It's a picnic error.
Mood:  happy
Topic: Work

Had a lady today that just kept asking "why?"  She wanted to know how, why and what kept causing all of the errors she was getting.  I first gave her my normal reasoning of "it's impossible to tell...it could be anything."  And really it could be anything, and since we don't really audit or log much, it would be nearly imposible to tell.

But I was very tempted to tell her that I could only see one commonality to all of her issues...and that would be the user!

Wasn't me...but funny.
Topic: Work

Got a quick story about the new guy that sits next to me.  I was in between calls typing up a ticket when I hear:

 "Sir....sir?  Please bow your head...  Are you bowing?  Ok, now say a prayer....because your computer is dead."

 I looked over the top of the cubicles to the guy on the other side...then we both just busted out laughing.  This new guy really lays it out there for users...I honestly think he's been picking some stuff up from the guy on his other side and me....but I'm not sure he realizes that when we bust on users...we have the mute button pressed.

 We got in this morning and started talking about starting up a pool to bet on how long he lasts....then he didn't show up today.  I asked if anyone had yesterday on the pool, but I guess we'll see if he shows up tomorrow or Friday.

Your choices are "A...."
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: Work

Ok, so I had a brainiac on the phone yesterday, some woman in MD.  Let's jump into it mid-call:

Me - "Ok, since the system is taking this long to boot up, let's kill the power to it and start it in safe mode...do you know how to do that?"

User - "Yes...  ...  ...ok, it's asking which mode I want to put it in."

Me - "Safe mode with networking."

User - "Ok, now it wants to know which operating system to use."

Me - "What options do you have?" <Almost confused, because none of these systems are dual boot.>

User - "Windows XP Professional."

Me - "Any others?"

User - "No...what do I do?"

Me - "I'm thinking that you pick the only choice available."

User - "You need to be nice to me...I'm not a computer person."

Someone please tell me how choosing the only available option has ANYTHING to do with computers?  Isn't that just plain common sense?  Like if she drives into a gas station and all they have is regular...what does she do?  Go inside and ask the clerk which one she should pick...and then tell him that she isn't an oil exec...so he needs to be nice to her?

You think I'm what?
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Work

I had a ticket the other day that I would have let go with just a warning, but the user decided to be an ass.  The guy had a personal laptop plugged directly into the company network...which is a major violation of company security policy.  Anyway, this kind of thing happens a couple of times a month...at least I usually have a couple a month.

Anyway...I usually tell the user that it is a violation of policy and they shouldn't do it any more...most of them play dumb (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt on this one).  After I tell them that they shouldn't be connected and that I can't continue the call knowing what I now know...they move on with their lives.  Not so with this guy...after I told him that it was against security policy to do what he was doing...he dangerously tells me "Wrong!"  To which I replied "Sorry, not wrong."

Then this company gem rolls over on his boss by not only telling me that she knew he was doing it...but gave me her name.  I inform him again that not only do we not support home computers beyond basic troubleshooting (and even then mostly for VPN)...but I can't work with him if he is going to have it plugged in.

He tells me that his computer is registered to be on the network.  Which doesn't really mean much, and I tell him that even a home computer that is connecting through VPN has to be registered...he pulls out the "what part of my computer being registered didn't you understand?"

Anyone that knows me...can probably guess how it went from there.  Well...not this time...I didn't respond right away, took a deep breath and then told him that apparently he didn't understand what I said.  Then he tells me that he can't waste any more time with me, and that he calls up all the time to get help.  I calmly asked him if he ever told the other help desk consultants that he was on a personal system....to which he didn't respond.  That means "no" for those of you scoring at home.

Anyway, communication was pretty much dropped at this point so I closed out his ticket...then reported him and his boss to my boss for the security violation.  Like I said before, normally I'd just give them the warning and let it slide...but if they want to tangle with me...I have more power than they do...I also have a recorded call to back me up.

The best part of the whole story??  The idiot works in my building...I may need to run by his cube in the next couple of days and see if he's gone.  If not I'll probably just start laughing and keep walking.

Another one for the books
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: Work

I had a ticket yesterday...the last one I did for the day...this was the title  --  "User cannot open Real Player and listen to music on a website (www.undergroundhiphop.com)"

I broke out laughing...then I posted the title in a couple of the chat rooms we have up during the day...everyone was laughing and poking fun at this idiot user who actually called this ticket in.

