 7 -- she wasn't kidding.. i was though... little does she know i had 99 proof -- 7 shots of that, which is more like 16 beers? i'm not really sure how many beers.. i pulled that out of my ass. i'm good at that... SPEAKING OF ASSES -- this woman called in love line tonight and said her boyfriend was really sensative and had good taste in clothing and art and was obsessed with having anal sex -- she asked if he could be gay.. it seemed pretty obvious to me, and i was drunk. maybe they should start making retarded things that appeal to women who are wondering if their nice boyfriend with excellent style and taste who love doing people up the ass are gay -- maye they should make retarded things that appeal to people like her... she'd probably go for it too. arby's makes commercials that appeal to retarded people --- that fucking mit can die. why is the mit talking? is it funny? no. sad, but true.. i still eat at arby's -- i'm clinically retarded..

being drunk and gambling
tonight i'm a little drunk, so i may say some things in the morning that i regret... god knows i have in the past. so the funny thing is, we make a vow never to go to the casino drunk. how well do you think that vow was followed? not very well damnit. u know why? because we are all addicted gamblers. so we figure we might as well just go to the casino while we drink (this is a drunken thought now, not a sober, intelligent one)... i mean, if wer'e drinking.. illegally (since me and my bangs are not yet 21), we might as well go gamble away our cash too..why not? i'll fucking tell you why not --- you'll think it's funny to make $100 bets and double on 13's and u know what? it is funny.. right up until you sober up on your way home and think to yourself... if i would have just saved $10 i could get some kfc right now. and that's right.. i said $10... i know most of you could probably eat at kfc for less than that, maybe even $10 would get you 3 or 4 meals, but for me, that'd be a diet... a little mid-meal snack, why? cuz i'm fat. do u have any more questions for me? i'm listenng to sunny came home -- what a good song. hopefully tomorrow i will wake up and not emember losing all that money... maybe that will happen... probably not -- pf changs tomorrow anybody? thats a resteraunt where i like to eat... too bad i don't have any god damn money to buy food. final lesson.. don't drink nd gamble -- drink.. and... gamble.... just not togthe r-- or whatever, do it together, it makes for an interesting experience

what the hell
do you ever find yourself completely amazed and horrified at the intelligence level of others? i mean, they'll say something and you'll just be shocked... DID YOU JUST SAY THAT? did you just laugh at that horrible joke? it's so obvious the kid just basically waited for the canned laughter, his cue to laugh at something that he is told is funny. are you still here? still talking? why? just stop, while you're still ahead. scratch that, you're not ahead, you're a moron, but stop talking so that we all can stop listening to you laugh. key for an intelligent joke -- wait for the first time you make a joke and the moron to your left doesn't laugh... that's when you know it's a good joke.

sidebar.
isn't it possible to be a cynical optomist? that's what i am. i'm just optomistic about how well i will handle getting fucked over by someone who gained their position of authority over me with something other than deserving qualities.

--claire--

Ditto.
-Claire.

Message for all Optimists
Blow me
-Ross

Words of Advice from this Cynic
1. If somebody says something nice to you, they obviously want something from you. Don't give it to them.
2. If you're fat, don't wear little clothes, it doesn't make things better.
3. If you aren't funny, don't make jokes, you just look like a dumbass.
4. Seriously, just don't talk.
5. Nobody wants you to beat them, nor will anyone really want to see you succeed. So don't tell people about your successes or your plans to succeed, it'll only cause you to have no friends, or shattered dreams, or both.
6. Get a fucking life.

--claire--

Hey Bangs
Our new fake IDs aren't bad. Right up until the guy looks at me and says "hey bangs, get the hell out of here.. nobody over the age of 7 has bangs.. you're DEFINITELY not 21." That means this ID will probably get absolutely no use and Ross will have to do all my shopping for me.

Tonsilectemy (or a surgery resembling that word)
So recently I had the surgery that takes out ur tonsils. Woo wee! What a Saturn sized piece of shit that experience was (the planet, not the cars. NOTHING could be as bad as the cars). First off, let me give u a brief history of the past school year ailments. Because of my tonsils my throat would often get infected n what not making it impossible for me to swallow. Yay! This happened about four times and each time i missed atleast a week of school which gave those heartless bastards who call themselves my teachers the chance to rip me apart. And it wasnt the fun kind of sick where your heads warm so you get to lay in bed and watch tv and eat soup and pop cuz God knows that'll help you. No this was me doing all I could to go into a fatigue induced coma so I'd have a short but treasured vacation from my living hell! Anyway, that off and on affair with pain was capped off with having my wisdom teeth taken out. That put me out for about three days. So not so bad. However the infection it got, well that was another pain filled hell stretched out over like a week. Things finally settled down and I only became ill every other week or so and eventually I was fine. Then finally, it was time to take my tonsils out. However when this operation arrived I hadnt been sick in like three months so it was kinda hard to appreciate it. It was also hard convincing myself that it was for the best. Especially because all of the doctors were telling me what a moron I was for doing it and perhaps I'd prefer that they circumcise me with a live barricuda as that would be as painful but atleast then I'd be able to take medication for it with out having to cough up blood and eventually the medicine I needed so badly. I'm an animal lover so I decided I wouldnt put the barracude through that. I regretted that as soon as I woke up from the surgery. I was under the impression that the Doctors had refined, sharpened tools to remove my tonsils with. Instead they decided on using rocks and sticks to pry the things out. I guess the ends justifies the means as when I woke up my tonsils were indeed gone, and about three gallons of blood AND my will to live. YIPPEE! Another fun little joke the doctors played was replacing my real prescription pain killers with medicine that the aformentioned cans of pop would've laughed at. It was basically watered down pepto bismal. So instead of the codene they told me I'd probably get I was prescribed pink shit that looked like lubricant for a porno. And just my look, it wasn't good lubricant (now I'm chaffing). Anyway, I've wasted enough of my own time and probably more of urs than I should've, though, knowing the dork scum that probably read this you'd only be using this time to bug me or watch Sex and the City anyway. PEACE

U know what sucks?
You know what sucks? Vacuum cleaner nozzle attachments. Hell yeah man! I use it when Jenny's out of town or when I don't see her for long periods of time. But other things suck and this artivle is about the figurative interpretation of the word. So here's something that sucks. When you sit down in someone's outside lawn furniture and after you sit down they're like "yeah don't sit there it's really wet." "Hey thanks a lot bucko! Look there's a little kid running after his ball into traffic! Wait...wait..." BBBEEEEEP! WHAM! "Oh hey kid, don't run in the street!" So now I stand up and go check the damage in the mirror only to find that it looks like my cock works like gonzo's nose and peed out the wrong way as there is one big circular stain on my left ass cheek! Thanks Claire! Thanks a bunch! And u know what else sucks? Captain Planet. What a fucken waste of space. Thanku.