OFFENDERS
Topic: Site Features
Perhaps you have been checking back to this page longingly, hoping to find something new and exciting offered to you by us here at TAKOTRON. Well, we have of course been hard at work programming an amazing new page that we're sure you'll find incredible but probably not. It is a special game inspired by the hair of real life sex offenders!!!

CLICK HERE TO CHECK IT OUT

TARTNATION
Topic: Movies
last weekend saw the birth of a magnificent creation: It is a pear and almond tart with an apricot glaze, created by Kei who has become an expert on tart-fabrication. This weekend or next may be similarly productive.

A week or 2 ago we watched goodfellas, which is still great. It's too bad Scorcese has to make movies now that are ambitious but shitty, a la Gangs of New York and The Aviator. Those earlier movies were great and are now of historical significance, so I guess they should be appreciated as exactly that, rather than be used as templates for his newer movies. I think Casino was like that, pressed from the Goodfellas or Raging Bull template (Joe Pesci even got his ribs busted by DeNiro again, for real), but I really liked it. Joe Pesci buried alive and DeNiro playing a Jewish character? Sweet. But now, let us mourn those past days of Classic Scorcese.

Goodfellas is also important as an origin for Kei's new favorite gesture, which is added to the inventory that already includes the Asian 'V'-fingers camera pose, head-tilt-smile-wave, and laugh-accompanied low handclap. This new move comes from none other than Lorraine Bracco as Karen Hill, mob-wife extraordinaire. Here's how you do it: you put up your index finger and thumb, as though you might be describing the size of something small. But what you are actually indicating is something relatively big--a stack of cold hard illegally-obtained cash! Ms. Bracco's character threw up the sign when asked by her husband "how much" she needed to go shopping that morning. Kei uses it as a hopeful transition from a pouty face. ZANNEN!!! I have a stack of quarters for laundry, but I don't think that's the same.

Roper v. Simmons / Lundgen v. Artner
Topic: Miscellaneous
First, I'm thrilled with the announcement today of the Supreme Court's narrow decision to ban the execution of minors. I don't understand why in any case minors are tried as adults--proponents say the severity of the crime somehow warrants it, but the more severe the crime, the graver the consequences, which means age is all the more significant. You can't vote or buy cigarettes or serve in the military but you can be executed? I don't think so, and neither does the rest of the civilized world. Some noteable exceptions are IRAN, CHINA, SAUDI ARABIA, and PAKISTAN. And probably N. Korea. Of course, the only states in the US that have done this are VIRGINIA, TEXAS, and OKLAHOMA, which I guess are the Pakistan Iran and Saudi Arabia of America. That's why they tried Lee Malvo, sniper child, in VA instead of MD. And Texas should have a fucking scimitar on its state flag. Listen to this bitch, quoted in today's AP article on the case:

"Dianne Clements, president of the Houston-based Justice for All victims' advocacy group, criticized the decision and said she hopes that when there is a Supreme Court vacancy a strong death penalty supporter is nominated.

'The Supreme Court has opened the door for more innocent people to suffer by 16- and 17-year-olds," she said. "I can't wait for the Supreme Court to have judges more concerned with American values, American statutes and American law than what the Europeans think.'"

In other news, Alan Artner, Chicago Tribune art "critic," is no longer a person I want to meet and start a fight with, as I mention in my Friendster profile. I in fact met him at my part time job at the Art Institute book store, and he was nice. I still don't care for his reviews--he doesn't seem to like art that requires thinking, and he seems to uncritically praises whatever big blockbuster they put up at the Art Institute.

Now I just wanna meet DOLPH LUNDGREN. He is far superior to such comparable actors/characters as Schwarzenegger, Van Damme (who lied about winning a bunch of kickboxing titles, and then declined offers to enter real tournaments when invited by offended real title-holders), Stallone, and even tubby old Steven Seagal (who has real street-creds, as in opening the first accredited Aikido Dojo run by a foreigner in Japan; recognition by high-ranking Buddhist priests). Dolph is clearly a step above. He got a masters at MIT in Chemical Engineering on a fulbright scholarship, after serving in the Swedish Marines and studying on scholarship in Sweden and Sydney, Australia. He also won several major full-contact Karate championships, and turned down a professional boxing contract. All before his movie career blossomed, seeing the creation of numerous films which proved inspirational to my grade-school self--The Punisher, Rocky IV, Universal Soldier--all the apex of that genre.