 So I called the user and played a little dumb (that's always fun to do):

 Me - "I have a ticket here that says you are having trouble with Real Player..."

User - "Yeah...it gives me an error when I try to play some music at a website."

Me - "Hmm...ok, what company website are you trying to play the music?"

User - "Ummm...www.undergroundhiphop.com"

Me - "What?  ...  This is work related right?"

User - "Oh, yeah...  ...I like to listen to music while I work."

Me - "Sorry, not only do we not support what you are trying to do...but it is a blatant violation of company policy."

Just makes me wonder how dumb some people are...I can see maybe calling it in to level 1 helpdesk...but when you are told that it is being escalated...and you say ok.  You don't think that level 2 is gonna know you are breaking policy and report you to company security??  Give me a break...I'll have to monitor her account this week and see if it is removed...sometimes I love my job!

More moronic goodness
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Work
With us going out of the country, and then me just being lazy, I haven't written much about work other than the lusers I have to talk to daily. Well...I was on the floor answering tier 1 calls for 4 days...and then got called up to the big leagues...Tier 2. Then I went on vacation for two weeks and promptly forgot most of what I had learned. (just kidding, with a mind like mine you just don't lose that kind of information that qui...what was I talking about?)

Anyway, I like T2 much better...I make the calls out to users to work on the issue...the T1 folks have already gathered most of the information (hopefully) and I get to research it before I even call. So when I call, the user is generally glad to hear from me (I'm going to help with their problem or something) and I'm already armed with facts and possible solutions. This process doesn't eliminate all of the idiotic conversations that I used to have on T1...but with FAR fewer calls, the number drops dramatically.

Anyway, today there was a training class canceled so there were too many T2's around...and since you-know-who is at the bottom of the totem pole...I got to answer T1 calls for the last half of the day. So on to the story:

Caller - "I can't login to the VPN with my token." (In case you aren't hip to corporate security features...a token is a little device that displays a 'random' string of numbers every minute. This string is incorporated into the user's passcode, and an algorithm on the server checks to ensure the codes authenticity.)

Me - "Ok, do you have the token with you?"

Caller - "No, I don't."

Me - "Then I'm confused how you are trying to login to the VPN?"

Caller - "I put in my username and passcode."

Me - "But if you don't have your token, how can enter your code?"

Caller - "Oh, I have my token."

Me - "You just told me that you didn't..."

I actually had about three calls this afternoon that went along the same lines...I ask the user for something...they tell me they don't have it...then they turn around and tell me they do. If only people would pay attention!

Another misconception
Topic: Work
To go along with the last work post...

I've had a couple of people recently call me with another flawed view on computing. They both swore up and down, in fact one woman started arguing and then screaming at me, that they could only receive their Internet email on one and only one computer.

Conversation went something like this:

Me - "I can send you the VPN file if you have an external, Internet email address."

Caller - "I have a Yahoo account, but I can't check it from this computer."

Me - "You don't have Internet access at that computer? If not, you won't be able to use the VPN anyway."

Caller - "I do have the Internet on here, but I can only check my Yahoo from my other computer."

Me - "And why is that exactly?"

Caller - "Because my Lotus Notes email comes to this computer, and my Yahoo mail goes to the other one."

Me - "You can check any Internet based email from any computer in the world, provided that it has Internet access."

Caller - "No you can't!" <--And they were both very serious about this claim.

Me - "Ah, yeah you can...that's kinda the whole point of it."

Anyway, as I said, one of them argued with me for a while and even screamed at me that I was wrong. Then I'm like..."Ok, prove me wrong, open IE and go to yahoo.com, click mail and sign in...thank you."

Then she calmed down and even thanked me later for setting her straight. That was fun!

Misconception
Topic: Work
I haven't mentioned it yet, but I'm now working at Verizon doing help desk.

So, I have lots of stories of idiots from the phones! I thought however I'd shed a little technical light on a subject that apparently more than one person has mixed up. A couple of days in a row I had the following conversation with different people:

Me - "Let's go ahead now and reboot the system..."

Caller - "Ok, but's so slow now."

