Words of Advice from this Cynic
1. If somebody says something nice to you, they obviously want something from you. Don't give it to them.
2. If you're fat, don't wear little clothes, it doesn't make things better.
3. If you aren't funny, don't make jokes, you just look like a dumbass.
4. Seriously, just don't talk.
5. Nobody wants you to beat them, nor will anyone really want to see you succeed. So don't tell people about your successes or your plans to succeed, it'll only cause you to have no friends, or shattered dreams, or both.
6. Get a fucking life.

--claire--

Hey Bangs
Our new fake IDs aren't bad. Right up until the guy looks at me and says "hey bangs, get the hell out of here.. nobody over the age of 7 has bangs.. you're DEFINITELY not 21." That means this ID will probably get absolutely no use and Ross will have to do all my shopping for me.

Tonsilectemy (or a surgery resembling that word)
So recently I had the surgery that takes out ur tonsils. Woo wee! What a Saturn sized piece of shit that experience was (the planet, not the cars. NOTHING could be as bad as the cars). First off, let me give u a brief history of the past school year ailments. Because of my tonsils my throat would often get infected n what not making it impossible for me to swallow. Yay! This happened about four times and each time i missed atleast a week of school which gave those heartless bastards who call themselves my teachers the chance to rip me apart. And it wasnt the fun kind of sick where your heads warm so you get to lay in bed and watch tv and eat soup and pop cuz God knows that'll help you. No this was me doing all I could to go into a fatigue induced coma so I'd have a short but treasured vacation from my living hell! Anyway, that off and on affair with pain was capped off with having my wisdom teeth taken out. That put me out for about three days. So not so bad. However the infection it got, well that was another pain filled hell stretched out over like a week. Things finally settled down and I only became ill every other week or so and eventually I was fine. Then finally, it was time to take my tonsils out. However when this operation arrived I hadnt been sick in like three months so it was kinda hard to appreciate it. It was also hard convincing myself that it was for the best. Especially because all of the doctors were telling me what a moron I was for doing it and perhaps I'd prefer that they circumcise me with a live barricuda as that would be as painful but atleast then I'd be able to take medication for it with out having to cough up blood and eventually the medicine I needed so badly. I'm an animal lover so I decided I wouldnt put the barracude through that. I regretted that as soon as I woke up from the surgery. I was under the impression that the Doctors had refined, sharpened tools to remove my tonsils with. Instead they decided on using rocks and sticks to pry the things out. I guess the ends justifies the means as when I woke up my tonsils were indeed gone, and about three gallons of blood AND my will to live. YIPPEE! Another fun little joke the doctors played was replacing my real prescription pain killers with medicine that the aformentioned cans of pop would've laughed at. It was basically watered down pepto bismal. So instead of the codene they told me I'd probably get I was prescribed pink shit that looked like lubricant for a porno. And just my look, it wasn't good lubricant (now I'm chaffing). Anyway, I've wasted enough of my own time and probably more of urs than I should've, though, knowing the dork scum that probably read this you'd only be using this time to bug me or watch Sex and the City anyway. PEACE

U know what sucks?
You know what sucks? Vacuum cleaner nozzle attachments. Hell yeah man! I use it when Jenny's out of town or when I don't see her for long periods of time. But other things suck and this artivle is about the figurative interpretation of the word. So here's something that sucks. When you sit down in someone's outside lawn furniture and after you sit down they're like "yeah don't sit there it's really wet." "Hey thanks a lot bucko! Look there's a little kid running after his ball into traffic! Wait...wait..." BBBEEEEEP! WHAM! "Oh hey kid, don't run in the street!" So now I stand up and go check the damage in the mirror only to find that it looks like my cock works like gonzo's nose and peed out the wrong way as there is one big circular stain on my left ass cheek! Thanks Claire! Thanks a bunch! And u know what else sucks? Captain Planet. What a fucken waste of space. Thanku.

Diets
If you are a boy, don't go on a diet. And if you do go on a diet, don't tell me me, I don't want to hear about it. We (girls) have enough trouble listening to our fellow sex talk about dieting.. we don't need to listen to you go on and on about your low carb meals as you munch away on a bowl of pasta... you know why? first of all it's because it's annoying. people who talk about dieting are doing too much time talking and not enough dieting -- you obviously wnat me to tell you that you're skinny and you don't need to go on a diet, but i'm annoyed, so i will most liekly tell you to shut the hell up. second of all it's because you're eating pasta and obviously pasta contains carbs and so obviously your diet is crap.

Driving
Ok so i was driving and there was this tire in the road. Isn't that wierd. It was in the road.
--Breita--

Arby's
Tonight Arby's was out of Roast Beef... are you kidding me? What kind of Arby's is out of roast beef???

p.s. the name "Arby's" is like "R.B's" which stands for "Roast Beefs.." just in case you were lookin' for some more info to amaze the pals.

--claire--

The Links and Ads Found on This Site
Besides the Ace of Base link, none of these ads or links were chosen by me. I do not support you clicking these links or being influenced by these ads, nor do i support angelfire's forced advertisment on my page. I also do not have any money and so I must keep this free site, which must have ads and links that i do not support. What a shitty world we live in. Just don't click the links and don't buy the crap they advertise and everything will be okay.
--claire--

THESE GIRLS ARE HOT
WHOA DUDES!!

Claire and Kate are hot. You can rub claire for 15 dollars, if your good.

Penises and Vaginas
Do you ever find yourself sitting in a big room with a bunch of people and all you can think of is that they aren't really people, they are just a bunch of penises and vaginas? If you haven't thought about that yet, I bet you will sometime soon.
--k & c--