Kei and I even communicated with the man/legend through his website! See the September 2004 message board archives at his official site OFFICIAL SITE I can't wait till the big showdown with Alan Artner, who actually was fairly tall himself.

IMAGE GALLERIES
Topic: Site Features
Our R+D team has finally transmitted to HQ their week-long project, and the results have exceeded the expectations of the board.

In the official TAKOTRON news from yesterday or the other day or whatever you will find the TAKOTRON font, v2.0. It's of course awesome, and we are proud to announce that we were just contacted by the US DEPT OF THE TREASURY who have bought the rights to use it on every DOLLAR BILL MINTED HENCEFORTH. The amount paid shall not be disclosed, here, but lets just say Comptroller Hotoda will finally be able to afford those Platinum-plated front teeth she has been hankering for.

Interestingly, it happened to be a broken link that has since been fixed. Though we apologize for any inconveniences this may have caused, TAKOTRON refuses to issue an apology or accept responsibility for this tragedy.

Also, please visit the new IMAGE GALLERIES.

FONT v2.0
Topic: Site Features
OK, while enjoying the magical aromas of Kei's developing Pear-almond tart with apricot glaze, I've worked out some kinks in the now famous TAKOTRON font. You must download it NOW. If you downloaded v.1, you just delete it out of your WINDOWS/FONT and replace it with this one.

DOWNLOAD FONT

I have many potentially interesting stories to post here, but I'm spending some time redoing all the new image galleries. There are still some glitches, but you can see them in their nascent state here:

http://www.takotron.com/visions.html

FURUSATO HOMETOWN MANIFESTO
Topic: New York / Commack
COMMACK SUXXX?

More later.

FONT FONT FONT / TANUKI NO KINTAMA
Topic: Japan (misc)
Good evening my loyal followers. Our researchers have finally completed work on the official TAKOTRON font. The results are sure to blow your mind, though they probably won't. Full of innovation and hard work, but mostly not. Anyway, you can download it here. This is only v.1, so it's all caps, no numbers or punctuation yet. Sorry. I'll keep working on it. Or rather our high tech research team will. DOWNLOAD THIS FONT!!! and then you put the ttf file in your windows/fonts folder, and it should work in MSword and all that.

In other news, Miss Comrade Hotoda and I had a serious discussion regarding the magical and mysterious "tanuki no kintama." That means raccoon balls. Allow me to attempt an explanation; there are these traditional statues all around Japan, especially in older neighborhoods, that depict Tanuki and their huge balls. Apparently they are some sort of folk-lore trickster legend. They look like badgers, but they are called "tanuki," which means "raccoon," so i don't know what that discrepancy is. Perhaps it's part of the scrotal myth.





They also like booze and fishing.


















and the kids love 'em.

Works In Progress Administration
Topic: Site Features
Greetings from TAKOTRON H.Q.!! We apologize for the apparent lack of activity taking place recently around the office and on our site. We would like to take a moment to remind our administration and shareholders that worrying is neither tolerated nor necessary, for this fiscal quarter promises some exciting new developments including:

-THENOVAKIDS TAKOTRON FONT!! Our R+D team has been hard at work designing a new typeface that's sure to cause a stir both around the workplace and among the cosmos!

--NEW IMAGE GALLERIES Under the supervision of our Minister of Recreational Design (M.O.R.D.) and Kunstlich Experience Investigator (K.E.I.) millions of important images are being registered and filed, and will soon be distributed to the universe and its masses via our state-of-the-art "VISIONS" gallery

We are delighted to have so many enthusiastic supporters in our ranks as we continue our exciting conquest of so many virtual and actual worlds.

-THENOVAKIDS

UPDATED CONTENT/CONTEXT
Topic: Site Features
Attention visitors : I have improved beyond recognition a page I had up entitled My (mom's) Honda Civic vs. The City of Chicago (Richard M. Daley, Archduke). The new improved and sentimental version can be found
HERE.

The works page, linked to by "rice" on the index page has also been rebuilt, for all you STARFIGHTERS .