Me - "Did it use to be faster?"

Caller - "Well...I used to have dial up, then I got DSL, and now I have FIOS but it still runs very slow."

Me - "That would be because your Internet connection speed has absolutely no bearing on the speed of your computer."

Caller - "That's not what I was told."

Me - "You were told that FIOS was X times faster that Dial up...right?"

Caller - "That's right!" (With a bit of an attitude.)

Me - "Ok...FIOS is faster than dial up. However, neither has anything to do with how fast your computer will boot up."

Caller - "And why is that?" (Still with the attitude, because they think I have no clue what I'm talking about.)

Me - "That would be the same as having the city come out and pave your dirt road...but you still complaining that they spent all that money and your car still won't start. They have nothing to do with each other."

Caller - "Oh."

Yup...that's what my days are like now. More stories to follow...

I'm holding myself back!!
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: Work
Today one of my co-workers got sent home for basically acting dumb. He got into a heated debate, with 3 managers, and when they would ask him questions and then wouldn't let him answer without interrupting him, he got a tad disrespectful.

I can understand that though, I know some one that constantly interrupts people...she talks over you as if you weren't there. It is infuriating!

However, my co-worker was correct for being miffed to begin with. Whenever any other department is short-handed, management pulls someone from my shift to cover. This in itself isn't a problem, but when management also wants us to finish the same amount of work with only half a team in the same amount of time...well, it doesn't take an advanced degree to figure out that it isn't going to happen.

Let's say it takes 10 people 2 hours to finish a job...now let's say management pulls between 2 and 5 people off that team. It is simply not possible for the same job to be finished (correctly & safely) in the same two hour time frame. In fact, I had to speak up to my supervisor about it as well. Why does it always seem that the people that get promoted to management always seem to lose whatever common sense they might have had??

You're Fired!!
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Work
No...not me this time!

One of the guys I work with was fired today...and taken out of the store in handcuffs! Apparently the dumbass had been stealing iPods...7 over the last 6 weeks or so.

This kid is 19, not real smart (obviously) and pretty much headed nowhere.

My shift was all called into a meeting about the situation and told not to discuss the issue with anyone. Then we went to lunch, and I learned more in two minutes in the break room than I did in the meeting! People kept asking me (and others on my shift) what happened...I told them to ask the folks in electronics, they seemed to know the whole story!

Update
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Work
Quick update...I got a call from Wal-mart the day after I took the drug test. I told you it would be a boring read! I then had orientation on that Friday. I've been working my normal shift now for about 4 days...I like my shift better. I have almost 0% chance of being asked anything by a customer. Most of the time I'm in the back unloading trucks and sorting freight.

It is extremely tiring work...purely physical! I have to take my electronic Sudoku to play during breaks and lunch to keep my brain awake! I come home dead tired. But I guess that should be expected...the heaviest pallet I've pulled to the floor by myself was 2965 pounds!! That will drain you pretty quickly! It is funny how after a load like that the 2400 pound pallet that followed seemed fairly light!

Welcome to Wal-mart!
Mood:  energetic
Topic: Work
Well, I had an interview with Wal-mart today...the job is mine, pending a drug test and background check. That would be a boring read...since I've never been arrested and never got into drugs.

I'll be starting as a second shift instocker...basically I get to unload the trucks and stock the shelves. Both of the guys I interviewed with asked me why I hadn't applied for the management position available. Considering the fact that I have zero retail experience, I wouldn't feel right taking a management position in that situation. So it seems that I will be on the fast track into management...as I'll be on one of their mentor lists.

That didn't take long...
Mood:  on fire
Topic: Work
Wow, it was just yesterday I posted about the crap I've been dealing with...and here it goes.

I was laid off today from work because my billable hours were too low. Now... ...they are supposed to give me the hours...I can't generate my own billable hours...at least not ethically. I could have always logged into a client's server and started shutting down services...that would surely generate help desk calls...and get me busy. But like I said that isn't ethical...nor legal I'm sure.

However, it isn't like I was sitting around twiddling my thumbs and picking my nose while I wasn't accruing billable hours. I was busy doing tasks that they asked me to do...they have a Visual Basic script that they use to document nearly everything that is on a client's network. It is a really neat script...I was also the only person that ever got into it and knew what the script did and how it did it. I'd been making changes to the script...cleaning it up some, fixing bugs, adding comments...none of which is in my job description.

Why did I do stuff that wasn't in my job description? Well, I had nothing to do that would have fit my job description...so rather than just sitting there scratching my ass, I decided to take it upon myself to get to know the script...and the corresponding Excel macros that imported all the data into a useful format.

Considering the fact that no one else there knows those scripts and macros very well, and that they still are not doing exactly what they want...because I wasn't able to complete my modifications...I guess they will keep wasting time doing it by hand. That is no longer my concern though.

I also, just this past week, wrote an Excel macro that searches the customer documentation folder for the licensing files, then runs a check and reports any clients that have software that is about to expire...so the company can call and sell them either an upgrade or renewal. This little program will generate new sales, but apparently I wasn't really working while I did that.

I hope they remember that I worked on those every time they are brought up. Maybe in time they'll realize that I was actually busy during all these "wasted" hours. I'm not going to hold my breath though!

The part that really sucks? I really liked all the engineers that I worked with...every one of them. They were all pretty cool...very diverse, but cool.

The part that rocks? (For those that don't know me, I generally can't look at the dark side for too long on an issue...I always look on the bright side of everything. Sometimes that leads me to be blindsided, because I always like to take people at their word, and I don't immediately assume that a comment is meant in a mean or hurtful manner.) But I've already set in motion the possibility for me to get my certification training paid for through unemployment. Once I get a couple of those (which this last company kept telling me that I needed to get, and said they pay for...but never did.) I should be making far more than I was!!!!

Well, I feel better now. What's for dinner?

Oh how I love my job...
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: Work
Today I got a call from Liz. She calls at least once every single day!

Today she was having a file permission issue...no one could delete a file on the server. She called in to seek some help. In comparison...this is a real issue to her normal calls which consist of us telling her the same thing we've told numerous times...and sent documented instructions for.

I logged in as Admin...sure enough I couldn't delete the file either. I also notice while logged in that some updates had been run, but the server had never been bounced (Rebooted...it goes down and comes back up...bounced. Us IT people are full of genius stuff like that!).

I told Liz that it needed to be rebooted...I actually used the server name. I then logged out of that server and into another on the network...to monitor the process. Liz called back afterward and said it had been done. I told her I don't think so...I'd been pinging the server the whole time and it never lost contact, hence it never shut down.

She went back to the server room to bounce it again...again, I never lost contact with it. Then she tells me she can't connect to the Exchange server. I quickly test that server...it is down. I told her that she bounced the wrong box...she denied it three times. I told her how I knew she had bounced the wrong box...and then she shut up and went to bounce the correct box.

I don't understand why people can't admit that they messed up. Even when confronted by absolute evidence, they deny it. It's not like it was big deal or anything either...all she had to say was "Oops!" Makes no difference to me...but what makes her look like a fool is denying it to someone that knows the facts!

Another call for the books.
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: Work
This call came in from a customer, one of our larger customers:

I answered the phone and was greeted by a pleasant voice on the other end saying that she was having some problems with her system. (Really...I figured that she called the help desk to talk about the weather or something!)

Anyway I asked her what exactly the issue was.

Caller: "I can't play my music CD's."

Me: "Excuse me?" (Let me point out here that our rates for this customer are over $120/hour.)

Caller: "When I put in my CD's nothing happens."

Me: "Ok, have you tried any other CD's?"

Caller: "Oh yes, I have lots of store bought CD's...none of them work."

Me: "Have you tried any CD-ROM's?"

Caller: "What are those?...I'm not very...Wait."

Me: "Oh boy...have you tried opening Windows Explorer to see if the drive is even recognized by the system?"

Caller: "Ha ha...I don't know what that is."

This is about how the call went...this was apparently her first day or so on a computer! She didn't even know what a right-click meant!! That's far below novice. I mean is it that hard to figure out...just using common sense and logic? Let's see, there is a device that I click buttons on...one on the left, and...wow...one on the right. Perhaps that would be the button I should hit?!

ARGH! Some times I wonder how these people have survived this long. I mean, in this day and age...how can you not know ANYTHING about a computer if you are in an office environment? And she sounded fairly young too!